Leslie's Omnibus

From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus

Funny, funny parody of "God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen" can be found here. God! This will be stuck in my head all day!

From Elizabeth:

Two women who had been friends for years, decided to go for a Girls' Night Out and were decidedly over-enthusiastic on the martinis. Incredibly drunk and walking home, they needed to use the bathroom.

They were very near a cemetery, and one of them suggested they wiz behind a headstone. The first woman had nothing to dry herself with so she thought she'd take off her panties, use them, then throw them away.

Her friend, however, was wearing rather expensive underwear and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on one of the graves. She dried herself with the ribbon.

After finishing, they then made off for home.

The next day, the first woman's husband phoned the other husband and said, "This girls' night out thing has got to stop right now! My wife came home last night without her panties."

"That's nothing." said the other husband. "Mine came home with a card stuck to her ass that said, "FROM ALL OF US AT THE FIRE STATION. WE'LL NEVER FORGET YOU."

Having a hard time figuring out what to get the men on your list for Christmas? Michelle has a dandy list.

Ellison wants to know what rotten kid songs you remember. I, of course, contributed four. (Blame it on my brother, okay?)

Shamelessly swiped from Tiger:

Three businessmen were riding together on Christmas Eve on their way home from a Christmas party when their car hit a patch of ice, skidded off the road and hit a tree. All three died and found themselves standing outside the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter looked them up and down, shaking his head from side to side. "You three are about as sorry a lot as I have seen lately. I fear you are at the wrong place, but since it is Christmastime, I'll allow you in on one condition."

"What is that?" one of them asked.

"You must reach into your pocket and show me an item with a connection with Christmas."

One of the quickly reached into his pocket and produced a lighter, which he lit and held it above his head. "This symbolizes a Christmas candle."

Saint Peter nodded his head and opened the gate to allow the man to enter.

Following his friend's example, the second man reached into his pocket and produced a ring of keys, which he shook allowing the keys to jingle. "This symbolizes Christmas bells."

Again Saint Peter nodded his head and opened the gate.

The third man reached into his pocket and produced a pair of women's panties which he head out for Saint Peter's examination.

"What Christmas significance can they have?" Saint Peter asked. "They are paisley in print, and of purple and gold color."

"They're Carol's."

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