Signs...

... of Spring found on State Street today. The colors made me practically swoon.

Chartered Excursion - Wrigley Field

Update:




Just in case you were wondering. (11-5, too!)



I'm off to see Billy Cub, Ronnie "Woo Woo" and the rest of the madness outside of Wrigley Field, as well as the action inside.

I'm meeting some friends in front of the Harry Caray statue at 1:00 p.m. I'll be the one in the Denver Boot.

See you there?

Let's go, Cubs!

Cruisin'

I cruise by this funny bit of Art Deco architectural detail several times a week...

... and it always makes me think of the Straight White Guy. I can't, for the life of me, imagine why.

Signs...

... and more signs of Spring.



The colors were so fabulous I couldn't resist.

Pretty!

Rules of the Road

Don't do this. Okay?

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Update: Og says, "Don't do this, either."

Quick Stop

Ear Worm of the Day:



I've been humming this all afternoon. I don't have a clue why. (It's a bugger of a tune to sing, too.)

Parking

Millennium Park -- L'Heure Bleue

He looks a bit blue...

And L'Huere Bean...

Gorgeous.

Ear Worm of the Day:

Another Sign...

... of Spring!



The nest is on this piling...

... which is in an ideal spot...

... to scout for preditors...

... which can be clearly spotted from any direction.


That's why Mama can rest easy.

I don't know why more people haven't noticed this pair, but they're my favorite sign of Spring each year.

Once the babies hatch, Mama will shove them out of the nest and into the water, and that's the last I'll see of any of them until next year. A pair of Mallards usually show up about that time, and use the same location for their annual clutch.

Signs...

... of Spring. Pretty!

Drive-Bys

Love stories. I heart 'em. This story give me faith in young people again:

Around midnight, Wootton and Chester walked out to the front porch.

''I'm sorry your dream to be a first-round pick didn't work out,'' Chester said.

Wootton appreciated her support, something she'd provided throughout their relationship of nearly two years, and he shifted the topic to another, grander dream.

''My dream was always to marry someone like you,'' Wootton said. ''I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?''

''Yes,'' Chester said, before breaking down in tears.

''We were on my porch,'' Wootton said, ''just the two of us. I wanted to do it. I couldn't wait a day longer.''

Beautiful, no? I hope those special kids get everything they hope for and more.
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On the other hand, I hope Heriberto Verimontes and Marcy Cruz get everything they deserve. Excrement of the lowest kind, both of them. I hope they both rot in jail for a very, very long time.
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While I'm skeptical enough to wait and see what the scientific data shows... Noah's Ark? How cool would it be if it is?
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Ear Worm of the Day:



Haven't heard that one in years!
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Giggle of the Day:



Eek.

Drive-Bys

Giggle of the Day, Part I:


(Gleefully swiped from the Cranky one.)
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Here's another idiot who argued with a train and lost. 18 years old. What a freaking waste!

John Hilkevitch is right:

Warren Flatau, the longtime spokesman at the Federal Railroad Administration in Washington, ends his recorded phone message with this line: "Have a safe day, and please remember: Always expect a train."

It's not just good advice. It's an essential element of defensive driving, and any time a pedestrian is walking across railroad tracks. When approaching a railroad grade crossing, I always slow down and, if necessary, turn on the emergency blinkers and briefly stop to make sure no trains are in sight before proceeding across the tracks.

There's good reason that the drivers of school buses and trucks hauling hazardous materials are required by law to stop, look, listen, then proceed.

I refuse to feel pressured by the occasional impatient jerks who honk their horns over this safety technique — and neither should any of you. By all means, do not drive onto the crossing unless you see that there is already at least a full car length of space on the other side of the tracks.

I've covered too many vehicle-train wrecks for the Tribune to even consider taking a chance. There are too many things that can go wrong, ranging from human error to gremlins in track circuitry.

Can I get an "Amen"?
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Governor "I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today" is at it again:

In an analysis released today of Quinn's latest budget proposal, the Chicago-based Civic Federation expressed its opposition to the governor's spending plan because it is not balanced, relies upon nearly $6 billion in borrowing to fund day-to-day operating costs and does not fund the state's mammoth pension obligations.

(And if you stick a teeny tiny hat and a bristly mustache on the Gov, the resemblance would be complete and unmistakable.)
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These "Real Men" rock righteously. More, please.
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Insult of the Day:

"To think your mum and dad were sober when they decided to have you. It beggars belief."

I'm stealing that one.
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El Capitan is feeling a little neglected. Drop him a warm fuzzy comment and tell him I sent you!
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Giggle of the Day, Part II:


see more Lolcats and funny pictures
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Ear Worm of the Day:



Inspired by Boobquake!

BOOBQUAKE 2010

I don't know about causing earthquakes, but this dress sure did cause a hush in the room and chins to drop at my company holiday party.

Join in the Boobquake.

Maybe we can set the world on its ear, one stupid Muslim cleric at a time.

(And really, who would you rather pay more attention to -- him... or "the girls"?)
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Updates:

Joan shows you exactly why the Jolly Roger goes, "Argghh!"

Peedee shows off her tan lines.

The Advice Goddess shows us how she got that moniker.

Do goat boobs count? (They certainly are... curvy...)

Miss Nancy shows how her garden grows.

Plumcake inadvertently supports the Boobquake!

Citizen Sourpuss says, "Take that, bearded holy man!"

Five Feet of Fury checks in.

Wonder Woman makes the earth move.

L.L. is not the same as LL... but she rocks the rack... and make her Wisconsin counterpart proud!

Mike sees the problem.

Her Bad Mother shows us just how bad she really is.

Are you feeling the earth move yet?
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Whoa! Apparently it works -- there was a 6.5 magnitude earthquake on the coast of Taiwan!

Double Whoa! According to Nancy it gets "even weirder: there was an earthquake in TEXAS of all places, just west of Corpus Christi." (Yes, yes, it was Saturday night. But the seismic shift occurred round about the time I got the tripod out...)
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Commemorate your participation with a tee shirt from Blag Hag, founder of Boobquake.

(Listen to her here... and listen to Nick swallow his tongue more than once! And, yes... blame my participation squarely on Nick. Follow Jen's Boobquake Tweets here.)
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Yay! Cripple-lanche!

Thanks, Denny:

see more

God bless you, my friend!

Rubber-Necking

Remember that goofy cleric who declared that women who wear provocative clothing are causing the plethora of earthquakes recently?

Well, there's an answer to that, and it's... BOOBQUAKE!

I can't wear the most provocative things I own for work...

... but I can certainly post a photo here.

I got new batteries for my camera, so you know what I'm doing tomorrow. (And it's not like I haven't done something silly like this before...)

Anybody care to join me? If so, sign up here.

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Oh, look! Peedee's in!

Holy smokes! The normally proper and demure Miss Nancy is in!

Illegal Parking

On weekend nights I park myself on the couch and listen to Nick Digilio on WGN Radio.

Why? (Aside from the fact that I still haven't brought the television home, that is...)

Well, for example, give a listen here. I just about fell off the couch laughing as the tears rolled down my face listening to Nick enjoy the hell out of his own humor.

Also, Nick always goes down the Yahoo Buzz list on Fridays, and usually doesn't have a clue why celebrities have made the list that week so he asks for his listeners to call in, tweet or post answers to Facebook.

(I answer a question raised on that particular episode on his Facebook page here. And I still can't believe I knew answer to that question, much less publicly admitted and published it.)

Yeah, maybe it's a bit eccentric... but I get Nick, his producer Andy Hermann (Hi, Andy!), news anchor/rock guru Paula Cooper, traffic reporter Ted Novak, the people who call in, including that old sweetheart Larry from Aurora... and then there's the Facebook crowd and the Twitter community...

Who needs a date? This crew is infinitely more entertaining. (It's a little bit like naked midget wrestling -- you know it's politically incorrect, but you just can't help but watch... or laugh yourself silly.)

Tootin' The Horn

Go, Blackhawks!

(Now that was a game!)

Happy dance time:

It's a two-fer!

Go, Cubs, Go!

Happy Dance, Part II:

Saturday Morning Cartoons

For Suzette:

Suzette may love Foghorn Leghorn, but Henery Hawk is one of my absolute favorite cartoon characters.

Roadhouse

Great Reader is still distracted with blamboo flowing, things that blow and the Three Amiglows... but I say, "It's Friday! Let's Dance!"

Hitchcock is right:

Get your groove on. What are you dancing to?

Drive-Bys

Put-Down of the Day:

"You really are life's wet patch. An embarrassing little stain that no one wants to admit to.... or sleep on."

That's harsh.
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IT WASN'T ME!!!
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Oh. Dear. Lord.

Make it stop. Please?
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What took so long?

Chicago Schools CEO Ron Huberman on Tuesday touted a new "personal finance" class that is helping more than 900 high school students learn how to budget for college, do their taxes and make their money work for them -- all critical "life skills" in today's dour economy.

Financial literacy is especially important to the 86 percent of Chicago Public School students who come from low-income homes where parents might turn to expensive payday loans or currency exchanges for help, Huberman said.

"We want to make sure our students are armed with the financial literacy to understand any economic transaction they get into,'' Huberman said.

The eight-unit course that began as a pilot program this semester in 12 CPS high schools covers budgeting, saving, spending wisely, insurance, basic business models and the role of the marketplace.

I've been advocating for something like this for a long time. EVERY high school ought to have this class.
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How much do you want to bet that Anthony Bourdain and James Gottwald's babchi would get along famously? I'd give anything to be in the kitchen and at the table with those two, individually or simultaneously.
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Giggle of the Day, Part I:


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Giggle of the Day, Part II:


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Ear Worm of the Day:



Blame the owls.

Drive-Bys

Everything you ever needed to know about baseball booty. Mmmmmmmmmmmm! Baseball booty!
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This is fantastic news:

If you want to buy a meal of doughnuts, chips and soda with food stamp benefits, you'll have no problem in Chicago. But if you want to use them for fresh fruits and vegetables at a farmers market, it's been impossible.

That's about to change. In a pilot program announced Monday by the Mayor's Office of Special Events, five city-run farmers markets — Lincoln Square, South Shore Bank, Daley Plaza, Division Street and Beverly — will accept LINK cards, Illinois' debit cards for food stamp purchases.

The first is expected to be Daley Plaza, which opens May 13.

It's really great that technology has caught up enough that this is possible.
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If you're using nicotine substitutes to try and quit smoking and you are anywhere near young kids, please put the substitute somewhere where the kids can't get at them:

A candylike lozenge designed to satisfy a smoker's nicotine craving could prove dangerously tempting to little ones and lead to nicotine poisonings, a new study warns.

In addition...

Beyond the prospect of unintentional poisoning, researchers flagged the attraction of the flavored cigarette-replacement product to teens, who could then become addicted to nicotine.

Cold turkey was the only successful method of quitting smoking for me... and I've tried just about every method of quitting there is, including Welbutrin, Chantix and gum, patches. I'm pretty well convinced that the tobacco companies have an interest in keeping you hooked on nicotine, and these so-called smoking cessation tools are designed to keep you dependent, rather than freeing you.

Smoke 'em if you want to, but be careful with the Nicorette, etc., if you do decide to quit.
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How'd you like to be one of the guys responsible for this?

A track crew inadvertently turned off the gates and warning lights at a rail crossing in University Park late last week, shortly before a deadly crash in which a train blindsided an SUV driven by a Chicago woman, according to the preliminary federal and state investigation disclosed on Monday.

Yeesh.
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Just a quick plug for the very nice folks at Virgil Films and Entertainment, who accidentally shipped the movie I ordered to the wrong address... and then arranged to refund the cost of shipping. There were no questions and no hassle -- just really polite service.

(Shhhhhhhhhh! It's a gift for my Son-in-Law, who bleeds Cubbie blue... and who'll most assuredly make sure my grandson does, too.)
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Rubber-Necking

Here's my question: Why on earth would anyone let this guy...

... anywhere NEAR anything that had to do with their personal nutrition or health?

Spray tan?-- check

Bad hair? -- check

Obvious plastic surgery? -- check

Questionable personal stylist? -- check

Terrible tailor? -- check

Certifiably bad taste? -- check

Run for your life!

Street Legal

Are you getting to an age where you wonder if your driving skills are as sharp as they should be, or have a parent that you worry about every time he/she gets behind the wheel? This software might be just the ticket for you.

If that doesn't do it for you, maybe one of these will:

What do you do with old Bumper Cars?

Occasionally a bright light of awesome renews the spirit. Street-legal bumper cars do just that.

Yes, you read that right; these little beasties are street legal. They run on either Kawasaki or Honda motorcycle engines and co-opt vintage bumper car bodies into the most awesome form of mini-car we've seen in too long.

There are seven of these little monsters floating around California , and they're all the creation of one man, Tom Wright. He’s a builder in the outskirts of San Diego who figured the leftovers of the Long Beach Pike amusement park needed a more dignified end than the trash heap. They were originally powered by Harley motors but they rattled a lot and Tom replaces them with Honda or Kawasaki 750's and a couple have been measured as capable of 160 MPH , which is terrifyingly fast in machines with such a short wheelbase.

Only seven? All I want is one... okay?

Drive-Bys

Original toe-tapper...



Homage to original toe-tapper...

Thinking 'Bout Somethin'

HANSON | MySpace Music Videos

The explanation.

If I didn't have a blown tread with a Denver Boot, I'd be up and dancing to both of these! (They're happy-making.)
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Legally speaking...

I don't understand A) the thought process of the idiot who hurt himself due to his own stupidity, B) the Court's line of thinking in awarding him him any judgment whatsoever, C) the defendant, who apparently thinks they did something wrong. Ah, Great Britain! What would be a frivolous lawsuit here is a money-maker there.

I do, on the other hand, understand this line of thinking.
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Who needs Chatroulette when you can have KittehRoulette? (If there's a disturbance in the atmosphere, Old Crankypants' ghost just got the news.)
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Synchronicity, Part I:

Eric Zorn notes that The Blagoviator is trying out the Jefferson defense, to which Zorn counters with the Chewbaca defense.

Down in the comments to that post, I offer up the Twinkie and Elf defenses, as well as the Carrie Underwood defense.

Then I visited I Can Has Cheezburger?:


see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Sigh.
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Synchronicity, Part II:

Jerry blogs about... well...

... and my best pal Mr. Bill sends me this:


I have a funny feeling the universe is laughing at me today.
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If you didn't have a bathroom phobia before, you will after you read this. (Your welcome.)
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Quote of the Day:

(So. Now you know: space causes shrinkage.)

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Roadmap

Sunday Schedule

Heard about this CD box set on Nick Digilio's show (which, BTW, was an absolute free-for-all at the tail end of the evening) during his interview with Jeff Tuckman last night, and I'm thinking it might just make a dandy birthday gift for my baby brother, who grew up wearing cowboy suits and cowboy boots and carrying cap-gun six-shooters:

This compilation of rare and in some cases, never before seen television programs from the golden age of Hollywood represents the largest assortment of TV shows ever released! Relive your childhood or discover a truly unique brand of entertainment for the first time with 600 Episodes to choose from! Enjoy over 265 hours of family friendly entertainment with over 40 exceptional shows spanning the last six decades!

Shows include: Bonanza, Wagon Train, The Rifleman, The Lone Ranger, Dusty's Trail, The Cisco Kid, Annie Oakley and many more!

Stars include: Roy Rogers, Henry Fonda, Bob Denver, Lorne Greene, Michael Landon, Jackie Coogan, Forrest Tucker, Gabby Hayes, Lash LaRue, Clayton Moore, Buddy Ebsen, Tim conway, Chuck Connors, Dale Evans and many more!

What do you think?

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And, thank's to Nick's Facebook page, I ran across this NSFW site that will require eye bleach when you're through.

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*ahem*

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Quote of the Day:

"This is a Last Days type of thing, right? Didn't the Romans reveal a Double Down before they fell?"

Og also has an opinion on the Double Down. Mmmmmm! Gravy!

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Hah! I'm fashionable. So there.

(Therefore it's all MY fault?)

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Those who know me know I'm not into the whole Green/Global Warming/Sky Is Falling/We're All Gonna Die movement. And I'm not. However, I really hate waste -- and packaging waste in particular. Thus, I think this packaging by PUMA is brilliant:

And I think PUMA's going to make a lot of money off the intellectual property behind that packaging. A lot.

Yup.

(A tip of the cap to those amazing folks at The Awesomer.)

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I've got a pot of this yummy rice & bean-y goodness bubbling on the stove. I'm not sharing, either.

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It's a good thing I didn't realize old George was going to be at Comic Con to read from A Dance with Dragons... because I'd have probably gone down there, kidnapped him and gone all Kathy Bates on his ass until he finished the damned book.

The man has toyed with my affections for far too long.

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Amtrak Auto Train? What an utterly cool way to travel!

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You Are Disturbingly Profound

You're contemplative, thoughtful, and very intense. Taking time to figure out the meaning of life is a priority for you. Because you're so introspective, you often react in ways that surprise people. No one can really understand how you are on the inside... and that disturbs them.

Are You Disturbingly Profound or Profoundly Disturbing?

Blogthings: Our Quizzes Weren't Written By Bored 12 Year Olds

Traveling Companions

I didn't realized Simon's Cat had a book...

(Ooooo, look! New video I haven't seen before!)

...so, when I found out he did, I bought it.

And, in the course of my purchase of said book through Amazon, I came across this book, which has had me in stitches for the past hour.

Best quote so far?

"POKEY... TRAITOR... MUST AVENGE... THE BUTT!"

I think Eben and Snooch's book may have to go visit Miles, Sammy, Billy and Nicholas Fuzzypants' mom... who'll be charged with finding the next purrson who'll find it hilarious and passing it on (or purrring it forward, if you like).

In the meantime, go read a bit of Eben and Snooch here.

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BTW -- This just convinces me there's an afterlife and that somehow Old Crankypants has crossed back through the ether to whisper in somebody's ear:


see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Yup. Pure Rob humor. Or maybe just pure Rob...
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One more thing: Go here and read, go here to register and then here daily through the 30th and vote daily. Dying is hard enough. Being separated from a beloved pet can cause all sorts of unnecessary agitation, and having one by your side can be better than just about any drug.

Saturday Morning Cartoons

What kids today are missing...

Drive-Bys

Desert Cat clearly gets Velociman... as this hilarious personal ad demonstrates. (And I thought I had a talent for writing those...)
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If I'd have known Chicago had its own BaconFest, I'd have been there in a heartbeat. I've subscribed to the site, and I'll be there with fork in left hand, knife in right hand and bib around neck next year.

I want to be a judge for the Golden Rasher Awards when I grow up. They wouldn't even have to pay me. Hell... I'd pay them for the privilege.
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And since I've now got bacon on the brain... "It's Friday! Let's Dance!" (C'mon, Great Reader! Join in!)



Other Friday dancing fools?

Billy Sweetfeets Gingersnap Norton is doing a little Tip-Toe Through the Tulips.

My Barstool Blog Son is letting Wet Willie put him in a Weekend state of mind.

Elisson has fired up the Little White Choon Box to go dancing with himself.

How about you?

Update: It pays to have friends in cultural places! I got tickets from one of the stage crew at the Chicago Civic Opera House to see Swan Lake by the American Ballet Theatre tonight:

Now that's dancing!

(Thanks a million, Junior!)

More Updates!

Fausta gives you literal and musical Great Balls of Fire.

Kerrcarto is jammin'.

Paul is exerting a little Industrial Discipline.

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Oooo! Ramen! That's it. I have to move back into the city.
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Spoon tender pot roast? (*whimpers "Mommy!"*)
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I just love to make my BlogDaddy faint in shock. I agree completely with this. And I agree completely with this. And Miss Manners rules here.

Now somebody hand him the smelling salts...
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If you're from the Dallas area (or even if you're not) and you're into social media of any kind, this convention looks like it could be pretty darned cool.
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Giggle of the Day:


see more Lolcats and funny pictures
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Just so you know...

You Are 69% Tortured Genius

You are smart. Brilliant in fact. And while it's a blessing, it's also a curse. Your head is filled with everything - grand ideas, insufferable worries, and a good deal of angst.

Are You a Tortured Genius?

Blogthings: Discover the Parts of Your Personality that Have Been Hiding

I, Heartless Bitch

Dear Lady...

... who almost walked your six-year-old across the railroad tracks while the lights were flashing, the cross-arms were down and the klaxons were louder than hell...

Don't expect me to apologize for shouting at you and making you stop. Did you look bad in front of your kid? Too bad.

It was your first time taking the train into the city and you didn't know any better?

GOOD.

I taught you both something.

That someone cared enough about your kid to make sure she learned that YOU DON'T CROSS THE TRACKS WHEN THE CROSSBARS ARE DOWN AND THE KLAXONS ARE RINGING.

You both got home safe tonight.

Some people didn't have a loud mouth like me to give them hell. And they never made their destination.

They never will.

Sorry if you're angry at me. I'm not apologizing.

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Update No. 3: I take back the previous two updates. Not her fault. But the gates not working right are VERY unusual circumstances.

Denver Boot

Yes, my left foot is indeed broken. I'm off this afternoon to the foot and ankle doc to get my very own tastefully stylish "Denver Boot"

Yeah. That's what I feel like about right now.

HOWEVER... I need a good story as to how this came about. Get creative in the comments, folks. And make alcohol only minimally a part of whatever great story you come up with. Surely you know me well enough by now to know that any could (and probably did) happen when it comes to moi. (And I've already told the boss it wasn't anything as exciting as landing wrong when I jumped down off the bar I was dancing on.)

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Update: Just to make this interesting, I'll take the winner of this here contest out drinking for a night. Even if that means I have to fly somewhere and book a hotel for myself. After all, I'm still overdue for a vacation.

I have the best and funniest readers on the planet. Knock yourselves out, will you?

Drive-Bys

Giggles:

My girl Betty White:




see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Sleep Talkin' Man channeling Harvey in his dreams.

The wacky world of psychiatric medicine:

When it was time for him to drink charcoal, he asked if I could mix it with jagermeister.

Harper giving me a really great idea for the next Camp Blownstar.

Joan's Muse.

crankylitprof's self-restraint.

Regretsy. Just because.

Passive-aggressive kids... and whackadoodledoo parents.

Knowledgeable tech support.

Literal video Hasselhoff:



There. My job is done.