Leslie's Omnibus

Chartered Excursions -- Blown-Eyed Blodgemeet

Not Austin, not San Antonio, but lovely Kerrville in the Texas Hill Country. It's great to know that the Inn of the Hills offers airport transportation service, too.

I've got my reservation. How about you? (And if you're interested in sharing a room, let me know!)

Not only is my pal with the farookin' great hair flying in from the right coast for this little fete, but I see that this swell fella (who's always been high on my "must meet" list) has also penciled the date in on his calendar.

I can't wait!

Bus Fumes

Ohio's tax dollars at work. Are you sure you want your kid going to Kent State?

And I find it offensive that this silly issue is even under consideration.

Either you're a legal immigrant or an illegal alien.

That offends your sensibilities? Facts offend your sensibilities?

Just deal with it, okay?


What an incredibly cool idea. It has the potential for turning class sessions into a form of Jeopardy! that just might bring out the game show contestant sense of competition to really engage the attention of a normally restless or bored group of youngsters.

Man, there are some dynamite shows coming to Chicago soon! I'm really hoping to get tickets to both The Color Purple and Jersey Boys. Anybody interested?

Don't have enough reasons to doubt online dating? Try this on for size.

Be afraid. Be very afraid!

Bravo, AP!

What took so long??????

You've got no heart if this doesn't make you want to go, "Awwwwwwwww!"

This new meme from El Crap... er... El Capitan has had me in stitches all afternoon.

(You try and keep a straight face after reading the whole thing. I just can't.)


Carnival of the Cats is up at Scribblings. Ahhhhhhhhhh!!! Loads of kitty goodness!

Bus Fumes

The great poet Robert Burns said,
The best-laid schemes o' mice an 'men
Gang aft agley
But in my case, he was wrong --

The best-laid scheme o' mice an 'men
Gang aft aahh-CHOOOO!!!

And how was your weekend?

Don't look now, but there's more lovely weather ahead here.

Buy stock in Kleenex. Do it today. You'll make a fortune on my consumption in the last four days alone.
Exposing the clerics in such fashion, the cardinal said, would undermine "love for the church and Christ."
When in the world is the leadership of the Catholic church going to understand that by hiding the acts of a few people who are explictly acting against the morals and tenets of the church, they are doing more to undermine "love for the church and Christ" than by bringing those acts into the light and condemning them?

You can only forgive someone who acknowledges his sins and sincerely begs foregiveness.

How can you possibly forgive someone who pretends he never sinned at all?

Traveling Companions

The Divine Miss Marilyn was happy to stay home from the cat show this last weekend. I, on the other hand, had a wonderful time!

(And, if I can stave off the cold that's trying to fell me, I'm headed to the dog show on Sunday, too. Steve Dale, who does color commentary for the group and best in show judging, is an old friend of mine. See you there?)

The usual good stuff:
Side note -- Lair is still looking for more volunteers to host the Carnival of the Cats. Yes, it's a lot of work. BUT, it's also a lot of fun, and brings a ton of new readers to your blog.

Besides... if you don't volunteer for the job, I might just have to do it again. In fact, I'm about to volunteer for a week from this Sunday.

Tootin' the Horn, Part II

My spring dance card is filling up rapidly, but the most exciting item on that list is that somebody I know is graduating from law school...

... and I'm invited.

I get to ride out for the weekend with her mom and dad.

Life is just so good right now!

Bus Fumes

The nanny state in Illinois rears its ugly head once again.

We're going to have no individual freedoms left at all at this rate.

Tootin' the Horn

My favorite of all the side bennies of blogging is getting to know some of the bloggers I read frequently.

That's why I'm so excited to be going to see my Blown-Eyed Blodger buddies again in May.

That's also why I'm deee-lighted to hear that Ogmeet 2007 is in the works for July.

And that's why I'm doubly delighted that I got to catch up with one of the bloggers I briefly met, but didn't get a chance to talk with at the Schiznitzes at Fritz's -- one Ms. Teresa of Technicalities fame.

She had dropped a post that she was coming to Chicago in February, so I immediately emailed her back to see if she'd have time for a drink or the like. Her schedule was pretty tight, and flying out of Boston and into Chicago at this time of year makes scheduling anything for that same day just doesn't make good sense.

I had almost forgotten completely about that exchange of emails, as it hadn't sounded possible.

Surprise! I got a phone call from Teresa late in the afternoon yesterday, I immediately scrapped my other evening plans, and got on the train for home.

Teresa met me at one of our local Italian eateries, and we spent two solid hours covering just about every topic on the planet. Kids. Marriages (or, in my case, lack thereof). Blogging friends we have in common. Bloggers that she's met and I'd like to. Bloggers that I've met and she'd like to. Jobs. Bosses. Stuff.

I'd just like to say here and now that I wish I'd met her before she moved from Chicagoland to Beantown. I totally understand why everyone thinks she's wonderful.

I'm telling you right now -- if you have the chance to go to a blogmeet, GO! You'll meet some terrific friends that way.

Bus Fumes

Cook County is going to have to put up with four years of this idiot. The very people who voted him into office are the ones that will be most affected if these cuts are put into place. We're not talking luxuries for the constituents here. We're talking cutting basic health and safetry services.

We could have had Claypool or Peraica* as President of the Cook County Board, but noooooooooooo. Everyone voted for the Toddler, Crown Prince son (and now King himself) of the original King of Cronyism.

Cook County voters, I hope you're happy with yourselves.

*No, I was not happy with Peraica's post-election antics. But historically, he's always been fiscally responsible, and that counts for a lot with me.

I stopped at my local Cheeseburger in Paradise for a late dinner this last Monday evening. I had a post-dinner glass of wine and was reading my book, when I noticed a bunch of boys who looked to be about 9 or 10 years old huddled around one of those touch-screen video games you find on bars these days. There wasn't a parent in sight. They were joking and jostling and doing all the things that boys with ants in their pants do. And it was about 10 p.m.

Sure, they didn't have class Monday due to President's Day. But they did have class on Tuesday.

So tell me... what kind of parent lets their kid run wild... in a bar... on a school night?



I wonder if we can tempt Velocidude to join us in San Antonio with one of these:

... and his very own set of these:


On second thought, I'll bet he already has the latter.

(And now that I think about it, that explains just about everything I know about the guy.)

The truth? Nancy nails it here.

Quote of the Day:
To me, this is what fatherhood has to look like sometimes. Shirked responsibilities. Covert snacking. And the kind of genuine, side-splitting laughter that sends you scurrying for the bathroom with your hands over your privates because you think you’re going to piss your pants.
Too right, Danny.

Road Conditions

Sometimes I see the most spectacular sunrises on the way to the train station...

Tootin' the Horn

Be sure to stop by Dispatches from Blogblivion and say Happy First Birthday to Valerie!

While you're there, I understand she and Sadie are going to have another sibling by this time next year. Heartiest of congratulations to the (expanding) Solo family!

Traveling Companions

The Divine Miss Marilyn dips her toes in the Tummy Tuesday pool!

Have you visited the 152nd Edition of Carnival of the Cats at Pet's Garden Blog? She had a ton of entries and has done a wonderful job!


Wow! I'm adding this to my Christmas list. Doesn't that look like fun?

Elizabeth notes that this checks out on Snopes.com:

Cell phone companies are charging us $1.00 to $1.75 or more for 411 information calls when they don't have to. Most of us do not carry a telephone directory in our vehicle, which makes this situation even more of a problem.

When you need to use the 411 information option, simply dial 1-800-FREE-411, or 1-800-373-3411 without incurring any charge at all!

This is the kind of information people don't mind receiving, so pass it on to your family and friends. This works on your home telephone as well!

Your Superhero Identity For Today Is:

Name: Green Wolf
Secret Identity: Omnibus Driver
Special Power: Somatic Spear
Transportation: Nuclear Train
Weapon: Flame Whip
Costume: Bulletproof Skin
Sidekick: Hop-a-long Cassie
Nemesis: John the Riddler
Tragic Flaw: Addicted to email
Favorite Food: Clam Chowder (see How Massachusetts are you, below!)

Get your Super Hero Identifier here.

(A tip of the cap to the blogger formerly known as P'Nut.)

You Are 72% Massachusetts

You're pretty Massachusetts, but you're starting to slip. Go eat a bulky roll and flip off a New Yorker.

(Who'da thunk I'd be more Massachusetts than Jay? Guess you can't take the Beantown out of the girl, no matter how long it's been since she's lived there!)

At last, well written, non-judgmental, matter-of-fact fashion advice for nerds.

(As non-judgmental as you can be when you label someone a "nerd," anyway. I probably would have chosen the phrase "fashion-impaired" instead.)

(A tip of the cap to the Dynamist.)

For Laurence Simon and anyone else in the tech support biz -- Medieval Tech Support. I suspect you all have days like this!

The co-inventor of the TV remote, Robert Adler, has died. Men worldwide shed a tear and share a moment of silence.

Shark-fighting zombies? Yeesh! (Don't tell you-know-who!)

Hungry? The Carnival of the Recipes is up at Technogypsy. Loads of yummy goodness! See?

Tootin' the Horn

Happy Big 5-0 to blogger John Walkenbach!

Traveling Companions

The Divine Miss Marilyn works on her pedicure while simultaneously showing off her Lee Press-On Nails. (Click to embiggen.)

The usual good stuff:
One more thing -- Lair is looking for more volunteers to host the Carnival of the Cats. Yes, it's a lot of work. BUT, it's also a lot of fun, and brings a ton of new readers to your blog.

Besides... if you don't volunteer for the job, I might just have to do it again.


Quote of the Day:
Well, sweetheart, in a progressive world, this would be called pro-active milk stimulation. In Mississippi, however, we call this a date.

Tootin' the Horn, Part II

Okay, my buttons are bursting here. My newly-found Most Precious Child just sent me this note:
I just wanted to let you know that I love reading your blog so much that I started my own.
And my BlogMama ought to be proud, too. Her very first Blog Grandchild is following in her footsteps. And they've both got a thing for pink templates.

Family. It's a be-yoo-ti-ful thing.

Bus Fumes

How come this is in the headlines and this is not?

Tootin' the Horn

Looks like Never teh Bride is going to have to change her moniker! Congratulations, sweetie! It couldn't have happened to a nicer person. Or better prepared.


T1G scored 13.41223% on his Geek Test, but I scored a piddling low of 8.87574% and Poser status. Phooey.

I want to see some juicy big scores, so I'm issuing a challenge to a couple of my favorite guys: Og, my BlogDaddy, El Cap, and Jay. And for the ladies, Deb, Teresa, Bou and LadyGunn.


Should be some impressive numbers racked up when that wild bunch takes The Geek Test.

Your Brain is Purple

Of all the brain types, yours is the most idealistic.

You tend to think wild, amazing thoughts.

Your dreams and fantasies are intense.

Your thoughts are creative, inventive, and without boundaries.

You tend to spend a lot of time thinking of fictional people and places - or a very different life for yourself.

(Blame it on my gal Gottagopractice, who got the same results!)

Ain't this a kick in the head?

You Are 73% Grown Up, 27% Kid

Congratulations, you are definitely quite emotionally mature.
Although you have your moments of moodiness, you're usually stable and level headed.


Rules of the Road

A little something for bloggers (and would-be bloggers) to chew on:
It’s like the phenomenon of someone who was “fired for their blog.” No, they were fired for saying or doing something they shouldn’t have. It just happened to be in their blog. But a blog is not a buffer from the real world. Your words there count just as if you’d said them to someone’s face, with the difference that they are archived for a very very long time.
I can find out more about anyone from their blog archives than I can by interviewing them. In interviews, people usually tell the interviewer what they think they want to hear. In other contexts, they are usually less circumspect. When I find I may work with someone, I look for blog posts, messages to mailing lists, comments on blogs, Usenet rants from a decade ago, and anything else I can find. There's more to anyone than their persona on the Internet, but more information is almost always better than less.

And now you know why I am very conservative about blogging about what I do at work or who I work with. I know that this will all go down on my permanent record.

It's just common sense, folks.

Tootin' the Horn

I may be a Valentine's Day curmudgeon, but the Divine Miss Marilyn wishes you sunny skies, a warm lap to cuddle up on, and a dozen reason to purr the rest of the day away this Valentine's Day!

Road Conditions

What a difference 20 miles and a couple of hours make!

Out my front window at about 7:15 a.m. today:

Out my office window at 3:15 p.m. this afternoon:

The downtown area of Chicago didn't get nearly as badly slammed as the 'burbs... and it has much more equipment and a far better snow removal plan, to boot. Still, it was snowing up out the office window this a.m.


The perfect award on Valentine's Day, no? I dunno about you, but I feel the love.

(And a big tip o' the cap to No Cool Story for the loverly artwork. And the sentiment.)

Holy moly! It looks like the military is getting its very own version of the Flux Capacitor.

How very cool is that?

Letting a Nigerian cabbie with less than 6 months driving experience in Chicago (in any weather) drive me home last night probably wasn't one of my brightest moments. Just sayin'.

Did you watch the Westminster Dog Show? Man! It's the first time I've ever been totally flummoxed by a Judge's choice for Best In Show.

Me? I was rooting for the Bouviers des Flandres or the Petite Bassets Griffons Vendeen. Those dogs rocked.

The spaniel was nice, but I thought lacked "sparkle".

Oh, well. That's why he's the judge and I'm not.

Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahaha!!! (And, no. This is certainly not my favorite holiday. It's highly overrated, in my humble opinion.)

Now there's a girl after my own heart!

Road Conditions

Yes, it is this bad. Thank goodness for Metra. If I'd had to drive, I would have stayed home today.

Ah, well... a big snow like this is long overdue in Chicago.


Headline of the Day:
Is a vasectomy bad for your brain?
Well... I guess it could be. Depends on which head you normally think with, ya know?

I'm not sure the world is ready for this product.

Although... given all those guys who answer Scott Adams' question in the affirmative...

Mutant purple space spuds? Sounds like a dandy idea for a cartoon series.

From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus

From Elizabeth, and for my friend Cheryl (who's had many, many of these discussions):

Remember, one need be neither Jewish nor a mother to be a Jewish Mother.

The phone rings. Jewish mother picks up the phone and answers, Hello?

Daughter: Hi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight?

Jewish Mother: You're going out?

Daughter: Yes.

Jewish Mother: With whom?

Daughter: With a friend.

Jewish Mother: I don't know why you left your husband. He's a good man.

Daughter: I didn't leave him. He left me.

Jewish Mother: You let him leave you, and now you go out with anybodies and nobodies.

Daughter: I do not go out with anybody. Can I bring over the kids?

Jewish Mother: I never left you to go out with anybody except your father.

Daughter: There are lots of things that you did and I don't.

Jewish Mother: What are you hinting at?

Daughter: Nothing. I just want to know if I can bring the kids over tonight.

Jewish Mother: You're going to stay the night with him? What will your Husband say if he finds out?

Daughter: My ex- husband. I don't think he would be bothered. From the day he left me, he probably never slept alone.

Jewish Mother: So you're going to sleep over at this loser's place?

Daughter: He's not a loser.

Jewish Mother: A man who goes out with a divorced woman with children is a Loser and a parasite.

Daughter: I don't want to argue. Should I bring over the kids or not?

Jewish Mother: Poor children with such a mother.

Daughter: Such a what?

Jewish Mother: With no stability. No wonder your husband left you.

Daughter: ENOUGH!!!

Jewish Mother: Don't scream at me. You probably scream at this loser too.

Daughter: Now you're worried about the loser?

Jewish Mother: Ah, so he IS a loser. I spotted him immediately.

Daughter: Goodbye, Mother.

Jewish Mother: Wait! Don't hang up. When are you bringing the children over?

Daughter: I'm not bringing them over. I'm not going out!

Jewish Mother: If you never go out, how do you expect to meet anyone?


A Redneck Valentine's Day Poem, from the Sweetheart of Shell Knob, MO:

Collards is green,
my dog's name is Blue
and I'm so lucky
to have a sweet thang like you.

Yore hair is like cornsilk
a-flapping in the breeze.
Softer than Blue's
and without all them fleas.

You move like the bass,
which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales
but I luv you anyway.

Yo're as satisfy'n as okry
jist a-fry'n in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant as "snuff"
right out of the can.

You have some'a yore teeth,
for which I am proud;
I hold my head high
when we're in a crowd.

On special occasions,
when you shave under yore arms,
well, I'm in hawg heaven,
and awed by yore charms.

Them fellers at work,
they all want to know,
what I did to deserve
such a purdy yung doe.

Like a good roll of duct tape
yo're there fer yore man,
to patch up life's troubles
and fix what you can.

Yo're as cute as a junebug
a-buzzin' overhead.
You ain't mean like those far ants
I found in my bed.

Cut from the best cloth
like a plaid flannel shirt,
you spark up my life
more than a fresh load of dirt .

When you hold me real tight
like a padded gunrack,
my life is complete;
Ain't nuttin' I lack.

Yore complexion, it's perfection,
like the best vinyl sidin'.
despite all the years,
yore age, it keeps hidin'.

Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie
with a RC cold drank,
we go together
like a skunk goes with stank.

Some men, they buy chocolate
for Valentine's Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart,
it's romantic that way.

Some men git roses
on that special day
from the cooler at Kroger.
That's impressive," I say.

But for this man, honey,
these won't do.
Cause yor'e too special,
you sweet thang you.

I got you a gift,
without taste nor odor,
more useful than diamonds......



And I'd like to thank Scott Adams for officially squicking me out with this question. Most of his commentors, too.


From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus

You think you've got problems? How'd you like to be this flasher?

They couldn't tell the difference? How mortifying.

If I didn't know V-Man's true identity, I'd swear this was him!

Update: Maybe it was him after all.

Thanks to CancunAnne, I find that my mother was wrong -- sometimes it's not impolite to play with your food:


From Elizabeth:

After having been served in a Las Vegas cocktail lounge, the Southern gent beckoned his waitress back and said quietly, "Miss, y'all sure are a luvly, luvly lady; can ah persuade y'all to give me a piece of ass?"

"Lord, that's the most direct proposition I've ever had!" gasped the girl. Then she looked around the room, smiled and added, "Sure, why not? You're nice lookin' too and it's pretty slow here right now, so why don't we just slip away up to my room?"

When the pair returned half an hour later, the man sat down at the same table and the waitress asked, "Will there be anything else, sir?"

"Why yes," replied the southern gentleman. "Ah sure 'preciate what y'all just did for me; it was real sweet and right neighbourly, but where ah come from in Albama, we lack our bourbon real cold, so ah still need to trouble y'all for a piece uh ass for mah drink."

Also from Elizabeth:

A hillbilly got married, and on his wedding night he calls his father for advice on what to do since he had never been intimate with a woman before. "We're in the bedroom, Pa What do we do now?"

Thinking that nature will take its course, the father replied, "Take her clothes off and then you both get in bed."

The hillbilly calls his dad 5 minutes later and says, "She's nekid and we're in bed. What do I do now?"

Knowing his son wasn't the brightest crayon in the box, his dad asked, "Did you take your clothes off, too?"

"No." the son replies.

"Well, take your clothes off and get back in bed with her."

The son calls back a few minutes later and says, "We're both nekid and in bed. What do I do now?"

The father's patience is quickly running out, and he growls, "Look, Son, do I have to spell everything out? Just stick the hardest thing on your body where she pees!"

The son calls again a minute later. "Ok, Pa. I've got my head in the toilet bowl. Now what?"

From Catfish:

A dietician was once addressing a large audience. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here years ago.

"Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High-fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.

"But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"

After several seconds of quiet, a small 75-year-old man in the front row raised his had, stood up and softly said,

"Wedding cake?"

More vintage Catfish (and while we're on the subject):

A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day so she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. Takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers...

Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backed up.

It wasn't very long before a police car arrives.

The Officer, clearly enraged, approaches her yelling, "What is going on here?"

“My car broke down, Officer" says the woman, calmly.

"Well, what the heck are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?!" asks the Officer...

“Oh, those are my emergency flashers!" she replied.

Traveling Companions

The Divine Miss Marilyn eludes the paparazzi.

You've got no heart at all if this doesn't elicit an "AWWWWWW!!!"

The usual good stuff:


The disgraced evangelical preacher Ted Haggard has emerged from three weeks of intensive counselling convinced he is "completely heterosexual".
Goody for Ted. I'm convinced he's a complete moron and a moral fraud.

My BlogMama is asking a very interesting question here. Head on over and give her your 2 cents worth.

Speaking of rubber-necking, this nearly gave me whiplash.

Bus Fumes

Oh, man! I can think of one or two folks who are going to have a field day with this. Fire at will, gentlemen.

Busy, busy, busy! No time for major blogging today!

Chartered Excursions -- Austin, TX

Whoohoo! Looks like the Blown-eyes are circling the wagons to meet in Austin once again.

I hope those dates are firm, because round trip airfare from Chicago is less than $250 right now. As soon as I get confirmation, I'm booking my ticket.

So... are you coming, too? You should, you know.

Yay! Now I can get some boots to go with my hat!

Chou says that it's actually San Antonio. No problemo. More flights, and it's cheaper. Under $200 even. That leaves more to spend on boots...

From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus

From the Sweetheart of Shell Knob, MO:

Baby Boomer Blues

It was fun being a baby boomer... until now. Some of the artists of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers. They include:

Herman's Hermits--- Mrs.. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker.

Ringo Starr--- I Get By With a Little Help From Depends.

The Bee Gees--- How Can You Mend a Broken Hip.

Bobby Darin--- Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash.

Roberta Flack--- The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face.

Johnny Nash--- I Can't See Clearly Now

Paul Simon---Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver

The Commodores--- Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom.

Marvin Gaye--- Heard It Through the Grape Nuts.

Procol Harem--- A Whiter Shade of Hair.

Leo Sayer--- You Make Me Feel Like Napping.

The Temptations--- Papa's Got a Kidney Stone.

Abba--- Denture Queen.

Tony Orlando--- Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall.

Helen Reddy--- I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore.

Leslie Gore--- It's My Procedure, and I'll Cry If I Want To.

Willie Nelson--- On the Commode Again

Road Conditions

Brrrrrrrrrrrrr!!! Yesterday I had no heat and frozen pipes to contend with, due to -25 degrees (with wind chill) Sunday evening.

Today it's -10 degrees and snowing like crazy. Yuck.

I hope you've got a warm and comfy place to burrow, wherever you happen to be!

Traveling Companions

It's Tummy Tuesday. Lisaviolet started it. The Divine Miss Marilyn deigned cooperation for a change.

Have you visited this week's Carnival of the Cats? If not, why the heck not?


The Roman Pantheon is yours!
The Roman Pantheon is yours!
Take Which Pantheon is Best for you? today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Personality Test Generator.

The Roman Pantheon. Jupiter, Mars, Hera, and Vulcan are the Gods and Goddesses for you, do not confuse the Roman pantheon with the Greek one, sure they got mixed together later, but the Roman one is a much more simple, less pretentious version, in this one Vulcan is not lame blacksmith but a fiery being to be feared and respected, think of these deities as the Classics willing to take names and kick butt!

Thanks, Jay!

Carnival of the Recipes, the Run For The Border Issue, is up at Thrifty Mommy. (Don't forget one of my own personal Mexican favorites, here.)

Traveling Companions

The Divine Miss Marilyn likes to play "Poetry in Motion." She wins every time, too.

More good stuff:
Now get out of here and have a wonderful weekend!

From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus

From Catfish:

Three aspiring psychiatrists, from three leading universities, were attending their first class on emotional extremes.

"Just to establish some parameters." said the professor to the student from UCLA, "What is the opposite of joy?"

"Sadness'" said the student.

"And the opposite of depression?" he asked the young lady from Clemson.

"Elation," she said.

"And you, sir," he said to the student from Texas A&M, "How about the opposite of woe?"

The Texas A&M student replied, "Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up."


From Maeve:

The Mommy Test

I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter.

She picked something up off the ground and started to put it in her mouth.

I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that.

"Why?" my daughter asked.

"Because it's been on the ground, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty and it probably has germs", I replied.

At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Mommy, how do you know all this stuff? You are so smart."

I was thinking quickly, "All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy."

We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information.

"OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So, if you don't pass the test, you have to be the daddy."

"Exactly", I replied back, with a big smile on my face.


From the Sweetheart of Shell Knob, MO:

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an Indianapolis Colts fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Colts fans too. Not really knowing what a Colts fan was, but wanting to be liked by their teacher, their hands fly into the air. There is, however, one exception. Kelly has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.

"Because I'm not a Colts fan" she reports.

"Then," asks the teacher," What are you?"

"I'm a Chicago Bears fan" boasts the little girl.

The teacher asks Susie why she is a Bears fan.

"Well, my Dad and Mom are Bears fans, so I'm a Bears fan too" she responds.

"That's no reason," the teacher says. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was an idiot. What would you be then?"

Kelly smiles and says, "Then I'd be a Colts fan."






S-uper Bowl

"Nothing is work unless you'd rather be doing something else." -- George Halas


From Nancy V.:

Do you remember the last time the Bears were in the Super Bowl?
In honor of the Chicago Bears going to Super Bowl 41. Here are 41 things that have changed from the last time the Chicago Bears played in the Super Bowl (which was Super Bowl 20 in 1986):
1. Brian Urlacher was in 2nd grade. Rex Grossman was in kindergarten.
2. Peyton Manning was 10 years old. Eli Manning was 5 years old. Their dad, Archie, had just retired from the NFL two years earlier.
3. Lovie Smith was in his first college coaching job at University of Tulsa.
4. Ronald Reagan was the President, and Harold Washington was the Mayor. James R. Thompson was the Governor running for re-election and his office was in the new State of Illinois Center, which is now called the James R. Thompson Center.
5. George W. Bush was 39 years old and still drinking. His father would run for President two years later.
6. Rod Blagojevich was just out of law school and was a low-level prosecutor working for the Cook County State's Attorney, Richard M. Daley.
7. Barack Obama had just moved to Illinois, and Osama bin Laden was fighting the Soviets in Afghanistan.
8. Bear Hall of Famers Red Grange and Sid Luckman were still alive.
9. The Colts had just moved to Indianapolis from Baltimore and were the doormat of the AFC EAST. The Bears were the champions of the NFC CENTRAL.
10. Property in Wicker Park and Bucktown was cheap because they were really bad neighborhoods.
11. CD players, cellular phones and fax machines were expensive, cutting edge technology and only a few people used them.
12. "Surfing the net" meant a volleyball game at the beach, and virtually no one used the "@" key on their TYPEWRITER.
13. Sam Walton was still alive and was wealthier than Bill Gates. Windows were panes of glass...not a computer operating system that was a pain in something that rhymes with glass.
14. The Soviet Union was our main enemy, and Saddam Hussein was our ally.
15. There were no lights at Wrigley Field, and the oldest park in baseball belonged to the White Sox.
16. Michael Jordan and Ozzie Guillen had just finished their "Rookie of the Year" seasons. Jordan's coach was Stan Albeck and Guillen's manager was Tony LaRussa. (Three out of four of those guys are now wearing championship rings, but what ever happened to Stan Albeck???)
17. Soldier Field had AstroTurf. The Houston Oilers played in the AstroDome.
18. The Fox TV Network didn't exist, and ESPN had yet to air a single live pro football, baseball, or basketball game.
19. MTV played music and so did some AM radio stations.
20. Lindsay Lohan and Hilary Duff weren't born yet; Jackie Gleason and Richard Nixon were still alive.
21. Hillary Clinton had dark hair and was the First Lady......of Arkansas!
22. "The Love Boat" and "Diff'rent Strokes" were still on network TV every week.
23. Martin Luther King Day was about to be celebrated as a National Holiday for the first time. "9-11" was a phone number many cities were just adopting for emergency calls - not a date of terror.
24. I-88 was called "Illinois Rt. 5" and I-355 hadn't been built yet.
25. What the CTA now calls "The Blue Line" had just been extended to O'Hare, and the Orange Line to Midway hadn't been built yet.
26. Q101 played adult contemporary music and most teenagers listened to WLS. Music from the 70s and 80s wasn't "retro" yet.
27. Tiger Woods hadn't won an amateur golf tournament yet.
28. Most people knew Seattle just as a city in the Northwest U.S. - not the home of grunge or Starbucks.
29. Only Southerners went to NASCAR races and only Northerners went to NHL games.
30. The Chicago area had no Wal-Marts, Targets or Home Depots, and Walgreen's was only in the Midwest.
31. Depending on your bank, your ATM card was good at only "Cash Station" machines or only at "Money Network" machines, but there were no fees.
32. "The Phone Company" was Illinois Bell.
33. They still sold leaded gasoline and you couldn't pay for your gas at the pump.
34. Discover Card hadn't been discovered yet, and Miller Genuine Draft hadn't been brewed yet.
35. Stereo TVs were the rage that HDTVs are now. 8-track tapes were still being made.
36. All of the Blockbuster Video stores that are now closing hadn't opened yet. Betamax was still competing with VHS.
37. You paid cash for your groceries and fast food, and you used a travel agent to book airline flights.
38. Bowl games didn't have corporate sponsors, and if the #1 ranked team was in a conference that played in one bowl game and the #2 ranked team was in a conference that played in another bowl game, then so be it! They let the sportswriters vote on the national champion. (and no college football games were played after New Year's Day)
39. The Baltimore Ravens were the Cleveland Browns. The Tennessee Titans were the Houston Oilers. The Oakland Raiders were the Los Angeles Raiders that had just left Oakland. The Arizona Cardinals (the former Phoenix Cardinals) were the St. Louis Cardinals, and the St. Louis Rams were the Los Angeles Rams. The Jacksonville Jaguars, Carolina Panthers, Houston
Texans, and the Cleveland Browns (not to be confused with the Cleveland Browns that are now the Baltimore Ravens) didn't exist. The Seattle Seahawks (last year's NFC Champions) played in the AFC.
40. Number 9 on the Bears was their Punky QB...not their perky field goal kicker.
41. There were no iPods - just Sony Walkmen - so if you said something about a "shuffle" on your Walkman, they assumed you were listening to "The Super Bowl Shuffle" and one thing that will be the same from the Chicago Bears last Super Bowl appearance.....


You're The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe!

by C.S. Lewis

You were just looking for some decent clothes when everything changed
quite dramatically. For the better or for the worse, it is still hard to tell. Now it
seems like winter will never end and you feel cursed. Soon there will be an epic
struggle between two forces in your life and you are very concerned about a betrayal
that could turn the balance. If this makes it sound like you're re-enacting Christian
theological events, that may or may not be coincidence. When in doubt, put your trust
in zoo animals.

Take the Book Quiz at the Blue Pyramid.


Tootin' the Horn

This is me today.


They're coming out with a new album!