Leslie's Omnibus

From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus

Nancy V. sent me a whole lot more info on being Italian. See if you recognize yourself in here:

Only an Italian would understand.....

You spent your entire childhood thinking what you ate for lunch was pronounced "sangwich."

Your family dog understood Italian.

Every Sunday afternoon of your childhood was spent visiting your grandparents and extended family.

You've experienced the phenomena of 150 people fitting into 50 square feet of yard during a family cookout.

You were surprised to discover the FDA recommends you eat three meals a day, not seven.

You ate pasta for dinner at least three times a week, and every Sunday.

You grew up thinking no fruit or vegetable had a fixed price and that the price of everything was negotiable through haggling.

You watched Lawrence Welk and Ed Sullivan every Sunday night.

You were as tall as your grandmother by the age of seven.

You thought everyone's last name ended in a vowel.

You thought nylons were supposed to be worn rolled to the ankles.

You were surprised to find out that wine was actually sold in stores.

You thought Catholic was the only religion in the world.

You thought every meal had to be eaten with a hunk of bread in your left hand.

You can understand Italian but you can't speak it.

You have at least one relative who came over on the boat.

You grew up calling the bathroom the baccausa. And you only had one.

You were surprised to learn most kitchen utensils had another name which didn't end in a vowel.

All of your (great) uncles fought in a World War.

You have at least one relative who wore a black dress every day for an entire year after a funeral.

You have relatives you don't speak to.

You drank wine before you were a teenager.

You grew up in a house with a yard that didn't have one patch of dirt that didn't have a flower or a vegetable growing out of it.

Your grandparent's furniture was as comfortable as sitting on plastic. (What!!!! You WERE sitting on plastic.)

You thought that talking loud was normal!

You thought cookies and the Tarantella were common at all weddings.

You thought everyone got pinched on the cheeks and had money stuffed in their pockets by their relatives.

Every luncheon meat you ate ended in a vowel.

There was a crucifix in every room of the house, including the cellar.

There was a saint somewhere in the yard and car.

Boys didn't do house work because it was women's work.

You couldn't date a boy without getting approval from your father. And the date required a chaperone.

You know what lemon ice is.

You called pasta "macaroni."

You have at least one irrational fear or phobia that can be directly attributed to your mother.

True Italians have a $40,000 kitchen, but use the $259 stove from Sears in the basement to cook.

The living room is filled with old wedding favors with poofy net bows and stale almonds (they are too pretty to open).

A portrait of the Pope and Frank Sinatra in the dining room.

God forbid if anyone EVER attempted to eat Chef Boy-are-dee, Franco American, Ragu, Prego or anything else in a jar or can (tomato paste is the exception).

Meatballs are made with Pork, Veal and Beef. We are Italians and we don't care about cholesterol.

Turkey is served on Thanksgiving, AFTER the manicotti, gnocchi, lasagna and soup.

If anyone EVER says ES-CAROLE, slap 'em in the face -- it's SHCAROLE.

If they ever say ITALIAN WEDDING SOUP, let the idiot know that there is no wedding, nor is there an Italian in the soup. Also, the tiny meatballs must be made by hand.

No matter how hard you know you were going to get smacked, you still came home from church after Communion, you stuck half a loaf of bread in the sauce pot, snuck out a fried meatball and chowed down. You'll make up for it next week at confession.

Sunday dinner was at 1:00. The meal went like this...Table is set with everyday dishes...doesn't matter if they don't match...they're clean. What more do you want? All the utensils go on the right side of the plate and the napkin goes on the left. Put a clean kitchen towel at Nonno & Papa's plate because they won't use napkins. Homemade wine and bottles of 7-Up or club soda are on the table. First course, antipasto...change plates. Next, Macaroni (Nonna called all spaghetti Macaroni)... change plates. After that, Roasted Meats, Roasted Potatoes, Over-cooked Vegetables...change plates. THEN and only then (NEVER AT THE BEGINNING OF THE MEAL) would you eat the salad (HOMEMADE OIL & VINEGAR DRESSING ONLY)...change plates. Next, Fruit & Nuts - in the shell (on paper plates because you ran out of the other ones). Coffee with Anisette (Espresso for Nonno, "Merican" coffee for the rest) with hard Cookies to dip in the coffee. The kids go play...the men go to lay down. They slept so soundly you could perform brain surgery on them without anesthesia..the women clean the kitchen.

Getting screamed at by Mom or Nonna - half the sentence was English, the other half Italian.

Italian mothers never threw a baseball in their life, but can nail you in the head with a shoe thrown from the kitchen while you're in the living room.

Prom Dress that Zia Ceserina made you...$20.00 for material. Prom hair-do from cousin Angela...$Free. Turning around at prom to see your entire family (including Godparents) standing in the back of the gym...PRICELESS!

Elizabeth has fun facts about... WD40:

I thought that you might like to know more about this well-known WD-40 product. When you read the "shower door" part, try it. It's the first thing that has cleaned that spotty shower door. If yours is plastic, it works just as well as glass.

It's a miracle!

Then try it on your stovetop... Viola! It's now shinier than it's ever been. You'll be amazed.

The product began from a search for a rust preventative solvent and degreaser to protect missile parts. WD-40 was created in 1953 by three technicians at the San Diego Rocket Chemical Company. Its name comes from the project that was to find a "Water Displacement" compound. They were successful with the Fortieth formulation, thus WD-40.

The Corvair Company bought it in bulk to protect their Atlas missile parts. The workers were so pleased with the product they began smuggling (also known as "shrinkage" or "stealing") it out to use at home. The executives decided there might be a consumer market for it and put it in aerosol cans. The rest is history.

It is a carefully guarded recipe known only to four people. One of them is the "brew master."

There are about 2.5 million gallons of the stuff manufactured each year. It gets its distinctive smell from a fragrance that is added to the brew.

Ken East (one of the original founders) says there is nothing in WD-40 that would hurt you.

Here are a few of the thousands of uses:

~Protects silver from tarnishing
~Cleans and lubricates guitar strings
~Gets oil spots off concrete driveways
~Keeps flies off cows
~Restores and cleans chalkboards
~Loosens stubborn zippers
~Untangles jewelry chains
~Removes stains from stainless steel sinks
~Removes dirt and grime from the barbecue grill
~Keeps ceramic/terra cotta garden pots from oxidizing
~Removes tomato stains from clothing
~Keeps glass shower doors free of water spots
~Camouflages scratches in ceramic and marble floors
~Keeps scissors working smoothly
~Lubricates noisy door hinges on vehicles and doors in homes
~Gives a children's play gym slide a shine for a super fast slide
~Lubricates gear shift and mower-deck lever for ease of handling on riding mowers
~Rids rocking chairs and swings of squeaky noises
~Lubricates tracks in sticking home windows and makes them easier to open
~Spraying an umbrella stem makes it easier to open and close
~Restores and cleans padded leather dashboards and vinyl bumpers
~Restores and cleans roof racks on vehicles
~Lubricates and stops squeaks in electric fans
~Lubricates wheel sprockets on tricycles, wagons and bicycles for easy handling
~Lubricates fan belts on washers and dryers and keeps them running smoothly
~Keeps rust from forming on saws and saw blades, and other tools
~Removes splattered grease on stove
~Keeps bathroom mirror from fogging
~Lubricates prosthetic limbs
~Keeps pigeons off the balcony (they hate the smell)
~Removes all traces of duct tape
~I have even heard of folks spraying it on their arms, hands, and knees to relieve arthritis pain.
~Florida's favorite use was "cleans and removes love bugs from auto grills and bumpers." Bug guts will eat away the finish on your car if not removed quickly!
~The favorite use in the state of New York:--WD-40 protects the Statue of Liberty from the elements.
~WD-40 attracts fish. Spray a LITTLE on live bait or lures and you will be catching the big one in no time. It's a lot cheaper than the chemical attractants that are made for just that purpose. Keep in mind though, using some chemical laced baits or lures for fishing are not allowed in some states.
~Keeps away chiggers on the kids
~Use it for fire ant bites. It takes the sting away immediately, and stops the itch.
~WD-40 is great for removing crayon from walls. Spray on the mark and wipe with a clean rag.
~Also, if you've discovered that your teenage daughter has washed and dried a tube of lipstick with a load of laundry, saturate the lipstick spots withWD-40 and re-wash. Presto! Lipstick is gone!
~If you sprayed WD-40 on the distributor cap, it would displace the moisture and allow the car to start.
~WD-40, long known for its ability to remove leftover tape smunges (sticky label tape), is also a lovely perfume and air freshener! Sprayed liberally on every hinge in the house, it leaves that distinctive clean fresh scent for up to two days!
~Seriously though, it removes black scuff marks from the kitchen floor! Use WD-40 for those nasty tar and scuff marks on flooring. It doesn't seem to harm the finish and you won't have to scrub nearly as hard to get them off. Just remember to open some windows if you have a lot of marks.

Barrie sends this silly snow globe.

Elizabeth sent this a while ago:

I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange so I went to the currency exchange window at the local bank. I chose the shortest line,just one guy in front of me. He was an Asian guy who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and he was a little agitated.

He asked the teller, "Why it change? Yestoday I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today Iget hunat eighty?"

The teller says, "Fluctuations."

The Asian guy says,"Fluc you white guys too!"

[Yeah, yeah -- I know it's not PC. However, I've heard exchanges just like this in currency exchanges here in Chicago.]

Catfish explains How To Install a Poor-man's Security System:

Go to a second-hand store, buy a pair of men's used work boots -- a really big pair.

Put them outside your front door on top of a copy of Guns and Ammo magazine.

Put a dog dish beside it. A really big dog dish.

Leave a note on your front door that says something like: "Bubba, big Mike and I have gone to get more ammunition - back in a hr. Don't disturb the pitbulls; they've just been de-wormed."

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