Drive-Bys

The Manolo may not think much of these...


... but I'll be I know somebody who'd own 'em in a heartbeat! (And even though I'm not a NASCAR fan, I must admit they do have a certain je ne sais quoi about them.)

And these...
... are just plain fun enough that I'd definitely wear them.

Find both of these and more here.
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What goes around comes around. Sweet. Very sweet, indeed.

Drive-Bys

One of the side benefits of blogging is that you read... and, if you're really, really lucky, you meet some of the smartest, funniest, best folks on the planet. One of my hands-down favorites has penned his first magnum opus:

Go get yourself a copy here. If you haven't already stumbled across Ellison's 100-Word Stories, what are you waiting for?
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Oh, man! I'm going to have to be toting one of these doohickys when I next head down to Texas:

I bet I know just the guy who needs a new toy for his man room, too.
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Yay! Finally a candidate who's platform is already fully articulated (even if I don't agree with all of it -- and I don't), and who doesn't flipflop at the drop of a hat.
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Rachel Lucas and Velociman are both ripping into and riffing on the interesting world of online dating. Given that I've had far more experience in the online, offline, video and every other kind of dating world than those two (and a dozen others that I can think of) put together (and we all know how much I love dating), I have a few words of advice:

You're never going to find true love in the personals.*

1) It's an artificial construct from the get-go. People only show their idea of a shined up, happy face in their profiles -- NOT their real faces. And lots of people have more than one profile, under a variety of names. It's a virtual Fantasy Island out there -- with no Ricardo Montalban to rescue you if the fantasy gets out of bounds, either.

2) Most of the people you meet through the personals are far more interested in what they are looking for than in what you are looking for. Really and truly. It doesn't matter how detailed you are in your personal wish/must list. Only their personal laundry list is relevant here.

3) Do you really want a relationship that requires passing both a resume and a job interview?

4) Do you really think you'll find anyone capable of living life at your expectation level in the personals? Hell no!

5) Most people who do the personals fit into one of two slots -- those who are looking to get laid, and those who are looking for their perfect soul mate (a myth, I'm telling you). Either way you look at it, you're looking at folks with wildly unreasonable expectations.

6) By its very nature, internet dating is long on speed and short on stamina. Dunno about you, but it's not the way I'd like my relationships to work out.

7) There's a difference in how you are perceived right from the beginning if someone notices you and zooms in on you and just how special/gorgeous/witty/intelligent/articulate you are, rather than by you standing in a crowd of thousands jumping up and down and waving your hand in the air and yelling, "Pick me! Ooo! Ooo! Pick me!" There's nothing in the world like looking into a pair of eyes with surprise and recognition in a chance meeting (even if you're making your own chances). And in taking all the time in the world to get to know each other better.

If you want to meet great people, you've got to get off your behind and get yourself out to wherever it is they go.

V-Man:

1) I can't believe I'm recommending this, and the ladies of the blog world may curse my name all over Chicago, but V-Man -- you really ought to make a trip to Chi-Town in July and crash every one of the cocktail parties you can at this shindig. Jeebus. If you can't find a ballsy, brainy, sexy woman there, you can't find one anywhere. (Yeah, yeah, yeah -- I know it's supposed to be a female-only thing. But have you ever known a single woman with a few cocktails under her belt who didn't ogle the goodies? And your goodies are very ogle-able, indeed.)

2) Take your laptop and head to the nearest bookstore cafe or Starbucks. Write long posts for your blog OR (my personal recommendation) get to work on your book about the Senator. Brainy women melt over stuff like this, m'kay? (And the rest of us blown-eyeds just want to get our hands on that book....)

3) Take the dog out to a dog park. Or for a long walk in any nearby downtown area on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon. A happy dog, even an ugly one, is babe-fodder. Trust me.

4) If all else fails, go to the nearest martini bar and break out Spanky the Monkey. If a classy woman can't find the humor in Spanky, she's just not worth the trouble.

5) One more suggestion. Heh.

Rachel:

1) Forget it. I see you've solved that problem on your own. (Yay for you!) But call me if things fall through. I've got tons of great ideas.

Yep. I really do hate dating. But if you're going to do it, by crikey, do it right!
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*But you might just find him/her through blogging. Just ask these two crazy kids. Or these two.

Drive-Bys

Cool news for retrieving "lost" data from broken hard drives.
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This is wonderful news. Anyone who's ever been treated for depression will agree, I'm sure. In fact, I imagine it'll be a great relief.

Tootin' the Horn

Never underestimate the power of blogging. Thanks a million to each and every one of you who took the time to watch the video and vote for Nova.

What happened?

Of course she won!

Bus Fumes

See! If it's not one food product, it's another.

Health and Human Services Secretary Michael Leavitt said Thursday that China had agreed to consider upgrading its food safety standards.

Enough with the Chinese imports already until they do more than just consider upgrading their standards! (And U.S. Health & Human Services certainly ought to be raising our standards.)

Tootin' the Horn

MMPC sent me the following email just a little bit ago:

Hey guys,

Two of my crazy rugby friends have come up with a crazy scheme to meet Bruce Willis. If you get the chance please vote for my friend.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Dawn McKenzie
To:
Date: Thu, 24 May 2007 16:14:22 -0500
Subject: [siuwrfcloads] Check out the NEWS tomorrow morning

Dearest Family and Friends!

I am writing to tell you to turn on the news tomorrow morning to FOX in the morning at 7am. Yours truly will be featured shaving Nova’s head in her pursuit to win a contest called “What would you do to meet Bruce Willis?”

Nova is a dear friend from college that is in love with Bruce Willis. While in college, a couple of us went with her to see him in concert in Sauget, IL and all either got kicked out or arrested. Fortunately, I was not arrested, but Nova on the other hand, had to spend the night in the clink! If that wasn’t enough to show her love to Mr. Willis, she has vowed to FOX that she is willing to shave her head AND get a tattoo that says “I HEART BRUCE” on her body in order to meet her heart throb. The producer found a tattoo artist to perform the tattoo but Nova had to find a friend to shave her head. That is where I come in.

Tomorrow morning, we will first cut off Nova’s pony tail in order to donate her hair to Locks of Love (see this IS for a good cause.) Then it is free range! We were thinking of first doing the traditional Bradshaw cut (see attachment) or potentially a mullet (again, see attachment.) Character points will go a long ways! Everyone needs to vote in order for Nova to win. She is up against 4 other Bruce Willis fans who are willing to do more crazy things in order to meet the man.

We are asking you to not only watch the segment but simply vote for Nova at www.myfoxchicago.com after the segment airs. Voting will take place on the website under the entertainment section. Voting takes place Friday through Sunday with the winner getting announced Monday morning. The winner gets to not only meet Bruce Willis but go to his Die Hard premiere in London and Berlin.

The woman is shaving her head for christ’s sake, please vote.

Happy voting!

Dawn

Please help MMPC help her friends out here. Vote early and vote often, will ya?
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Update: Here's the link to the video.

Here's where you go to vote: http://wfld.4wmt.com/default.aspx?go=

Go vote now.
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Hey! The voting is very, very close. Will a few of you guys who can pull out the big guns toss me a link or two here? I'd be forever obliged!
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C'mon! We can't let backbend chick win out over a kid who shaved her head AND is wiling to permanently defile herself! Go vote, if you haven't already!

Drive-Bys

Remember this little piece of passive/agressive whimsy? Seems this cool blogger has raised the passive/agressive note to an art form!
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Here's a quirky little test I got from Babs:




Your celebrity chef match is Emeril Lagasse

Bam! When it comes to whipping up something in the kitchen, you're rarely afraid to kick it up a notch. That's why your celebrity chef match is Emeril Lagasse, the king of notch-kicking. While some may be a little intimidated by cooking and recipes, you tend to have fun in the kitchen (and in life), throwing caution (and sometimes even recipes) to the wind. After all, it's only food.

To you, the most important thing is to have a good time, which is why you probably enjoy sharing your culinary enthusiasm with friends and family. When you do entertain, you have a knack for throwing a little heart into everything you prepare — and there's no better ingredient in the world. Who's Your Celebrity Chef Match?

Brought to you by Tickle
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If you like the LOLcats at I Can Has Cheezburger?, you're going to loooooooove the LOL Presidents found here and here.

See? No party left unspoofed.

Beautiful.
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I've been drooling over Christine's jewelry for a while now. Today I finally broke down and ordered this and this. I can't wait for them to arrive!
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If this wasn't enough to freeze the stindeens off the PRS guy, I'll bet the thought of this just might do the trick.
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Ooooooooo! What fun this is going to be.

Tootin' the Horn

Okay. I promised you a story. My Most Precious Child ("MMPC") graduated from law school two weekends ago. I am truly blessed, because her mother and father asked me to ride out to [identy not revealed because -- hey -- she's still looking for employment in her chosen profession, and if you recognize it -- SHHHHHHHHHHHHHH].

Even more interesting things were happening, though. When I arrived at Mom and Dad's home on that Friday, Dad informed me that Mom was at the assets sale of a place that I hadn't been in about 27 years. Dad asked if it was okay if we went to meet Mom there. I said "yes," but you know that my heart was leaping out of my chest.

Going back to a place that was life-changing, and knowing that it would be demolished the next day, sent my heart straight up into my throat. Walking in the front door with the two people that I had entrusted my child to made it not only a bearable experience, but a pleasurable one.

What did they want? To see the room where I had met with the woman who would change my fate for the next 27 years. To see the room where they picked up the child that would do the same for them.

They wanted pieces of the place that had, in the final analysis, gifted us all so much.

I'll tell you more later. Just know that this was a lovely, beautiful experience, instead of the dreaded experience it could have been.

There is no way I could have done it without Mom and Dad (hers, not mine). I am grateful every moment that these two incredibly generous people have made room in their hearts and in their family for me. There are not enough words, and I'm not even going to try. They know. And that's all that counts.

Drive-Bys

Yes -- I'm still having crazy days.

(Image swiped from here.)
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He graduated from "Peg-Eye Nate" to "Dead-Eye Nate" at last year's Ogmeet. Now he's asking for your sugggestions for (*cough* *choke* *cough*) research purposes.

Give a brother a hand, won't you?
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Nope. I haven't seen a single cicada yet. But they're coming...
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Ode to a Greek Goddess? More like "Ode to a Balloon Shade."

Rubber-Necking

iGuess this is what you might call an interesting use of Apple's technology.

*Snicker*
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Too much information. Ick, Mick.
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With that weird new haircut, Phil Spector reminds me of a demented Davey Jones. Scary, no?

Bus Fumes

A quick rant: I don't care whether you're stepping out of an elevator, off of an escalator or out of a revolving door -- DO NOT STOP AND HAVE A LOOK AROUND to figure out where you are supposed to be going, especially during rush hour. Step off to the side before you get run right over. I mean it. You're really tempting me.

One more quick rant: Please Mr. Conductor, quit mangling my 10-Ride pass. Yes. I get pissy about stuff like this. I don't know why. I just do. M'kay?

Quick rant No. 3: If you raise the price you charge for a glass of wine by 50% and don't notify me of that fact when I order it, you damn well better expect me to raise a ruckus when you hand me the bill, sonny. Do not try looking surprised. Yes. I'm impressive when I've got steam shooting out my ears and my eyes turn into laser beams.

Quick rant No. 4: And we're still importing foodstuffs from China why???

Drive-Bys

Blogthings are addictive, I swear:

You Are 65% Pure

You're pretty pure, and you have no plans on changing that. You do have a devilish side though... and it will probably get the better of you.

The 100 Question Purity Test

(Blame it on RSM* and Richmond, 'kay?)

*RSM? Shy guys think harder and work smarter to get what they want with the least amount of personal discomfort possible! That's why that low number doesn't surprise me one bit!
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Hmmm............ Looks like the right Rev. Fred Phelps and his merry band of crackpot loonies are going to send Jerry Falwell off to Jesus in style. I know I shouldn't see the humor in this... but I do.

(And a cheerful tip of the cap to John Ruberry! Thanks for putting a grin back on my face today, Dude.)

Rubber-Necking

Geeze! I went all the way to Austin last year, and didn't get to see this. Yes, we did get a really great tour... but now it looks I'm going to have to go back. We barely missed the bats, and we didn't have a clue about ol' LBJ.

Yep. I think I'm going to need to take a little detour back to Texas, and soon.

Just think of the blog fodder. Hot diggity!

(A tip of the cap to Mimi Smartypants, who gets to see LBJ before I do. I'm insanely jealous.)

Roadside Diner

Whatever you do, do NOT ever make the mistake of eating at Lalo's Restaurant in downtown Des Plaines.

I had the worst meal I've eaten in the last ten years there yesterday. In fact, it just may be the worst meal ever. Worse, even, than the time the Princess Mom made that horrendous ham/pineapple loaf thingie that my brother, sister and I sobbed through eating under her hairy eyeball, angry-as-hell glare.*

I find this amazing, as I've dined in other Lalo's restaurant locations in the past, and had marvelous meals. (Either that, or their famous margaritas erased both memory and all good sense.)

What was so bad?

Let's see...

• Surly bartender/waiter guy** who's favorite thing to do was ignore me completely, even though I was less than 10 feet away from his perch behind the bar, and directly in his line of sight at all times.
  
• Tortilla chips made of stone ground corrugated cardboard.
• Salsa that had no discernable flavor, just a heat index factor that was off the charts.
• Chicken soup (in a Mexican restaurant?) that had tasteless, watery broth, a couple of vegetable scraps and one hunk of chicken. Blah, bland, tepid, yucky.
  
• Cheese Enchiladas Al Gusto with ranchera served in one of the ugliest presentations ever. Everything on the plate was orange. Everything. Except for the crumbled anejo cheese, which made the enchiladas look like something The Divine Miss Marilyn barfed up. Not only were the enchiladas ugly; they were cold. Stone cold. The filling looked like mummified cheese curds, and were wrapped in corrugated cardboard tortillas. Flavor? Nada. None at all.
  

I beg you -- take pity on your taste buds and save your money. Go to Taco Bell instead. Lalo's makes it look like a four-star dining experience in comparison.
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*This is a memorable experience, as the Princess Mom rarely misfired on a new recipe. In fact, she's an incredibly good cook.

** Note to surly bartender/waiter guy: 1) If you see a diner flehmening over their plate, poking at their food to as if to ensure it's truly dead (especially when it's a vegetarian dish), then throwing a napkin over an almost untouched dinner plate -- YOU MIGHT WANT TO CHECK AND MAKE SURE THE FOOD'S ALRIGHT. 2) If you don't bring me my check right away, it gives me longer to glare at you and more time to dream up posts like this one. 3) If you had done either (1) or (2), I might have actually tipped you.

Drive-Bys

A few more blogthings that are almost too accurate for comfort:

You Date Like a Man

According to studies on dating, you date like a man. You date casually and frequently, getting serious with select people over time. Physical attraction and chemistry is very important to you. And if there's nothing more than a physical connection, that's okay with you (at least for a while). You are definitely looking for love, but you are in no rush to find it. You figure love will eventually come your way, and you're not going to live like a [nun] while you're waiting!

Do You Date Like a Man or a Woman?

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You May Be a Bit Obsessive Compulsive...

Meticulous and detailed oriented, you have some irrational obsessions. Maybe it's your super neat closet or washing your hands a gazillion times. You probably know it's weird, but you just can't stop thinking about it. In fact, the more you think about your quirks, the more you have to do them.

What Personality Disorder Are You?

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Your Pickup Line Is

Ay carumba...are those real?

The Magical Pick Up Line Generator

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Your Power Bird is a Vulture

You are always changing your life and the lives of those around you. You aren't afraid to move on from what holds you back. Energetic and powerful, you have a nearly unlimited capacity for success. You know how to "go with the flow" and take advantage of what is given to you.

What's Your Power Bird?

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Chickie Carmarthen is practicing a little Freudian therapy. Okay. I'll play:

1. Puff - Daddy

2. Change - Agent

3. Trapeze - Dress

4. Hard - Working

5. Nice - Boring
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Spit-take warning: Looky what Christine's artistic eye discovered.
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Tootin' the Horn

I'm so excited!

Why?

She's back! She's back! She's BACK!

Drive-Bys

Moody Mama is once again doing the Light the Night walk for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. I lost my Dad to leukemia, so I do everything I can to support anyone who does the walks or the Team In Training events. Won't you help, too?
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Rubber-Necking

Whoa!





(A tip of the cap to Sleeping Mommy.)

Drive-Bys

How much do you want to bet that Jimbo won't be visiting this zoo any time soon?

Rubber-Necking

Dunno how someone jumped from this Google search to this here Omnibus. As my good friend Yabu would say -- that just ain't right.

Tootin' the Horn

I'm bursting more than a few buttons here!



Don't forget to go here and drop heartiest congrats in her comments!

(It's another crazy day. Story and more photos will be up later in the week!)

Tootin' the Horn

I'm off and running again -- this time headed off to watch this lovely young lady graduate from law school. (No new posting until Monday -- but I promise pictures next week. LOTS of pictures.)

I'm riding out with her mom and dad -- something I'm really looking forward to. This will be the first time it's just the three of us. They already feel like family. I'm guessing by the end of the weekend, they'll feel like good friends, too.

How blessed I am!

Bus Fumes

Personally, I'm all for shutting down imports of any food or pharmaceutical imports from China until we can be assured that they're not trying to kill us or our pets any more.

Enough is enough.

Drive-Bys

Wanna know how my week is going? Just like this. Ugh.
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I tried uploading the second Elderly Brothers video to YouTube, but apparently the file is too big. It features Denny (being anything but grouchy or old) and Jim doing Rocky Raccoon on guitar and dueling kazoos. Want a copy for yourself? Drop me an email at Omnibus dot Driver at gmail dot com. I'll forward a CD with both videos for you!
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Ooooooh! Two of my favorite things -- wine and the Chicago Botanic Gardens. Anybody want to go on that Sunday?

Smurfed!

Where does it end? Right here...


... with the bluest of the blue, baby!

The Elderly Brothers, Kerrville, TX 2007

Denny starts things off with a little bit of fancy picking.

Bus Fumes

I have no idea why I can't get this $%%$#&%&^ thing to upload to the Omnibus, but it won't. Anyway, just go click the link.

(That way, if you couldn't actually be in Kerrville, you can at least get a taste of what you missed.)

If my week ever slows down (and it ain't looking good, kids) I'll post more pix and vids.
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Update: Well! It took two days, but it finally worked! More later...

Drive-Bys

I know my birthday's not until August, but would y'all please make a note that this little doohicky is high on my wish list? I have a place on my desk at work all dusted off and waiting for it...
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No time to fill you in on the main event in Kerrville last weekend -- crazy day today. Jeeze! You'd think they missed me around here...
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P.S. -- Denny says I've been to enough blogmeets Down South that I'm now an unofficial Southern blogger; hence, the use of the y'all. I'm honored. Really, I am.
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P.P.S. -- I just noticed that the button matches the bus in the header. Now I've really got to get me one.

Drive-Bys

I performed an important public service here.

You'll be boiling your eyeballs in bleach after this one, I promise. After you stop laughing, that is.

(With a noggin full of knowledge like that, is it any wonder I'm usually first to be picked for team Trivial Pursuit?)

Tootin' the Horn

As flexible and graceful as any young whippersnapper, the Divine Miss Marilyn has a big birthday coming up this Saturday. Happy birthday, Sweet Sixteen!
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Don't forget to stop by the Friday Ark at the Modulator.

The Carnival of the Cats will be hosted (I think) by When Cats Attack this Sunday evening.

Can't wait till then? Go visit this week's Carnival right here at Catymology.

Chartered Excursions -- Blown-Eyed Blodgemeet

... er... the blodgemeet. Posting will be very limited for the next few days. Joy, however, will be completely unlimited. Kerrville, here I come!

(Image gleefully swiped from I Can Has Cheezburger?)

Drive-Bys

Oooh! This sounds fabulous. Sign me up for the first round of human testing, 'kay?
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I might just have to get one of these to take to the next Blogtoberfest meet in Helen.

Merciful God!

Can you imagine what fun this particular bunch of guys could have with that? I shudder at the thought...
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I might just have to bring one of these, as well. My pal Yabu has a thing for rockets of all kinds, remember?

Vrrrrrrrrrrrrrroom!

Bus Fumes

Last Sunday night as I was headed off dreamland, I was listening to Nick Digilio on WGN radio. Just as I was about to pass from drowsy into sleep, Nick said something to the effect of, "I wrote a blog. Here's the title. Let me read it to you. It's on my MySpace page."

I shot from semi-slumber to irate wakefulness in a flash. Why? I'd write a post about it, but Jay got there first. Go and read his most excellent rant.

Jeebus. If you're a communications professional, you really should know how to sling the lingo... instead of slaughtering it.

Tummy Tuesdays

The Divine Miss Marilyn insists that, like for high tea, there is a certain etiquette to tummy grooming. At high tea, you extend the pinky while daintily sipping from an elegant teacup. When grooming the tum-tum in polite society, one must extend the leg and point the toe!
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The Chicago Tribune is holding a "Petpalooza!" Have you entered your favorite animal?

Don't forget to mark your calendar for the week of May 13th. Voting starts then!
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LisaViolet hosts Tummy Tuesday here.

And if you forgot to check out this week's Carnival of the Cats, it's right here at Catymology.

Veloci-Meme

It wasn't just cartoons we grew up with, it was also puppets. Here's one of my very favorites.

Other puppet-centric faves? Kukla, Fran & Ollie, Garfield Goose & Friends and Captain Kangaroo, to name a few. (Yes, I know I'm leaving out Mr. Roger's Neighborhood, but... I never seemed to warm up to that shown. Sorry.)

Tootin' the Horn

The Everyday Stranger has a marvelous announcement. Skedaddle on over there and extend heartiest congratulations!

Drive-Bys

My pal the Chai-rista is finally back from blogging hiatus. Go right here to see why I missed her so much!
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The Second City Cop is right on the money, per usual. For more on the march, I'm sure Jake and Michelle will be blogging their experience with the Minute Men.

The Chicago Tribune and the Chicago Suntimes both have video and breaking news.

Oh, joy. This is going to booger up the commute home but good.