Leslie's Omnibus

From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus

These next several things we all sent by Elizabeth:

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said, “Who owns the big white horse outside?”

The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, “I do,… Why?”

The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, “I just thought you would like to know that your horse is about dead outside!”

The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside, and sure enough, Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion.

The Lone Ranger got the horse water, and soon, Silver was starting to feel a little better.

The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, “Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better.”

Tonto said, “Sure, Kemosabe,” and took off running circles around Silver.

Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink.

A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, “Who owns that big white horse outside?”

The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, “I do, what’s wrong with him this time?”

The cowboy looks him in the eye and says, “Nothing, but you left your Injun runnin’.”

Why Can't We Feed The Bears?

The following views are actually suggestions and comments that have been received by the National Forest Service from visitors to our nation's parks:

  • "Need more signs to keep the park pristine."
  • "Escalators would help on steep uphill areas of the hiking trails."
  • "More families would enjoy the parks and city children could learn more about nature if the Parks Department would provide services that include arcades, water slides and child care."
  • "A big hotel with a golf course and even a convention center would attract more people to this natural beauty."
  • "Instead of a permit system or fees, the Forest Service needs to reduce worldwide population growth to limit the number of visitors to the wilderness."
  • "Trails need to be wider so people can walk while holding hands."
  • "All the mile markers are missing this year."
  • "We found a smoldering cigarette left by a horse."
  • "Many trails need to be reconstructed. Please avoid building ones that go uphill."
  • "Too many bugs and leeches and spider webs. Please spray wilderness areas to rid them of these pests."
  • "Please pave the trails so they can be plowed of snow in the winter."
  • "Chair lifts need to be in some places so that we can get to the wonderful views without having to hike to them."
  • "The coyotes made too much noise last night and kept me awake. Please eradicate these annoying animals."
  • "It would be nice to have the Kodak scenic markers so we could identify the photographic sites."
  • "I like all the trees but you need to plant some flowers. Flower gardens would be so pretty in the forest."
  • "The giant trees are spectacular but there are too many of the same kind; you should plant different types, for variety."
  • "Reflectors need to be placed on the trees every 50 feet so people could hike at night with flashlights."
  • "You should have a petting zoo here so that the children could touch the squirrels, deer and bears."
  • "I was stung by a bee; you should have warning signs."
  • "A McDonald's would be a nice sight at the trailhead."
  • "The places where trails do not exist are not well marked."
  • "Too many rocks on the mountains."
  • "A deer came into my camp and stole my bag of chips. Is there away I can get reimbursed: Please call . . . . ."



At Duke University, there were four sophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an "A" so far. These four friends were so confident, that the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time, but after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final they would explain to their professor why they missed it. They said that they visited friends but on the way back they had a flat tire. As a result, they missed the final. The professor agreed they could make up the final the next day.

The guys were excited and relieved. They studied that night for the exam.

The Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test booklet.

They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points. Cool, they thought! Each one in separate rooms, thinking this was going to be easy.... then they turned the page. On the second page was written....

For 95 points: Which tire?


The kid in the cube next to mine sent me to this link. If you've ever sampled that gastronomic delight known as "Hot Pockets," you'll love it!

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