Leslie's Omnibus

From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus

Another telephone story! (This one had me on the floor, shaking with laughter, tears streaming down my cheeks.)

(A tip of the cap to Queenie's blogmother -- Key.)

Another Key-spawn heard from.

Elizabeth weighs in with a nifty idea: AN ALTERNATIVE RETIREMENT HOME

There will be no nursing home in my future.........

When I get old and feeble, I am going to get on a Princess Cruise Ship. The average cost for a nursing home is $200 per day. I have checked on reservations at Princess and I can get a long term discount and senior discount price of $135 per day. That leaves $65 a day for:

1. Gratuities which will only be $10 per day.

2. I will have as many as 10 meals a day if I can waddle to the restaurant, or I can have room service ( which means I can have breakfast in bed every day of the week).

3. Princess has as many as three swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers, and shows every night.

4. They have free toothpaste and razors, and free soap and shampoo.

5. They will even treat you like a customer, not a patient. An extra $5 worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.

6. I will get to meet new people every 7or 14 days.

7. T.V. broken? Light bulb need changing? Need to have the mattress replaced? No Problem! They will fix everything and apologize for your inconvenience.

8. Clean sheets and towels every day, and you don't even have to ask for them.

9. If you fall in the nursing home and break a hip you are on Medicare. If you fall and break a hip on the Princess ship they will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.

Now hold on for the best! Do you want to see South America, the Panama Canal, Tahiti, Australia, New Zealand, Asia, or name where you want to go? Princess will have a ship ready to go. So don't look for me in a nursing home, just call shore to ship.

P.S. And don't forget, when you die, they just dump you over the side at no charge.

Mirthful Sadie is guest blogging over at SWG's place. She had this cool quiz for your super hero personality. I was picturing myself as Bat Girl. So what do I get instead?

My Superhero Name? The Armadillo [That so sucks.]
Super Power? Ability to fly [Okay. That kind of rocks.]
My Enemy? Circus clowns [No, no, NO! That's my friend Suzanne's hang-up. Now, pantyhose -- that's another story! That's really my enemy.]
Mode of Transportation? Giant hamster named "Skippy" [After a couple of cocktails I might consider it, but I'd still rather have my motorized barstool with cooler trailer, autopilot and built in cup holder...]
Weapon? Frying pan [As Quick Draw McGraw used to say, "Elllllllllllllll kaBONG!"]

I'm mortified, I think.

Now YOU go try it, and report back in the comments!

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