Book Your Ticket

Here we go again!

July – 12/101

The Angel’s Game, Carlos Ruiz Zafón*

The Prodigal Mage, Karen Miller*

Game Over, Fern Michaels[1]*

Assisted Loving, Bob Morris*

The Girl Who Kicked the Hornets’ Nest, Stieg Larsson[2]

Fifth Avenue, 5 A.M.: Audrey Hepburn, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, and the Dawn of the Modern Woman, Sam Wasson[3]*

The List, J.A. Konrath*

How to Wash a Cat, Rebecca Hale*

Furious Love: Elizabeth Taylor, Richard Burton, and the Marriage of the Century, Sam Kashner and Nancy Schoenberger*

The Finishing Touches, Hester Browne[4]*

Wizard Squared, K.E. Mills*

The Static of the Spheres, Eric Kraft[5] *

---

[1] I truly don’t know why I keep reading this stupid, badly-written series. It is weirdly addictive. Argh!

[2] Now if you’re going to get hooked on a series, this is the series that deserves the addiction.

[3] I’ve ordered Capote’s Breakfast at Tiffany’s, based on my reading of this book as now my curiosity is peaked. You try finding a copy. I had to order a used copy from an English book store.

[4] While I’m on the subject of series, I also loved Hester Browne’s Little Lady series. She doesn’t disappoint in this stand-alone novel, either!

[5] A novella, really – but nostalgic and lovely. And another addictive series, I fear!

License and Registration

Quote of the Day:

"What has he done to -- to promote unity among the races? Tell me. Let me -- tell him to come forward and tell us what he has done. I haven't seen him do anything but try to divide us, you know. Where does he think this will take us? What -- what does he think this will accomplish -- accomplish? I would like to hear him answer that. I would like him to show me how he's not a racist."

When accusation of racism equates the old, "When did you stop beating your wife?" chestnut, it's baseless and toothless.

You have no evidence to the contrary and you have no better argument, so you lob the Molotov cocktail of the race card out and then stand back and blame everyone else for the conflagration that ensues.

He has nothing to disprove because you've proven nothing.

Enough, dammit.

Saturday Matinee Cartoons

It's a good day for Tex Avery's Droopy Dog:



Cartoon Break:



And Screwball Squirrel:

Tootin' The Horn

El Capitan is celebrating another birthday. Go send him best wishes or I'll make you swab the poop deck and walk the plank or other such piratical nonsense. Argh!

Drive-Bys

Giggle of the Day:

For my pal.

Her? Yep.

Me? Yep.

Just sayin'...
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I love Sharon Montrose's animal prints in her Etsy shop (and I bought two of them, too). Now I'm drooling over her bigger prints here. Access to really cool critters and cameras out the kazoo -- the chick has everything.
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Quote of the Day, Part 1:

"Thank you for Your Corporation"

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Oooooo! Maplewood Smoked Bacon - Horseradish Dip. I'm making it this weekend, and I'm not sharing, either.
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Once again Obama's team prepares to do an end run around the Constitution. Tell me again why voting for that guy was a good idea? It's a pretty sad state of affairs when the leader of this nation regularly turns up his nose at the laws he swore on Lincoln's bible to protect and uphold.
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Like the Blagoviator, this guy talks way too much. Then again, there's something to be said for a man who only opens his mouth long enough to switch feet...
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Quote of the Day, Part 2:

Someone needs to learn to watch where they're putting that thing.

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Give them free healthcare but require them to make an appointment to get it and what happens?

In the first five years of its controversial Urban Health Initiative, the University of Chicago Medical Center has successfully steered thousands of people with non-urgent ailments from its emergency room to other South Side hospitals and clinics that could serve as a "medical home."

But a bigger challenge has been getting people who schedule appointments through the U. of C. program to keep them.

Since the initiative was launched in 2005 with help from first lady Michelle Obama, then U. of C.'s vice president for community and external affairs, only about 35 percent of the almost 16,000 appointments made as of January had been kept, hospital executives said Thursday. [Emphasis mine.]

Lovely. Just lovely.
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Jihad Gene says, "It's Friday! Let's Dance with the Air Force!"

Alrighty, then. Everybody Dance Now!



Yabu says "I Caught Her"

And you?

Update:

Pat Hickey is making all kinds of Friday Night Noise!

Peedee reminds you that we all need somebody to lean on.

Jerry's taking a politically incorrect trip down memory lane.

Eric congratulates Dax on his promotion... then tells him to "Get a Haircut".

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One More Thing:

Go read this letter from Afghanistan, and be sure to have at least one hankie handy. You're gonna need it.

Drive-Bys

Giggle of the Day:



Once you start perusing Happy Chair is Happy... you start seeing this stuff everywhere! (Go vote for this one here.)
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After all the crappy things in the news lately, stories like this are lovely. (Anyone who's ever had a beloved stuffed animal will agree!) I hope Meare-Cat does make it home again...
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See? The Answer Angel kept her word! (Thanks, Ellen!)
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Having worked for a family law attorney a gazillion years ago and having used a mediator for my own long-ago divorce, I highly recommend anyone who has ever even contemplated walking out the door cut this article out and tuck it away, just in case.

Quite frankly, it's less expensive in all sorts of ways if you can put hurt and anger on the side and treat each other with respect if you part company. It's even more important to suck it up and remember what's important when there are kids involved.
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Ear Worm of the Day:

Architectural Tour

More photos of Transformers 3 scenery -- architectural structures this time. Look for these in the movie:

The old bus shelters have, as I predicted, taken a beating (although they're not mashed as flat as I thought as soon as I thought).

They look like a stiff breeze would tip them right over.

More bits, which were being worked on when I walked by...

Drive-Bys

This should come as a surprise to no one...

You are 18% hippie.

You're not in the lowest bracket of non-hippie-hood, but you're close. I advise a field trip to a food co-op or a farmer's market. Do a few interviews and take notes, because there will be a quiz next week to see if you've learned anything.

Are you a hippie?
Take More Quizzes

... except, perhaps, the shade of The Princess Mom, who always expected I'd get married barefoot in a Gunne Sax dress with daisies in my hair on a hillside in the country with John Denver music playing softly in the background.
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Ear Worm of the Day:



Blame it on the quiz... and Ravenwood. At least one person I know won't hold it against me, anyhow.
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For once, a newspaper takes a sensible position:

This week, U.S. District Judge James Zagel settled the latest debate over jury privacy by deciding to withhold the names of jurors in the trial of former Gov. Rod Blagojevich and his brother Robert until the trial was over.

It is in the very marrow of the bones of a news organization to defend the free flow of public information, so it feels unnatural to say this, but we think Zagel got it right.

Huzzah, sirs!
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So a federal judge struck down parts of Arizona's new immigration law? The world as we know has surely landed on its head.

Professor Jacobson explains in detail why I am not wrong to think so.
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Giggle of the Day:



Just try getting that one out of your brain!

Architectural Tour

Playing around with my new toy...

Drive-Bys

Oooo! My beloved Vande Walles caramels have some hot competition! Today I tripped over L. Frances soft caramels... and fell in love all over again:

Made with the finest ingredients, including heavy cream and Wisconsin Grade AA butter (which is churned locally) and complemented by the rich flavor of C&H brown sugar. The soft and chewy caramel is slowly cooked in copper kettles which develops an amazing caramel flavor. These are an absolute delight!

I could never buy a whole bag at once, as I'd eat them in one single sitting. Yes, they're that luscious!
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Quote of the Day:

"Yeah, I'm taking my gluteus maximus to the max."

Heh!
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SCC correctly points out that this nifty idea for leasing Chicago's bridge houses for advertising purposes during certain holidays will only cover about 1.5% of our shortfall. Whatever income they do bring in, however, will not be on the backs of individual tax payers, and I think that's good. I also think this will create significant additional revenue from tourism, as more holidays than just Christmas are involved:

Corporations each would pay up to $1 million to decorate the houses at each of the city's 14 most prominent bridges around Easter, Independence Day, Halloween and Christmas, said Philip Lynch, president and owner of Lincolnshire-based Fresh Picked Media.

The company would coordinate the effort and keep 25 percent of the profit, leaving $10.5 million for the city if the projections work out, Lynch said.

It's nice to see our aldercritters doing some thinking outside the box for a change.

More, please.
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Blago's lawyer was about to begin wrastlin' with Judge Zagel during his closing arguments today, but this important bit of breaking news hit the Tribune this morning:

What police pulled out of the water was a waterlogged stuffed doll of Looney Tunes cartoon character Sylvester the Cat.

Presumably he still has eight lives left.

That's all folks.

News gathering at its finest.
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Speaking of the Blagoviator, as predicted, he's using the "stupid" defense.

I'm tired of hearing how all of the people around him should have told him that what he was trying to do, and ordering them to do on his behalf, was illegal. He's an adult, and is responsible for his own behavior.

I really do hope he's found guilty.
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Ear Worm of the Day:



This bizarre little Bulgarian ditty oddly made me think of Zonker. (Can't imagine where that came from...)

Gotta love Europopped!

Road House Rendez Vous

This post mentions a McDonald's Frappe... which reminded me of Starbuck's Frappuchino... which reminded me of the lovely cocktail my bartender buddy Parker and I whipped up the other night:

1-1/2 oz. Three Olives Triple Shot Espresso Vodka
1/2 oz. Godiva White Chocolate Liqueur
1 healthy splooch Half & Half

Combine over ice. Ahhhhhhhhhhh!

You can have your chocolate martinis -- for a Bean Town Betty who grew up on iced coffee, coffee ice cream and coffee sodas, this is much mo' bettah.

Errands

Giggle of the Day:

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Quote of the Day:

“Well, I mean I want this model kitten, but in a different color.”

*Facepalm*
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Ear Worm of the Day:



Where does this come from? I haven't thought about that song in years.

Where Credit is Due

An enormous THANK YOU! to my sister and sister-in-law, without whom I never would have made it through yesterday.

Saturday Morning Cartoons

Archie - Take 1:

Commercial Break:

Archie - Musical Interlude:

Commercial Break:

Archie - Take 2:

World Tour

One of my frequent retorts when hearing something entirely ridiculous is, "Yes. And I'm the Queen of Romania."

At least it appears that I'm the queen of searches for "funny-pictures-cat-butt-can-hear-ocean" from Miercurea-Ciuc. Now I'm convinced that eastern Transylvanians are more than a bit odd.

Drive-Bys

I've thought much but said little about all the coverage of accusations of racism in the news lately until now.

Here's the deal: If you lob the "racism" label at me, be prepared to give a specific example of what you think I did to earn it. Then I get to weigh whether or not what you say is true and/or valid.

If you are correct, I will apologize and take steps to correct my behavior, attitude and thinking.

If you are not correct, however...

... Pppppppppffffffffffffffffffffttttttttttttt! That's the sound of the air wheezing right out of your meaningless little word, rendering it shriveled, puny, worthless and of no consequence whatsoever to me.
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Giggle of the Day:


see more Lolcats and funny pictures

(Inspired by me and my new toy.)
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Inspired by Jay G, Calvin's Mom let's us in on her guilty pleasure.

In no particular order, here are some of mine:

• Dip made of two heaping spoonfuls of French Onion dip and two heaping tablespoons of Pace Picante sauce (hot), mixed well, with Tostitos Hint of Lime tortilla chips right before bed
• VandeWalle's vanilla caramels
  
• Nick Digilio
• Country music -- the old sappy stuff
• Musicals -- movies, television and stage
• Fonseca 1977
• Karaoke
• Cowboy hats and boots
  

Yours?
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Jihad Gene says, "It's Friday! Let's Dance Like Mexicans!"

I say, "Oh, Mexico!"



Billy Sweetfeets Gingersnap Norton is grooving to Pina Colada Boy.

Doug from Sligo, on the other hand, is in a Newport (Ymerodraeth) State of Mind.

How about you?

Update:

Joanie wants to know If You Know Love?

Drive-Bys

Ear Worm of the Day:



(Via europopped.) It's wedged firmly between my ears and won't go away!
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"The donkey screamed and children cried" is not a line from American Pie. Although it could have been...

Poor thing.
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Ghetto parenting at it's very best:

Two men who both have children with a young woman who was also on the scene began arguing, according to police Lt. Ted Roberts, who was assigned to the Gresham District the night of the incident.

The altercation was between the victim’s mother’s current and former boyfriends, according to the police release.

The argument started because both men were trying to visit with their children at separate times and during one of the visits, one man disciplined the child of the other man, sending that man into a rage, according to Roberts.

The angry man pulled out a gun and fired at the other man and didn’t hit him but accidentally struck the child in the cheek instead. The bullet also pierced her shoulder, the lieutenant said.

Even more confusing,

The wounded baby is the child of either a sister or an aunt of the mother who has children with the fighting fathers, according to the lieutenant.

Got all that straight? (I sure don't.) According to the beginning of the article, the wounded baby's mother is the woman with the battling exes. By the end of the story, it's unclear whose baby was shot.

But that a baby was shot at all, let alone for these reasons, is horrifying.
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Remember when I said that the Blagoviator likes to pick his own audience? He may not have testified in court, but he certainly couldn't wait to try his cause in the court of public opinion again!

I've got to admit that while most of his blathering was more of the same old same old, this little gem is priceless:

At his media conference, Blagojevich also admitted he had learned from the case.

“I’ve learned a lot of lessons from this whole experience and probably the biggest . . . is that I talk too much. Thank you.’’

I don't believe that lesson will stick.

And I do believe John Kass is correct:

Our former governor had a lot to say awhile ago, but now, apparently, he doesn't have the — what did he used to call it? — the testicular virility to take the stand in his own defense, as he promised about a gazillion times.

Weenie.

Tootin' The Horn

It's here!

(And I almost had heart failure because the box weighed a ton. Turns out, it was the four different copies of the instruction manual that weigh half again what the camera itself weighs. Whew!)

Now all I want to do is go out and PLAY!

Playing Chicken

The Blagoviator blinked.

Despite what he's been saying all along, it looks like Rod and Patti won't be taking the stand.

I guess my instincts were correct!

Yes, Officer?

When I was a kid we had Band-Aid brand bandages that were size tiny and useless -- about 1/4 inch wide and about an inch long. We also had those little round dots (3/4" diameter) that dads used to stick over their shaving nicks. (Kind of like these, which apparently are good for "insect bites, zits, etc.")

Seems Mayor Shortshanks has decided to apply one of those dinky band-aid dots to the giant sucking chest wound that is the police officer shortage in Chicago.

He's hiring a whopping 100 more officers... when we're understaffed by more than 2,000.

We've got a problem here, in that a good chunk of the population here no longer fears the CPD. We've had not one, but two officers in uniform killed recently, and the last one by three thugs who walked up and robbed and killed him in daylight when there was no mistaking the fact that he was in uniform.

Yes, this last killing is different. But I fear there'll be a lot more where that one came from.

I don't care what it takes -- Daley needs to find the money and hire the manpower needed to police our streets, not make a symbolic, but useless, gesture for the media.

I truly do fear for this city.

Tootin' The Horn

In a recent Chicago Tribune column "Answer Angel" Ellen Warren responded to a reader's question thusly:

I hear this lament all the time, and I totally agree. You'd think that for all those boomers, stores would have a huge selection of dressy dresses. They don't. The search is more frustrating for plus-size women. But I have an answer: separates.

Being a not-small-person myself, I wrote to her:

"In your recent column you mentioned that it is difficult for plus sized women to find beautiful dresses for special occasions in stores. That may be so, but etailers have taken over where retailers refuse to go. And good for them! Here's a smattering of etailers who offer lovely options for dressy occasions at all price points and for all plus size body types." (I listed a bunch of links for etailers like Igigi, Kiyonna and more.)

We emailed back and forth a couple of times, and I thought that was the end of it... but, no! Today I got this heads-up:

I'm going to use some of your suggestions in the column on july 29. I will identify you as “L.S.” if that’s ok!!! I looked at the sites and there’s some wonderful stuff there. You’ve done plus size gals a great service and now I will pass it on. Thanks, Leslie.

How cool is that? Stay tuned...
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Fashionable Giggle of the Day:


see more Happy Chair Is Happy

Drive-Bys

Can you say "news junkie"? Yup. That's me. Go take the test here.

(A tip of the cap to Harper, who is informed like moi!)
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Giggle of the Day: Go here for a little naughty humor at the expense of a royal and a Rolling Stone. It's worth the trip!
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see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Name that breed!
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To Donald Mills and his version of how to plan a memorial service...

There won’t be any music at my service. This is a memorial not a rock concert for Christ’s sake. I don’t need people waving lighters in the air or doing super-tokes to the strains of “Knocking on Heaven’s Door” or “Only the Good Die Young.”

If there must be background noise, I want a Halloween sound effects tape full of chain rattling, howling wind and unsettled moaning – it’s dramatic and much more in keeping with the occasion.

... HUZZAH, sir!
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Ear Worm of the Day:



Why? Who the hell knows???

Picture That

I'm a camera junkie -- I admit it.

On my last trip to Ireland, I carried my trusty Canon Powershot... and my friend Judy carried a Canon EOS Digital Rebel. I'd be blasting off shot after shot, and Judy would take her camera out of the bag, shoot one frame, and stick it back in the camera bag.

It. Drove. Me. Nuts. (I mean, if you're going to have a camera that great, the least you can do is use it, dammit.)

I've been slavering over digital SLRs ever since, but I've been held back by the fact that the darned things are so big, clunky and freaking heavy.

I carry my camera, laptop and Kindle with me everywhere, so portability is an issue with me -- and a big one.

Then I stumbled across Micro Four Thirds SLRs.

Oh. My. Gawd.

That created a whole new round of obsession, pouring over reviews and weighing pros and cons. Sony. Olympus. Samsung. Lumix.

Arghhhhhhhhh!!!!

But my grandson is coming, and the dithering around needed to stop, because I fully intend to take gorgeous photos of the little All Star right from the get-go.

This weekend I finally took a deep breath, bit the bullet and ordered the Lumix GF1 with the telephoto lens, and a pancake lens as well.

Now I can hardly wait. New toy. Oh, joy!

World Tour

Kinda feels like a Skittles commercial, huh?

Sunday School

My family attended a very small Methodist Church in Lombard, IL for years. Money was always tight there, and we didn't always have the $$$ to pay for a guest preacher when the regular reverend took his well-needed vacation breaks.

During the summers when the pastor went on hiatus, we'd occasionally have a Sunday service that was pretty much one long hymn-sing where the lay leader would take requests, shout them up to the oganist in the choir loft at the rear of the church, and we'd be off to the races. (Yes, these were the services Diana loved the best.)

I'll start you off with a couple of family favorites. Link your own favorites in the comments, will you?

Darling Daddy:

... and...

The Princess Mom:

Me:

Open your hymnals and tell me what you'd be requesting!

Saturday Ramblings

Ear Worm of the Day:

Yeah, yeah. You try getting that incredibly annoying little ditty out of your head. (Found here.)

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There are 10 different kinds of cleavage? Who knew?

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Curious about what those union dues are going for?

"For a lot of our members, it's really difficult to have them come out, either because of parking or something else," explains Vincente Garcia, a union representative who is supervising the picketing.

So instead, the union hires unemployed people at the minimum wage—$8.25 an hour—to walk picket lines.

How's that for freaking lazy... not to mention disingenuous? This is astroturfing, pure and simple. (And I'm half tempted to start asking picketers to see their union cards, and alerting the local media if they don't have 'em.)

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Quote of the Day:

"The smart political approach would be to make the election about the Democrats," said Neil Newhouse of the powerhouse Republican polling firm Public Opinion Strategies, which is advising more than 50 House and Senate candidates. "In terms of our individual campaigns, I don't think it does a great deal of good" to engage in a debate over the Republicans' own agenda.

Oh, hell to the NO he didn't, did he?

If this is what senior GOP strategists are thinking, they're NOT listening to the Tea Party folks, who are just as distrusting of the incumbents whose inactivity and/or ineffectiveness have brought us to the wreck this country's in today.

I'm an independent, and I'm not voting for anyone if I don't have a clear picture of what his or her agenda is.

Pay attention. Put your freaking cards on the table, folks.

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I know that the local papers expect Blagojevich to testify in his own defense, and the Blagoviator himself has said over and over again that he couldn't wait for the opportunity to tell the jury his sad tale... but I'm beginning to lean in Zorn's direction.

Blago likes to pick his audience to make sure it's friendly.

He certainly didn't choose to testify in Springfield when he was impeached...

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Giggle of the Day:

Saturday Morning Cartoons

Josie & The Pussy Cats - Episode 1, Part 1:

Commercial Break:

Josie & The Pussy Cats - Episode 1, Part 2:

Commercial Break:

Josie & The Pussy Cats - Episode 1, Part 3:

Drive-Bys

See? In addition to Transformers 3 (which is transforming the Mag Mile this weekend), we also have Vince Vaughn and company filming in and around Chicago.
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It's more than 7 dirty words... and imagine them all spoken very sweetly by Aunt Bea's doppelganger...

I dare you not to laugh out loud!
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Jihad Gene says, "It's Friday! Let's dance!"

This...


see more Lolcats and funny pictures

... reminds me of my own personal favorite karaoke selection:



Billy Sweetfeets Gingersnap Norton (a/k/a the Orinch Meniss) channels a really menacing orange!
The Cheesiest Guy I know fires up his Little White Chune Box.

What kicks your karaoke box over?

Update:

Pat Hickey's making a little Friday Night Noise.

Kerrcarto's giving a Rebel Yell.

The Tall Cool Drink of Water is putting a little Kerosene on the fire!
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This is by far the coolest decorating idea I've ever seen!
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From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus

From Catfish:

Which side of the fence?

If you ever wondered which side of the fence you sit on, this is a great test!

If a Republican doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one.
If a Democrat doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

If a Republican is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat.
If a Democrat is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

If a Republican is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a Democrat is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

If a Republican is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A Democrat wonders who is going to take care of him.

If a Republican doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Democrats demand that those they don't like be shut down.

If a Republican is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.
A Democrat non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced.

If a Republican decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.
A Democrat demands that the rest of us pay for his.

If a Republican reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.
A Democrat will delete it because he's "offended".

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Dax Montana responds:

If a Democrat doesn't like abortions, he doesn't have one.
If a Republican doesn't like abortions, he wants all abortions outlawed.

Never let it be said that I don't entertain both sides of the argument!

(I also agree completely with this Op Ed. Yes, I am an independent, and damned proud of it!)
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From Elizabeth:

Jim and Mary were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sunk to the bottom and stayed there. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered her to be mentally stable.

When he went to tell Mary the news he said, "Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."

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From my Brother-in-Law:

Because I'm a man...

...when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a wire long after hypothermia has set in.

...when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start."

...when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan.
You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.

...I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk and bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu". For all I know, these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.

...when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much, once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

...I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator).

...I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to a complete stranger? I mean, how could he know where we're going?

...there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about.
The answer is always either sex, cars, beer, or football. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.

...I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come vist us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.

...you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie.
Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.

...I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt of without it...looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

...and this is, after all, the year 2003, I will share equally with the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the gardening, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest.

This has been a public service message from Men Helping Women to Better Understand the Male.

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From Paul...

A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river.

He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher.

The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"

The drunk answers, "Yes, I am."

So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, "Brother, have you found Jesus?"

The drunk replies, "No, I haven't found Jesus."

The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for a little longer this time. He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, "Have you found Jesus, my brother?"

The drunk again answers, "No, I haven't found Jesus."

By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again--but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up.

The preacher again asks the drunk, "For the love of God, have you found Jesus?"

The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

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From Nancy V., a blonde joke I don't think this guy's posted yet:

A trucker stops for a red light, and a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."

The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.

When the truck stops for another red light, the girl again catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door.

Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.

At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door.

The trucker lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

When the light turns green, the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says...

"Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Wisconsin and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!

Then again, Denny does live in Jawja, and I'm not sure he's ever even seen a salt truck before...
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From Jan...

MARKETING 101: A SHORT LESSON

You see a gorgeous hunk at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed".
That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's fantastic in bed".
That's Advertising.

You see a gorgeous hunk at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, "I'm fantastic in bed".
That's Telemarketing.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, "I'm fantastic in bed".
That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous hunk. He walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed".
That's Brand Recognition.

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Drive-Bys

The novel I've been working on forever?

I write like
J. D. Salinger

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

My blogging, on the other hand?

I write like
Ian Fleming

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

Personally, I think that thing doesn't work. Either that, or I'm a brilliant but darned eccentric writer.

(Blame Mrs. Who.)
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Transformers 3 Update: They're taking over Michigan Avenue tomorrow. If you were planning a shopping day or figured you'd take the direct route and cut off Lake Shore Drive... think again.
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Ear Worm of the Day:



Where in the heck did that one come from? It's been stuck in my noggin since noon!
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Another bus driver I'd be proud to call friend.
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A couple of Blogthings, because I haven't done them in a while:

You Are Observant

You are an insightful and wise person. You like to think things through carefully, and you usually come up with amazing ideas. Some people may think you're boring, but they don't realize how much you're learning through careful observation. By moving slowly, you are able to really see and appreciate every detail in life. You have a vivid and complete picture of the world. Your intelligence runs deep. Anyone who takes time to talk with you is eventually overwhelmed by your brilliance.

The Sand and Surf Test

Blogthings: We're Not Shrinks, But We Play Them On the Internet

And...

Your Brain is Complex

Your mind is a multi dimensional wonderland, with many layers. You're the type that always has multiple streams of thoughts. And you can keep these thoughts going at any time. You're very likely to be engaged in deep thought - and deep conversation.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

Blogthings: Take a Quiz. Annoy Your Friends.

World Tour

From Bandar Seri Begawan (city) in Brunei Darussalam came this goofy Google image search "funny pictures cat does the wave," which landed them here.

Sunday Schedule

Jimbo!


Why are you running?
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Club girl Suzy McCoppin says, "We always ask ourselves before we do a story, 'Is this going to hurt their marriage?' or 'Is this going to hurt their career?' " McCoppin said. "And if the answer is yes, we try to avoid it or soften it."

I call bullshit... and the article bears that out: "'Tacky aside, I will look tacky for $40,000!' she said." Obviously.

I need a shower. That whole story carries a stink that just won't wash off easily.
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I find it interesting that the Chicago Tribune gives no credit to Sean Wasson, a/k/a The News Junkie, for his successful radio campaign which, I believe, played a major role in this success story:

The controversial American arm of an international Islamic group has been bounced from the Marriott in Oak Brook, where organizers were set to host the group's second annual conference this Sunday.

For at least three weeks running, Wasson blasted the Marriott on his WGN radio show, and he exhorted his listeners to call the Marriott's main number, as well as the reservation desk at the Oak Brook to express their outrage at Marriott's welcome of Hizb ut-Tahrir.

On more than one occasion, a Marriott called Wasson and begged him to call off the dogs. That, of course, only encouraged him to turn up the heat.

Well done, sir!

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Ear Worm of the Day: