Leslie's Omnibus

Traveling Companions

The girls are in a bit of a 'tizz this week because they're getting ready for their big-time interviews.

Tiger Boots is getting her beauty rest, because she wants to look perfect for you-know-who.

The Divine Miss Marilyn has taken herself off to her favorite massage therapist so that she's relaxed and happy for her interview.


Don't forget to stop by and visit the Friday Ark. (And for all you folks who aren't crazy about cats, go visit anyway. There are a ton of different kind of animal stories and photos to browse through!)

Also, the Carnival of the Cats will be up Sunday evening at Life~Florida~Whatever. Be sure to stop by and tell them I said hello!


I hope this brings some comfort to Sweetness' family. And I hope they catch the bastards who stole his rings in the first place.

If they're not trying to poison the minds of little girls, they're just plain trying to poison them. What a great company!

The Pink Line??? What self-respecting (macho) man is going to admit he rides the Pink Line???

What? The Tribune is considering selling the Cubbies? No......... no, no, no, no, NO!

For crissakes, the next thing you know they'll be selling the rights to rename Wrigley Field, too.

Sheesh. There's no respect for tradition any more.

Update: By golly, they are selling naming rights to Wrigley Field... one little piece at a time.

Road Conditions

Do you know what this means???



Spring is finally on the way.


Chartered Excursions -- Austin, TX

Got me a ticket for an aeroplane.
Ain't got time to take a fast train...

Are you going to the Blown-Eyed Blodgemeet in Austin? I just got my ticket -- $224, round trip from Chicago, nonstop flights in both directions. That's downright cheap my friends! And a veritable pantheon of blodgers will be attending:

  • Acidman
  • Average Joe
  • B. C.
  • Beth
  • Bou
  • Christina
  • Confabulator
  • Dash
  • David
  • Deathknyte
  • Delftsman
  • Denita
  • Denny
  • El Capitan
  • Elisson
  • Eric
  • Eric
  • Jack
  • Jim
  • Karen
  • Kelley
  • Knine
  • Livey
  • Lord Spatula
  • Marcus
  • Mike
  • Nancy
  • Oddybobo
  • Omnibus Driver
  • RedNeck
  • RSM
  • Shoe
  • Sammy Baby
  • Twisty
  • Walrilla
  • Yabu
  • Zippo
  • Zonker

  • Maybe, Baby
  • Army Wife
  • Beth
  • Lolly
  • Princess Cat
  • T1G
  • Velociman

  • See? All the cool kids will be there. And you know what? In my experience, you can't have a bad time at a blogmeet... unless you deliberately work at it.

    C'mon! Buy a ticket and join us. (You know you want to.)

    I can't wait.

    Google's Word of the Day is once again appropriate:
    confluence: a flowing or coming together.
    That's the blodgemeet -- a confluence of blodging's best and brightest! (Looniest, too...)


    Visualize World Peeps.

    (A tip of the cap to Harrison. Thanks for the giggle, my little furry friend.)

    I'd have been willing to pay big bucks to be a fly on the wall to overhear this conversation. Too funny!


    Sometimes you find some really funny things when you check your Site Meter stats. In fact, I just found a post that had been translated into Spanish:
    "¿Cuál en el heck está con estos sueños blogging últimamente?"

    Translation: "What in the heck is it with these blogging dreams lately?"
    I know. The wierdest things make me giggle some times... (¿Cuál en el heck? Haaaaaaahahahaha!!!)

    Even odder, it's almost a two year old post...

    Bus Fumes

    So Moussaoui has confessed to being a naughty, naughty man. I'm sure he's hoping he's found guilty and gets the death penalty so he can claim to be martyred by Americans.

    Here's what I say -- instead of lining him up for meeting those 72 virgins any time soon, let's dump him in a maximum security prison (we've got a dandy one right here in Illinois that was good enough for John Gotti) and throw away the key.

    Why give him the glorious death and and worldwide publicity he so obviously craves?

    Roadside Diversions

    Grand Rounds is up over at NHS Blog Doctor, and the theme this week is cricket:
    "You have two sides, one out in the field and one in. Each man that's in the side that's in goes out, and when he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out. When they are all out, the side that's out comes in and the side that's been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out. Sometimes you get men still in and not out.When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in. There are two men called umpires who stay out all the time and they decide when the men who are in are out. When both sides have been in and all the men have been out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game.

    "Got that? Pretty straightforward, really."
    Actually, the medical stuff is far easier to grasp than the concept of cricket.

    Bus Fumes

    You know nobody loves a first class fuming rant better than I do. Mamacita takes on piss-poor parents. She's awesome. Simply awesome.

    The Instapundit is off the mark here. If it's copyrighted material being lifted, then it's infringement. That's more than tacky -- that's illegal.



    You are 66% Psychic

    You are psychic. You are above average when it comes to perceiving the future. You are very observant and clever, with a good amount of common sense. It is very easy for you to predict things and be correct.

    Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

    (A tip of the cap to Livey.)

    For all my male friends, a little quiz for you -- What Robert Johnson (Blues) Song Are You?

    Sorry, ladies. This one truly is just for the fellas.

    (A tip of the cap to J-Walk.)

    This would explain why Old Crankypants and Og haven't had a lot to say on their blogs of late. They've been very, very busy. And T1G just got back from a long road trip. I'll just bet the other two directed him to spread a little mayhem all along the way.

    And they think cats are sneaky...

    Clearly someone here has overheard me more than once before I've had my first cup of coffee.

    That's funny -- I haven't been in New York for a couple of years now...

    Traveling Companions

    The Divine Miss Marilyn: "Heh. Little does 'befuddled Unfortunate! Mistress!' know, it was not her 'Hammikins', but I who pushed the little wench into the drink. And I'd do it again, too.

    "One rival down, one to go.

    "Here, Pookie, Pookie, Pookie!"


    Tiger Boots: "Sheesh! Is anyone else getting bored with all the drama around here?

    "Give me a bed-headed boy with a sweet disposition over a glamour-puss any day."

    Now go visit the Friday Ark. And don't forget that the Carnival of the Cats is up Sunday evening at Scribblings.

    Bus Fumes

    Dana's in Dell Hell.

    (I keep telling Buckaroo Bonsai that they've got a lousy reputation, but will he listen to me??? Noooooooooooooooooooo.)


    Now, has anybody got any good advice for her?

    Michael Sneed is asking the right questions. It'll be interesting to see how the Cook County State's Attorney handles it... (And, no. I'm not holding my breath. But Cardinal George ought to be holding his.)


    I heart Ozzie Guillen. This is why. Go, Ozzie!

    Yep. I am the oldest child, you know.

    You Are Marcia Brady

    Confident yet kind. Popular yet down to earth. You're a total dream girl.
    You've got the total package - no wonder everyone's a little jealous of you.

    (A tip of the cap to Deb.)


    Is something going loopy in the TTLB Ecosystem again? I went from a link score of 84 yesterday to a link score of 49 today. It's not possible to piss off that many people all at once, is it? (That is, of course, unless you're this guy, who has turned mass delinkings into an art form in the past.)

    Rats! I want my Adorable Rodent status back.

    This is for the (Flappy) Birds.

    Update: Seems I got my Adorable Rodent status back, but not credit for all of my links. Argh!

    End of the Line

    Well, damn.

    I just got of the line with the Princess Mom, who had some shocking news for me -- one of my dad's colleagues died about two months ago and she had just gotten the news herself.

    Why was this a shock for me?

    Dick Kelly was just a really neat guy. He respected and admired my dad, both as a business man, and as a man. He told me that at my dad's memorial service. I knew that, though, because he had also demonstrated that for years beforehand.

    Okay, that's still not a reason why it was shocking.

    Much as Dick admired and respected my dad, he had almost a courtly love thing going for my mom. (Note the use of the word "for," as opposed to "with." It's an important difference.) In fact, he told me more than once that the reason he respected my dad so much was because he had the good sense to marry my mother... and to stay married to her.

    After Dad's memorial service, Dick would email to check in with me every once in a while to see how the family was doing. Most of the enquiries, though, had to do with Mom, her health and how she was doing getting along as a widow.

    When Mom was diagnosed with lung cancer, emails made way for phone conversations about how Mom was doing. Every setback was met with prayer; every obstacle hurdled was met with jubilation.

    That's why I found it strange that when I did the latest Mom update he didn't call or email right away.

    I figured that he was busy. I know I was busy. But I've been thinking about him and meaning to give him a call.

    Guess that won't be happening now.


    The man was only 60 years old.

    Good looking.

    A real charmer.

    Loved Corvettes, especially red convertibles. (The only time my dad ever set foot in a sports car was the time Dick took him for a spin in his brand new 'Vette. He and Daddy were both grinning like fools when they got back.)


    Wanted to sail crew on a tall ship in the Caribbean.

    Felt in his heart that he wasn't a redneck from coal country in West Virginia, but the Son of a Sailor.

    We just never seemed to mesh schedules to get together the last couple of times I went to Florida. I know life happens that way, but dammit all to hell, I hate this.

    God bless you, Dick. Smooth seas... and boat drinks to you, my friend. I'll miss you.

    And V-Man? This is why I worry when my friends fall off my radar. Send an email and let me know you're okay. (Please?)


    Say what???

    Omnibus Driver will have to write:

    I will not ask other people embarrassing questions like whether or not they have ever starred in a porno

    'What will you have to write on the chalk board?' at QuizGalaxy.com

    (A tip of the cap to Romeocat.)

    I'm not sure they aren't Catholic. They think and act like it, that's fo' sho'. (But, hey -- it's Chicago. Whaddaya expect?)


    First V-Man disappears into the ether...

    ... and now Dax is AWOL, too.

    Ellison has the memorial poster.

    Dash has a theory.

    Me? I think V-Man has overextended himself and he's now out on monkey patrol...

    But, still...

    Sex toys and rainbow potholders? Maybe the fellers have packed up their red hat and pink beret, respectively, and joined a drag show road tour...

    And if that doesn't get their attention, I guess I'll just have to whisper V-Man's favorite phrase: "Show me the monkey!"

    (My pleasure, Dude.)

    Oh! And a word to the wise...

    (Nobody ever said I was wise.)

    On another note, I think I dated every one of these guys at one point or another.


    This one had me on the floor:

    What is your WARNING label?

    NOTE: z
    No smoking around Omnibus Driver. Thank you for your co-operation.


    From Go-Quiz.com

    (A tip of the cap to Richmond!)

    They fired FABIO (the bastards)!!! Do they really think any of these dweeby guys can replace him? Huh! I think not.

    Excuse me while I hurl now...

    (A tip of the cap to PJ.)

    Personally, I think that "dress" makes her look like she's being swallowed by a giant shower pouf.


    Leslie's Omnibus --

    An immortal

    'How" will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

    (A tip of the cap to Andi.)

    Roadside Diner

    Given my cravings for Indian food lately, this sounds wonderful! Does anyone know if there's a service like this in Chicago?

    (A tip of the cap to my Fairy BlogMama!)

    From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus


    From the Sweetheart of Shell Knob, MO:

    A Fable for Our Time:

    A Japanese company (we'll call it Toyota) and an American company (let's say General Motors) decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River. Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race.

    On the big day, the Japanese team won by a mile.

    The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat.

    A team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action. Their conclusion was the Japanese team had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, while the American team had 8 people steering and 1 person rowing. So American management hired a consulting company and paid them a large amount of money for a second opinion.

    The consulting firm advised that too many people were steering the boat, while not enough people were rowing.

    To prevent another loss to the Japanese, the American's rowing team's management structure was totally reorganized to consist of 4 steering supervisors, 3 area steering superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager. They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 1 person rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the "Rowing Team Quality First Program", with meetings, dinners and free pens for the rower. There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes and other equipment, extra vacation days for practices and bonuses.

    The next year the Japanese won by two miles.

    Humiliated, the American management laid off the rower for poor performance, halted development of a new canoe, sold the paddles, and cancelled all capital investments for new equipment. The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses and the next year's racing team was outsourced to India!

    From Nancy V.: Raising Boys!The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas...

    Things I've learned from my Boys (honest and not kidding):

    1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

    2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

    3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

    4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

    5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

    6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

    7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.

    8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

    9.) A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

    10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old boy.

    11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

    12.) Super Glue is forever.

    13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

    14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

    15.) VCR's do not eject "PB &J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

    16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

    17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

    18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

    19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

    20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

    21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

    22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

    23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

    24.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

    Those who pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without boys, do it because:

    a) For those with no children - this is totally hysterical!

    b) For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.

    c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny.

    d) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.

    e) For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.

    From Elizabeth:


    There once was a religious young woman who went to confession. Upon entering the confessional she said, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned."

    The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven."

    The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times."

    The priest thought long and hard and then said, "Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice."

    The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?"

    The Priest said "No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face!"

    An old man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:

    Man: I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.

    Priest: Are you sorry for your sins?

    Man: What sins?

    Priest: What kind of a Catholic are you?

    Man: I'm Jewish

    Priest: Why are you telling me all this?

    Man: I'm telling everybody!

    An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.

    "I'm 90 years old," he says. "90!" replies the woman.

    "Don't you realize you've had it?"

    "Oh, sorry," says the old man, "how much do I owe you?"

    The famous sex therapist was on the radio taking questions when a caller asked, "Doctor, I want to know, why do men always want to marry a virgin?"

    To which the doctor handily responded, "To avoid criticism."

    Old Fred's hospital bed is surrounded by well-wishers, but it doesn't look good. Suddenly, he motions frantically to the pastor for something to write on. The pastor lovingly hands him a pen and a piece of paper, and Fred uses his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then dies.

    The pastor thinks it best not to look at the note right away, so he places it in his jacket pocket.

    At Fred's funeral, as the pastor is finishing his eulogy, he realizes he's wearing the jacket he was wearing when Fred died. "Fred handed me a note just before he died," he says. "I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration in it for us all."

    Opening the note, he reads aloud, "Move! You're standing on my oxygen hose!"

    A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful. Then he fell asleep again.

    His wife had never heard him say that, so she stayed by his side.

    A few minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're cute!"

    The wife was disappointed because instead of "beautiful," it was now "cute."

    She said, "What happened to 'beautiful'?"

    The man replied, "The drugs are wearing off."

    "I've just invented a cotton gin," Eli Whitney declared proudly as he emerged from his workshop.

    "So what," his wife grumbled. "Who wants a fluffy Martini?"

    A retired four star general ran into his former orderly, also retired, in a Manhattan bar and spent the rest of the evening persuading him to come to work for him as his valet. "Your duties will be exactly the same as they were in the army," the general said. "Nothing to it -- you'll catch on again fast."

    Next morning promptly at eight o'clock, the ex-orderly entered the ex-general's bedroom, pulled open the drapes, gave the general a gentle shake, strode around to the other side of the bed, spanked his employer's wife on her bottom and said, "OK. sweetheart, it's back to the village for you."

    A wild-eyed man dressed in a Napoleonic costume and hiding his right hand inside his coat entered the psychiatrist's office and nervously exclaimed, "Doctor, I need your help right away."

    "I can see that," retorted the doctor. "Lie down on that couch and tell me your problem."

    "I don't have any problem," the man snapped. "In fact, as Emperor of France I have everything I could possibly want: money, women, power - everything." But I'm afraid my wife, Josephine, is in deep mental trouble."

    "I see," said the psychiatrist, humoring his distraught patient. "And what seems to be her main problem?"

    "For some strange reason," answered the unhappy man, "she thinks she's Mrs. Schwartz."

    The best way to approach a woman with a past is with a present.

    The couple stepped up to the desk clerk of one of the city's nicer hotels. "I'd like a room with a bath for my wife and myself," said the young man.

    "I'm terrible sorry, sir, " said the clerk, "but the only room available doesn't have a bath - only a shower."

    "Will that be all right with you darling?" the man asked the young woman at his side.

    "Sure, mister," she said.

    A handsome young man who was cruising in his open convertible stopped beside an attractive young woman and invited her to jump in. As she got in, she slyly informed him that she was a witch and could make him turn into anything she wished.

    "Go ahead and try!" he answered with a smile.

    She leaned against him and whispered something in his ear.

    And sure enough, he turned into a motel.

    Very cool U.S. geography quiz here. I scored higher than 90%. How did you do?

    From Dan, the ringleader of the Clothing Optional Joke List: THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES

    Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks.

    Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes.

    There is no fast food.

    Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of "pretend" bills with not enough money.

    In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.

    Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time.

    Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment.

    He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care (weekend, evening, on a holiday or right when they're about to leave for vacation).

    He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.

    Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times.

    The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.

    There is only one TV between them, and a remote with dead batteries.

    Each father will be required to know all of the words to every stupid song that comes on TV and the name of each and every character on cartoons.

    The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, which they will apply to themselves either while driving or making three lunches.

    Each man will have to make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, a tortilla and one marker; and get a 4 year old to eat a serving of peas.

    Each man must adorn himself with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep their nails polished and eyebrows groomed.

    The men must try to get through each day without snot, spit-up or barf on their clothing.

    During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties.

    They must try to explain what a tampon is for when the 6-yr old boy finds it in the purse.

    They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.

    He will need to read a book and then pray with the children each night without falling asleep, and then feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair each morning by 7:00.

    The children must leave the home with no food on their face or clothes.

    A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child's birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor's name. Also the child's weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each child's favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up.

    They must clean up after their sick children at 2:00 a.m. and then spend the remainder of the day tending to that child and waiting on them hand and foot until they are better.

    They must have a loving, age appropriate reply to, "You're not the boss of me".

    The kids vote them off the island based on performance.

    The last man wins only if...he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice.

    If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25
    years...eventually earning the right to be called Mother!

    Down Memory Lane

    Who hosted the noontime cartoon show you watched when you were growing up? Did he or she have a motto?

    For me, it was Captain Penny... and the Captain's Law was: "You can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time... but you can't fool Mom."

    (For that reason and many others, I believe to this day that my mother really does have eyes in the back of her head.)

    Because of Captain Penny, we also had an elf named Mr. Jingeling as a Christmas icon in Cleveland. The song? I can't remember all the words, but here are some of them:

    Mis-ter Jing-a-ling
    How you ting-a-ling
    Keeper of the keys!
    On Halle's seventh floor [the toy department, of course!]
    We'll be looking for
    You to turn the key!

    Mr. Jing-a-ling
    How you ting-a-ling
    With your many keys!
    Don't you dare be late
    For we have a date
    On Halles' seventh floor!

    The Keeper of the Keys to Toyland, words and music by Marian Jacobi, arranged by Wellington D. Schiller.

    (Does anybody else out there remember this? I know there were more words. Gah! I hate getting old.)

    That prompts another memory -- my mother was shopping in the Halles' at Westgate Mall the day President Kennedy was assassinated. When she got home from the store, she said that she had seen a salesgirl crying, and asked her what was wrong. The girl told her that the president had been shot, and my mom mistakenly thought she meant the president of Halles. It wasn't until she got home that she realized that it was Kennedy.

    I was 5 years old, and I still remember that day. Where were you? What do you remember about that day?

    Update: Seems I'm not the only one strolling down Memory Lane today. Go check out Mamacita's meditation on penny candy.

    Heh! This brings back a few memories, too:

    Which Fraggle Rock Character Are You?

    You are Gobo Fraggle.
    Take this quiz!


    Make A Quiz More Quizzes Grab Code

    (A tip of the cap to Poppy!)

    Bus Fumes

    Holy shit! They're finally naming names. That's a positive step for the Chicago Archdiocese for once.

    Look -- I don't care if Cardinal George is sorry. I really don't. I don't care if it hurts him to say he is sorry. What I don't hear is him doing is apologizing directly to those children and their families who were affected by his inaction and lack of attention. That's the apology I want to hear.

    What I do want to hear what kind of steps they are going to put into place to make sure that alleged abusers of any ilk are dealt with. They're still not giving us that information.

    I don't ever want to see these words in print again:
    Archdiocesan officials failed to follow their own protocols for reporting allegations of abuse against McCormack -- internally and to civil authorities -- and appear to have violated Illinois law that mandates reporting of such allegations to police and DCFS.
    When the leading arbiters of morality willingly violate the laws of both church AND state, that is simply inexcusable.



    How to make a
    Leslie's Omnibus

    3 parts anger

    5 parts humour

    5 parts empathy
    Layer ingredients in a shot glass. Top it off with a sprinkle of lovability and enjoy!


    Personality cocktail
    From Go-Quiz.com

    Funny how accurate these things can be, isn't it?

    (A tip of the cap to Agent Bedhead.)

    I just love surprising people. Saturday evening the Buckaroo and I joined his counsin Claire, her husband John, his cousin Christine and her husband George for dinner and a movie.

    Surprise for the Buckaroo -- I love sushi, especially anything with spicy tuna; however, I'm really NOT nuts about sashimi. Go figure.

    Surprise for the cousins and spouses -- I was pretty quiet until about half-way through dinner. (I like to know the depth and temperature of the water before dipping a toe, don't you know?) Then, I happily entered the fray. Yep. Conversational zero to 65 in less than three seconds.

    Surprise to John -- Not only do I know the names and cooking styles of all the big names on the Food Network, I also knew the model of car and story behind it on the latest edition of Overhaulin', and I love the guys from West Coast Choppers and Orange County Choppers.

    Surprise for self -- I like red bean ice cream (creamy and not overly sweet -- yum!).

    Bus Fumes

    Thank God my dad isn't around to read this:
    Can some of this be chalked up to simple naïveté and brio, hallmarks of every generation in its youth? Sure. But experts believe that this won't wash away with age. "It's not a case of when they grow up, they'll see the world differently," says Joseph Gibbons, research director at the FutureWork Institute. "These values don't change over time." So if companies want to attract, retain, manage, and motivate the next generation of workers, they're going to have to adapt.
    My dad certainly wouldn't have needed a therapist after some of the meetings described in the article. The parents and the employee, on the other hand, might well have.

    (A tip of the cap to Chicago Boyz' David Foster.)

    Dear God, is there no one in Hollywood with any imagination any more? I predict two more big fat flopparoonies to go straight to video...

    I'd happily undergo a sinusectomy right now. I ping-pong from feeling like my sinuses are packed with Quickset concrete to feeling as if they've been treated with Draino Professional Strength Foamer. How is is possible for the human body to produce this much snot?

    I'm also sick of coughing so hard that my ribs hurt.

    Will somebody please drag me off to the back 40 and just shoot me now?

    Google word of the day:
    dudgeon: a state or fit of intense indignation.
    It just seemed appropriate somehow.

    Okay, I just don't understand this. Metra trains are big, big vehicles, and it's impossible to stop them quickly. If you're late, you're late. You're alive, at least.


    Update: There was another one this morning. That's two in 24 hours. How stupid is that?

    There ought to be a hell of a lot more than just reprimands being handed out here. But I really didn't expect any more than this, did you?

    The Scenic Meme

    Richmond has tagged me with the following meme:

    1. Choose a search engine (e.g. Google), click "images."
    2. Pick 5 random blogfriends.
    3. Think of a word or a phrase that you think describes each friend.
    4. Do an image search of that word or phrase.
    5. Pick an image that makes you say "Ah-ha! That's it!"

    I picked the first three at random, then decided to tap a couple of relative newcomers for the last two.

    Gennie was easy -- "Friday Jambalaya".

    For The Manolo, could it be anything but "Hasselhoff shoes"?

    (I'm dying to get the second mug down. It is the fabulous, no?)

    For Livey, "Fierce and Fabulous" brought this eye-popping image. Maybe there is a Superman out there for her yet!

    For melissa.in.london, "London Iowa". I've gotta love a girl that loves London as much as I do.

    For Ryan, "Hearty Soup New York" was appropriate.

    Okay, I'm tagging the youngsters. Everyone else is off the hook... unless you really want to do this. It's actually a lot of fun.

    Tootin' the Horn

    It's easy to get frustrated when companies you purchase from either ignore your complaints or don't respond very quickly to solving problems.

    That's why I have to give a big shout out to Dove USA. I just tried one of their new products and had a problem not with the product itself, but with the packaging. I sent them an email this morning, and by this afternoon, they had sent a response back promising a coupon to replace the product.

    That's dandy customer service. Well done.

    Traveling Companions

    Tiger Boots: "At least The Divine Miss Mega-Diva has come out from under the bed, but she's still pouting under the covers. (I sure hope Gigolo Kitty knows what a hornet's nest he's stirred up.)

    "I'm telling you, that cute fluffy red-headed guy is looking better by the moment. He's not big on drama and conflict. (Me? I'd also rather leave the drama to the pros.)"

    Divine Miss Marilyn: "Pookie? Who in the name of all that's holy is Pookie, and what has she done to ensnare my beloved? What a foul, foul fiend!"

    "And another thing. Who is this Missy the Fluffy Kitten chick? Hmpffff! If that trollop thinks she can snatch that plushy tushy from under my nose, think again."

    "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to sharpen my claws on the stereo speaker. Game on, girls!"

    "(And Uncle Og? We apologize in advance for giving you a sick headache.)"

    Don't forget to visit the Friday Ark and Carnival of the Cats, which will be up Sunday evening at Music and Cats.


    Google's Word of the Day:

    megalomania: a mental disorder characterized by delusions of grandeur.
    I'm finally back at work and on the mend, but today I don't even have delusions of adequacy....


    Blogging will continue to be light for the next couple of days. I have a raging case of the flu -- nose, throat, chest, ague, body aches, head ache that won't quit. Blech.

    Traveling Companions

    Hi! It's Tiger Boots reporting in to say that The Demanding Miss Mega-Diva has hidden under her bed in a fit of the vapors now that her uber-crush has revealed he has not just one, but two other chiquitas on the string.

    Now, I've gotta admit the cat is kinda hot... but I'm beginning to think he's a bit rich for my taste... and pocketbook.

    It's taken a while, but I'm coming around to the notion that I really should be paying more attention to the boy next door after all. He's cute... and he'd never break a girl's foolish heart, now, would he?

    Oooh! I almost forgot. Don't forget to visit that Steve guy over at The Friday Ark.

    Cute Boy's daddy says the Carnival of the Cats will be held this Sunday evening at Justin's Random Thoughts.


    Tammi was reminiscing about this old quiz, among other things:


    Name / Username:

    Name Acronym Generator
    From Go-Quiz.com

    (BTW -- Tammi's World is 2 years old today! Go wish her a happy Blogiversary, will ya?)

    A Change of Scenery

    Sometimes it's nice to be reminded that Spring is coming.

    This is for Barb, to brighten her day.

    This is for Dana. (Because it matches her new template.)

    This is for Mira.

    We all need a little magic every once in a while.

    This is for Angie, who is starting to be in a better place.

    This is for Tammi, for good luck! (Bet she can guess why I chose this particular bloom for her...)

    This one goes out to Livey... with a big hug, too.

    (I don't know about you, but I feel better now.)

    Update: Thanks, Teresa, for letting me know that I'd screwed up Barb's link. Fixed. (Brain Fart. We all have'em. Me more than most, sometimes....)

    Bus Fumes

    Hmmmm. If this definition is correct, then these students are correct -- it wasn't an act of terrorism.
    "OK," he said to the opposing group. "If we don't call it terrorism, what do we call it?"
    First degree murder? Assault with a deadly weapon? A hate crime?

    How about all of the above?


    I just bought a little something to wear to the Blown-Eyed Blodgemeet in Austin. (If you haven't bought your ticket yet, what are you waiting for? It's going to be a blast.)

    Thanks for the pointer, BlogMama!

    Another quiz thingie:

    You are a Carnation:
    You are friendly, energetic, cheerful, and bubbly.
    You love being around people. Outgoing and
    talkative, you rarely meet a stranger. Others
    feel at ease around you because of your
    playful nature.
    Symbolism: In Victorian times carnations were given
    to show fascination with another. They also
    symbolize friendship and whimsicalness.

    Which Flower are You?
    brought to you by Quizilla

    (A tip of the cap to Kim.)

    If Adrian Monk had a cat, I'm sure its' name would be Brach.


    Your Stripper Song Is
    Super Freak by Rick James
    "That girl is pretty wild now
    The girl's a super freak
    The kind of girl you read about
    In new-wave magazine"

    Freaky? Yes. But you're also pretty darn funny.

    Sheesh! The things you find out about yourself...

    (A tip of the cap to LL.)

    From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus


    It looks like maybe it's Disney Day in the Back of the Bus.

    First, Elizabeth gives us a peek into the private lives of Donald Duck and Daisy Duck:

    Donald Duck and Daisy were up in a hotel room and decided that they wanted to have sex.

    Well, the first thing Daisy asks is, "Do you have a condom?"

    Donald says "No."

    Daisy tells Donald that if he doesn't get a condom that they can't have sex and suggests to Donald that he go buy a condom. She says that maybe they sell them at the front desk.

    Donald proceeds to go downstairs and gets to the front desk. He asks the hotel clerk if they sell condoms.

    The clerk says, "Yes, we do," and pulls one out from under the desk and gives it to Donald. The clerk asks, "Would you like me to put that on your bill?"

    "No!" Donald says, "What do you think I am, some kind of pervert??"

    [This from a character who never wears pants.]

    From Catfish, a tale about teaching little kids about using "big people" words:

    A class of kindergartners were trying very hard to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk!

    "You need to use 'Big People' words," she was always reminding them.

    She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend.

    "I went to visit my Nana."

    "No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use 'Big people' words!"

    She then asked Mitchell what he had done over the weekend.

    "I took a ride on a choo-choo."

    She said "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use 'Big People' words."

    She then asked little Alec what he had done.

    "I read a book," he replied.

    "That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?"

    Alec thought real hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride, and said, "Winnie the SHIT."

    (Winnie the SHIT, indeed.)



    Cats Personality Test -- What kind of cat are you?

    The evidence is in, and you are undeniably the personality type of a:

    Go find your own cat personality here.

    (A tip of the cap to newcomer to the blogroll Tahoe.)

    Jay Solo always finds the coolest quizzes:

    My Personal DNA:

    Roll your cursor over each square to see what each one stands for, or go here for My Personal DNA Report. Fascinating stuff.

    From the Chai-rista, apparently some librarians in the UK have assembled a list of books you "should" read before you die, with mine bolded:

    To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
    The Bible by Various Authors
    The Lord of the Rings Trilogy by JRR Tolkien
    1984 by George Orwell
    A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens
    Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
    Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
    All Quiet on the Western Front by E M Remarque
    His Dark Materials Trilogy by Phillip Pullman
    Birdsong by Sebastian Faulks
    The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
    The Lord of the Flies by William Golding
    The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time by Mark Haddon
    Tess of the D'urbevilles by Thomas Hardy (Ugh!)
    Winnie the Pooh by AA Milne
    Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte
    The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Graham
    Gone With the Wind by Margaret Mitchell
    Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
    The Time Traveller's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger
    The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold
    The Prophet by Khalil Gibran
    David Copperfield by Charles Dickens
    The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
    The Master and Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov
    Life of Pi by Yann Martel
    Middlemarch by George Eliot
    The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver
    A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess
    A Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich by Alexander Solzenhitsyn

    Keep in mind that I was a literature major. Still, it looks like I've got a few more books to go. How about you?

    End of the Line

    I'm stunned.

    Dana Reeves was an incredible woman, who I admired very much for being such a tower of strength to her husband and her son Will through years of rehab for Christopher, through his death and taking over the Christopher Reeve Paralysis Foundation and lobbying for stem cell research for spinal cord injuries at all levels of government.

    This hits very close to home for me, as my mother (the Princess Mom) is also a non-smoker and has been treated for lung cancer. (See update below.) It's very sad to me that my mom, who will reach "a certain age" this May, has managed to beat her cancer so far, and a woman as young and strong as Dana Reeve wasn't able to do the same. My heart goes out to Will. I'll hold him and the rest of his family in my prayers this week.

    There's a condolence "book" here. Let Will Reeve and the rest of Dana's family know that this special woman was loved and admired... and will not be forgotten. Seems Superman really did meet and marry Superwoman.


    Page Wiser and the Fug Girls both have it wrong.

    Naomi Watts was wearing Miss Havisham's cobwebs and wedding dress.

    Roadside Diversions

    The Egoist is hosting this week's Carnival of the Recipes -- featuring the cuisine of Denmark.

    Feast your eyes... then make the darn recipes and just plain feast, okay?

    My buddy Richmond will be hosting the next one. (Guess I'll have to riffle through the old recipe box again...) In the meantime, head on over to her place and check out the daily Brain Benders.

    Have you been to visit the Carnival of the Cats yet today? No? What are you waiting for? (Lair knocked this one way out of the park!)

    From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus


    Think some people have too much time on their hands? They've got nothing on this guy.

    (Link fixed. Thanks for the heads-up, Harvey!)

    In Anticipation of St. Patrick's Day:

    The Man Who Orders Three Beers

    An Irishman by the name of Paul McLean moves into a tiny hamlet in County Kerry, walks into the pub and promptly orders three beers. The bartender raises his eyebrows, but serves the man three beers, which he drinks quietly at a table, alone. An hour later, the man has finished the three beers and orders three more. This happens yet again.

    The next evening the man again orders and drinks three beers at a time, several times.

    Soon the entire town is whispering about the Man Who Orders Three Beers.

    Finally, a week later, the bartender broaches the subject on behalf of the town.

    "I don't mean to pry, but folks around here are wondering why you always order three beers."

    "'Tis odd, isn't it?" the man replies. "You see, I have two brothers, and one went to America, and the other to Australia. We promised each other that we would always order an extra two beers whenever we drank as a way of keeping up the family bond."

    The bartender and the whole town was pleased with this answer, and soon the Man Who Orders Three Beers became a local celebrity and source of pride to the hamlet, even to the extent that out-of-towners would come to watch him drink.

    Then, one day, the man comes in and orders only two beers. The bartender pours them with a heavy heart. This continues for the rest of the evening -- he orders only two beers. Word flies around town. Prayers are offered for the soul of one of the brothers.

    The next day, the bartender says to the man, "Folks around here, me first of all, want to offer condolences to you for the death of your brother. You know -- the two beers and all..."

    The man ponders this for a moment, then replies, "You'll be happy to hear that my two brothers are alive and well. It's just that I, meself, have decided to give up drinking for Lent."

    Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he's just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised, and he's walking with a limp.

    "What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.

    "Jamie O'Connor and me had a fight," says Paddy.

    "That little sod, O'Connor," says Sean. "He couldn't do that to you. He must have had something in his hand."

    "That he did," said Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."

    "Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself. Didn't you have something in your hand?"

    "That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Connor's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."

    Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean, and Seamus, were stumbling home from the pub late one night, and found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard.

    "Come have a look over here," says Paddy. "It's Michael O'Grady's grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87."

    "That's nothing," says Sean. "Here's one named Patrick O'Toole. It says here that he was 94 when he died."

    Just then, Seamus yells out. "Good God, here's a fella that got to be 145!"

    "What was his name?" asks Paddy.

    Seamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else is written on the marker, and exclaims, "Miles, from Dublin."

    An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "where have ya been?"

    "Why, I've been to the pub, of course," slurs the drunk.

    "Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening."

    "I did all right," the drunk says, with a smile.

    "Did ya know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell our of your car?"

    "Oh, thank Heavens," said the Irishman. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."

    Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.

    "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya."

    "Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"

    "That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."

    "Oh, God, no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me..."

    "I must, Brenda. Your husband Seamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."

    Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"

    "It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness stout and drowned."

    "Oh, my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"

    "Well, no, Brenda...no. Fact is, he got out three times to pee."

    A drunk staggers into a Catholic church, enters a confessional box, sits down, but says nothing. The priest coughs a few times to get his attention, but the drunk just sits there. Finally, the priest pounds three times on the wall.

    The drunk mumbles, "Ain't no use knockin'. There's no paper on this side, either."

    Road Conditions

    This is what it looked like this morning, but a light drizzle was falling... so I expect this will be the last we see of snow for a while. (And if the rain doesn't wipe out what's last of the snow, the weatherman says the forecast for the rest of the week should do the trick.)

    Whoohoo! Looks like Spring is finally on the way!


    Tootin' the Horn

    I haven't done an update on the Princess Mom's health lately, but the news I got today was way too good not to share:
    "I saw the oncologist today and he went over my latest PET scan. He said the tumor has shrunk from over three centimeters to 2.1 centimeters, and, as far as he's concerned, that means I'm virtually cancer-free."

    Both the Princess Mom and I agreed that your prayers played a big part in her healing process.

    We thank you from the bottoms of our hearts.

    Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to do the happy dance on top of my desk...

    Traveling Companions - Part 3

    The Divine Miss Marilyn in a pensive mood.

    She fears she'll never meet her one true love up close and in purrrrrson.


    And another thing -- go visit the Furry Friday Flickr Group.

    From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus


    Tiger gave me a fit of the giggles with this joke:

    An old farmer went to town to see a movie. When he arrived at the ticket booth, the ticket agent asked, "Sir, what's that on your shoulder?"

    The old farmer said, "That there is my pet rooster, Chuck. Wherever I go, Chuck goes."

    "I'm sorry sir," said the ticket agent. "We can't allow animals in the theater."

    The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the bird down his overalls. He returned to the ticket booth, bought a ticket and entered the theater.

    He sat in the only empty seat, next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge. The movie started and soon the rooster began to squirm. The old farmer was compelled to unbutton his fly so that Chuck could stick his head out and watch the movie.

    "Marge," whispered Mildred.

    "What?" said Marge.

    "I think the guy next to me is a pervert."

    "What gives you that idea?" asked Marge.

    "He undid his pants and has his thing out," whispered Mildred.

    "Well, don't worry about it," said Marge. "At our age, it ain't like we've haven't seen 'em all."

    "I thought so, too," admitted Mildred, "but this one's eatin' my popcorn!"

    Traveling Companions - Part 2

    In traveling around the net, I located these feline links:

    (Go visit The Mows daily.)

    Pirate or Pussy? You decide. (A tip of the cap to Harrison.)

    Say WHAT? (Via Catfish. Where does he get all this stuff?)

    Potfry announces that Felix the Cat has been arrested in a kitty p()rn sting.

    What? You've never heard of a Cat Bus before?

    Find some really Fooky Cat Art here.

    Don't forget to check out weekend cat blogging over at Eatstuff, too.

    Traveling Companions - Part 1

    If there's a sunbeam...

    to be found anywhere...

    Tiger Boots...

    will be the first...

    to claim it....

    for her very own.

    (She also thinks Frisky looks pretty hot in his new beastie band.)

    P.S. -- Don't forget to visit the Friday Ark! Also, Lair is hosting the Carnival of the Cats over at Catcall (I don't know how he keeps all this straight) this Sunday evening.

    Got a cat and a blog of your own? Post a photo or story (or both) and email your link to Submissions (at) carnivalofthecats.com. (There's a prize if Lair gets over 100 submissions!)


    Is it me, or would the title of this post make a dandy name for a Bond Girl?


    You Are 26% Evil

    A bit of evil lurks in your heart, but you hide it well.

    In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil.

    (A tip of the cap to Witnit.)

    Even more true:

    You Are 48% Open Minded
    You aren't exactly open minded, but you have been known to occasionally change your mind.

    You're tolerant enough to get along with others who are very different... But you may be quietly judgmental of things or people you think are wrong.

    You take your own values pretty seriously, and it would take a lot to change them.


    From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus

    Received this from Nancy V. I thought it was appropos, since I've been featuring letters to God lately...



    This guy's blog features "the wondrously bizarre stories written by children found on elementary school classes' websites."

    Megan: I will be 100 years old in 2094. I will have brown hair and hazel eyes. I will have wrinkles. I will live in Arizona. I will be married. I will ride horses. I will write good. I won't be squiggly. For exercise I will swim. I will be married to a millionaire. I will be tall and rich. I will not like to be old.

    Read'em and laugh.

    (A tip of the cap to Joanne Jacobs.)