Tootin' the Horn

The Marathon Pundit's mom will be laid up for a while. Drop her a card, will you?
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Drive-Bys

Last year, I took a cowbell and tee shirt to Helen for Velociman.

This year, I'm thinking maybe the Straight White Guy could use a little mascot:

Whaddaya think?
_____

I found lots more cool stuff here. I know where I'll be doing a lot of my Christmas shopping this year...
_____

Rubber-Necking

This guy is just an evil influence.

I mean, first he's pushing the Chatham Artillery Punch.

Then he's explaining some unusual practices with his own usual tact and diplomacy.

Then he's gleefully scaring the willies out of poor Eric.

You'd think that would be enough, but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Now, Mr. Debonair hizzownself has decided to join in the fun by offering up Zombies of his own.

I can see it now:


Yup. They'll be howling in the hot tub, and I'll be taping the whole danged thing. If you aren't coming to Helen, you have NO idea what you're missing.
_____

Get your own custom cassette here.

(A tip of the cap to J-Walk.)
_____

P.S. -- Zonker wants you to check in here if you're planning on going!
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Bus Fumes

Our Chicago tax dollars at work. The mayor has already said he's told the police not to make this a priority. I'm sure some granola-eating PETA nut phoned it in. Durrrrrrrrr!!!
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Drive-Bys

Quote of the Day:

"What Jackson is doing is lending what prestige he retains to a terror group and a rogue state. His intentions may be pure, but the results won't be."

Too right.
_____

On Tuesdays after work, I meet my friends at Rocko's for Therapy Night. What's Therapy Night?

Drew Carey said it best:

"There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."

If you're in the neighborhood, feel free to join us!
_____

Bus Fumes

Eric thinks it's almost autumn.

I've got news for him -- it's been in the low 70's during the days and the low 60's at night for the last several days here in Chicago. It's been gloomy when we get up and gloomy when we leave the office. It's rained all day, every day -- everything from steady drizzle to monsoons and back.

In other words -- it feels like the middle of October already! Urk.
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Last night was interesting in the manner of the ancient Chinese curse.

On the 8:30 p.m. Metra train, whizzing north on the tracks between Park Ridge and Dee Road, we suddenly heard many, many automobile horns honking, and the train started to slow as it came to a major diagonal intersection. As I looked out of the window on my side of the train car, I realized that we had just passed INCHES from a car that had driven under the arm of the train crossing and was sitting squarely in the middle of the southbound track.

INCHES, people.

I have a few observations:

-- Metra conductors are incredibly cool, calm and collected in situations like this.

-- Our very young engineer got that big hunk of metal stopped very quickly. He himself was the one who got off the train and lifted the gate so the extremely frightened woman who had put herself in such a gawdawful position could back up to safety.

-- That self-same engineer tamped down his fear and his rage and acted like a complete gentleman with the git.

That would have been bad enough, but as my train was pulling in to my station this morning, we saw a guy at the next street/tracks crossing -- which is under construction -- directly in the path of my train, picked up his bicycle, ducked under the crossing gate, and crossed the tracks while the train was bearing down on him, horns blaring.

You want to feel helpless? Be in my shoes watching either of these things. I've got a headfull of snow white hair to show for it.

What in the hell is wrong with these people? Don't they know that nothing, and I mean NOTHING is worth putting your life at risk like that for??? When it comes to a match between a pedestrian or a vehicle and a train, the train is going to win. Period.

In addition, those utter fools are putting the lives of every passenger and railroad employee at risk with their selfishness. Not to mention the mental and emotional distress they inflict, even with near misses.

Do me a favor, would you? If you're late, choose to get there alive, okay? Really, I'd rather have you living and breathing than worry about your being a few minutes late. Really.

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Drive-Bys

Yikes! It's no wonder my brother doesn't want the Princess Mom to date!
_____

From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus

Just a couple of quick things that tickled my funny bone:

From Elizabeth comes this hystical news item --

When Nathan Radlich's house was burgled, thieves left his TV, his VCR, and even left his watch. What they did take was "generic white cardboard box filled with greyish-white powder." (That at least is the way the police described it.) A spokesman for the Fort Lauderdale police said, "that it looked similar to cocaine and they'd probably thought they'd hit the big time."

Then Nathan stood in front of the TV cameras and pleaded with the burglars: "Please return the cremated remains of my sister, Gertrude. She died three years ago."

Well, the next morning, the bullet-riddled corpse of a drug dealer known as Hoochie Pevens was found on Nathan's doorstep. The cardboard box was there too; about half of Gertrude's ashes remained. And there was this note. It said: "Hoochie sold us the bogus blow, so we wasted Hoochie. Sorry we snorted your sister. No hard feelings. Have a nice day."

[Of course I knew this was an urban legend. It still made me laugh!]
_____

Catfish sent me a variety of quotes commenting on the French, and their usefulness as an ally:

“France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country.”

“France has usually been governed by prostitutes.” --Mark Twain
------------------------------
"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me." --General George S. Patton
------------------------------
"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your Accordion." --Norman Schwartzkopf
------------------------------
"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it." --Marge Simpson
------------------------------
"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure." --Jacques Chirac, President of France

"As far as France is concerned, you're right." --Rush Limbaugh
------------------------------
"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is Sitting in Paris sipping coffee." --Regis Philbin
------------------------------
"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it." -- John McCain , U. S. Senator from Arizona
------------------------------
"The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag." --David Letterman
------------------------------
"Only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives in Canada." --Ted Nugent
------------------------------
"War without France would be like ... World War II." --Unknown
------------------------------
"The favorite bumper sticker in Washington D. C. right now is one that says 'First Iraq, then France.'" --Tom Brokaw
------------------------------
"What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its National will fighting against Disney World and Big Macs than the Nazis?" --Dennis Miller
------------------------------
"It is important to remember that the French have always been there when they needed us." --Alan Kent
-----------------------------
"They've taken their own precautions against al-Qa'ida. To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house." --Argus Hamilton
----------------------------
"Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being advertised on eBay the other day -- the description was, 'Never shot. Dropped once." --Rep. Roy Blunt, MO
-----------------------------
"The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found truffles in Iraq " --Dennis Miller
------------------------------
Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered the city in WWII?

A. Table for 100,000 m'sieur?
---------------- -------------
"Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris ? It's not known, it's never been tried."---Rep. R. Blount, MO
------------------------------
"Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII? And that's because it was raining." --John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv
------------------------------
The AP and UPI reported that the French Government announced after the London bombings that it has raised its terror alert level from Run to Hide. The only two higher levels in France are Surrender and Collaborate.

The rise in the alert level was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively disabling their military.
------------------------------
French Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney

(AP), Paris, March 5, 2003

The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney. The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris, caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists.

_____

Need more? He also sent this:

A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a Naval conference that included admirals from the U.S., English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a group of half dozen or so officers that included personnel from most of the countries.

Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French Admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English.

He then asked:

"Why is it that we always have to speak English at these conferences rather than speaking French?"

Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied:

"Maybe it's because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German."
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From the Sweetheart of Shell Knob, MO, come these...

Handy Cleaning Tips

Dirt
Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF factor of 15 and leave it alone.

Cobwebs
Artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If someone points out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look confused and exclaim "What? And spoil the mood?" (Or just throw glitter on them & call them holiday decorations.)

Pet Hair
Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways by claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing hand-sewn play animals for underprivileged children. (Also keeps out cold drafts in winter.)

Guests
If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one room and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy home, rattle the doorknob vigorously, fake a growl and say, "I'd love you to see our den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed and the shots are SO expensive."

Dusting
If dust is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy urn on the coffee table and insist that "This is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes."

General Cleaning
Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner with four cups of water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags in conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw yourself on the couch and sigh, "I clean and I clean and I still don't get anywhere."

As a last resort, light the oven, throw a teaspoon of cinnamon in a pie pan, turn off oven and explain that you have been baking cookies for a bake sale for a favorite charity and haven't had time to clean...Works every time.

Another favorite, I think from Erma Bombeck - always keep several get well cards on the mantle so if unexpected guests arrive, you can say you've been sick and unable to clean.

(I like the way she thinks!)
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Drive-Bys

Hey, wait a minute! I want to be one of these. I think it must be Kizmet.

Saint Omnibus III has a nice ring to it, don't you think?

Well, it does!

(And if you don't like it, just kiss my... ring.)
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Tootin' the Horn

Here's a little Birthday Beefcake for my Blog Sistah, Moogie! We'll celebrate it in style when we get here again:

(BTW -- Does OWW know what he's in for???)

Big hugs!
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Traveling Companions

I miss Tiger Boots today and every day. (Even though she'd never admit it, I think The Divine Miss Marilyn does, too.)
_____

Don't forget to visit the Modulator for the Friday Ark and the Carnival of the Cats, to be hosted this Sunday evening at eatstuff's Weekend Cat Blogging.

Update: Dunno what happened (my bad or someone else's?), but the CoC is actually up at Catymology.
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Please note a new addition to Da Cool Cats listed in my blogroll. A hearty welcome to Cats Me If You Can!
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One more thing -- If you haven't already joined the Cat Lover's Community, stop by The Conservative Cat and sign yourself up!
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Tootin' the Horn

The Sweetheart of Shell Knob, MO gets beautiful views like this every day. Happy birthday from one swingin' chick to another!
_____

Drive-Bys

The Beloit College Class of 2010 Mindset List is up.

"Members of the class of 2010, entering college this fall, were mostly born in 1988. For them: Billy Carter, Lucille Ball, Gilda Radner, Billy Martin, Andy Gibb, and Secretariat have always been dead."

Fascinating!
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The 25 Most Important Questions in the History of the Universe are answered here at Neatorama.

Cool stuff.
_____

Don't tell my brother or my nephew about this, m'kay? There's no doubt in my mind they'd both be making a beeline for this joint for some new ink.

On the other hand, I've got to admit that it's kind of intriguing. How cool to be able get a tattoo that could only be seen in black light?
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Rubber-Necking

I hear a whooshing sound, too. It's caused by the lack of gray matter in between that guy's ears and the amount of hot air expelled from his piehole as a result.
_____

Update: Apparently there's a guy who's even more stoopid than Da Judge.

I just don't get it...
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Bus Fumes

I'm not quite sure which set of parents I want to strangle more in this stupid lawsuit -- the ones that sent their 14-year old kid to school with $335 worth of iPod and then sued the kid she loaned it to who subsequently left it where it could be (and was) stolen -- OR -- the parents who'd rather let their child be sued than admit she had a good chunk of responsibility for what happened.

In both cases, the messages that these parents are sending is horrible. The parents of little Shannon ought to be punishing her for being careless with her belongings and making her buy a new iPod out of her own money. The parents of little Stephanie should be making the darling child offer at least partial, if not full restitution -- not because she's legally responsible, but because she's morally responsible.

Would you want your kids to think that they can recoup losses due to their own carelessness by suing every time they had something lost or stolen? Or would you want them to learn responsibility for their own possessions and actions?

The parents all need some common sense (is that becoming an oxymoron?) knocked into them. And the kids need some parents with some real discipline skills.

Sometimes I fear for the next generation. I really do.
_____

And I suppose whoever did this thought they were being funny. Idiots!
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Drive-Bys

Quote of the day: "Scars are knots that hold the entire world together."
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Elizabeth says that we don't need one of these to entertain our kitties. The plain, old-fashioned variety provides entertainment enough!
_____

The truth hurts:

You Are 48% Control Freak

Generally, you are in control but not a control freak. Your life is usually in order. However, sometimes you get too obsessed with making everything in your life picture perfect.

Are You A Control Freak?

In fact, I come from a long line of control freaks, but am the mildest of the bunch.
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Let's hope this, on the other hand, is not true:

You Are Changing Leaves

Pretty, but soon dead.

What Part of Fall Are You?

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You Are a Glazed Donut

Okay, you know that you're plain - and you're cool with that. You prefer not to let anything distract from your sweetness. Your appeal is understated yet universal. Everyone digs you. And in a pinch, you'll probably get eaten.

What Donut Are You?

No comment. (No. I'm just not going there.)
_____

One more thing:

Your Wrestler Name Is...

Miss Chaos

What's Your Wrestler Name?

Heh.
_____

PSA

Two of the big health concerns in my family are cancer and diabetes -- Dad and the Princess Mom have had both. It stands to reason then, that I always sponsor friends who walk, run, bike or do whatever the current "thon" is for one of these causes.

I particularly like to sponsor Jeff, who is walking in honor of his own dad. Go drop $5 bucks or so in the cup, will ya? Every donation, no matter how small, counts!
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Drive-Bys

Well...

You've Changed 44% in 10 Years

You've done a good job changing with the times, but deep down, you're still the same person. You're clothes, job, and friends may have changed some - but it hasn't changed you.

How Much Have You Changed in 10 Years?

This is probably true, except for my taste in furniture and furnishings... which has changed radically!

(A tip of the cap to Jay Solo.)
_____

Drive-Bys

Let's see if you can guess which image in this post had me cackling like a loon all afternoon?
_____

It's Friday afternoon, and I'm sitting in my cubicle.

(A tip of the cap to Shari, who really made my day with this.)
_____

Traveling Companions

The Divine Miss Marilyn says...

"Hi, everybody!"


"It's been a while, hasn't it?"


"Did you miss me?"
_____

Note: She sends special greetings to her favorite star of stage and screen!
_____

The Divine Miss Marilyn also encourages you to visit the Modulator for the 100th edition of the Friday Ark (Thanks, Steve for all that hard work!) and the Carnival of the Cats, to be hosted this Sunday evening by Red Peonies. In fact, go back and visit last week's CotC hosted by none other than Hakuna and Matata, owners of Mr. Debonair his own self!
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More adventures with "toof paste" here. Just try and keep a straight face. I dare you.
_____

Tootin' the Horn

According to Venomous Kate, the countdown has begun -- Baby Blight will be making an entrance shortly. Yahoo!
_____

Update: It's a boy! Much happiness and best wishes to everyone at Chez Blight.
_____

Drive-Bys

Blame T1G for this name numerology thingamabob:

There are 21 letters in your name.
Those 21 letters total to 105
There are 8 vowels and 13 consonants in your name.

Your number is: 6

The characteristics of #6 are: Responsibility, protection, nurturing, community, balance, sympathy.

The expression or destiny for #6:
The number 6 Expression provides you a truly outstanding sense of responsibility, love, and balance. The 6 is helpful and ever conscientious, making you quite capable of rectifying and balancing any sort of inharmonious situation. You are a person very much inclined to give help and comfort to those in need. You have a natural penchant for working with the old, the young, the sick, or the underprivileged. Although you may have considerable creative and artistic talents, the chances are that you will devote yourself to an occupation that shows concern for the betterment of the community.

The positive side of the number 6 suggests that you are very loving, friendly, and appreciative of others. You have a depth of understanding that produces much sympathetic, kindness, and generosity. The qualities of the 6 make the finest and most concerned parent and one often deeply involved in domestic activities. Openness and honesty is apparent in your approach to all relationships.

If there is an excess of the number 6 in your makeup, you may exhibit some of the negative traits associated with this number. There may be a tendency for you to be too exacting and demanding of yourself. In this regard, you may at times sacrifice yourself (or your loved ones) for the welfare of others. In some cases, the over zealous 6 has difficulty distinguishing helping from interfering. You may have difficulty expressing your own individuality, because of involvement with responsibilities and causes. Like all with the Expression of the number 6, it's quite likely that you worry much too much.

Your Soul Urge number is: 5

A Soul Urge number of 5 means:
The 5 soul urge or motivation would like to follow a life of freedom, excitement, adventure and unexpected happening. The idea of travel and freedom to roam intrigues you. You are very much the adventurer at heart. Not particularly concerned about your future or about getting ahead, you can seem superficial and unmotivated.

In a positive sense, the energies of the number 5 make you very adaptable and versatile. You have a natural resourcefulness and enthusiasm that may mark you as a progressive with a good mind and active imagination. You seem to have a natural inclination to be a pace-setter. You are attracted to the unusual and the fast paced.

You may be overly restless and impatient at times. You may dislike the routine work that you are engaged in, and tend to jump from activity to activity, without ever finishing anything. You may have difficulty with responsibility. You don't want to be tied down to a relationship, and it may be hard to commit to one person.

Your Inner Dream number is: 1

An Inner Dream number of 1 means:
You dream of being a leader and one who is in charge. You want to be known for your courage, daring, and original ideas. You seek unconquered heights. People may get a first impression that you are very aggressive and sure of yourself.

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If this doesn't speak the truth, I don't know what does.
_____

Rubber-Necking

I wish I'd been a fly on the wall for "The great toof brushing 'speriment"! I laughed myself silly over this.
_____

This, on the other hand, was an image I could have lived without. Forever.
_____

Then again, I'd pay good money to bear witness to JimmyB delivering this line: "You're a feminist? Well, isn't that cute!"
_____

Drive-Bys

John Ruberry reports that Jesse Jackson has called for the release of the two IDF soldiers kidnapped by Hezbollah. Personally, I wish he'd just offer himself up in an exchange for the hostages.

Jesse Jackson.

Meh.
_____

I've finally stopped giggling long enough to share BabsRN's handy-dandy list of medical acronyms.

Part I

Part II

Part III

You do not want to find yourself anywhere on that list if you show up in the ER!
_____

There was an article entitled "What's the best strategy? Dead money vs. small ball" in this week's edition of Beep.

I've obviously been hanging around this guy far too long, as I read "Dead monkey" instead of "Dead money". Sheesh.
_____

Drive-Bys

My Jawja Blown-Eyed Blodgmeet t-shirt arrived today. Hooray!

(A word to any of the ladies who are considering placing an order -- these suckers run small. Order at least a size larger than you normally would unless you want everyone to be able to tell bra- and cup-size and brand of chestular underpinnings at a glance.)
_____

Rubber-Necking

Nancy V. sent me this lovely little item, with a note that our kitties would adore one:
That may be true, but I'm afraid I'd either be arrested for contributing to the delinquency of a fishy... or cruelty to animals.
_____

Tootin' the Horn

The nice thing about birthday celebrations is that sometimes they last for several days. Like this year, for instance!

Mine really took off on Friday (er, I mean SATURDAY) evening, when hooked up with my BlogDaddy and his lovely (and feisty) mom for dinner downtown. After a lovely dinner and dessert, we walked his mom back to their hotel, then headed out to one of my all-time favorite hangouts for cocktails and conversation.


Much as I HATE having my picture taken, I love and adore my BlogDaddy, and couldn't resist the opportunity to show him off. Besides, it's easy to loosen your inhibitions when you're sitting in a 5 a.m. bar... [Kevin, smooches to you and your mom. It was a fabulous evening!]

Sunday found me taking the Sainted Sister-In-Law and TBMCITW...

...to lunch at this Des Plaines institution...

...then we drove a few miles south to see The Wiggles...

... in order to celebrate TMBCITW's fourth birthday one week ago. I don't have kids and I'd never seen the Wiggles before, but must admit that my toes were tapping and I was as enthusiastically noisy as the rest of the kids and parents in the Arena. It's a bright, colorful, singing and dancing extravaganza that you really shouldn't miss if you have small children.

Later yesterday evening, I pointed the Sportage south towards Naperville, where I hooked up The Princess Mom. TPM's eagle eye had spotted a couple of lamps at bargain prices at the local Tuesday Morning, so of course we had to make a little side trip before hitting our dinner reservation at this place. (The lamps weren't quite what I was looking for, but I scored throw pillows for the living room -- yahoo!)

I've gotta tell you, my mom rocks. She may drive me crazy from time to time, but only when she showers me with an overabundance of kindness. (Yeah. Life is tough when you can complain about that, isn't it?) Dinner was outstanding, and conversation even better.

Just when I thought it wasn't possible to have any better birthday, look what TPM sent me today:


Like I said, my mom rocks.

Thanks for all the words of kindness from around the blogosphere, as well. A gal couldn't ask for nicer friends!
_____

Drive-Bys

Why can't more judges be like this? She's created an elegant solution to a knotty (naughty?) problem.
_____

Whoa!

Your Values Profile

Loyalty: You value loyalty a fair amount. You're loyal to your friends... to a point. But if they cross you, you will reconsider your loyalties. Staying true to others is important to you, but you also stay true to yourself. Honesty: You value honesty a fair amount. You're honest when you can be, but you aren't a stickler for it. If a little white lie will make a situation more comfortable, you'll go for it. In the end, you mostly care about "situational integrity." Generosity: You value generosity highly. So much so that you often put your own needs last. There's nothing wrong with having a caring heart... But you may want to rethink your "open wallet" policy. Humility: You value humility highly. You have the self-confidence to be happy with who you are. And you don't need to seek praise to make yourself feel better. You're very modest, and you're keep the drama factor low. Tolerance: You value tolerance highly. Not only do you enjoy the company of those very different from you... You do all that you can to seek it out interesting and unique friends. You think there are many truths in life, and you're open to many of them.

The Five Factor Values Test

(Via the lovely Christine. I'm going to have to purchase some of her artwork, and soon. It's just too gorgeous to resist.)
_____

Tootin' the Horn

So what's the best part of having another birthday?




Getting to share cupcakes...


















... With a couple of my favorite sweet treats!











TMBCITW says: "Enough birthday talk! More cupcakes already!"















_____

Holy moly! I've been Livey-lanched, Cripple-lanched and Bad Example-lanched all in one day. Each a lovely birthday gift, indeed. Big smooches to all three! (My site meter will never be the same!)
_____

Drive-Bys

From somewhere up in heaven, Old Crankypants is gleefully pointing a finger and saying, "See! I told you they're evil!"

As for me, I say this is a pretty damned far-fetched theory. Seems to me it takes opposable thumbs to turn on a stove, or am I wrong?
_____

Headline of the Day: "Awkward Moments Abound in Penis Pump Trial"

Ya think?
_____

Tootin' the Horn

My BlogDaddy is rolling into town from Pittsburgh tomorrow with his mama in tow. They're going to hit the old neighborhood to check in with the regulars tomorrow night. Saturday night, they're taking me to dinner for my birthday (actual date, tomorrow).

This funny exchange ensued in our emails back and forth to set plans in place:

KGB: I'm looking forward to another of our long talks, assuming I can get mom to bed at a reasonable hour. She's a real party animal...

OD: Who knows? Mom might have some interesting things to say, too!

KGB: That's what concerns me. ;-)

OD: It could be worse. I could bring my mom, too.

It really is too frightening to consider… (especially since I intend to find out whether he's avenged the Pope again any time recently...)

Whoohoo! Dinner with my BlogDaddy!
_____

P.S. -- I'm seriously considering ordering one of these for him for his birthday. Heh!
_____

Rubber-Necking

Quote of the day:

"Half full bottle of Vodka, CD with childrens songs made by prisoners already in the Ohio penal system. An aspiring singer maybe? That dude is nuts. Just nuts. He cannot possibly be playing with a full deck. 4 loaded guns, not 1, not 2, but 4 loaded guns, one an AK. And he wasn’t even at a Blogmeet."

I love Redneck! He speaks truth.
_____

Speaking of blogmeets, looks like V-Man's monkey is ready for Helen:


In fact, looks like he's already been hitting the Chatham Artillery Punch. (You can tell by the glazed-over eyes. We all kind of look like that after about 3 cups of the evil brew.)
_____

Bus Fumes

Quote of the day:

"Want more attention for your honor students? Let them hold up a liquor store."

And the sad part? It's true.
_____

Drive-Bys

My own love poem? Just look:

Once More, My Love

This night I shall dream of your great tomato marginal peony.
Once again, this night as all nights, I long to sip from your mandolin-pink lips.
In my dreams we fly on the exquisite aardvarking blue-footed booby thong of love, skimming vast continents of bookends and nostrils.
The seas shall never separate our Red Bulls.
Its waters wave like small pinkie angels greeting us from afar.
We shall feast on chocolate-coated left sock and tender Bangkok hearts of love.
Adorned in white silk, we pluck our whispers from our peonies.
I shall hold your mandolin against my pinkie-muffin so that our Red Bulls melt into one.
You will always be my little babble-ie face, the mandolin of my puce eye of love.

Write Your Own Love Poem Here.

(Don't blame me. Blame the Chai-Rista.)
_____

Man! I can think of a boatload of fruits and nuts who should be on a steady regimen of these.
_____

Chartered Excursions -- Helen, GA

Mr. Debonair has been a busy, busy boy. He's already got the t-shirts for sale. Just look:


(Of course I've already ordered mine! After all, it's for a great cause.)
_____

Are you coming to Helen, too?
_____

Drive-Bys

You Should Rule Mercury

Close to sun, Mercury has very long days - and is rarely visible to the rest of the solar system. You are perfect to rule Mercury, because you live for the present - and can truly enjoy a day that goes on forever. Like Mercury, you are quick and elusive. Your wit is outstanding, and you can win any verbal sparring match. Some people see you as superficial, but in truth, you just play many roles and have many interests. A great manipulator, you usually get what you want from people. And they're happy to give it to you.

What Planet Should You Rule?

(A tip of the cap to Deb, and for the one below, to her husband, Jay.)
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You Are A Poplar Tree

People tend to look up to you, and it's a bit lonely at the top. Inside, you are not always self confident, but you show great courage. Mature and organized, you are reliable in any situation. You tend to have an artistic or philosophical outlook on life. You are very choosy in love and take partnership seriously.

What's Your Celtic Horoscope?

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Rubber-Necking

Headline of the Day: "Paris Hilton to Magazine: I'm Celibate"

Right.

And I'm the Queen of England.

Sigh.

When will the media stop giving that little twit the time of day?
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Quote of the Day:

"Allow me to explain the business model of a cruise ship. When you set sail, the ship has a billion tons of food and a few thousand humans. The cruise company’s objective is to end the cruise with something on the order of one leftover cupcake and a billion tons of feces. I’m fairly certain that if that goal is not met, a busboy from Mozambique is thrown overboard as a warning to the other crew members." -- Scott Adams

Having been on more than one cruise ship, I can unequivocably confirm that he is correct.
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Update: This would have been the quote of the day, if I hadn't read the above post first. (Spit-take advisory in effect.)
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I saw a vanity plate this weekend that said "MAMAMRY".

Remove one letter, and the State of Illinois would have had some 'splaining to do.

Let's just say it took me a second read-through to figure out what I think it really means, not what I thought it said at first glance.

In either case, how strange.
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Tootin' the Horn

One of the kids I work with is heading off to the University of Chicago to work on his MBA. It'll be mighty quiet in the cubes without him. Dammit.

Cool runnings, Zach!
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Drive-Bys

Just in case you were wondering...

You Are a Lace Bra!

Dreamy, romantic, and ultra-feminine You're a womanly woman who makes guys feel like men Your perfect guy is strong, determined, and handsome, with a softer side that only you can draw out

What Kind of Bra Are You?

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You might as well also know that...

You are Bettie Page

Girl next door with a wild streak You're a famous beauty - with unique look And the people like you are cultish about it

What Famous Pinup Are You?

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And finally, this fair warning:

You Are 42% Bitchy

Generally, you're an average woman, with average moods. But sometimes... well, watch out! Sometimes, you let your mean side get the better of you. And you enjoy every minute of it.

How Bitchy Are You?

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Ron Coleman at Dean's World wants to know who's eating all those eggs at Waffle House?















TMBCITW, for one!
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Drive-Bys

You Are a Centaur

In general, you are a very cautious and reserved person. However, you are also warm hearted, and you enjoy helping others in practical ways. You are a great teacher, and you are really good at helping people get their lives in order. You are very intuitive, and you go with your gut. You make good decisions easily.

What Mythological Creature Are You?

(A tip of the cap to Pammy.)
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Rubber-Necking

I'm thinking this guy would fit right in with those wacky guys and gals at Code Pink. After all, his presence is vibrant and pink... very pink.

(A tip of the cap to my BlogDaddy for the best laugh I've had all day.)

May the farce be with you.
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Chartered Excursions -- Helen, GA

Yup -- it's true.

I'm going back to the scene of the crime.

Today I got me a reservation at the Chalet Kristy. (Note to anyone who's still comtemplating attending -- only two rooms left as of this afternoon. Call now!)

And then I got a seat on one of these:




(A tip of the cap to jetphotos.net.)





I got MY ticket:













Go on over and get one of your own!
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