Meghan sent this not-to-be-missed story of women and public rest rooms:
My mother was a fanatic about public bathrooms. When I was a little girl, she'd take me into the stall, teach me to wad up toilet paper and wipe the seat. Then, she'd carefully lay strips of toilet paper to cover the seat. Finally, she'd instruct, "Never, NEVER sit on a public toilet seat. Then she'd demonstrate "The Stance," which consisted of balancing over the toilet in a sitting position without actually letting any of your flesh make contact with the toilet seat. By this time, I'd have wet down my leg and we'd have to go home to change my clothes.
Even now, in my more "mature years, "The Stance" is excruciatingly difficult to maintain, especially when one's bladder is full.
When you have to "go" in a public bathroom, you usually find a line of of women that makes you think there's a half-price sale on Nelly's underwear in there. So, you wait and smile politely at all the other ladies, who are also crossing their legs and smiling politely. You get closer and check for feet under the stall doors. Every one is occupied. Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.
You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter. The dispenser for the new fangled "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook if there was one - but there isn't - so you carefully but quickly hang it around your neck (mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume "The Stance."
Ahhhh, relief. More relief. But then your thighs begin to shake. You'd love to sit down but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance" as your thighs experience a quake that would register an eight on the Richter scale. To take your mind off of your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if! you would have tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!"
Your thighs shake more. You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It is still smaller than your thumbnail. Someone pushes open your stall door because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backwardagainst the tank of the toilet. "Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle, and sliding down, directly onto the insidious toilet seat. You bolt up quickly, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because You never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly ashamed of you if she knew, because you're certain that her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get."
By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is soconfused that it flushes, sending up a stream of water akin to a fountain that suddenly sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged off to China.At that point, you give up. You're soaked by the splashing water. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket, then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past a line of women, still waiting, cross-legged and, at this point, no longer able to smile politely.
One kind soul at the very end of the line points out that you are trailing a piece of toilet paper on your shoe as long as the Mississippi River! (Where was it when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this."
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has since entered, used and exited the men's restroom and read a copy of War and Peace while waiting for you. Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?"
This is dedicated to women everywhere who have ever had to deal with a public restroom (rest??? you've got to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked question about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other woman can hold the door and hand you Kleenex under the door.
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The Campaign Trail
Does anyone care what Jesse Jackson wants? He really must be joking.
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How did Kerry do in his acceptance speech? You do the math. (Tip of the cap to the Instapundit.)
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The last word on Sandy Berger's pants and the 9/11 Commission. Great insight into a particularly troublesome problem.
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I know it's perverse, but this made me laugh. A lot.
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And a brief word to President Bush: I don't want to hear what a terrible guy Kerry is. I want to hear what makes you a better candidate than he is. I want to vote for a candidate, not against a candidate I just can't stand.
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How did Kerry do in his acceptance speech? You do the math. (Tip of the cap to the Instapundit.)
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The last word on Sandy Berger's pants and the 9/11 Commission. Great insight into a particularly troublesome problem.
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I know it's perverse, but this made me laugh. A lot.
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And a brief word to President Bush: I don't want to hear what a terrible guy Kerry is. I want to hear what makes you a better candidate than he is. I want to vote for a candidate, not against a candidate I just can't stand.
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Rubber-Necking
Either she doesn't care, or she's just to stupid to get it. How many days, minutes, hours to probation violation time? Place your bets.
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Giddyup, go! (At least the upkeep costs less than a polo pony.)
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Giddyup, go! (At least the upkeep costs less than a polo pony.)
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The Breakdown Lane
I've had two bad pieces of news in one day, so blogging will resume tomorrow. Please do me a favor and say a prayer for the following people: 1) Cheryl, for the loss of her beloved dog Carmel, and 2) the Borra family -- my friend Victor died of brain cancer this morning. My heart goes out to all of them.
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Bus Fumes
Another example of the "anyone's fault but mine" approach to life. Feh.
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Spoons has a recap of what is known about the scare in the air incident. Read it all, but especially the link to Heather Wilhelm on the Syrian Wayne Newton. Scary stuff, indeed.
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Spoons has a recap of what is known about the scare in the air incident. Read it all, but especially the link to Heather Wilhelm on the Syrian Wayne Newton. Scary stuff, indeed.
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Rubber-Necking
And just how long do we think she's going to last in this program? Wagers, anyone?
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Bye-bye, Rocco! (Wasn't that a fun train wreck to watch while it lasted?)
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You know I have a thing about doing stupid things in front of a camera. Why in the world would Kerry do this to himself? By crikey, he's making Dukakis' photo blunder look tame in comparison.
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Bye-bye, Rocco! (Wasn't that a fun train wreck to watch while it lasted?)
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You know I have a thing about doing stupid things in front of a camera. Why in the world would Kerry do this to himself? By crikey, he's making Dukakis' photo blunder look tame in comparison.
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Wide Open Spaces
The race is on. The date is September 29th. The prize? The Ansari X-Prize. The standards are higher than NASA has ever had to meet. God bless entrepreneurial ingenuity and elbow-grease.
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China is looking for a few good women. They're starting them off young, too.
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It's about time NASA came up with a fix. But will it really work?
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China is looking for a few good women. They're starting them off young, too.
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It's about time NASA came up with a fix. But will it really work?
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The Campaign Trail
I haven't made up my mind on a presidential candidate, but I know who I'm voting for for Senator from Illinois. I don't always agree with his politics. In fact, I frequently don't. But he was mentored by Paul Simon, for whom I have always had great respect. And he reminds me a lot of Hubert Humphrey -- a far left liberal, but a damned decent human being. (The only Democrat my mother has ever voted for, BTW.)
I developed a lot of respect for Obama during the Ryan kerfuffle here in Illinois. Instead of pulling out the stops and doing a lot of finger-pointing, Obama went far out of his way to stay silent on that matter. He focused on his own campaign issues. And he has never publicly gloated over the GOP's seeming inability to find another candidate to run against him. The man has great character, and that's what's important to me. I believe that he will be a credit to the State of Illinois and to the U.S. Senate when he's elected.
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Somebody needs to get a grip. And a sense of humor. Sheesh.
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Miscellaneous Meanderings
Did somebody align the planets just right this week?
The Most Beautiful Child in the World (TMBCITW) has my name down pat now: "Aun-tee Wes-ree!" Her favorite new word for prefacing any sentence is "ack-shu-lee". She'll be two on Tuesday. Brilliant and beautiful. Life is sweet.
Work has been busy and productive. Great, in fact.
A friend's (from my after work joint) boss, who never even acknowledges my existence, let alone my name, stopped to say goodnight last night. Gave me a hug. Called me "Sweet Cheeks." SWEET CHEEKS??? Holy Mother of God, what's happening here?!?
The topper? I had a date last night. One that I didn't want to run away from immediately. One where I didn't want to punch the guy. Not even once. (I really hate dating.) Great guy. Fabulous restaurant. Thank you. May I have another?
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The Most Beautiful Child in the World (TMBCITW) has my name down pat now: "Aun-tee Wes-ree!" Her favorite new word for prefacing any sentence is "ack-shu-lee". She'll be two on Tuesday. Brilliant and beautiful. Life is sweet.
Work has been busy and productive. Great, in fact.
A friend's (from my after work joint) boss, who never even acknowledges my existence, let alone my name, stopped to say goodnight last night. Gave me a hug. Called me "Sweet Cheeks." SWEET CHEEKS??? Holy Mother of God, what's happening here?!?
The topper? I had a date last night. One that I didn't want to run away from immediately. One where I didn't want to punch the guy. Not even once. (I really hate dating.) Great guy. Fabulous restaurant. Thank you. May I have another?
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Bus Fumes
Kim du Toit is a lot farther to the right than I am on most things... but we agree there needs to be more -- and far better -- support for the military. Kim has done such a damn fine job ranting about it that I don't have to do it myself today.
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Rats! Now I can't fume about it any more. She's back! (Yay!)
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Ah, karma. It's a beautiful thing.
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Rats! Now I can't fume about it any more. She's back! (Yay!)
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Ah, karma. It's a beautiful thing.
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Wide Open Spaces
Cassini is sending back photos of Enseladus, Mimas (kind of looks like the Death Star, no?) and Titan.
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Rubber-Necking
I can't imagine a worse punishment than having to tell your mother you were stupid enough to do this. I would have been dead, deader, deadest if I'd ever even entertained a thought of doing something that idiotic. The woman with the fastest and most accurately-applied wooden spoon on the planet would have made sure of it.
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This guy is almost certainly a traffic-stopper!
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This guy is almost certainly a traffic-stopper!
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From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus
Here's Denny's Monday Pun... because Jan would be so disappointed if I didn't link to it.
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Word is out that Sadaam is munching muffins and writing poetry in prison. Atomizer unveils Sadaam's first Haiku. Michele has his first full-length poem. There's a contest over at the Command Post. I'll be looking for your entries!
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Word is out that Sadaam is munching muffins and writing poetry in prison. Atomizer unveils Sadaam's first Haiku. Michele has his first full-length poem. There's a contest over at the Command Post. I'll be looking for your entries!
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Book Your Ticket
Pejman reviews "My Life" by Bill Clinton. His review is almost as long as the book... but much more entertaining, I'd guess.
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My birthday's coming up soon. I'm putting this on my wish list. I could care less about Bill Clinton and his living duality. THIS book sounds like it has some real meat to it.
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My birthday's coming up soon. I'm putting this on my wish list. I could care less about Bill Clinton and his living duality. THIS book sounds like it has some real meat to it.
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Roadside Diversions
Carnival of the Khakis, Vol. 4
We know what Sandy stuffed into his pants. But what did he take out of his trousers? (And isn't that a scary thought!)
Berger not well done?
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We know what Sandy stuffed into his pants. But what did he take out of his trousers? (And isn't that a scary thought!)
Berger not well done?
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Bus Fumes
Who in their right mind would ever want to move to California? You can't smoke indoors and you can't smoke outdoors (but it's still legal to sell cigarettes, buy cigarettes and smoke cigarettes). Now Californians demonstrate that not only are they self-righteous prigs, but they also have no sense of humor. Oops! I forgot that the Governator proved that very point just last week. What's next?
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Pejman takes Arafat to task for talking out of both sides of his mouth on the Israeli wall issue.
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Acidman and Acidaughter on a tag-team rant. Total smackdown!
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Pejman takes Arafat to task for talking out of both sides of his mouth on the Israeli wall issue.
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Acidman and Acidaughter on a tag-team rant. Total smackdown!
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The Campaign Trail
Quite frankly, this bothers me, too. When JFK Jr.'s plane went down, we had 24/7 coverage. But we can't get more coverage on something that's going to affect this country for at least the next four years??? Maybe if the Dem's would give up asking to minimize the Bush-bashing the media would have something juicy enough to cover. Sad, isn't it?
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If big media won't cover the campaign adequately, the blogosphere is set to step in and take care of covering the conventions. More info on blogger coverage from the WSJ here.
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So THAT explains all the Bush-hating...
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Dean asks tough questions.
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If big media won't cover the campaign adequately, the blogosphere is set to step in and take care of covering the conventions. More info on blogger coverage from the WSJ here.
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So THAT explains all the Bush-hating...
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Dean asks tough questions.
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Rubber-Necking
Would you be caught dead driving one of these? Sounds like "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" hits the real world. It's bad enough when a driver displays road rage. I really don't need to see it in the "body language" of the car, as well.
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Wide Open Spaces
NASA is ready to launch the first mission to Mercury in 30 years.
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The International Space Station will be expanded by the end of the decade. 16 countries are partnered in this effort, yet only the Russians seem to be able to get people safely back and forth to the station. What's wrong with this picture?
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The International Space Station will be expanded by the end of the decade. 16 countries are partnered in this effort, yet only the Russians seem to be able to get people safely back and forth to the station. What's wrong with this picture?
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From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus
Nobody does irony better than Kim Du Toit. Nobody.
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Did you ever read "The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio"? She's got nothing on this story from Elizabeth:
Milk
When opening a can of Carnation evaporated milk for your recipes just smile and think of this.
A little old lady from North Carolina had worked in and around her family dairy farms since she was old enough to walk... with hours of hard work and little compensation. When canned Carnation Milk became available in grocery stores, she read an advertisement offering $5,000 for the best slogan/rhyme beginning with "Carnation Milk is best of all...." and she said, I know all about milk and dairy farms...I can do this!
She sent in her entry, and about a week later, a black limo drove up in front of her house... a man got out and said, "Carnation LOVED your entry so much, we are here to award you $1000, even though we will not be able to use it...."
Here is her entry:
Carnation milk is best of all,
no tits to pull, no hay to haul
no buckets to wash, no shit to pitch,
just poke a hole in the son-of-a-bitch!
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Did you ever read "The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio"? She's got nothing on this story from Elizabeth:
Milk
When opening a can of Carnation evaporated milk for your recipes just smile and think of this.
A little old lady from North Carolina had worked in and around her family dairy farms since she was old enough to walk... with hours of hard work and little compensation. When canned Carnation Milk became available in grocery stores, she read an advertisement offering $5,000 for the best slogan/rhyme beginning with "Carnation Milk is best of all...." and she said, I know all about milk and dairy farms...I can do this!
She sent in her entry, and about a week later, a black limo drove up in front of her house... a man got out and said, "Carnation LOVED your entry so much, we are here to award you $1000, even though we will not be able to use it...."
Here is her entry:
Carnation milk is best of all,
no tits to pull, no hay to haul
no buckets to wash, no shit to pitch,
just poke a hole in the son-of-a-bitch!
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Roadside Diversions
Carnival of the Khakis, Vol. 3
- Sandy Berger not worthy of the job under Clinton?
- Sticky fingers?
- Pejman on the pantscapade
- Quotes from Star Wars? (Tip of the cap to Pejman.)
- There's a party going on right here
- "I don't know." "Third base."
- Spin cycle
- Memo to Sandy
- Pants competition?
- Co-inky-dink, do ya think?
- Lanny the Leaker
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Carnival of the Liberated -- The best of the Iraqi blogs this week.
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The Campaign Trail
A card-carrying Democrat takes his party to task. Man, I just love sharing good writing like this. Clear, thoughtful, incisive.
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Sorry. Just. Couldn't. Resist.
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Sorry. Just. Couldn't. Resist.
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From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus
Marian sent this little test. I got all but one correct. How about you?
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I've offered Elizabeth a set of spare keys to the 'Bus, but I don't think she's ready to head off the e-mail trail like yours truly. Anyway, she's shared another funny:
A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the desert without water.
His horse has already died of thirst. He's crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden, he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him. He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an old brief case.
He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie. She is wearing an Internal Revenue Service, ID badge and a dull gray dress. There's a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil tucked behind one ear.
"Well, cowboy," says the genie... "You know how I work. You have three wishes."
"I'm not falling for this." Says the man. "I'm not going to trust an IRS auditor genie."
"What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway!"
The man thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right. "OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and drink." ***POOF*** The cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen. He is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.
"OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish."
"My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams." ***POOF*** The man finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.
"OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!"
After thinking for a few minutes, the man says.. "I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me." ***POOF*** He is turned into a tampon.
The moral of the story: If the government offers you anything, there's going to be a string attached.
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I've offered Elizabeth a set of spare keys to the 'Bus, but I don't think she's ready to head off the e-mail trail like yours truly. Anyway, she's shared another funny:
A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the desert without water.
His horse has already died of thirst. He's crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden, he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him. He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an old brief case.
He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie. She is wearing an Internal Revenue Service, ID badge and a dull gray dress. There's a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil tucked behind one ear.
"Well, cowboy," says the genie... "You know how I work. You have three wishes."
"I'm not falling for this." Says the man. "I'm not going to trust an IRS auditor genie."
"What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway!"
The man thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right. "OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and drink." ***POOF*** The cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen. He is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.
"OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish."
"My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams." ***POOF*** The man finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.
"OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!"
After thinking for a few minutes, the man says.. "I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me." ***POOF*** He is turned into a tampon.
The moral of the story: If the government offers you anything, there's going to be a string attached.
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Book Your Ticket
My sister and I adored these books, as well. Hmmmm... Guess I'll have to put them on the library list for TMBCITW.
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I read this about a year ago, and it was very moving. Add my condolences to the list, Mr. Kondrake. And thanks for telling your story so bravely and movingly.
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I read this about a year ago, and it was very moving. Add my condolences to the list, Mr. Kondrake. And thanks for telling your story so bravely and movingly.
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Security Screening
Spoons says we should be keeping our guard up. This guy, on the other hand, seems to think that in this particular case, we're all over-reacting on the one hand, and not acting enough on the other. Sorry, Clinton, but I think you've got it backwards. We should still be scared and suspicious. They are passengers on American airplanes, not the other way around. If we arrest people because they make a joke about a bomb, why shouldn't we hold those acting abnormally to the same high standard of suspicion? As an infrequent air traveler, I want security screeners to be able to do their jobs, instead of having their hands tied by not being able to take a hard look at those guys. When did it become acceptable to only protect ourselves when danger is imminent, rather than prevent the danger altogether? When did we get so politically correct that we load the weapon and politely offer it to the enemy who wants to train it on us the most?
God Bless Will Collier, who's even more adamant than I am.
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God Bless Will Collier, who's even more adamant than I am.
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Traveling Companions
Cyclist Tyler Hamilton pays tribute to his true life traveling companion. Get out your hankies. (Tip of the cap to Mich at Tonecluster.)
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Roadside Diversions
Carnival of the Khakis, Vol. 2:
- The Instapundit gives Karl Rove a little advice... suggests Kerry was clueless... and wrinkles his nose at the idea that Berger made an inadvertent error
- Pejman pontificates on Pantscapade
- Chris Muir submits the Sandy Berger defense
- Hell, no -- Bill won't go
- Roger Simon is blogging up a storm about the Follies Berger
- What was that in Sandy Berger's pants?
- Trading in his Waterpants for stripes?
- Stephen Green and Maureen Dowd in a smackdown over Sandy's panties
- Ground turkey Bergers?
- Document Sock? (A tip of the cap to Jay Solo.)
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Bus Fumes
See what happens when you give in to terrorists? It incites them to pick on the easiest targets, instead of fighting like real men. I feel badly, because these are civilians and civilian contractors, and you can't expect them to do anything but withdraw. But the military is a different story. Bully for Bulgaria for hanging tough. Japan and Poland, too. Guess now we know who our friends are.
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Arghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This drives me nuts. It's bad enough that the pay stinks. At least we could make sure they get it on time. How does the military expect to retain Reserves if they screw them financially this often?
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When in the heck is Kelley coming back? Enough is enough already.
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Arghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This drives me nuts. It's bad enough that the pay stinks. At least we could make sure they get it on time. How does the military expect to retain Reserves if they screw them financially this often?
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When in the heck is Kelley coming back? Enough is enough already.
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Rest Stops
Top 10 outrageous bathrooms? (Tip of the cap to J-Walk.) You mean you can make a living writing about stuff like this? Who knew?
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Security Screening
I haven't blogged about this and this follow-up because so many other bloggers have, including Michelle Malkin, Rachel Lucas and Professor Bainbridge. But Sharon asked my opinion, so here goes:
I understand the level of fear and concern generated by these articles. But did people not notice that: 1) there were Federal Marshalls on the Jacobsen's plane, and they were alert to what might or might not have been happening? and, 2) in both cases the people causing the alarm were detained and questioned?
Yes, there are still bad guys out to get us. But maybe it's more helpful to quietly watch and learn than to create a scene that would be news in the media. Why should we be telling the bad guys just how much we know and just how closely we're watching them? (The media already does WAY too much of this, as far as I'm concerned.)
In another blog earlier this week (can't remember which one), someone posed the question, "What would you have done in the same position?" My answer would have to be "nothing, unless the Marshalls asked." The Federal Marshalls and/or Air Marshalls were armed and aware. If someone had decided to play hero, it could have caused more problems than it solved and given the Marshalls less freedom to do what they needed to do.
Does it bother me that Mr. Mineta ordered that airport screeners cannot pay attention when an unusual person or group of Middle Eastern extraction goes through security, but they can strip-search your grandma? You bet. My personal belief is that any unusual-looking group should get special screening attention. After all, we've had Taliban fighters who are as white as me, haven't we? And that Hispanic guy who was trying to make a dirty bomb?
In Ms. Jacobsen's case, though, while this scares the pants off a lot of people, I actually find it comforting to know that our airport security system is working. Despite Mr. Mineta.
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Ah! You've gotta love those judges who won't allow security screening! Gives me a warm, fuzzy, safe and secure feeling.
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Kevin has a different take on security screening. But maybe that changed after reading Annie Jacobsen's article, above.
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I understand the level of fear and concern generated by these articles. But did people not notice that: 1) there were Federal Marshalls on the Jacobsen's plane, and they were alert to what might or might not have been happening? and, 2) in both cases the people causing the alarm were detained and questioned?
Yes, there are still bad guys out to get us. But maybe it's more helpful to quietly watch and learn than to create a scene that would be news in the media. Why should we be telling the bad guys just how much we know and just how closely we're watching them? (The media already does WAY too much of this, as far as I'm concerned.)
In another blog earlier this week (can't remember which one), someone posed the question, "What would you have done in the same position?" My answer would have to be "nothing, unless the Marshalls asked." The Federal Marshalls and/or Air Marshalls were armed and aware. If someone had decided to play hero, it could have caused more problems than it solved and given the Marshalls less freedom to do what they needed to do.
Does it bother me that Mr. Mineta ordered that airport screeners cannot pay attention when an unusual person or group of Middle Eastern extraction goes through security, but they can strip-search your grandma? You bet. My personal belief is that any unusual-looking group should get special screening attention. After all, we've had Taliban fighters who are as white as me, haven't we? And that Hispanic guy who was trying to make a dirty bomb?
In Ms. Jacobsen's case, though, while this scares the pants off a lot of people, I actually find it comforting to know that our airport security system is working. Despite Mr. Mineta.
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Ah! You've gotta love those judges who won't allow security screening! Gives me a warm, fuzzy, safe and secure feeling.
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Kevin has a different take on security screening. But maybe that changed after reading Annie Jacobsen's article, above.
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Miscellaneous Meanderings
I’m sorry I missed these when I was buying my brother’s B-Day gift. Maybe for his Christmas stocking this year? (Tip of the cap to Tim Blair.) Hot stuff. That's my baby bro.
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Help a blogger find his son's murderer. Read the links. Help if you can.
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Help a blogger find his son's murderer. Read the links. Help if you can.
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From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus
Usually Jeff Goldstein is entirely too hip for me. But THIS had me howling. (Geez, I hate feeling old and un-hip.)
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I love a (girlie) man with a sense of humor!
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Michelle Malkin rocks!
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For the truly intellectually challenged...
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From Elizabeth: Introduction to Matzoh Ball Soup
A Jewish family invited their gentile neighbors over for holiday dinner. The first course was set in front of them and the Jewish couple announced, "This is matzoh ball soup."
On seeing the two large matzoh balls floating in the broth, the Gentile man was hesitant to taste this strange looking brew.
Gently the Jewish couple pressed the Gentile man. "Try it; if you don't like it, you don't have to finish it."
Finally he agreed. He dug his spoon in, first picking up a small piece of matzoh ball with some soup in his spoon, and tasting it gingerly. The usual "Mmmmmmmmm" sound could be heard coming from deep within his chest, and he quickly finished the whole bowl. "That was good" the man said. "Can you eat any other parts of the matzoh?"
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I love a (girlie) man with a sense of humor!
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Michelle Malkin rocks!
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For the truly intellectually challenged...
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From Elizabeth: Introduction to Matzoh Ball Soup
A Jewish family invited their gentile neighbors over for holiday dinner. The first course was set in front of them and the Jewish couple announced, "This is matzoh ball soup."
On seeing the two large matzoh balls floating in the broth, the Gentile man was hesitant to taste this strange looking brew.
Gently the Jewish couple pressed the Gentile man. "Try it; if you don't like it, you don't have to finish it."
Finally he agreed. He dug his spoon in, first picking up a small piece of matzoh ball with some soup in his spoon, and tasting it gingerly. The usual "Mmmmmmmmm" sound could be heard coming from deep within his chest, and he quickly finished the whole bowl. "That was good" the man said. "Can you eat any other parts of the matzoh?"
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The Campaign Trail
Here’s the real Democratic Party 2004 Platform. Should be required reading for voters on both sides of the political spectrum. (Tip of the cap to Dean Esmay.)
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Roadside Diversions
Carnival of the Vanities
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Carnival of the Khakis (more than you ever wanted or needed to know about what's in one man's pants) --
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Carnival of the Khakis (more than you ever wanted or needed to know about what's in one man's pants) --
- Sandy Bergler
- SpongeBerger ScandalPants
- Sock It to Me!
- Cramming his khakis with classified memos?
- Trousergate
- Pets.com mascot implicated in Berger heist
- Pantsgate
- 50 things also found in Sandy Berger’s pants
- "The Per-Loined Letter"
- Protesting Perfidy
- Fabric of Democrasy
- Four conspiracy theories about Sandy "ScandalPants" Berger and other lists
- HamBergler
- It was an honest mistake. (Tip of the cap to Jay Solo.)
- Berger drops a load in his pants
I could go on and on, but I'm all pants'd out at the moment.
Down Memory Lane
I'm really glad to find that TMBCITW* will be able to play with some of the same toys I did. I learned what the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World thanks to View Master. What was your favorite reel?
*The Most Beautiful Child In The World, for those who are new to the Omnibus.
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Remember this? I can still sing the entire jingle.
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*The Most Beautiful Child In The World, for those who are new to the Omnibus.
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Remember this? I can still sing the entire jingle.
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Troop Transport
This is a disturbing trend, but not an especially surprising one to me. The government has done a terrible job of funding military salaries. They'll spend a lot of money on hardware and ordnance, and very little on the people who use them. And, just as in business, there should be incentive pay based on skill level and bonuses paid based on battle time. I don't blame guys who have spent two decades putting their lives on the line for wanting significantly better benefits.
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When will the media stop calling them "militants" and start calling them what they really are -- terrorists? The Philippines did their allies no favors when they pulled out of Iraq. See?
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Sgt. Hook is up and blogging from Afghanistan again. Go pay him a visit.
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Blackfive brings the story of the Thundering Third's efforts in Iraq. Read it all.
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When will the media stop calling them "militants" and start calling them what they really are -- terrorists? The Philippines did their allies no favors when they pulled out of Iraq. See?
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Sgt. Hook is up and blogging from Afghanistan again. Go pay him a visit.
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Blackfive brings the story of the Thundering Third's efforts in Iraq. Read it all.
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Bus Fumes
It's no secret that I'm no fan of PETA. This time, however, they're right. (Man, I never thought you'd hear those words from me!) KFC would do well to cancel that contract immediately.
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I find this absolute bullshit. People were paying to be entertained, not preached to. And the casino management expected that she would provide entertainment, not political proselytizing. In this arena, I would have found it offensive, too -- no matter which end of the political spectrum was being touted.
On the other hand, I have no problem whatsoever with this. He's doing it on his own dime, and people know what they're getting when they go see it. And you've got to admit, it's clever.
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How come Damien knew about this before Drudge did? Damien lives in Nova Scotia, for cripes sakes!
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I find this absolute bullshit. People were paying to be entertained, not preached to. And the casino management expected that she would provide entertainment, not political proselytizing. In this arena, I would have found it offensive, too -- no matter which end of the political spectrum was being touted.
On the other hand, I have no problem whatsoever with this. He's doing it on his own dime, and people know what they're getting when they go see it. And you've got to admit, it's clever.
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How come Damien knew about this before Drudge did? Damien lives in Nova Scotia, for cripes sakes!
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From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus
Denny sends the Monday Pun.
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Joy's dad sent me this one a while ago:
We challenge any so-called smart-ass Yankee to take this exam administered by the University of Arkansas Engineering Department
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10-pound possum.
2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? A '65 Ford Fairlane, a '69 Chevrolet Chevelle or a '64 Pontiac GTO.
3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the finished product?
4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?
5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented it's charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the percentage decrease in the ozone layer?
6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?
7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out on the front porch?
8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that the truck will strike a vehicle with a muffler?
9. A coal mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of th 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during that shift?
10. At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country-western singer?
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Joy's dad sent me this one a while ago:
We challenge any so-called smart-ass Yankee to take this exam administered by the University of Arkansas Engineering Department
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10-pound possum.
2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? A '65 Ford Fairlane, a '69 Chevrolet Chevelle or a '64 Pontiac GTO.
3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the finished product?
4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?
5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented it's charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the percentage decrease in the ozone layer?
6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?
7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out on the front porch?
8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that the truck will strike a vehicle with a muffler?
9. A coal mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of th 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during that shift?
10. At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country-western singer?
Traveling Companions
Seems that Acidman went to Costa Rica and got a couple of traveling companions of his own. Will wonders never cease?
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The Acidaughter gets in on the act, too!
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And Your Driver made the Carnival of the Cats. Yahoo! The blogging big time!
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The Acidaughter gets in on the act, too!
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And Your Driver made the Carnival of the Cats. Yahoo! The blogging big time!
Troop Transport
Oh, boy! The military is getting something even bigger than MOAB? Another neat toy for the toolbox.
The Campaign Tour
Two completely different perspectives, both, ummm, interesting:
First, Wind Rider has a suggestion for a mascot for the Democratic National Convention.
Second, my friend Deborah sends this little ditty on why it's tough to be a Republican:
It is very tough to be a Republican in 2004, because somehow you have to believe concurrently that:
1. Jesus loves you, but shares your deep hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
2. The United States should get out of the United Nations, but our highest national priority is enforcing UN resolutions against Iraq.
3. Standing Tall for America means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.
4. A woman cannot be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multinational corporations can make decisions affecting all humankind without regulation.
5. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.
6. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
7. Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins, unless you someday run for Governor of California as a Republican.
8. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.
9. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, but then demand their cooperation and money.
10. HMOs and insurance companies make huge profits and have the interest of the public at heart.
11. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
12. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
13. It is okay that the Bush family's Carlisle Group has done millions of dollars of business with the Bin Laden family.
14. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him and Rumsfeld reassured him he was our buddy, a bad buy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, but then a bad buy again when Bush junior needed a prop for his re-election campaign as the War President.
15. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying about WMD existence to enlist support for an unprovoked, undeclared war and occupation, in which thousands of soldiers and civilians die, is, somehow, solid defense policy in a War against Terrorism.
16. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which should include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.
17. The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's Harken Oil stock trade should be sealed in his Daddy's library, and is none of our business.
18. What Bill Clinton or John Kerry did in the 1960s was of vital national interest but what Bush did in the 80's is irrelevant.
19. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
20. Affirmative Action is wrong, but it is OK for your Daddy and his friends (here and in Saudi Arabia) to get you to graduate from Yale without studying much, to bail out your companies (Harken Oil and the Texas Rangers), and to get the Governorship of Texas.
21. You are a conservative, but it is OK to spend like there is no tomorrow and run up deficits that your grandchildren will have to pay, while at the same time refunding as much tax money as possible to rich people who do not need it.
Contemplating these illogical paradoxes can take a toll on a healthy mind. So if a friend of yours has been acting a bit dazed and confused lately, be nice: he or she may be a Republican.
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Not to be outdone, my buddy Donna sends:
The 2004 Democratic National Convention -- Official Program
6:00pm - Opening flag burning ceremony.
6:05pm - Pledge of Allegiance to the United Nations
6:10pm - Secular words by Revs. Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton
6:30pm - Anti-war concert by Barbra Streisand
6:45pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
7:00pm - Tribute theme to France
7:10pm - Collect offerings for al-Zawahri defense fund
7:30pm - Tribute theme to Germany
7:45pm - Anti-war rally moderated by Michael Moore
8:25pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
8:30pm - Terrorist appeasement workshop
9:00pm - Gay marriage ceremony for male and female couples
9:30pm - CBS, NBC, ABC, CNN urge defeat of President Bush
10:00pm - Posting the Iraqi Colors by Sean Penn and Tim Robbins
10:10pm - Reenactment of Kerry's fake medal toss
10:20pm - Cameo by Dean 'Yeeearrrrrrrg!'
10:30pm - Abortion demonstration by N.A.R.A.L.
10:40pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
10:50pm - Special thanks to the New York Times & Washington Post
11:00pm - Multiple gay marriage ceremony for threesomes and groups
11:15pm - Maximizing Welfare workshop
11:30pm - Saddam Legal Defense Fund pep rally
11:50pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
12:00pm - Nomination of Democratic candidate
NEW: 5:00am -Ted Kennedy will conduct a swimming class
[In the interest of being fair and balanced, Donna promises to send the Republican schedule when she gets it.]
First, Wind Rider has a suggestion for a mascot for the Democratic National Convention.
Second, my friend Deborah sends this little ditty on why it's tough to be a Republican:
It is very tough to be a Republican in 2004, because somehow you have to believe concurrently that:
1. Jesus loves you, but shares your deep hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
2. The United States should get out of the United Nations, but our highest national priority is enforcing UN resolutions against Iraq.
3. Standing Tall for America means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.
4. A woman cannot be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multinational corporations can make decisions affecting all humankind without regulation.
5. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.
6. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
7. Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins, unless you someday run for Governor of California as a Republican.
8. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.
9. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, but then demand their cooperation and money.
10. HMOs and insurance companies make huge profits and have the interest of the public at heart.
11. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
12. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
13. It is okay that the Bush family's Carlisle Group has done millions of dollars of business with the Bin Laden family.
14. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him and Rumsfeld reassured him he was our buddy, a bad buy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, but then a bad buy again when Bush junior needed a prop for his re-election campaign as the War President.
15. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying about WMD existence to enlist support for an unprovoked, undeclared war and occupation, in which thousands of soldiers and civilians die, is, somehow, solid defense policy in a War against Terrorism.
16. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which should include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.
17. The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's Harken Oil stock trade should be sealed in his Daddy's library, and is none of our business.
18. What Bill Clinton or John Kerry did in the 1960s was of vital national interest but what Bush did in the 80's is irrelevant.
19. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
20. Affirmative Action is wrong, but it is OK for your Daddy and his friends (here and in Saudi Arabia) to get you to graduate from Yale without studying much, to bail out your companies (Harken Oil and the Texas Rangers), and to get the Governorship of Texas.
21. You are a conservative, but it is OK to spend like there is no tomorrow and run up deficits that your grandchildren will have to pay, while at the same time refunding as much tax money as possible to rich people who do not need it.
Contemplating these illogical paradoxes can take a toll on a healthy mind. So if a friend of yours has been acting a bit dazed and confused lately, be nice: he or she may be a Republican.
_____
Not to be outdone, my buddy Donna sends:
The 2004 Democratic National Convention -- Official Program
6:00pm - Opening flag burning ceremony.
6:05pm - Pledge of Allegiance to the United Nations
6:10pm - Secular words by Revs. Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton
6:30pm - Anti-war concert by Barbra Streisand
6:45pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
7:00pm - Tribute theme to France
7:10pm - Collect offerings for al-Zawahri defense fund
7:30pm - Tribute theme to Germany
7:45pm - Anti-war rally moderated by Michael Moore
8:25pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
8:30pm - Terrorist appeasement workshop
9:00pm - Gay marriage ceremony for male and female couples
9:30pm - CBS, NBC, ABC, CNN urge defeat of President Bush
10:00pm - Posting the Iraqi Colors by Sean Penn and Tim Robbins
10:10pm - Reenactment of Kerry's fake medal toss
10:20pm - Cameo by Dean 'Yeeearrrrrrrg!'
10:30pm - Abortion demonstration by N.A.R.A.L.
10:40pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
10:50pm - Special thanks to the New York Times & Washington Post
11:00pm - Multiple gay marriage ceremony for threesomes and groups
11:15pm - Maximizing Welfare workshop
11:30pm - Saddam Legal Defense Fund pep rally
11:50pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
12:00pm - Nomination of Democratic candidate
NEW: 5:00am -Ted Kennedy will conduct a swimming class
[In the interest of being fair and balanced, Donna promises to send the Republican schedule when she gets it.]
Wide Open Spaces
Opportunity confirms that water existed on Mars over a significant period of time. Meanwhile, Spirit is taking a step backward in order to go forward.
Amazing how far we've come in 35 years, isn't it?
Amazing how far we've come in 35 years, isn't it?
Rubber-Necking
'Splain me why any woman in her right mind would be living with this guy in the first place? I mean, really. Wouldn't YOU be attracted to a trailer trash guy who keeps an alligator handy at all times? Sexy. Very sexy.
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Love and other catastrophies? What the hell -- if all else fails, blame it on Bush. Everybody else does.
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I heard about this new craze on the radio as I was driving to work this morning. This would not only cause a mile-long gaper's block, it might just cause a multi-car pileup! Gak! What were they thinking?
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Love and other catastrophies? What the hell -- if all else fails, blame it on Bush. Everybody else does.
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I heard about this new craze on the radio as I was driving to work this morning. This would not only cause a mile-long gaper's block, it might just cause a multi-car pileup! Gak! What were they thinking?
Bus Fumes
What an amazingly unnecessary act of violence. Why would anyone beat a quadriplegic to death? Would that this guy: a) be rendered a quadriplegic himself; and, b) receive the same treatment as his victim. THAT would be justice.
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Is there anything in the world that WON'T make you sick? Sometimes I think we'd all be better off if we stayed in bed with the covers over our heads, and never eating or drinking anything, either.
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It's nice to know I'm not the only one who sees things this way. An appeal is no guarantee that she'll prevail in a second trial. In fact, she could get a tougher sentence than in the first trial. She could also lose on appeal. What's she's doing and saying will do nothing but piss of the courts. Not to mention the public. A touch of humility might be a good thing, but I just don't think Martha gets the message.
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Read Michelle Malkin first. Does President Arroyo realize that she has, in effect, led the Phillipine people into the position of being obliged to kiss the a@@ of any thug anywhere holding a Fillipino hostage? And then pay (and dearly) for the privilege?
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I appreciate a good fume when I read it. Whatever happened to academic honesty, anyway? I can't imagine looking myself in the mirror if I did something like this. Of course, doing something like that is not something I could ever see myself doing. Just what are we teaching our children these days? (A tip of the cap to Jay Solo.)
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Is there anything in the world that WON'T make you sick? Sometimes I think we'd all be better off if we stayed in bed with the covers over our heads, and never eating or drinking anything, either.
_____
It's nice to know I'm not the only one who sees things this way. An appeal is no guarantee that she'll prevail in a second trial. In fact, she could get a tougher sentence than in the first trial. She could also lose on appeal. What's she's doing and saying will do nothing but piss of the courts. Not to mention the public. A touch of humility might be a good thing, but I just don't think Martha gets the message.
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Read Michelle Malkin first. Does President Arroyo realize that she has, in effect, led the Phillipine people into the position of being obliged to kiss the a@@ of any thug anywhere holding a Fillipino hostage? And then pay (and dearly) for the privilege?
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I appreciate a good fume when I read it. Whatever happened to academic honesty, anyway? I can't imagine looking myself in the mirror if I did something like this. Of course, doing something like that is not something I could ever see myself doing. Just what are we teaching our children these days? (A tip of the cap to Jay Solo.)
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One more thing. I was asked for my driver's license for identification this weekend. (Now, keep in mind I just renewed the darned thing in February.) The cashier looked at the license, looked at me, looked at the license, looked at me and said, "This is YOU?" Does that mean I need an appointment with Miss Clairoll, or does that mean my new haircut looks fabulous? I haven't got a clue.
Traveling Companions
Sharon sent this great little video. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
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Tin foil beanie and tutu must be required attire for these classes. Hey! I just had a thought. Can you imagine Lair and Edloe doing this?
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More furry companion silliness.
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Tin foil beanie and tutu must be required attire for these classes. Hey! I just had a thought. Can you imagine Lair and Edloe doing this?
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More furry companion silliness.
From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus
This gave me the giggles. Ram tough, indeed.
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And this one had me spewing all over my monitor. (Tip of the cap to Megan McArdle.)
Note: This site is getting a lot of hits, so if the page doesn't come up, be sure and go back to it later. This really is a must-see.
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Received this from my buddy Dan over at the Clothing Optional Joke List at Yahoo! Groups:
Father O'Malley got up one fine spring day and walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside and noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station. The conversation went like this:
"Top o' the day to ye. This is Sgt. Flaherty. How might I help ye?"
"And the rest of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Brigid's. There's a jackass lying dead in me front
lawn. Would ye be after sending a couple o' yer lads to take care of the matter?"
Sgt. Flaherty considered himself to be quite a wit and the rest of the conversation proceeded:
"Well now father, it was always my impression that you people took care of last rites!"
There was dead silence on the line for a moment and then Father O'Malley replied: "Aye, that's certainly true, but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin"!
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Kevin has the Weekend Caption Contest up over at Wizbang.
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And this one had me spewing all over my monitor. (Tip of the cap to Megan McArdle.)
Note: This site is getting a lot of hits, so if the page doesn't come up, be sure and go back to it later. This really is a must-see.
_____
Received this from my buddy Dan over at the Clothing Optional Joke List at Yahoo! Groups:
Father O'Malley got up one fine spring day and walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside and noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station. The conversation went like this:
"Top o' the day to ye. This is Sgt. Flaherty. How might I help ye?"
"And the rest of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Brigid's. There's a jackass lying dead in me front
lawn. Would ye be after sending a couple o' yer lads to take care of the matter?"
Sgt. Flaherty considered himself to be quite a wit and the rest of the conversation proceeded:
"Well now father, it was always my impression that you people took care of last rites!"
There was dead silence on the line for a moment and then Father O'Malley replied: "Aye, that's certainly true, but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin"!
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Kevin has the Weekend Caption Contest up over at Wizbang.
Wide Open Spaces
We can successfully send probes and robots to Mars and Saturn. Mercury's next. So why can't NASA fix or replace the Space Shuttle program already?
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The next generation is ready for blast-off.
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The next generation is ready for blast-off.
Rubber Necking
How does something like this happen? And how do you console both sets of parents?
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Her legal woes are escalating. What a surprise.
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Creepy. Really creepy.
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Pamela Anderson -- PETA puppet. I wish people that support that group would actually read the information that available before donating a dime to those dangerous nutballs.
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Her legal woes are escalating. What a surprise.
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Creepy. Really creepy.
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Pamela Anderson -- PETA puppet. I wish people that support that group would actually read the information that available before donating a dime to those dangerous nutballs.
Bus Fumes
Yikes! Don't ever get a writer from The Age angry at you. Especially when you've done something really stupid. Like being a big chicken. Really big chicken. REALLY big chicken.
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Is it me, or is this story unwinding like a macabre game of "Button, Button, Who's Got The Button"?
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Victim of political backlash, my a@@. She was a paid spokesperson who chose to make her personal views very public. Just because she's an actress doesn't mean she gets special privileges. She's correct -- she has a right to her opinion and the right to air it. However, her employer has a right to let her go for voicing it so publicly.
(Hee hee hee!!!)
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I always love karmic justice. (And I would have used that title, but Kevin got there first.)
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Heads are going to roll over this, I'll bet. As well they should.
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Is she nuts? She's damned lucky that it's not a much longer sentence. She should shut the hell up and pay the $2. Willingly. Gladly. Graciously. Sheesh. Some people never learn.
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This post had me going from feeling good to downright infuriated in under 60 seconds. Amazing.
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Is it me, or is this story unwinding like a macabre game of "Button, Button, Who's Got The Button"?
_____
Victim of political backlash, my a@@. She was a paid spokesperson who chose to make her personal views very public. Just because she's an actress doesn't mean she gets special privileges. She's correct -- she has a right to her opinion and the right to air it. However, her employer has a right to let her go for voicing it so publicly.
(Hee hee hee!!!)
_____
I always love karmic justice. (And I would have used that title, but Kevin got there first.)
_____
Heads are going to roll over this, I'll bet. As well they should.
_____
Is she nuts? She's damned lucky that it's not a much longer sentence. She should shut the hell up and pay the $2. Willingly. Gladly. Graciously. Sheesh. Some people never learn.
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This post had me going from feeling good to downright infuriated in under 60 seconds. Amazing.
The Campaign Tour
Jeepers! Finally an Illinois senatorial candidate that Spoons can get behind.
_____
When you listen to all the political rhetoric being thrown around these days, keep these statistics in mind, okay? (Tip of the cap to Professor Bainbridge.)
_____
When you listen to all the political rhetoric being thrown around these days, keep these statistics in mind, okay? (Tip of the cap to Professor Bainbridge.)
Rubber-Necking
The saga continues, indeed. Glad to see someone is finally getting the woman some help.
_____
Redefining the term "moonbat".
_____
But just what kind of action? I shudder to think.
_____
I'll bet this little incident caused a lot of whiplash!
_____
Redefining the term "moonbat".
_____
But just what kind of action? I shudder to think.
_____
I'll bet this little incident caused a lot of whiplash!
Wide Open Spaces
NASA finally launches the Aura Satellite. Let's hope this is another successful mission.
_____
Stephen Hawking is changing his mind about black holes.
_____
Stephen Hawking is changing his mind about black holes.
Traveling First Class
First class gesture, first class people.
_____
The contractors certainly charged premium prices, but did Chicago get what it paid for in Millennium Park? (I have to admit that it really is spectacular.)
_____
Here's an unusual travel package, don't you think? (And would you take the tango lessons before or after the breast implant surgery?)
_____
I think everyone should have a personal servant or two. Now you can even have your own butler! (Thanks, Elizabeth.)
_____
The contractors certainly charged premium prices, but did Chicago get what it paid for in Millennium Park? (I have to admit that it really is spectacular.)
_____
Here's an unusual travel package, don't you think? (And would you take the tango lessons before or after the breast implant surgery?)
_____
I think everyone should have a personal servant or two. Now you can even have your own butler! (Thanks, Elizabeth.)
From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus
Michelle Malkin usually takes the world to task. Today she takes a brief break from political stuff. She made ME laugh, I'll tell you. Especially that Air Force One thing.
_____
How many bloggers does it take to change a light bulb?
1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
53 to flame the spell checkers
41 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb"
2 industry professionals to inform the poster that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct
156 to email the participant's ISPs complaining that they are in violation of their acceptable-use policy
109 to post that this blog is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb blog
203 to demand that cross posting to hardware blog, off-topic blog, and lightbulb blog about changing light bulbs be stopped
111 to defend the posting to this blog saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this blog
306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
27 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs
14 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URLs
3 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this blog, which makes light bulbs relevant to this blog
33 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety, and add "Me too"
12 to post to the blog that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
19 to quote the "Me too"s to say "Me three"
4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ
44 to ask what is a "FAQ"
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
143 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
1 lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.
_____
How many bloggers does it take to change a light bulb?
1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
53 to flame the spell checkers
41 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb"
2 industry professionals to inform the poster that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct
156 to email the participant's ISPs complaining that they are in violation of their acceptable-use policy
109 to post that this blog is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb blog
203 to demand that cross posting to hardware blog, off-topic blog, and lightbulb blog about changing light bulbs be stopped
111 to defend the posting to this blog saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this blog
306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
27 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs
14 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URLs
3 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this blog, which makes light bulbs relevant to this blog
33 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety, and add "Me too"
12 to post to the blog that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
19 to quote the "Me too"s to say "Me three"
4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ
44 to ask what is a "FAQ"
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
143 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
1 lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.
Lunch Break
I've always said that salt, fat and carbohydrates (in that order) are my three favorite food groups. I'm casting my vote in favor of Michele's Food Pentagram. Yep. A diet like that could make me happy...
Bus Fumes
Where's Bill Cosby when you need him? Clearly the leadership of the NAACP hasn't heard a word he's said lately.
_____
"All in all, I don't think I've ever been more ashamed to be Filipino than I am today." (A tip of the cap to Pejman.)
A brilliant summation of why the Filipino government is wrong in its handling of the hostage issue in Iraq.
And here's a tongue-twister that perfectly sums up the situation. But then, it's from the Divine Ms. Malkin. I should have expected sublime writing.
_____
"All in all, I don't think I've ever been more ashamed to be Filipino than I am today." (A tip of the cap to Pejman.)
A brilliant summation of why the Filipino government is wrong in its handling of the hostage issue in Iraq.
And here's a tongue-twister that perfectly sums up the situation. But then, it's from the Divine Ms. Malkin. I should have expected sublime writing.
The Campaign Tour
Glenn Reynolds pointed out this new blog today. Check out the mission statement and posting rules.
All along I've been calling for reasoned, measured dialogue on political differences. Even though I don't agree with the arguments or tone in which the arguments are made, I visit this site and this site every once it a while because it's important to know what the far left is thinking. I'd like to find a similar blog for the far right. (If anyone knows of one, please let me know.) I'm guessing redstate will appeal more to those who lean a little more to the center.
_____
The above being said, there are still sometimes when politicians leave themselves wide open for a good laugh at their own expense. (Thanks, Nancy!)
All along I've been calling for reasoned, measured dialogue on political differences. Even though I don't agree with the arguments or tone in which the arguments are made, I visit this site and this site every once it a while because it's important to know what the far left is thinking. I'd like to find a similar blog for the far right. (If anyone knows of one, please let me know.) I'm guessing redstate will appeal more to those who lean a little more to the center.
_____
The above being said, there are still sometimes when politicians leave themselves wide open for a good laugh at their own expense. (Thanks, Nancy!)
Rules of the Road
I believe that you'd better be in agreement on what your values are BEFORE you get married, and that it's not fair to change the rules for yourself without telling your spouse AFTER you get married. No matter how reasonably you argue the situation, lying to your partner... and to yourself... is untenable. I certainly wouldn't accept this from a friend, let alone a spouse.
_____
He's either too stupid or too antiquated in his thinking to be in such a position of responsibility. Once again the Catholic church measures itself with one ruler, and its members with another. Some drivers just really need to have their licenses revoked.
_____
He's either too stupid or too antiquated in his thinking to be in such a position of responsibility. Once again the Catholic church measures itself with one ruler, and its members with another. Some drivers just really need to have their licenses revoked.
Wide Open Spaces
The panel investigating the merits of the Hubble telescope have recommended making every effort not only to save the telescope, but also to improve it. Huzzah! I've never seen the point of abandoning one of the few NASA programs that actually works well. Now let's get the Space Shuttle flying again.
_____
Cassini is sending back some interesting data from Saturn's moon, Titan. And there are some photos here.
_____
The search for intelligent life in the universe gets a big financial boost. This is partially thanks to how much more we know about the universe, based in information received from the Hubble telescope.
_____
Cassini is sending back some interesting data from Saturn's moon, Titan. And there are some photos here.
_____
The search for intelligent life in the universe gets a big financial boost. This is partially thanks to how much more we know about the universe, based in information received from the Hubble telescope.
Roadside Scenery
Elizabeth has been busy sending lots of good stuff. Especially if you like cows:
A Cowboy's View of Cows
DEMOCRAT
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. Barbara Streisand sings for you.
REPUBLICAN
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So? Go out and get a job and buy your own cows.
SOCIALIST
You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
COMMUNIST
You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.
AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have down sized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.
FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good.
JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give
excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital.
IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows. They go into hiding. They send radio tapes of their mooing.
FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best looking cow.
CALIFORNIAN
You have a cow and a bull. The bull is depressed. It has spent its life living a lie.
It goes away for two weeks. It comes back after a taxpayer-paid sex-change operation.
You now have two cows. One makes milk; the other doesn't. You try to sell the transgender cow. Its lawyer sues you for discrimination. You lose in court. You sell the milk-generating cow to pay the damages. You now have one rich, transgender, non-milk-producing cow. You change your business to beef. PETA pickets your farm. Jesse Jackson makes a speech in your driveway. Cruz Bustamante calls for higher farm taxes to
help "working cows". Hillary Clinton calls for the nationalization of 1/7 of your farm "for the children". Scharwzenager signs a law giving your farm to Mexico. The L.A. Times quotes five anonymous cows claiming you groped their teats. You declare bankruptcy and shut down all operations. The cow starves to death. The L.A. Times' analysis shows your business failure is Bush's fault.
A Cowboy's View of Cows
DEMOCRAT
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. Barbara Streisand sings for you.
REPUBLICAN
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So? Go out and get a job and buy your own cows.
SOCIALIST
You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
COMMUNIST
You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.
AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have down sized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.
FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good.
JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give
excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital.
IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows. They go into hiding. They send radio tapes of their mooing.
FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best looking cow.
CALIFORNIAN
You have a cow and a bull. The bull is depressed. It has spent its life living a lie.
It goes away for two weeks. It comes back after a taxpayer-paid sex-change operation.
You now have two cows. One makes milk; the other doesn't. You try to sell the transgender cow. Its lawyer sues you for discrimination. You lose in court. You sell the milk-generating cow to pay the damages. You now have one rich, transgender, non-milk-producing cow. You change your business to beef. PETA pickets your farm. Jesse Jackson makes a speech in your driveway. Cruz Bustamante calls for higher farm taxes to
help "working cows". Hillary Clinton calls for the nationalization of 1/7 of your farm "for the children". Scharwzenager signs a law giving your farm to Mexico. The L.A. Times quotes five anonymous cows claiming you groped their teats. You declare bankruptcy and shut down all operations. The cow starves to death. The L.A. Times' analysis shows your business failure is Bush's fault.
From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus
Denny has the Monday Pun for Jan.
_____
From my B-I-L Fred:
A brunette, a redhead, & a blonde all worked in the same office with the same female boss. Every day, they noticed their boss left work early. One day, the girls decided that when the boss left, they'd leave right behind her. After all, she never called in or came back to the office when she left early, so how was she to know?
The next day, they all three left right after the boss left. The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening and went to bed early.
The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the health club before meeting her dinner date.
The blonde was happy, happy, happy to be home, but when she got to the bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside. slowly, quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her boss! Ever so gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house.
The next day at coffee break, the brunette and redhead decided they were leaving early again, and asked the blonde if she was coming with them. "No way!" she exclaimed. "I almost got caught yesterday."
_____
Elizabeth serves up a passel of political pratfalls:
Political Misspeak
"All you have to do is go down to the bottom of your swimming pool and hold your breath."
-David Miller, US DOE spokesperson, on How to Protect Yourself from Nuclear Radiation.
"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago."
-Dan Quayle.
"There are lots more people in the House. I don't know exactly--I've never counted, but at least a couple hundred."
-Dan Quayle, on the difference between the House and Senate.
"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people."
-Dan Quayle.
"You mean there are two Koreas?"
-US Ambassador Designate to Singapore Richard Kneip, after being asked his opinion during congressional hearings on the North Korea-South Korea conflict.
"You don't tell us how to stage the news, and we don't tell you how to report it."
-Larry Speakes, Press Secretary for Pres. George Bush.
"I am not a chauvinist, obviously...I believe in women's rights for every woman but my own."
-Chicago Mayor Harold Washington.
"We're not without accomplishment. We have managed to distribute poverty equally."
-Nguyen Co Thach, Vietnamese Foreign Minister.
"There is no prostitution in China; however, we do have some women who make love for money."
-Chinese Foreign Ministry spokesperson.
"I am not wanting to make too long speech tonight as I am knowing your old English saying, "Early to bed and up with the cock.
-Hungarian Diplomat in a speech to an Embassy Party.
"His boss may have needed choking. It may have been justified...someone should have asked the question, "What prompted that?"
-San Francisco Mayor Willie Brown defending basketball star Latrell Sprewell, who was fired for choking and threatening to kill his coach.
"One can't tolerate certain sights. From next summer, there will be no more flab all over the place: buttocks, cellulite thighs, and drooping boobs will all be banished."
-Andrew Guglieri, Mayor of Diano Marina, Italy, announcing his hopes to ban certain women from wearing bikinis."
"The president doesn't want any yes-men and yes-women around him. When he says no, we all say no."
-Elizabeth Dole, then assistant for Public Liaison to President Reagan.
"Why can't the Jews and the Arabs just sit down together and settle this like good Christians?"
-an unnamed senator.
"In the whole history of the world, whenever a meat-eating race has gone to war against a non-meat-eating race, the meat eaters won. It produces superior people. We have the books of history."
-Senator Carl Curits during a debate on banning DES as a food additive for livestock.
"Even if he were mediocre, there are a lot of mediocre judges and people and lawyers.
Don't they deserve some representation on the court?"
-Senator Roman Hruska defending Judge Harold Carswell, the first Nixon nominee for the
Supreme Court, against charges that he was mediocre.
"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."
-David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.
"I intend to open this country up to democracy, and anyone who is against that, I will jail, I will crush."
-General JoAo Baptista Figueiredo upon becoming Pres. of Brazil.
"Sometimes in order to make progress and move ahead, you have to stand up and do the wrong thing."
-Representative Gary Ackerman explaining why he supported the new welfare bill.
"If crime went down one hundred percent, it would still be fifty times higher than it should be."
-Councilman John Bowman commenting on the high crime rate in Washington, DC.
Women are hard enough to handle now without giving them a gun."
-Senator Barry Goldwater talking about women in the armed services
"I can't believe that we are going to let a majority of the people decide what's best for this state."
-Representative John Travis of the Louisiana Legislature
"What right does Congress have to go around making laws just because they deem it necessary?"
-Marion Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
"First, it was not a strip bar, it was an erotic club. And second what can I say? I'm a night owl."
-Marion Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
_____
From my B-I-L Fred:
A brunette, a redhead, & a blonde all worked in the same office with the same female boss. Every day, they noticed their boss left work early. One day, the girls decided that when the boss left, they'd leave right behind her. After all, she never called in or came back to the office when she left early, so how was she to know?
The next day, they all three left right after the boss left. The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening and went to bed early.
The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the health club before meeting her dinner date.
The blonde was happy, happy, happy to be home, but when she got to the bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside. slowly, quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her boss! Ever so gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house.
The next day at coffee break, the brunette and redhead decided they were leaving early again, and asked the blonde if she was coming with them. "No way!" she exclaimed. "I almost got caught yesterday."
_____
Elizabeth serves up a passel of political pratfalls:
Political Misspeak
"All you have to do is go down to the bottom of your swimming pool and hold your breath."
-David Miller, US DOE spokesperson, on How to Protect Yourself from Nuclear Radiation.
"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago."
-Dan Quayle.
"There are lots more people in the House. I don't know exactly--I've never counted, but at least a couple hundred."
-Dan Quayle, on the difference between the House and Senate.
"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people."
-Dan Quayle.
"You mean there are two Koreas?"
-US Ambassador Designate to Singapore Richard Kneip, after being asked his opinion during congressional hearings on the North Korea-South Korea conflict.
"You don't tell us how to stage the news, and we don't tell you how to report it."
-Larry Speakes, Press Secretary for Pres. George Bush.
"I am not a chauvinist, obviously...I believe in women's rights for every woman but my own."
-Chicago Mayor Harold Washington.
"We're not without accomplishment. We have managed to distribute poverty equally."
-Nguyen Co Thach, Vietnamese Foreign Minister.
"There is no prostitution in China; however, we do have some women who make love for money."
-Chinese Foreign Ministry spokesperson.
"I am not wanting to make too long speech tonight as I am knowing your old English saying, "Early to bed and up with the cock.
-Hungarian Diplomat in a speech to an Embassy Party.
"His boss may have needed choking. It may have been justified...someone should have asked the question, "What prompted that?"
-San Francisco Mayor Willie Brown defending basketball star Latrell Sprewell, who was fired for choking and threatening to kill his coach.
"One can't tolerate certain sights. From next summer, there will be no more flab all over the place: buttocks, cellulite thighs, and drooping boobs will all be banished."
-Andrew Guglieri, Mayor of Diano Marina, Italy, announcing his hopes to ban certain women from wearing bikinis."
"The president doesn't want any yes-men and yes-women around him. When he says no, we all say no."
-Elizabeth Dole, then assistant for Public Liaison to President Reagan.
"Why can't the Jews and the Arabs just sit down together and settle this like good Christians?"
-an unnamed senator.
"In the whole history of the world, whenever a meat-eating race has gone to war against a non-meat-eating race, the meat eaters won. It produces superior people. We have the books of history."
-Senator Carl Curits during a debate on banning DES as a food additive for livestock.
"Even if he were mediocre, there are a lot of mediocre judges and people and lawyers.
Don't they deserve some representation on the court?"
-Senator Roman Hruska defending Judge Harold Carswell, the first Nixon nominee for the
Supreme Court, against charges that he was mediocre.
"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."
-David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.
"I intend to open this country up to democracy, and anyone who is against that, I will jail, I will crush."
-General JoAo Baptista Figueiredo upon becoming Pres. of Brazil.
"Sometimes in order to make progress and move ahead, you have to stand up and do the wrong thing."
-Representative Gary Ackerman explaining why he supported the new welfare bill.
"If crime went down one hundred percent, it would still be fifty times higher than it should be."
-Councilman John Bowman commenting on the high crime rate in Washington, DC.
Women are hard enough to handle now without giving them a gun."
-Senator Barry Goldwater talking about women in the armed services
"I can't believe that we are going to let a majority of the people decide what's best for this state."
-Representative John Travis of the Louisiana Legislature
"What right does Congress have to go around making laws just because they deem it necessary?"
-Marion Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
"First, it was not a strip bar, it was an erotic club. And second what can I say? I'm a night owl."
-Marion Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
Bus Fumes
This post has yours truly banging her forehead against the steering wheel. This isn't just a cultural divide -- we might as well be from alternate universes.
This saddens me, as I don't know if we'll ever be able to bridge this gap.
_____
Think the media isn't biased? Let Orson Scott Card* enlighten you. Can you see why I love this man's writing? (Tip of the cap to Stephen Green.)
*Author of "Ender's Game," "Xenocide," "Speaker for the Dead," "Ender's Shadow," etc. Highly recommended reading.
_____
"'You are just not being considerate of the demands on this court system,' the judge told prosecution and defence lawyers." Right. They are indeed aware. They just don't care. Boogie/Bogey Man thinks he's above the law. Given that this is all happening in the California "justice" system, I'm not sure they're wrong. Just ask The Juice. (Tip of the cap to the Group Captain.)
This saddens me, as I don't know if we'll ever be able to bridge this gap.
_____
Think the media isn't biased? Let Orson Scott Card* enlighten you. Can you see why I love this man's writing? (Tip of the cap to Stephen Green.)
*Author of "Ender's Game," "Xenocide," "Speaker for the Dead," "Ender's Shadow," etc. Highly recommended reading.
_____
"'You are just not being considerate of the demands on this court system,' the judge told prosecution and defence lawyers." Right. They are indeed aware. They just don't care. Boogie/Bogey Man thinks he's above the law. Given that this is all happening in the California "justice" system, I'm not sure they're wrong. Just ask The Juice. (Tip of the cap to the Group Captain.)
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