This is why I hold Pejman in awe... and this is why Joe Gandelman is a close second.
It's not easy being an independent these days. Howard Dean is making the choices easier, however. (Are we sure he's not on Karl Rove's payroll?)
_____
Funny, but I was just telling Buckaroo Bonzai yesterday that, given the choice, I'd rather join Costco than Sam's Club. Then I received this today from my friend Kathleen:
Let's hear it for Costco!! (This is just mind-boggling!) Make sure you read all the way past the list of the drugs.
The woman that signed below is a Budget Analyst out of federal Washington, DC offices.
Did you ever wonder how much it costs a drug company for the active ingredient in prescription medications? Some people think it must cost a lot, since many drugs sell for more than $2.00 per tablet.
We did a search of offshore chemical synthesizers that supply the active ingredients found in drugs approved by the FDA. As we have revealed in past issues of Life Extension, a significant percentage of drugs sold in the United States contain active ingredients made in other countries. In our independent investigation of how muchprofit drug companies really make, we obtained the actual price of active ingredients used in some of the most popular drugs sold in America.
The chart below speaks for itself.
Celebrex 100 mg
Consumer price (100 tablets): $130.27
Cost of general active ingredients: $0.60
Percent markup: 21,712%
Claritin 10 mg
Consumer Price (100 tablets): $215.17
Cost of general active ingredients: $0.71
Percent markup: 30,306%
Keflex 250 mg
Consumer Price (100 tablets): $157.39
Cost of general active ingredients: $1.88
Percent markup: 8,372%
Lipitor 20 mg
Consumer Price (100 tablets): $272.37
Cost of general active ingredients: $5.80
Percent markup: 4,696%
Norvasec 10 mg
Consumer price (100 tablets): $188.29
Cost of general active ingredients: $0.14
Percent markup: 134,493%
Paxil 20 mg
Consumer price (100 tablets): $220.27
Cost of general active ingredients: $7.60
Percent markup: 2,898%
Prevacid 30 mg
Consumer price (100 tablets): $44.77
Cost of general active ingredients: $1.01
Percent markup: 34,136%
Prilosec 20 mg
Consumer price (100 tablets): $360.97
Cost of general active ingredients $0.52
Percent markup: 69,417%
Prozac 20 mg
Consumer price (100 tablets) : $247.47
Cost of general active ingredients: $0.11
Percent markup: 224,973%
Tenormin 50 mg
Consumer price (100 tablets): $104.47
Cost of general active ingredients: $0.13
Percent markup: 80,362%
Vasotec 10 mg
Consumer price (100 tablets): $102.37
Cost of general active ingredients: $0.20
Percent markup: 51,185%
Xanax 1 mg
Consumer price (100 tablets) : $136.79
Cost of general active ingredients: $0.024
Percent markup: 569,958%
Zestril 20 mg
Consumer price (100 tablets) $89.89
Cost of general active ingredients $3.20
Percent markup: 2,809%
Zithromax 600 mg
Consumer price (100 tablets): $1,482.19
Cost of general active ingredients: $18.78
Percent markup: 7,8 92%
Zocor 40 mg
Consumer price (100 tablets): $350.27
Cost of general active ingredients: $8.63
Percent markup: 4,059%
Zoloft 50 mg
Consumer price: $206.87
Cost of general active ingredients: $1.75
Percent markup: 11,821%
Since the cost of prescription drugs are so outrageous, I thought everyone knew should know about this. Please read the following and pass it on. It pays to shop around. This helps to solve the mystery as to why they can afford to put a Walgreen's on every corner.
On Monday night, Steve Wilson, an investigative reporter for Channel 7 News in Detroit, did a story on generic drug price gouging by pharmacies. He found in his investigation, that some of these generic drugs were marked up as much as 3,000% or more. Yes, that's not a typo.....three thousand percent!
So often, we blame the drug companies for the high cost of drugs, and usually rightfully so. But in this case, the fault clearly lies with the pharmacies themselves. For example, if you had to buy a prescription drug, and bought the name brand, you might pay $100 for 100 pills.
The pharmacist might tell you that if you get the generic equivalent, they would only cost $80, making you think you are "saving" $20. What the pharmacist is not telling you is that those 100 generic pills may have only cost him $10!At the end of the report, one of the anchors asked Mr. Wilson whether or not there were any pharmacies that did not adhere to this practice, and he said that Costco consistently charged little over their cost for the generic drugs.
I went to the Costco site, where you can look up any drug, and get its online price. It says that the in-store prices are consistent with the online prices. I was appalled. Just to give you one example from my own experience, I had to use the drug, Compazine, which helps prevent nausea in chemo patients.
I used the generic equivalent, which cost $54.99 for 60 pills at CVS. I checked the price at Costco, and I could have bought 100 pills for $19.89. For 145 of my pain pills, I paid $72.57. I could have got 150 at Costco for $28.08.
I would like to mention, that although Costco is a "membership" type store, you do NOT have to be a member to buy prescriptions there, as it is a federally regulated substance. You just tell them at the door that you wish to use the pharmacy, and they will let you in. (this is true, I went there this past Thursday and asked them). I am asking each of you to please help me by copying this letter, and passing it into your own e-mail, and send it to everyone you know with an e-mail address.
Sharon L. Davis
Budget Analyst
U.S. Department of Commerce
[Note: To be fair to the drug companies, this is just the cost of the ingredients, and does not compensate for the cost of the research to develop the drugs and shepherd them through both the patent and FDA approval processes, much less to market them. Still, the markups seem outrageously high to me.]
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I think I'm about to birth my very first blogchild. How she made it through J-school thinking blogs were just personal journals is beyond me. I gave her a list to expand her thinking about the blogosphere:
Some of my faves:
Christina (of blog novella and "Take Two" fame)
Velocigod (he's wildly irreverant -- which is why I love him)
Trevor (beautiful writing, wonderful illustrations)
Jeff (essays, humor, politics)
The Manolo (also see links to his Prada, wedding and men's blogs)
The Fug Girls (fashion critique/humor)
Glenn Reynolds (general news, politics, technology, law, photos, books)
Reporters who blog:
Andrew Sullivan
Jeff Jarvis
Michelle Malkin
Mickey Kaus
Eric Zorn
Political blogs:
Left
Right
News compilation/commentary:
The Command Post
Charles Johnson
Winds of Change
Writer/columnist/bloggers:
Virginia Postrel
James Lileks
Roger Simon
Essayists:
Bill Whittle
Pat Sajak
What would you recommend to her (and remember, we're trying to entice her -- not scare her off)?
_____
Wow! The topic of choice vs. anti-choice appears to be a hot one this week. For me, the question of too many choices resolves itself by natural selection. I don't understand what all the shouting is about.
_____
Amen and Amen. This is what happens when you throw money, not help at a problem. Feh.
_____
A Little Reading for the Road
Christina of blog novella fame has kicked off a writing project that she calls "Take Two." She gives a thumbnail sketch of a story idea and assigns a 1000 word short story to four different bloggers each week. This week's topic was boys, baseball and a ball batted into forbidden territory.
The results are outstanding. Go on. Get your read on:
Average Tobacco Chewing Joe tells Alex's tale.
Guy S. relates Tadpole's story.
Dash presents a mighty fine hero in Jake.
That 1 Guy serves up a hair-raising tale.
Dystropoppygus knocks it out of the park Greek-style.
What? You weren't reading these guys already? I betcha will from now on.
_____
The results are outstanding. Go on. Get your read on:
Average Tobacco Chewing Joe tells Alex's tale.
Guy S. relates Tadpole's story.
Dash presents a mighty fine hero in Jake.
That 1 Guy serves up a hair-raising tale.
Dystropoppygus knocks it out of the park Greek-style.
What? You weren't reading these guys already? I betcha will from now on.
_____
Rubber-Necking
Scrubbing Mouse Balls for Fun & Profit! That's gotta be the eye-popping post heading of the day.
"Just Be Sure And Wash Your Hands Afterward"
Indeed.
_____
"Just Be Sure And Wash Your Hands Afterward"
Indeed.
_____
Rules of the Road
If you're from out of state and planning to visit Illinois any time soon, you need to be aware of this:
Illinois will begin using photo radar in freeway work zones in July.
Second offense tickets are $1,000 with license suspension.
Beginning in July the State of Illinois will use speed cameras in areas designated as "work zones" on major freeways. Anyone caught by the devices will be mailed a $375 ticket for the first offense, but a second ticket will cost $1000 and comes with a 90-day license suspension. Drivers will also receive demerit points against their license, which allows insurance companies to raise their insurance rates. This represents the harshest penalty structure yet for a city using photo enforcement.
The state will begin with two camera vans issuing tickets in zones with speed limits lowered to 45 MPH. Photographs of both the driver's face and license plate are taken. Officials announced the plan on the Dan Ryan Expressway suggesting Chicago area roads are likely to be a target. Illinois Tollway Executive Director Jack Hartman promised more work zones: "Since the Tollway just launched our $5.3 billion Congestion Relief Plan, drivers will see more work zones on the Tollway than they have in the past."
(A tip of the cap to Kim N.)
_____
Illinois will begin using photo radar in freeway work zones in July.
Second offense tickets are $1,000 with license suspension.
Beginning in July the State of Illinois will use speed cameras in areas designated as "work zones" on major freeways. Anyone caught by the devices will be mailed a $375 ticket for the first offense, but a second ticket will cost $1000 and comes with a 90-day license suspension. Drivers will also receive demerit points against their license, which allows insurance companies to raise their insurance rates. This represents the harshest penalty structure yet for a city using photo enforcement.
The state will begin with two camera vans issuing tickets in zones with speed limits lowered to 45 MPH. Photographs of both the driver's face and license plate are taken. Officials announced the plan on the Dan Ryan Expressway suggesting Chicago area roads are likely to be a target. Illinois Tollway Executive Director Jack Hartman promised more work zones: "Since the Tollway just launched our $5.3 billion Congestion Relief Plan, drivers will see more work zones on the Tollway than they have in the past."
(A tip of the cap to Kim N.)
_____
Rubber-Necking
Is it me, or is this guy appear to be channeling Jennifer Wilbanks?
_____
Catgarookey???
_____
Fashion most fowl...
_____
_____
Catgarookey???
_____
Fashion most fowl...
_____
Drive-Bys
Just so.
_____
Yep. I empathize.
_____
That's his story and he's sticking to it.
_____
Here's another of my guilty pleasures.
_____
_____
Yep. I empathize.
_____
"The management claims that beer baths heal various skin diseases."
That's his story and he's sticking to it.
_____
Here's another of my guilty pleasures.
_____
Rubber-Necking
Be afraid. Be very afraid...
_____
Let's see... You're attending commencement exercises at a university. Who'd you rather hear? Erica Jong... or this guy?
_____
Harvard is administering the Moral Sense Test. (There's an oxymoron in there somewhere. I just know there is...)
(A tip of the cap to Elizabeth, who took the first test last year.)
_____
_____
Let's see... You're attending commencement exercises at a university. Who'd you rather hear? Erica Jong... or this guy?
_____
Harvard is administering the Moral Sense Test. (There's an oxymoron in there somewhere. I just know there is...)
(A tip of the cap to Elizabeth, who took the first test last year.)
_____
From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus
I'm going to post some political stuff from both the left and right wings today -- that way I can be certain to offend everybody.
____
From Nancy V., comes Today's History Lesson:
12,000 years ago, humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains in the summer and would go to the beach and live on fish and lobster in winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered it required grain, and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum cans were invented yet, so our early human ancestors just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as "the Conservative movement".
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, weaving and hair dressing. This was the beginning of "the Liberal movement." Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as 'girleymen'.
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the trade union, class action lawsuits, the invention of group therapy & group hugs and the concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, hair dressers, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented baseball's designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer and eat red meat & potatoes. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes & generally anyone who works productively outside government. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers and decide what to do with the production. They also like to take money away from successful people and give it to the failures. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tame & created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history.
_____
From the Sweetheart of Shell Knob, MO:
LIVING WILL
I, _________________________ (fill in the blank), being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.
Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of peckerwood ethically challenged politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it.
If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to sit up and ask for a cold beer, it should be presumed that I won't ever get better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my spouse, children and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.
Under no circumstances shall the hypocritical members of the Legislature (State or Federal) enact a special law to keep me on life-support machinery. It is my wish that these boneheads mind their own damn business, and pay attention instead to the health, education and future of the millions of Americans who aren't in a permanent coma.
Under no circumstances shall any politicians butt into this case.
I don't care how many fundamentalist votes they're trying to scrounge for their run for the presidency, it is my wish that they play politics with someone else's life and leave me alone to die in peace.
I couldn't care less if a hundred religious zealots send e-mails to legislators in which they pretend to care about me. I don't know these people, and I certainly haven't authorized them to preach and crusade on my behalf. They should mind their own business, too.
If any of my family goes against my wishes and turns my case into a political cause, I hereby promise to come back from the grave and make his or her existence a living hell.
_______________________________ Dated _______________
Signature
_______________________________
Witness
_______________________________
Witness
_____
____
From Nancy V., comes Today's History Lesson:
12,000 years ago, humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains in the summer and would go to the beach and live on fish and lobster in winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered it required grain, and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum cans were invented yet, so our early human ancestors just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as "the Conservative movement".
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, weaving and hair dressing. This was the beginning of "the Liberal movement." Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as 'girleymen'.
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the trade union, class action lawsuits, the invention of group therapy & group hugs and the concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, hair dressers, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented baseball's designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer and eat red meat & potatoes. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes & generally anyone who works productively outside government. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers and decide what to do with the production. They also like to take money away from successful people and give it to the failures. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tame & created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history.
_____
From the Sweetheart of Shell Knob, MO:
LIVING WILL
I, _________________________ (fill in the blank), being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.
Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of peckerwood ethically challenged politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it.
If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to sit up and ask for a cold beer, it should be presumed that I won't ever get better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my spouse, children and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.
Under no circumstances shall the hypocritical members of the Legislature (State or Federal) enact a special law to keep me on life-support machinery. It is my wish that these boneheads mind their own damn business, and pay attention instead to the health, education and future of the millions of Americans who aren't in a permanent coma.
Under no circumstances shall any politicians butt into this case.
I don't care how many fundamentalist votes they're trying to scrounge for their run for the presidency, it is my wish that they play politics with someone else's life and leave me alone to die in peace.
I couldn't care less if a hundred religious zealots send e-mails to legislators in which they pretend to care about me. I don't know these people, and I certainly haven't authorized them to preach and crusade on my behalf. They should mind their own business, too.
If any of my family goes against my wishes and turns my case into a political cause, I hereby promise to come back from the grave and make his or her existence a living hell.
_______________________________ Dated _______________
Signature
_______________________________
Witness
_______________________________
Witness
_____
Bus Fumes
Note to Howard Dean: Listen up, You Big Dummy, this is not the way to attract new votes for the Democratic party. (What? Don't like being called a big dummy? Now you know how it feels, Pal.)
If you want to lose the next elections for your party, keep up the good work, because rhetoric like you've been spewing will drive this independent voter away from voting for your candidates. And I know I'm not alone in feeling that way.
One more time: Calling me stupid because I don't agree with you WILL NOT win me to your cause. Name calling won't do it. Bullying won't do it. Rational discussion of your political platform just might, though.
Hello! Are you in there, McFly?
_____
Hokay. 'Splain me this one. What was the point of the Raich prosecution in the first place if this is true? So that the Feds can target the sick and the dying if they choose to... even though they're really not going after individual users currently? They will only go after people who abuse the state-given privilege to use medical pot? Jeeze, Louise! They already had that right! This strikes me as the most arbitrary of law enforcement... and that thought gives me a headache. A great big one.
_____
If you want to lose the next elections for your party, keep up the good work, because rhetoric like you've been spewing will drive this independent voter away from voting for your candidates. And I know I'm not alone in feeling that way.
One more time: Calling me stupid because I don't agree with you WILL NOT win me to your cause. Name calling won't do it. Bullying won't do it. Rational discussion of your political platform just might, though.
Hello! Are you in there, McFly?
_____
Hokay. 'Splain me this one. What was the point of the Raich prosecution in the first place if this is true? So that the Feds can target the sick and the dying if they choose to... even though they're really not going after individual users currently? They will only go after people who abuse the state-given privilege to use medical pot? Jeeze, Louise! They already had that right! This strikes me as the most arbitrary of law enforcement... and that thought gives me a headache. A great big one.
_____
The Mom Update
She's home for the summer! ('Scuse me while I climb up on my desk and do the happy dance.)
Ahem.
According to the radiologist, the tumor has shrunk to half the size it was. The cells killed by chemo won't come back. The cells stopped by the radiation may come back. It's the big "we'll see." What's important is that right now she's done with treatment. Praise Jesus.
Yeah, she gets tired easily. Yeah, she's lost so much weight that she can't sit in a hard chair for very long because she has absolutely no butt left.
Sooooooo.................... we help her build up her stamina and we fatten her up a bit.* She gets her daily dose of Nana therapy with TMBCITW (who, BTW, will be getting a new brother or sister in early autumn). She gets to enjoy my brother's back yard with its beautiful landscaping, including waterfalls and koi pond. One of her best buddies lives down the block, and she'll be shagging Mom's skinny butt out the door and into the sunshine for walks and girl talk.
Yep. Frustrated as I get with her sometimes, I love that feisty little woman. Thanks for all your prayers and support. It really helped to get us to this point.
_____
*My personal secret recipe for tempting her palate is to take fresh raspberries, crush and sugar them well and then let sit for at least an hour. In a bowl layer a slice of pound cake, a couple of good-sized scoops of Godiva Raspberry Chocolate Truffle ice cream, a couple of good glops of raspberries and top with real whipped cream. If you really want overkill, add home-made hot fudge sauce before you add the whipped cream. She can't resist it, and you won't be able to, either. Yum!
Update: If you can't find the Godiva ice cream, try Dove's Irresistibly Raspberry, instead. Mmm-mmm!
_____
Ahem.
According to the radiologist, the tumor has shrunk to half the size it was. The cells killed by chemo won't come back. The cells stopped by the radiation may come back. It's the big "we'll see." What's important is that right now she's done with treatment. Praise Jesus.
Yeah, she gets tired easily. Yeah, she's lost so much weight that she can't sit in a hard chair for very long because she has absolutely no butt left.
Sooooooo.................... we help her build up her stamina and we fatten her up a bit.* She gets her daily dose of Nana therapy with TMBCITW (who, BTW, will be getting a new brother or sister in early autumn). She gets to enjoy my brother's back yard with its beautiful landscaping, including waterfalls and koi pond. One of her best buddies lives down the block, and she'll be shagging Mom's skinny butt out the door and into the sunshine for walks and girl talk.
Yep. Frustrated as I get with her sometimes, I love that feisty little woman. Thanks for all your prayers and support. It really helped to get us to this point.
_____
*My personal secret recipe for tempting her palate is to take fresh raspberries, crush and sugar them well and then let sit for at least an hour. In a bowl layer a slice of pound cake, a couple of good-sized scoops of Godiva Raspberry Chocolate Truffle ice cream, a couple of good glops of raspberries and top with real whipped cream. If you really want overkill, add home-made hot fudge sauce before you add the whipped cream. She can't resist it, and you won't be able to, either. Yum!
Update: If you can't find the Godiva ice cream, try Dove's Irresistibly Raspberry, instead. Mmm-mmm!
_____
From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus
I must confess, I'm squarely a Charlie Brown. How about you?
Everyone has a personality of a cartoon character. Have you ever asked yourself what cartoon character do you most resemble? A group of investigators got together and analyzed the personalities of well-known and modern cartoon characters. Info that was gathered was made into this test.
Answer all the questions with what describes you best, add up all your points (which are next to the answer that you choose) at the end and look for your results. Do not cheat by looking at the end of the e-mail before you are done. Then forward this to all your friends and change the subject of this message to what character is you.
1) Which 1 of the following describes the perfect date?
(a) Candlelight Dinner (4 pts.)
(b) Fun/Theme park (2 pts.)
(c) Painting in the park (5 pts.)
(d) Rock concert (1 pt.)
(e) Going to the movies (3 pts.)
(2) What is your favorite type of music?
(a) Rock 'n Roll (2 pts.)
(b) Alternative (1 pt)
(c) Soft Rock (4 pts.) (d) Country (5 pts.)
(e) Pop (3 pts.)
(3) What type of movies do you prefer?
(a) Comedy (2 pts.)
(b) Horror (1 pt.)
(c) Musical (3 pts.)
(d) Romance (4 pts.)
(e) Documentary (5 pts.)
(4) Which one of these occupations would you choose if you could only choose one of these?
(a) Waiter (4 pts.)
(b) Professional Sports Player (5pts.)
(c) Teacher (3 pts.)
(d) Police (2 pts.)
(e) Cashier (1 pt.)
(5) What do you do with your spare time?
(a) Exercise (5 pts.)
(b) Read (4 pts.)
(c) Watch television (2 pts.)
(d) Listen to music (1 pt.)
(e) Sleep (3 pts.)
(6) Which one of the following colors do you like best?
(a) Yellow (1 pt.)
(b) White (5 pts.) (c) Sky Blue (3 pts.)
(d) Dark Blue (2 pts.)
(e) Red (4 pts.)
(7) What do you prefer to eat right now?
(a) Snow (3 pts.)
(b) Pizza (2 pts)
(c) Sushi (1 pt.)
(d) Pasta (4 pts.)
(e) Salad (5 pts.)
(8) What is your favorite holiday?
(a) Halloween (1 pt.)
(b) Christmas (3 pts.)
(c) New Year (2 pts.)
(d) Valentine's Day (4 pts)
(e) Thanksgiving (5 pts.)
(9) If you could go to one of these places, which one would it be?
(a) Paris (4 pts.)
(b) Spain (5 pts.)
(c) Las Vegas (1 pt.)
(d) Hawaii (4 pts.)
(e) Hollywood (3pts.)
(10) With which of the following would you prefer to spend time?
(a) Someone smart (5 pts.)
(b)Someone attractive (2 pts.)
(c) Someone who likes to party (1 pt.)
(d) Someone who always has fun (3 pts.)
(e) Someone very sentimental (4 pts.)
Now add up your points and find out the answer you have been waiting for! Put your character in the subject line and forward to your friends and back to the person that sent this to you. Very interesting to see who your friends are!
(10-16 points) You are Garfield:
You are very comfortable, easygoing, you definitely know how to have fun, but sometimes you take it to an extreme. You always know what you are doing and you are always in control of your life. Others may not see things as you do, but that doesn't mean that you always have to do what is right. Try to remember your happy spirit may hurt you or others.
(17-23 points) You are Snoopy:
You are fun, you are very cool and popular. You always know what's in and you never are out of style. You are good at knowing how to satisfy everyone else. You have probably disappeared for a few days more than once, but you always come home with the family values that you learned. Being married and having children are important to you, but only after you have had your share of fun times.
(24-28 points) You are Arnold:
You have lots of friends and you are also popular, always willing to give advice and help out a person in need. You are very optimistic and you always see the bright side of things. Some good advice: Try not to be too much of a dreamer If not, you will have many conflicts with life.
(29-34 points) You are Sponge Bob Square Pants:
You are the classic person that everyone loves. You are the best friend that anyone could ever have and never want to lose. You never cause harm to anyone and they would never not understand your feelings. Life is a journey, it's funny & calm for the most part. Stay away from traitors and jealous people, then you will be stress free.
(35-42 points) You are Charlie Brown:
You are tender, you fall in love quickly but you are also very serious about all relationships. You are a family person. You call your mom every Sunday. You have many friends and may occasionally forget a few birthdays. Don't let your passion confuse you with reality.
(43-50 points) You are Dexter:
You are smart and definitely a thinker. Every situation is fronted with a plan. You have a brilliant mind. You demonstrate very strong family principles. You maintain a stable routine but never ignore a bad situation when it comes.
(A tip of the cap to the Sweetheart of Shell Knob, MO.)
_____
Everyone has a personality of a cartoon character. Have you ever asked yourself what cartoon character do you most resemble? A group of investigators got together and analyzed the personalities of well-known and modern cartoon characters. Info that was gathered was made into this test.
Answer all the questions with what describes you best, add up all your points (which are next to the answer that you choose) at the end and look for your results. Do not cheat by looking at the end of the e-mail before you are done. Then forward this to all your friends and change the subject of this message to what character is you.
1) Which 1 of the following describes the perfect date?
(a) Candlelight Dinner (4 pts.)
(b) Fun/Theme park (2 pts.)
(c) Painting in the park (5 pts.)
(d) Rock concert (1 pt.)
(e) Going to the movies (3 pts.)
(2) What is your favorite type of music?
(a) Rock 'n Roll (2 pts.)
(b) Alternative (1 pt)
(c) Soft Rock (4 pts.) (d) Country (5 pts.)
(e) Pop (3 pts.)
(3) What type of movies do you prefer?
(a) Comedy (2 pts.)
(b) Horror (1 pt.)
(c) Musical (3 pts.)
(d) Romance (4 pts.)
(e) Documentary (5 pts.)
(4) Which one of these occupations would you choose if you could only choose one of these?
(a) Waiter (4 pts.)
(b) Professional Sports Player (5pts.)
(c) Teacher (3 pts.)
(d) Police (2 pts.)
(e) Cashier (1 pt.)
(5) What do you do with your spare time?
(a) Exercise (5 pts.)
(b) Read (4 pts.)
(c) Watch television (2 pts.)
(d) Listen to music (1 pt.)
(e) Sleep (3 pts.)
(6) Which one of the following colors do you like best?
(a) Yellow (1 pt.)
(b) White (5 pts.) (c) Sky Blue (3 pts.)
(d) Dark Blue (2 pts.)
(e) Red (4 pts.)
(7) What do you prefer to eat right now?
(a) Snow (3 pts.)
(b) Pizza (2 pts)
(c) Sushi (1 pt.)
(d) Pasta (4 pts.)
(e) Salad (5 pts.)
(8) What is your favorite holiday?
(a) Halloween (1 pt.)
(b) Christmas (3 pts.)
(c) New Year (2 pts.)
(d) Valentine's Day (4 pts)
(e) Thanksgiving (5 pts.)
(9) If you could go to one of these places, which one would it be?
(a) Paris (4 pts.)
(b) Spain (5 pts.)
(c) Las Vegas (1 pt.)
(d) Hawaii (4 pts.)
(e) Hollywood (3pts.)
(10) With which of the following would you prefer to spend time?
(a) Someone smart (5 pts.)
(b)Someone attractive (2 pts.)
(c) Someone who likes to party (1 pt.)
(d) Someone who always has fun (3 pts.)
(e) Someone very sentimental (4 pts.)
Now add up your points and find out the answer you have been waiting for! Put your character in the subject line and forward to your friends and back to the person that sent this to you. Very interesting to see who your friends are!
(10-16 points) You are Garfield:
You are very comfortable, easygoing, you definitely know how to have fun, but sometimes you take it to an extreme. You always know what you are doing and you are always in control of your life. Others may not see things as you do, but that doesn't mean that you always have to do what is right. Try to remember your happy spirit may hurt you or others.
(17-23 points) You are Snoopy:
You are fun, you are very cool and popular. You always know what's in and you never are out of style. You are good at knowing how to satisfy everyone else. You have probably disappeared for a few days more than once, but you always come home with the family values that you learned. Being married and having children are important to you, but only after you have had your share of fun times.
(24-28 points) You are Arnold:
You have lots of friends and you are also popular, always willing to give advice and help out a person in need. You are very optimistic and you always see the bright side of things. Some good advice: Try not to be too much of a dreamer If not, you will have many conflicts with life.
(29-34 points) You are Sponge Bob Square Pants:
You are the classic person that everyone loves. You are the best friend that anyone could ever have and never want to lose. You never cause harm to anyone and they would never not understand your feelings. Life is a journey, it's funny & calm for the most part. Stay away from traitors and jealous people, then you will be stress free.
(35-42 points) You are Charlie Brown:
You are tender, you fall in love quickly but you are also very serious about all relationships. You are a family person. You call your mom every Sunday. You have many friends and may occasionally forget a few birthdays. Don't let your passion confuse you with reality.
(43-50 points) You are Dexter:
You are smart and definitely a thinker. Every situation is fronted with a plan. You have a brilliant mind. You demonstrate very strong family principles. You maintain a stable routine but never ignore a bad situation when it comes.
(A tip of the cap to the Sweetheart of Shell Knob, MO.)
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Bus Fumes
The Administration doesn't want it. The Republicans don't want it. The Democrats don't want it. Our men and women in the military don't want it. So how in the hell does this flogged-to-death draft meme keep bobbing back up to the surface? Arghhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(P.S. -- A tip of the cap to Eugene for the only post I've read worth reading on that stupid Huffington blog.)
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If I see one more commercial where the dad is the but of the joke or dissed by his wife and kids, I'm going to put my size 8-1/2 right through my TV screen.
The two worst offenders, in my opinion?
There is a beauty in men -- real men -- and women working in partnership. There is a rightness in playing to each other's complimentary strengths. When we weaken one half of a partnership, we undermine the entire partnership.
I am sick to damn death of the messages the media gives us in both advertising and sitcoms that men are buffoons. I'm done with bitching about the problem, though, so here's what I'm going to do: I'm going to boycott any television show that gives that message. I'm going to boycott any advertiser that gives that message. They're not getting another red cent of my money and not one more second of my attention. I mean it. Care to join me?
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I have leftwing friends who accuse me of being a Republican. I have rightwing friends that accuse me of being a Democrat. Once more for the record, folks: I am an independent who is conservative on fiscal issues (if I have to stick to a budget, my goverment had better damn well stick to a realistic budget, too) and progressive on social issues (and by progressive, I mean I want programs in place where the goal is for individuals to graduate from public assistance to independence... and in the shortest possible period of time. I want to see progess, not just money thrown at a problem in hopes it will make it better. It never does).
Bill Whittle has written an outstanding essay entitled "Sanctuary" about the war on terrorism. Part I is here. Part II is here. Please try to read it with an open mind; then if you and I don't agree on this issue, let's discuss it in civil tone and language. Otherwise, I really don't care to discuss it with you any more. I know what I believe, and I'm comfortable with it.
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Update: Aw, fer cripes sakes! Rush Limbaugh can get Oxycodone by the gross and the Supremes are concerned about doctors overprescribing medical marijuana? Give me a break! While my mom got good anti-nauseal drugs during her chemo, if it would help get her appetite back and stop her from losing so much weight, I'd be pestering her docs to get her on it right now... but it's not legal in Illinois.
Shit! It's proven to help stop the progression of glaucoma and it's proven to stop nausea and assist the appetite for food. It's cheap, and it could be readily available.
Fucking hell! Mom paid over a thousand dollars a month for a cancer drug that didn't even work... and she couldn't get something with proven benefits that would cost less and do more to help her??? Ooooooo... this makes steam spout out my ears.
_____
(P.S. -- A tip of the cap to Eugene for the only post I've read worth reading on that stupid Huffington blog.)
_____
If I see one more commercial where the dad is the but of the joke or dissed by his wife and kids, I'm going to put my size 8-1/2 right through my TV screen.
The two worst offenders, in my opinion?
- Mobile phone service providers. Every time I see the ad with the smartass black girls sarcastically back-talking their parents because they don't have a mobile phone I practically levitate right out of my seat. Why? My father would have flattened me where I stood... AND I WOULD HAVE DESERVED IT. I grew up knowing that my father worked very hard to provide us a good living, and that something like having a cell phone was a privilege, not a right. Believe you me (Yikes! I'm channeling the Princess Mom here...), it would have been a cold day in Hell in our house before that kind of behavior brought me a reward.
- Insurance companies. State Farm's recent commercial about the couple who got married and he gave up just about everything but his insurance company (State Farm) instead of her insurance company ("the Gecko"), because his is cheaper... but she still comes off as a bossy, know-it-all, ball-busting bitch. He makes an excellent financial decision and she treats him like the village idiot. Great message.
While I don't agree with a everything this guy says, I'm going to point you towards this essay written back in 2003 that contains a helluva lot of truth:
The feminist pendulum has swung entirely too far to the left. While I'm not ready to don a burka and live under sharia law, I am also sick to death of the utter emasculation of men going on in western society today."Out there, there is a huge number of men who are sick of it. We’re sick of being made figures of fun and ridicule; we’re sick of having girly-men like journalists, advertising agency execs and movie stars decide on “what is a man”; we’re sick of women treating us like children, and we’re really fucking sick of girly-men politicians who pander to women by passing an ever-increasing raft of Nanny laws and regulations (the legal equivalent of public-school Ritalin), which prevent us from hunting, racing our cars and motorcycles, smoking, flirting with women at the office [Note: there's a big difference between harmless flirtation and sexual harassment. Kim would be the first to be protective of his female coworkers if it was happening in his office. And, yes, he does know the difference.], getting into fistfights over women, shooting criminals and doing all the fine things which being a man entails."
There is a beauty in men -- real men -- and women working in partnership. There is a rightness in playing to each other's complimentary strengths. When we weaken one half of a partnership, we undermine the entire partnership.
I am sick to damn death of the messages the media gives us in both advertising and sitcoms that men are buffoons. I'm done with bitching about the problem, though, so here's what I'm going to do: I'm going to boycott any television show that gives that message. I'm going to boycott any advertiser that gives that message. They're not getting another red cent of my money and not one more second of my attention. I mean it. Care to join me?
_____
I have leftwing friends who accuse me of being a Republican. I have rightwing friends that accuse me of being a Democrat. Once more for the record, folks: I am an independent who is conservative on fiscal issues (if I have to stick to a budget, my goverment had better damn well stick to a realistic budget, too) and progressive on social issues (and by progressive, I mean I want programs in place where the goal is for individuals to graduate from public assistance to independence... and in the shortest possible period of time. I want to see progess, not just money thrown at a problem in hopes it will make it better. It never does).
Bill Whittle has written an outstanding essay entitled "Sanctuary" about the war on terrorism. Part I is here. Part II is here. Please try to read it with an open mind; then if you and I don't agree on this issue, let's discuss it in civil tone and language. Otherwise, I really don't care to discuss it with you any more. I know what I believe, and I'm comfortable with it.
_____
Update: Aw, fer cripes sakes! Rush Limbaugh can get Oxycodone by the gross and the Supremes are concerned about doctors overprescribing medical marijuana? Give me a break! While my mom got good anti-nauseal drugs during her chemo, if it would help get her appetite back and stop her from losing so much weight, I'd be pestering her docs to get her on it right now... but it's not legal in Illinois.
Shit! It's proven to help stop the progression of glaucoma and it's proven to stop nausea and assist the appetite for food. It's cheap, and it could be readily available.
Fucking hell! Mom paid over a thousand dollars a month for a cancer drug that didn't even work... and she couldn't get something with proven benefits that would cost less and do more to help her??? Ooooooo... this makes steam spout out my ears.
_____
Book Your Ticket
There's some mighty fine writing going on in the blogosphere these days. One great example? The blog novella, wherein one blogger proposes a topic and invites others to join in, then assigns each a chapter to be published on their respective blogs.
Go visit Christina, who proposed the Blog Western. You'll find all seven chapters linked there.
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Go visit Christina, who proposed the Blog Western. You'll find all seven chapters linked there.
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Bus Fumes
I can't believe this tired old meme is floating around the blogosphere again. Give it a rest, will ya?
_____
This is why I don't go over to TalkLeft very often. My blood pressure just can't take it.
_____
She's right -- children really aren't that fragile. In fact, by going so far out of our way not to hurt tender feelings, I'm afraid we are raising a generation of complete egocentric monsters. Or total wusses.
_____
This is why it is my humble opinion that Lila kicks some serious butt.
_____
Ain't it the truth? (For what it's worth, I have equal difficulty with a firmly-entrenched far rightwinger.)
(A tip of the cap to Jim.)
_____
_____
This is why I don't go over to TalkLeft very often. My blood pressure just can't take it.
_____
She's right -- children really aren't that fragile. In fact, by going so far out of our way not to hurt tender feelings, I'm afraid we are raising a generation of complete egocentric monsters. Or total wusses.
_____
This is why it is my humble opinion that Lila kicks some serious butt.
_____
Ain't it the truth? (For what it's worth, I have equal difficulty with a firmly-entrenched far rightwinger.)
(A tip of the cap to Jim.)
_____
Bus Fumes
Who writes tests like this, anyway? It doesn't have the correct answers to most of the questions, guys. Here are the REAL answers:
1. Forget it. Three women together is a team. No matter which one you choose, you're 95% likely to strike out. (Unless, of course, you recruit two of your friends to go with you to divide and conquer. Just make sure you all agree on who approaches whom before you do.)
2. If you don't already know, she probably doesn't like you that much.
3. Say, "I've really had a great time talking with you, and I'd like to continue the conversation some time soon. How about you?" And mean it sincerely. If she is interested, ask for her number, and then call her within 48 hours. The gentleman calls the lady. Poop on feminism.
4. Tell her what you really drive, then ask her what kind of vehicle she drives. She just might surprise you.
5. Tell her you really enjoyed talking with her at the party, especially about [fill in with whatever you discussed at the party], and are hoping to get together again. (Note: A first date doesn't have to be dinner. It could be bowling, kayaking, cocktails, a concert or any number of things. Doing something together on a first date is far better than sitting across the table from someone and trading credentials all night. Yuck.) Suggest something you think she might think is fun based on that conversation at the party.
6. Tell her that you're willing to suspend belief in love at first sight long enough to find out whether it's just infatuation on your part or "the real thing" for both of you -- and do it with a twinkle in your eye and a great big grin. No matter whether she's single, seeing someone, or married, she'll have to laugh and/or be a little bit flattered. Humor is good. Flattery is good. Games are not good.
7. If you can't read her because she's playing hard-to-get, do you really want a silly game player? And if you can't read her because she just doesn't seem to be giving out any signals, that's because she's not all that attracted to you.
8. Call her within 48 hours. Reference your meeting and conversation. Tell her what a great time you had. Ask her out on a date (and if she says yes, for God's sake don't weasel out of it).
9. Call her at the end of the next day and ask how her meeting went. Really listen to her response. Tell her a little about your day. Then ask her out on another date.
10. Call her back. If she's there, just mention what a great time you had talking with her and ask to see her again. If she's not there, leave a cheerful message stating that you're sorry to have missed her return call... and leave your number. For any number of reasons Call #1 may not have gotten through. But if you don't hear from her after Call #2, she's just not that into you. Or, if your ego needs the stroking, she's just to dense to recognize your magnificence. In any case, learn the lesson and move along.
See? Easy.
_____
1. Forget it. Three women together is a team. No matter which one you choose, you're 95% likely to strike out. (Unless, of course, you recruit two of your friends to go with you to divide and conquer. Just make sure you all agree on who approaches whom before you do.)
2. If you don't already know, she probably doesn't like you that much.
3. Say, "I've really had a great time talking with you, and I'd like to continue the conversation some time soon. How about you?" And mean it sincerely. If she is interested, ask for her number, and then call her within 48 hours. The gentleman calls the lady. Poop on feminism.
4. Tell her what you really drive, then ask her what kind of vehicle she drives. She just might surprise you.
5. Tell her you really enjoyed talking with her at the party, especially about [fill in with whatever you discussed at the party], and are hoping to get together again. (Note: A first date doesn't have to be dinner. It could be bowling, kayaking, cocktails, a concert or any number of things. Doing something together on a first date is far better than sitting across the table from someone and trading credentials all night. Yuck.) Suggest something you think she might think is fun based on that conversation at the party.
6. Tell her that you're willing to suspend belief in love at first sight long enough to find out whether it's just infatuation on your part or "the real thing" for both of you -- and do it with a twinkle in your eye and a great big grin. No matter whether she's single, seeing someone, or married, she'll have to laugh and/or be a little bit flattered. Humor is good. Flattery is good. Games are not good.
7. If you can't read her because she's playing hard-to-get, do you really want a silly game player? And if you can't read her because she just doesn't seem to be giving out any signals, that's because she's not all that attracted to you.
8. Call her within 48 hours. Reference your meeting and conversation. Tell her what a great time you had. Ask her out on a date (and if she says yes, for God's sake don't weasel out of it).
9. Call her at the end of the next day and ask how her meeting went. Really listen to her response. Tell her a little about your day. Then ask her out on another date.
10. Call her back. If she's there, just mention what a great time you had talking with her and ask to see her again. If she's not there, leave a cheerful message stating that you're sorry to have missed her return call... and leave your number. For any number of reasons Call #1 may not have gotten through. But if you don't hear from her after Call #2, she's just not that into you. Or, if your ego needs the stroking, she's just to dense to recognize your magnificence. In any case, learn the lesson and move along.
See? Easy.
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From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus
Velociman links to this and adds his own hilarious two cents. (Yes, yes. Of course I got the giggles.)
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Huh?
"Undoubtedly the Turbo-Encabulator has now reached a very high level of technical development. It has been successfully used for operating the "Nofer" trunnions, and in addition, whenever a biescent skor motion is required, it may be employed in conjunction with a reciprocating dingle to reduce sinusiodal deplenaration. Editors note: I really never thought it was possible. It makes you wonder what's next?"
I'm more confused than ever...
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Another reference here. (But no photo. Damn.)
_____
And if you go to the FAQ in this post, you'll wonder if the author really speaks the King's English. (My guess is "no".)
_____
Ah! The answer at last: It is a joke. Only my dad would have had such geeky friends... (Veloci-Dude was correct.)
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Look! There's a reward for a copy of the video.
_____
I'm done with this subject now. Really.
_____
Drive-Bys
Jeff makes a very good point -- there's got to be a better and more creative metaphor. This one is getting tired. Extremely tired. Care to suggest a new one?
_____
They needed scientists to prove this? Jeeze! Spend 5 minutes in any junior high, middle school or high school in between and you'll get all the scientific evidence you'll ever need.
_____
My friend Steve Dale finally got his own website. Now if we could only get him to add a blog, too...
_____
I'm a card-carrying member of this organization. How about you?
_____
Holy moley! The one and only Venomous Kate is (finally) back. It's about time.
_____
What a concept!
_____
If you thought Bill Gates' advice to graduates was interesting, check this out. (I have a relative who could use a good deal of this advice at the moment. Grrrrrrrrr.)
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_____
They needed scientists to prove this? Jeeze! Spend 5 minutes in any junior high, middle school or high school in between and you'll get all the scientific evidence you'll ever need.
_____
My friend Steve Dale finally got his own website. Now if we could only get him to add a blog, too...
_____
I'm a card-carrying member of this organization. How about you?
_____
Holy moley! The one and only Venomous Kate is (finally) back. It's about time.
_____
What a concept!
_____
If you thought Bill Gates' advice to graduates was interesting, check this out. (I have a relative who could use a good deal of this advice at the moment. Grrrrrrrrr.)
_____
Huh?
I'm back from Florida, and not a moment too soon.
While I was visiting with the Princess Mom, she pulled out my dad's high school yearbook for his senior year. Since Dad can't answer from the ether, I'm hoping someone out there may be able to answer two questions that cropped up as a result:
One: Dad's ambition was "To be the next Nelson Church." Who the hell is Nelson Church? I'd really kind of like to know so I can figure out whether Dad achieved that particular goal.
Two: Several of the guys in his class listed "reciprocating dingle arms" as their pet peeve. What in the world is a reciprocating dingle arm???
It may just take a member of the class of '47 to answer these pressing questions.
_____
While I was visiting with the Princess Mom, she pulled out my dad's high school yearbook for his senior year. Since Dad can't answer from the ether, I'm hoping someone out there may be able to answer two questions that cropped up as a result:
One: Dad's ambition was "To be the next Nelson Church." Who the hell is Nelson Church? I'd really kind of like to know so I can figure out whether Dad achieved that particular goal.
Two: Several of the guys in his class listed "reciprocating dingle arms" as their pet peeve. What in the world is a reciprocating dingle arm???
It may just take a member of the class of '47 to answer these pressing questions.
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Chartered Excursion -- The Blogosphere
I'm off to visit the Princess Mom, and nobody offered to take the keys to the Omnibus for a few days. But -- have no fear -- I won't leave you with nothing to read. Here are a few of my own daily reads. Go visit 'em while I'm gone:
My Most Esteemed Blogdaddy
The Beautiful and Atrocious Jeff
The God of Shoes
The Goddesses of Fashion Snarkage
The Droll and Erudite Pejman
The Spoon Meister
My Favorite Firecracker
Veloci-Dude
Zonker von Thunder and Roses
Tall, Blonde and Lethal
Mouth of the Got-Damn South
The Mixologist with the Mostest
The Scots Smoothie
That Other Omnibus Gal
I could go on and on, but these are some of my all time faves. C'mon. Give 'em a try.
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My Most Esteemed Blogdaddy
The Beautiful and Atrocious Jeff
The God of Shoes
The Goddesses of Fashion Snarkage
The Droll and Erudite Pejman
The Spoon Meister
My Favorite Firecracker
Veloci-Dude
Zonker von Thunder and Roses
Tall, Blonde and Lethal
Mouth of the Got-Damn South
The Mixologist with the Mostest
The Scots Smoothie
That Other Omnibus Gal
I could go on and on, but these are some of my all time faves. C'mon. Give 'em a try.
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From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus
From Marian:
THESE ARE ACTUAL NEWSPAPER ADS!
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old. Hateful little dog. Bites.
FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.
FREE PUPPIES.... Part German Shepherd, part stupid dog.
FREE GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. Neutered. Speaks German.
FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG. Looks like a rat... been out a while... better be a reward.
COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.. Also 1 gay bull for sale.
NORDIC TRACK $300 Hardly used... call Chubby.
GEORGIA PEACHES, California grown - 89 cents lb.
JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer $300.
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE. WORN ONCE BY MISTAKE. Call Stephanie.
AND THE BEST ONE:
FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed, got married last month. Wife knows everything.
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THESE ARE ACTUAL NEWSPAPER ADS!
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old. Hateful little dog. Bites.
FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.
FREE PUPPIES.... Part German Shepherd, part stupid dog.
FREE GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. Neutered. Speaks German.
FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG. Looks like a rat... been out a while... better be a reward.
COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.. Also 1 gay bull for sale.
NORDIC TRACK $300 Hardly used... call Chubby.
GEORGIA PEACHES, California grown - 89 cents lb.
JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer $300.
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE. WORN ONCE BY MISTAKE. Call Stephanie.
AND THE BEST ONE:
FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed, got married last month. Wife knows everything.
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Drive-Bys
Look like the guys are Jib-Jab are cashing in on their popularity. Good for them. At least they'll make the Super Bowl ads interesting (for a change).
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From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus
This little piece of wisdom comes from the Sweetheart of Shell Knob, MO:
Keep this philosophy in mind the next time you either hear or are about to repeat a rumor.
In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom.
One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?"
"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Test of Three."
"Three?"
"That's right," Socrates continued "Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to test what you're going to say. The first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"
"No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it."
"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second test, the test of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?"
"No, on the contrary..."
"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him even though you're not certain it's true?"
The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.
Socrates continued. "You may still pass though, because there is a third test - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?"
"No, not really."
"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?"
The man was defeated and left, ashamed.
This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why he never found out that Plato was banging his wife.
Ba dum bum.
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Keep this philosophy in mind the next time you either hear or are about to repeat a rumor.
In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom.
One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?"
"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Test of Three."
"Three?"
"That's right," Socrates continued "Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to test what you're going to say. The first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"
"No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it."
"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second test, the test of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?"
"No, on the contrary..."
"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him even though you're not certain it's true?"
The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.
Socrates continued. "You may still pass though, because there is a third test - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?"
"No, not really."
"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?"
The man was defeated and left, ashamed.
This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why he never found out that Plato was banging his wife.
Ba dum bum.
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Bus Fumes
A pregnant teen manages to graduate from high school and the school won't allow her to participate in commencement exercises, but lets the putative father participate??? Good for Alysha. The girl's got serious guts. Let's hope that takes her far in life.
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Yeah. I'll admit it. I voted for this doofus. But I certainly won't make that mistake again. Who knew?
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Yeah. I'll admit it. I voted for this doofus. But I certainly won't make that mistake again. Who knew?
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If It's Not One Thing...
The Sweetheart of Shell Knob, MO wrote:
I can't tell you how much that means.
Here's the problem, though -- the real issue with getting Mom home is that she's making it difficult because: 1) she says she's not happy with her doctors up here... but has done absolutely nothing about asking her FL docs for referrals; and, 2) she won't make any plans to come back without her docs' permission... but hasn't asked when they think it would be okay for her to travel.
Yes, she's been flattened like a pancake by this last treatment. Yes, she's felt sicker than a dog. You think she'd take every damned drug the doctors prescribed in order to get some relief from that, right? BUT, NOOOOOOOO. Not her.
I think there's a little part of the Princess Mom that likes all the attention she's been getting lately. How many people do you know who can snap their fingers and have people fly halfway across the country at the drop of a hat not once, but twice? (That includes my brother and his family, my cousin and myself.) She admits she can't do much of anything for herself at the moment, and has gotten used to (translated: "is wallowing in") being waited on.
My job is to light a stick of dynamite under her ass to get her wanting to get back here ASAP. Usually I'm the helpful, sympathetic child. Not this time. Now I'm the hands on hips, exasperated, cattle-prod wielding harridan who's going to help her get inspired... OR ELSE.
Am I sympathetic? Yep. To a point. But I think we passed that point about a week ago.
She'd better get moving while I'm there, too. Why? Because my sister is going down the week following to finish up getting Mom going... and Heidi... well... let's just say you REALLY don't want to mess with her.
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"I just read your blog -- I'm so sorry your mom isn't doing as well as hoped. I'm keeping the prayers going and will send good thoughts and prayers your way as you head back down there. How much less of a worry this will be when you get her back to Chgo. Will you fly her back or drive down to get her?
"Long distance or not, let me know if there's anything we can do -- we can come to Chgo if needed; it's only about 10 hours up there. And if you need to talk..... Whatever you need. just holler."
I can't tell you how much that means.
Here's the problem, though -- the real issue with getting Mom home is that she's making it difficult because: 1) she says she's not happy with her doctors up here... but has done absolutely nothing about asking her FL docs for referrals; and, 2) she won't make any plans to come back without her docs' permission... but hasn't asked when they think it would be okay for her to travel.
Yes, she's been flattened like a pancake by this last treatment. Yes, she's felt sicker than a dog. You think she'd take every damned drug the doctors prescribed in order to get some relief from that, right? BUT, NOOOOOOOO. Not her.
I think there's a little part of the Princess Mom that likes all the attention she's been getting lately. How many people do you know who can snap their fingers and have people fly halfway across the country at the drop of a hat not once, but twice? (That includes my brother and his family, my cousin and myself.) She admits she can't do much of anything for herself at the moment, and has gotten used to (translated: "is wallowing in") being waited on.
My job is to light a stick of dynamite under her ass to get her wanting to get back here ASAP. Usually I'm the helpful, sympathetic child. Not this time. Now I'm the hands on hips, exasperated, cattle-prod wielding harridan who's going to help her get inspired... OR ELSE.
Am I sympathetic? Yep. To a point. But I think we passed that point about a week ago.
She'd better get moving while I'm there, too. Why? Because my sister is going down the week following to finish up getting Mom going... and Heidi... well... let's just say you REALLY don't want to mess with her.
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Drive-Bys
Yesterday a reader posted a comment that he/she was offended by my use of the term "drive-bys," thinking that I was flippantly referring to drive-by shootings. To the contrary, my use of the term means that thing I see as I'm driving past that sparks a fleeting thought or a memory of something I'm supposed to remember, but have already forgotten (and trying to recall whatever that forgotten thing is will nag at the back of my consciousness all day... and then I won't be able to remember what prompted that nagging feeling in the first place). That happens to me all the time... and usually that thought or memory is gone as quickly as the scenery has passed. "Drive-Bys" is my way of capturing those moments. No offense intended.
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I have an ear worm again. It's Wayne Newton singing "Scarlet Ribbons."
I have NO idea where that scary combination came from, but the song has been bouncing around the back of my skull since about 4:00 this morning. Make it stop! Please!
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Written by a blogger FOR bloggers, I presume?
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But it won't pay for contraception? I'm with Marc here. Quick! Pass me a cluebat.
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Holy Moley!!! I didn't know this existed. Now I know how safe (or unsafe) my street really is. Yikes.
(A tip of the cap to Jeff Jarvis.)
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The great karmic wheel turns. Heh.
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My office just got a new, high tech and very spiffy GBC electronic hole-punch. It's not working. Again. The note attached says, "Not punching properly. Use the little guy." Call me naughty, but I'm really tempted to buy one of these to put next to that sign.
Besides -- I think it would be more efficient -- not to mention less costly to maintain -- than either of the other ones.
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Challenge of the day: keep a straight face while reading this. Or this.
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It's a FAKE??? Say it ain't so....
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Update: Egads! It actually happened in Episode 230. (But that still doesn't explain the ear worm.)
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Update 2: It's no secret that I am a very fast reader. Sometimes that gets me into trouble. This headline had me in stitches. Why? I read it as "The Monkey in God's Army." Totally different picture.
If that's not enough, there's an article in Vanity Fair about Steve Wynn's new hotel in Vegas. This little excerpt had me on the floor when I realized that I had misread one little word:
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I have an ear worm again. It's Wayne Newton singing "Scarlet Ribbons."
I have NO idea where that scary combination came from, but the song has been bouncing around the back of my skull since about 4:00 this morning. Make it stop! Please!
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Written by a blogger FOR bloggers, I presume?
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But it won't pay for contraception? I'm with Marc here. Quick! Pass me a cluebat.
_____
Holy Moley!!! I didn't know this existed. Now I know how safe (or unsafe) my street really is. Yikes.
(A tip of the cap to Jeff Jarvis.)
_____
The great karmic wheel turns. Heh.
_____
My office just got a new, high tech and very spiffy GBC electronic hole-punch. It's not working. Again. The note attached says, "Not punching properly. Use the little guy." Call me naughty, but I'm really tempted to buy one of these to put next to that sign.
Besides -- I think it would be more efficient -- not to mention less costly to maintain -- than either of the other ones.
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Challenge of the day: keep a straight face while reading this. Or this.
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It's a FAKE??? Say it ain't so....
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Update: Egads! It actually happened in Episode 230. (But that still doesn't explain the ear worm.)
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Update 2: It's no secret that I am a very fast reader. Sometimes that gets me into trouble. This headline had me in stitches. Why? I read it as "The Monkey in God's Army." Totally different picture.
If that's not enough, there's an article in Vanity Fair about Steve Wynn's new hotel in Vegas. This little excerpt had me on the floor when I realized that I had misread one little word:
"Suddenly we're suffounded by Rachmaninoff's 'Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganinni,' thundering from who knows how many speakers. 'Louder!' yells Wynn. The mountain is illuminated. The lagoon bubbles and gurgles. Beneath the water, 4,000 light-emitting diodes burst with fabulous colors in psychedelic patterns, aaggitated swirls of blue, yellow, and pink race and ripple across the water in time to the piano concerto. Enthralled, Wynn cuts through the air with an invisible baton."
Okay. Change "diodes" to... well... I'll leave that most colorful picture to your own imaginations.
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Book Your Ticket
Why should I be the only one having fun? Go here and donate if you want to make sure that kids have the books they need. You have no idea how good it'll make you feel!
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Speaking of books, if you read as much as I do, you might find this to be a very good value. I know I'm going to give it a whirl!
(A tip of the cap to my Blogdaddy.)
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Speaking of books, if you read as much as I do, you might find this to be a very good value. I know I'm going to give it a whirl!
(A tip of the cap to my Blogdaddy.)
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From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus
And I do mean ROWDIES.
(A tip of the cap to that little rabble-rouser Mog. Thanks. I needed that laugh today.)
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This is from Elizabeth:
What follows is a real application from a prospective student at a university.
His application was apparently successful.
In order for the admissions staff of our university to get to know you, the applicant, better, we ask that you answer the following questions:
Q: Are there any significant experiences you have had, or accomplishments you have realized, that have helped to define you as a person?
A: I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Kenyan refugees, I write award-winning operas, and manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook thirty-minute brownies in twenty minutes.
I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I had trails with Manchester United, I am the subject of numerous documentaries.
When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my garden. I enjoy urban hang -gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge. I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie.
Critics world-wide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have appeared on Through The Keyhole and won the gold plaque. Last summer I toured Eastern Europe with a travelling centrifugal-force demonstration. I run the l00m in 9.65 secs.
My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining-room that evening.
I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operation for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorist who had seized a small bakery.
The laws of physics do not apply to me. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami.
Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four-course meals using only some vegetables and a toaster.
I breed prize-winning clams. I have won bullfights in Madrid, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and chess competitions at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.
But I have not yet gone to this University.
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The Sweetheart of Shell Knob, MO sends this:
THE HILLBILLY VASECTOMY
After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have anymore children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. "A less costly alternative," said the doctor, "is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10."
The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."
"Trust me," said the doctor.
So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count...
"1"
"2"
"3"
"4"
"5"
At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.
(This procedure also works in Tennessee, Kentucky, Arkansas, Mississippi, Missouri, West Virginia and Washington DC)
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(A tip of the cap to that little rabble-rouser Mog. Thanks. I needed that laugh today.)
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This is from Elizabeth:
What follows is a real application from a prospective student at a university.
His application was apparently successful.
In order for the admissions staff of our university to get to know you, the applicant, better, we ask that you answer the following questions:
Q: Are there any significant experiences you have had, or accomplishments you have realized, that have helped to define you as a person?
A: I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Kenyan refugees, I write award-winning operas, and manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook thirty-minute brownies in twenty minutes.
I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I had trails with Manchester United, I am the subject of numerous documentaries.
When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my garden. I enjoy urban hang -gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge. I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie.
Critics world-wide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have appeared on Through The Keyhole and won the gold plaque. Last summer I toured Eastern Europe with a travelling centrifugal-force demonstration. I run the l00m in 9.65 secs.
My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining-room that evening.
I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operation for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorist who had seized a small bakery.
The laws of physics do not apply to me. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami.
Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four-course meals using only some vegetables and a toaster.
I breed prize-winning clams. I have won bullfights in Madrid, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and chess competitions at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.
But I have not yet gone to this University.
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The Sweetheart of Shell Knob, MO sends this:
THE HILLBILLY VASECTOMY
After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have anymore children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. "A less costly alternative," said the doctor, "is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10."
The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."
"Trust me," said the doctor.
So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count...
"1"
"2"
"3"
"4"
"5"
At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.
(This procedure also works in Tennessee, Kentucky, Arkansas, Mississippi, Missouri, West Virginia and Washington DC)
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If It's Not One Thing...
... it's your mother.
To quote Charlie Brown -- "Rats."
It seems my mom isn't doing as well as the doctors had hoped by now. She's still not eating right, losing weight, her red and white blood counts are low and they've put her on IV fluids. Cripes. The cure is almost worse than the cancer itself. Almost being the operative word.
I bought another plane ticket today. I'll be flying down to Florida Monday morning, returning on the 30th. My sister will take over from there. We hope to get her packed up and back here by the end of the first week in June, as it's much easier to keep an eye on her that way.
Anybody want some keys to the Omnibus while I'm gone? I could use a good driver.
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See? I'm not the only one feeling it. Say a little prayer for Flax and her family, too.
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To quote Charlie Brown -- "Rats."
It seems my mom isn't doing as well as the doctors had hoped by now. She's still not eating right, losing weight, her red and white blood counts are low and they've put her on IV fluids. Cripes. The cure is almost worse than the cancer itself. Almost being the operative word.
I bought another plane ticket today. I'll be flying down to Florida Monday morning, returning on the 30th. My sister will take over from there. We hope to get her packed up and back here by the end of the first week in June, as it's much easier to keep an eye on her that way.
Anybody want some keys to the Omnibus while I'm gone? I could use a good driver.
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See? I'm not the only one feeling it. Say a little prayer for Flax and her family, too.
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Rubber-Necking
Ouch! (Don't try this at home.)
I can't believe this case made it court in the first place -- let alone to a court of appeals. The mind boggles.
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I can't believe this case made it court in the first place -- let alone to a court of appeals. The mind boggles.
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Bus Fumes
I can totally understand why this jerk was both arrested and suspended. I do NOT understand this, however. Cripes! On the one hand, school administrators did something reasonable after ample warning. On the other hand, they went way over the top. A verbal warning would have been more than sufficient. Gah!
(A tip of the cap to Tim.)
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(A tip of the cap to Tim.)
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From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus
Denny spins a pun as bad as the old saw about Ghandi. Sheesh.
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My Blogdaddy is a sadist. Why? Because he sends me stuff like this.
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Elizabeth sends Deep Thoughts for Deep Thinkers:
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.
I had amnesia once -- or twice.
I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?
Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
They told me I was gullible ... and I believed them.
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto a freeway.
Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.
When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail.
My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
Is there another word for synonym?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
What's another word for thesaurus?
Is Marx's tomb a communist plot?
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
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My Blogdaddy is a sadist. Why? Because he sends me stuff like this.
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Elizabeth sends Deep Thoughts for Deep Thinkers:
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.
I had amnesia once -- or twice.
I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?
Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
They told me I was gullible ... and I believed them.
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto a freeway.
Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.
When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail.
My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
Is there another word for synonym?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
What's another word for thesaurus?
Is Marx's tomb a communist plot?
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
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Book Your Ticket
Why would anyone want to write teen books? Well maybe it's because teens get really excited if you write books about things they care passionately about. I'm obviously all for anything that gets kids reading.
Keep on writing what you want to write, Ms. Mechling.
(A tip of the cap to Dr. Frank.)
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Speaking of teens and books, on Friday Ms. Kapp wrote to tell me:
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I got another note from Ms. Kapps today letting me know that all but two of the books have arrived:
Keep on writing what you want to write, Ms. Mechling.
(A tip of the cap to Dr. Frank.)
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Speaking of teens and books, on Friday Ms. Kapp wrote to tell me:
"Yes, we are recieving books as they come in. It looks like most of block two has arrived and a few from block one. We are going to be making our journals today that we will be sending you!Nope. These are their books to keep. I'm beginning to feel like Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy all rolled into one.
"The kids are so excited about this. Some are still wondering if they have to return then when they are done!"
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I got another note from Ms. Kapps today letting me know that all but two of the books have arrived:
"The kids were so excited to take them home. We created our journal covers on Friday and I am giving them until the second week of June to finish the books and turn in their journals. Some kids asked if they could finish over the weekend! I said of course!!!"_____
Drive-Bys
I try not to post when I'm in a bad mood or the news of the day is really getting to me. That's why posting has been light the last few days.
I'm sending out prayers to: Mamamontezz for a humane insurance examiner, Kelley for an outstanding job interview and this gal, just because I feel like throwing her a big 'ole hug.
I'm sending out thanks to Trevor for reminding me: 1) what's really important in life; and, 2) to check my badditude at the door. Also to Michele and Steve, for making me laugh so hard. (I really, really needed that.)
Back later, after I stuff the evil twin genie back in its bottle. Sheesh.
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One quick thing -- best quote of the day?
I'm sending out prayers to: Mamamontezz for a humane insurance examiner, Kelley for an outstanding job interview and this gal, just because I feel like throwing her a big 'ole hug.
I'm sending out thanks to Trevor for reminding me: 1) what's really important in life; and, 2) to check my badditude at the door. Also to Michele and Steve, for making me laugh so hard. (I really, really needed that.)
Back later, after I stuff the evil twin genie back in its bottle. Sheesh.
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One quick thing -- best quote of the day?
When I saw the ad showing Darth Vader face to face with that creepy, plastic-faced Burger King creature, it was official: George Lucas is the biggest merchandising whore in movie history.
"Revenge of the Sith"? How about rearranging the letters on the last word of that title to describe all the "Star Wars" stuff Lucas and Co. are selling.
Richard Roeper rocks.
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Tootin' the Horn
This is the best bit of writing I've seen in quite a while. If you can read the entire thing with a straight face, you're a better man than I, Gunga Din.
(A tip of the cap to Michael J. Totten.)
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(A tip of the cap to Michael J. Totten.)
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The Mom Update
It's a good news/so-so news day.
The good news? Today was Mom's last radiation treatment. (Yahoo!)
The so-so news? She has zero energy, and feels like the poster child for this new Carnival.
Ah, well. The nurse's aid at the radiology clinic told her that in six weeks she'll feel like a completely different person.
It's about damn time.
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The good news? Today was Mom's last radiation treatment. (Yahoo!)
The so-so news? She has zero energy, and feels like the poster child for this new Carnival.
Ah, well. The nurse's aid at the radiology clinic told her that in six weeks she'll feel like a completely different person.
It's about damn time.
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From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus
Nancy V. sends these "Toddler Property Laws":
1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my hand, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be your's in anyway.
6. If I'm doing or building something, all of the pieces are mine.
7. If it looks just like mine, it's mine.
8. If I think it's mine, it's mine.
Hmmmmm.... I think I know of few people above ankle-biting age who still think these are the rules...
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Marian sends a few fashion tips for those of us at an age, well...
Many of us "Older Folks" (those over 40, WAY over 40 or hovering near 40) might be a bit confused about how we should present ourselves. We're unsure about the kind of image we are projecting and whether or not we are correct as we try to conform to current fashions. Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together and should be avoided:
1. A nose ring and bifocals
2. Spiked hair and bald spots
3. A pierced tongue and dentures
4. Miniskirts and support hose
5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads
6. Speedo's and cellulite
7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar
8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor
9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge
10. Bikinis and liver spots
11. Short shorts and varicose veins
12. Inline skates and a walker
And last, but not least . . .
13. Thongs and Depends
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1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my hand, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be your's in anyway.
6. If I'm doing or building something, all of the pieces are mine.
7. If it looks just like mine, it's mine.
8. If I think it's mine, it's mine.
Hmmmmm.... I think I know of few people above ankle-biting age who still think these are the rules...
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Marian sends a few fashion tips for those of us at an age, well...
Many of us "Older Folks" (those over 40, WAY over 40 or hovering near 40) might be a bit confused about how we should present ourselves. We're unsure about the kind of image we are projecting and whether or not we are correct as we try to conform to current fashions. Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together and should be avoided:
1. A nose ring and bifocals
2. Spiked hair and bald spots
3. A pierced tongue and dentures
4. Miniskirts and support hose
5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads
6. Speedo's and cellulite
7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar
8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor
9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge
10. Bikinis and liver spots
11. Short shorts and varicose veins
12. Inline skates and a walker
And last, but not least . . .
13. Thongs and Depends
_____
Bus Fumes
Any self-respecting wine-lover should be boycotting this shite designer wine lite trend. (To parody the old Miller Lite ads: "More condescending! Less intoxicating!")
_____
_____
Rubber-Necking
Drape your monitor in Saran Wrap before reading the best one-liner of the day.
_____
Was that Rob doing the "I told you so" dance on the front porch of the cracker box? (A tip of the cap to Spoons.)
_____
Where your tuition dollars are going. Their mothers would be so proud! (A tip of the cap to Eric.)
_____
_____
Was that Rob doing the "I told you so" dance on the front porch of the cracker box? (A tip of the cap to Spoons.)
_____
Where your tuition dollars are going. Their mothers would be so proud! (A tip of the cap to Eric.)
_____
Groundhog Day
"We regret to inform you that our supplier has changed the release date on the pre-ordered merchandise listed below. We hope to fulfill your order soon. To keep your order open, we must have your approval for a 30-Day Order Extension. If you do not approve an extension, this part of your order will be canceled in 24 hours.
"Please accept our sincere apologies for the delay.
"-- Barnes & Noble.com
"This part of your order has been delayed:
"QTY TITLE
"1 Zimmerguide to George R. R. Martin's a Feast for Crows: A Personal, Unofficial, Opinionated Guide to the Long-Awaited Fourth Novel in a Song of Ice and Fire ISBN:0975447920"
Argggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
_____
"Please accept our sincere apologies for the delay.
"-- Barnes & Noble.com
"This part of your order has been delayed:
"QTY TITLE
"1 Zimmerguide to George R. R. Martin's a Feast for Crows: A Personal, Unofficial, Opinionated Guide to the Long-Awaited Fourth Novel in a Song of Ice and Fire ISBN:0975447920"
Argggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
_____
Tootin' the Horn
I just had a lovely bit of correspondence with one of the resellers from whom I ordered books for the Mercer Middle School kids.
A big old smoocheroo to Lulu of Lulu's Books, who immediately refunded the purchase price of the book when she found out about my little project. Thanks! You made my day.
_____
A big old smoocheroo to Lulu of Lulu's Books, who immediately refunded the purchase price of the book when she found out about my little project. Thanks! You made my day.
_____
From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus
Feste tees up a funny.
_____
UziQ has another.
_____
Elizabeth says: Don't know if this was in all the papers, but, thought you'd like to know...............
Kentucky Fried Chicken today sued Wendy's, claiming that if Wendy's is placing human fingers in their chili they are infringing on KFC's "finger licking good" trademark.
_____
_____
UziQ has another.
_____
Elizabeth says: Don't know if this was in all the papers, but, thought you'd like to know...............
Kentucky Fried Chicken today sued Wendy's, claiming that if Wendy's is placing human fingers in their chili they are infringing on KFC's "finger licking good" trademark.
_____
Drive-Bys
I know this is meant as humor, but I've been boycotting the Today Show since forever just this reason. Blech. We don't like her any more.
(A tip of the cap to my Blogdaddy!)
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(A tip of the cap to my Blogdaddy!)
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Book Your Ticket
Ms. Kapp's second class has come through with their lists. I fired off this order this morning:
1 "The Princess Diaries, Volume VI: Princess in Training (Princess Diaries)" Meg Cabot; Hardcover;
2 "Coach Carter" Jasmine Jones; Paperback;
1 "The Grim Grotto (A Series of Unfortunate Events, Book 11)" Lemony Snicket; Hardcover;
1 "Chocolate Star (Chocolate Star)" Sheila Copeland; Mass Market Paperback;
1 "Gossip Girl #7: Nobody Does It Better : A Gossip Girl Novel (Gossip Girl)" Cecily von Ziegesar; Paperback;
1 "Gossip Girl #6: You're the One That I Want : A Gossip Girl Novel (Gossip Girl)" Cecily von Ziegesar; Paperback;
1 "The Fall of Reach (Halo)" ERIC NYLUND; Paperback;
1 "The Flood (Halo)" WILLIAM C. DIETZ; Paperback;
1 "Eragon (Inheritance, Book 1)" CHRISTOPHER PAOLINI; Paperback;
1 "The Code Book for Young People : How to Make It, Break It, Hack It, Crack It" SIMON SINGH; Hardcover;
1 "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" ANN BRASHARES; Paperback;
1 "The Notebook" Nicholas Sparks; Paperback;
1 "Holler If You Hear Me: Searching for Tupac Shakur" Michael Eric Dyson; Paperback;
1 "Venus and Serena: Serving From The Hip : 10 Rules for Living, Loving, and Winning" Hilary Beard; Paperback;
1 "The RETURN (REMEMBER ME 2) : THE RETURN" Christopher Pike; Paperback;
1 "Push : A Novel (Vintage Contemporaries)" SAPPHIRE; Paperback;
1 "Naruto, Vol. 1: The Tests of the Ninja" Masashi Kishimoto; Paperback;
1 "A Chocolate Affair" Sheila Copeland; Mass Market Paperback;
1 ".Hack: //Legend of the Twilight, Vol. 1" Tatsuya Hamazaki; Paperback;
1 "Samurai Girl Real Bout High School (Samurai Girl Real Bout Highschool)" Reiji Saiga; Paperback;
1 "Chaos, Corruption, Courage and Glory : A Year in the Life of Boxing" Thomas Hauser; Paperback;
1 "Friday Night Lights: A Town, a Team, and a Dream" H. G. Bissinger; Paperback;
1 "For the Love of the Game : My Story" MARK VANCIL; Hardcover;
1 "The Cry Of The Icemark" Stuart Hill; Hardcover;
1 "Monster : Autobiography of an L.A. Gang Member, The" Sanyika Shakur; Paperback;
1 "We Beat the Street: How a Friendship Led to Success" Sampson Davis; Hardcover.
Once again these kids have blown me away with the variety of books chosen.
I heard from Ms. Kapp today and she says, "I am having them create journals for their books and when we are finished I will mail them off to you." With the kids' permission, I hope to share some of their thoughts with you, too.
_____
1 "The Princess Diaries, Volume VI: Princess in Training (Princess Diaries)" Meg Cabot; Hardcover;
2 "Coach Carter" Jasmine Jones; Paperback;
1 "The Grim Grotto (A Series of Unfortunate Events, Book 11)" Lemony Snicket; Hardcover;
1 "Chocolate Star (Chocolate Star)" Sheila Copeland; Mass Market Paperback;
1 "Gossip Girl #7: Nobody Does It Better : A Gossip Girl Novel (Gossip Girl)" Cecily von Ziegesar; Paperback;
1 "Gossip Girl #6: You're the One That I Want : A Gossip Girl Novel (Gossip Girl)" Cecily von Ziegesar; Paperback;
1 "The Fall of Reach (Halo)" ERIC NYLUND; Paperback;
1 "The Flood (Halo)" WILLIAM C. DIETZ; Paperback;
1 "Eragon (Inheritance, Book 1)" CHRISTOPHER PAOLINI; Paperback;
1 "The Code Book for Young People : How to Make It, Break It, Hack It, Crack It" SIMON SINGH; Hardcover;
1 "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" ANN BRASHARES; Paperback;
1 "The Notebook" Nicholas Sparks; Paperback;
1 "Holler If You Hear Me: Searching for Tupac Shakur" Michael Eric Dyson; Paperback;
1 "Venus and Serena: Serving From The Hip : 10 Rules for Living, Loving, and Winning" Hilary Beard; Paperback;
1 "The RETURN (REMEMBER ME 2) : THE RETURN" Christopher Pike; Paperback;
1 "Push : A Novel (Vintage Contemporaries)" SAPPHIRE; Paperback;
1 "Naruto, Vol. 1: The Tests of the Ninja" Masashi Kishimoto; Paperback;
1 "A Chocolate Affair" Sheila Copeland; Mass Market Paperback;
1 ".Hack: //Legend of the Twilight, Vol. 1" Tatsuya Hamazaki; Paperback;
1 "Samurai Girl Real Bout High School (Samurai Girl Real Bout Highschool)" Reiji Saiga; Paperback;
1 "Chaos, Corruption, Courage and Glory : A Year in the Life of Boxing" Thomas Hauser; Paperback;
1 "Friday Night Lights: A Town, a Team, and a Dream" H. G. Bissinger; Paperback;
1 "For the Love of the Game : My Story" MARK VANCIL; Hardcover;
1 "The Cry Of The Icemark" Stuart Hill; Hardcover;
1 "Monster : Autobiography of an L.A. Gang Member, The" Sanyika Shakur; Paperback;
1 "We Beat the Street: How a Friendship Led to Success" Sampson Davis; Hardcover.
Once again these kids have blown me away with the variety of books chosen.
I heard from Ms. Kapp today and she says, "I am having them create journals for their books and when we are finished I will mail them off to you." With the kids' permission, I hope to share some of their thoughts with you, too.
_____
Book Your Ticket
Well! Ms. Kapp and her students have been busy in the computer lab. I got the first list of books this morning, and placed this order:
1 "The Carnivorous Carnival (A Series of Unfortunate Events, Book 9)" Lemony Snicket; Hardcover
1 "Someone Like You" Sarah Dessen; Paperback
1 "The Pol Pot Regime: Race, Power, and Genocide in Cambodia under the Khmer Rouge, 1975-79" Ben Kiernan; Paperback
1 "Eragon (Inheritance, Book 1)"CHRISTOPHER PAOLINI; Paperback
1 "Neverwhere" Neil Gaiman; Paperback
1 "The Second Summer of the Sisterhood (Readers Circle)" ANN BRASHARES; Paperback
1 "Pharos : A Ghost Story" Alice Thompson; Paperback
1 "Charlie Bone and the Time Twister (The Children of the Red King, Book 2)" Jenny Nimmo; Hardcover
1 "Holes (Yearling Newbery)" Louis Sachar; Paperback
1 "Prom" Laurie Halse Anderson; Hardcover
1 "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" Stephen Chbosky; Paperback
3 "The Rose That Grew From Concrete" Tupac Shakur; Hardcover
1 "Lisa Lopes : The Life of a Supernova" Nancy Krulik; Paperback
1 "Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul on Love & Friendship (Chicken Soup for the Soul)" Jack Canfield; Paperback
1 "The Ultimate Code Book: Cheats and the Cheating Cheaters Who Use Them : Prima Games" Prima Temp Authors; Paperback
1 "The Opal Deception (Artemis Fowl, Book 4)" Eoin Colfer; Hardcover
1 "The Hoopster, Revised Edition" Alan Lawrence Sitomer; Hardcover
1 "Don't Sweat The Small Stuff For Teens" Richard Carlson; Paperback
1 "Apolión (Spanish Edition)" Tim LaHaye; Paperback
1 "Aaliyah" Tim Footman; Paperback
1 "Across the Nightingale Floor (Tales of the Otori, Book One)" Lian Hearn; Paperback
1 "LeBron James: The Rise of a Star" David Lee, Jr. Morgan; Paperback
1 "Just a Summer Romance" Ann M. Martin; Paperback
1 "Remembering Selena : A Tribute In Pictures & Words" Himilce Novas; Paperback
There are a few of my personal favorites in there -- especially "Eragon". (And I see that the sequel is out. Hmmm. I might just have to buy that one for myself.) There are a couple of other books on the list that look very intriguing, and may also find themselves on my "must buy for myself" list.
Thanks for getting back to me, guys! I can't wait to hear how you like the books.
(By golly, this is FUN!)
_____
1 "The Carnivorous Carnival (A Series of Unfortunate Events, Book 9)" Lemony Snicket; Hardcover
1 "Someone Like You" Sarah Dessen; Paperback
1 "The Pol Pot Regime: Race, Power, and Genocide in Cambodia under the Khmer Rouge, 1975-79" Ben Kiernan; Paperback
1 "Eragon (Inheritance, Book 1)"CHRISTOPHER PAOLINI; Paperback
1 "Neverwhere" Neil Gaiman; Paperback
1 "The Second Summer of the Sisterhood (Readers Circle)" ANN BRASHARES; Paperback
1 "Pharos : A Ghost Story" Alice Thompson; Paperback
1 "Charlie Bone and the Time Twister (The Children of the Red King, Book 2)" Jenny Nimmo; Hardcover
1 "Holes (Yearling Newbery)" Louis Sachar; Paperback
1 "Prom" Laurie Halse Anderson; Hardcover
1 "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" Stephen Chbosky; Paperback
3 "The Rose That Grew From Concrete" Tupac Shakur; Hardcover
1 "Lisa Lopes : The Life of a Supernova" Nancy Krulik; Paperback
1 "Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul on Love & Friendship (Chicken Soup for the Soul)" Jack Canfield; Paperback
1 "The Ultimate Code Book: Cheats and the Cheating Cheaters Who Use Them : Prima Games" Prima Temp Authors; Paperback
1 "The Opal Deception (Artemis Fowl, Book 4)" Eoin Colfer; Hardcover
1 "The Hoopster, Revised Edition" Alan Lawrence Sitomer; Hardcover
1 "Don't Sweat The Small Stuff For Teens" Richard Carlson; Paperback
1 "Apolión (Spanish Edition)" Tim LaHaye; Paperback
1 "Aaliyah" Tim Footman; Paperback
1 "Across the Nightingale Floor (Tales of the Otori, Book One)" Lian Hearn; Paperback
1 "LeBron James: The Rise of a Star" David Lee, Jr. Morgan; Paperback
1 "Just a Summer Romance" Ann M. Martin; Paperback
1 "Remembering Selena : A Tribute In Pictures & Words" Himilce Novas; Paperback
There are a few of my personal favorites in there -- especially "Eragon". (And I see that the sequel is out. Hmmm. I might just have to buy that one for myself.) There are a couple of other books on the list that look very intriguing, and may also find themselves on my "must buy for myself" list.
Thanks for getting back to me, guys! I can't wait to hear how you like the books.
(By golly, this is FUN!)
_____
From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus
I don't know about you, but I could use a good laugh today. Let's see what the Rowdies plopped in my mail bag while I was gone:
From the Sweetheart of Shell Knob, MO:
Little known fact. Did you Know?
A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.
For instance, if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.
However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she is more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors lodged in his temple and a bat jammed up his ass while he is on fire.
- - - - -
A brief lesson in Chicago-ese:
1. Grachki (grach'-key): Chicagoese for "garage key" as in, "Yo, Theresa, waja do wit da grachki? Howmy supposta cut da grass if I don't git intada grach?"
2. Uptadaendada(up-ta-da-en'-dada): As in, "Joey, you kin ride yur bike uptadaendada alley but not acrost or I'll bust yur butt."
3. Sammich: Chicagoese for sandwich. When made with sausage, it's a sassage sammich; when made with shredded beef, it's an Italian Beef sammich, a local delicacy consisting of piles of spicy meat in a perilously soggy bun.
4. Da: This article is a key part of Chicago speech, as in "Da Bears" or "Da Mare" -- the latter denoting Richard M. Daley, or Richie, as he's often called.
5. Jewels: Not family heirlooms or a tender body region, but a popular name for one of the region's dominant grocery store chains. "I'm goin' to da Jewels to pick up some sassage."
6. Field's: Marshall Field, a prominent Chicago department store. Also Carson Pirie Scott, another major department store chain, is simply called "Carson's."
7. Tree: The number between two and four. "We were lucky dat we only got tree inches of snow da udder night."
8. Prairie: A vacant lot, especially one on which weeds are growing.
9. Over by dere: Translates to "over by there," a way of emphasizing a site presumed familiar to the listener. As in, "I got the sassage at da Jewels down on Kedzie, over by dere."
10. Kaminski Park: The mispronounced name of the ball! park where the Chicago White Sox (da Sox) play baseball. Comiskey Park was recently renamed U.S. Cellular Field (yuck!).
11. Frunchroom: As in, "Getouttada frunchroom wit dose muddy shoes." It's not the "parlor." It's not the "living room." In the land of the bungalow it's the "frunchroom," a named derived, linguists believe, from "front room."
12. Use: Not the verb, but the plural pronoun "you." "Where's use goin'?"
13. Downtown: Anywhere near The Lake, south of The Zoo (Lincoln Park= Zoo) and north of Soldier Field.
14. The Lake: Lake Michigan. (What other lake is there?) It's often used by local weathermen, "cooler by The Lake."
15. Boys Town: A section on Halsted between Belmont and Addison which is lined with gay bars both sides of the street. "Didn't I see use in Boys Town in front of da Manhole?"
16. Braht:: Short for Bratwurst. "Gimme a braht wit kraut."
17. Cashbox: Traffic reporter slang for tollbooths. "Dere's a delay at da cashbox on da Skyway."
18. Goes: Past or present tense of the verb "say." For example, "Then he goes, 'I like this place'!"
19. Guys: Used when addressing two or more people, regardless of each individual's gender.
20. Pop: A soft drink. Don't say "soda" in this town. "Do ya wanna cannapop?"
21. Sliders: Nickname for hamburgers from White Castle, a popular Midwestern burger chain. "Dose sliders I had last night gave me da runs."
22. The Taste: The Taste of Chicago Festival, a huge extravaganza in Grant Park featuring samples of Chicagoland cuisine which takes place each year around the Fourth of July holiday.
23. "Jieetyet?": Translates to, "Did you eat yet?"
24. Winter and Construction: Punch line to the joke, "What are the two seasons in Chicago?"
25. Cuppa Too-Tree: is Chicagoese for "a couple, two, three" which really means "a few." For example, "Hey Mike, dere any beerz left in da cooler over by dere?" "Yeh, a cuppa too-tree."
26. 588-2300: Chicago knows this commercial jingle and the carpet company you'll get if you call that number -- Empire!27.
Junk Dror: You will usually find the 'junk drawer' in the kitchen filled to the brim with miscellaneous, but very important, junk.
28. Southern Illinois: Anything south of I-80.29.
Expressways: The Interstates in the immediate Chicagoland area areusually known just by their 'name' and not their Interstate number: the Dan Ryan ("the Ryan"), the Stevenson, the Kennedy, the Eisenhower (the "Ike"), and the Edens.
30. Gym Shoes: The rest of the country may refer to them as sneakers or running shoes but Chicagoans will always call them gym shoes!
_____
From Marian:
An 80 year old man went to the doctor for a checkup and the doctor was amazed at what good shape the guy was in. The doctor asked, "To what do you attribute your good health?"
The old timer said, "I'm a pilot and that's why I'm in such good shape. I 'm up well before daylight and out flying up and down the countryside."
The doctor said, "Well, I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your dad when he died?"
The old timer said, "Who said my dad's dead?" The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your dad's still alive? How old is he?"
The old timer said, "He's 100 yrs old and, in fact, he flew next to me this morning in his own airplane. That's why he's still alive... he's a pilot!"
The doctor said, "Well, that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it. How about your dad's dad? How old was he when he died?"
The old timer said, "Who said my grandpa's dead?" The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still living! How old is he?"
The old timer said, "He's 118 yrs old."
The doctor was getting frustrated at this point and said, "I guess he went flying with you this morning too?"
The old timer said, "No...Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he got married."
The Doctor said in amazement, "Got married!! Why would a 118-year-old guy want to get married?"
The old timer said, "Who said he wanted to?"
_____
From Elizabeth:
How quick are you on that mouse button?
- - - - -
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet: The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (professional wrestlers, longshoremen, etc.), but nobody could do it.
One day this scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet."
After the laughter had died down, the bartender agreed, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the dried, wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.
But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and SIX drops fell into the glass.
As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight lifter, or what?
"The man replied, "I work for the IRS."
- - - - -
A hamburger walked into a bar, climbed up onto a bar stool, looked at the bartender and ordered a tall cold beer.
The bartender looked at the hamburger for a moment and replied, "I'm sorry sir, but I can't sell you that drink."
"Why can't you sell me a drink?"
After looking at the hamburger for another moment, the bartender replied, "I'm sorry, we don't serve food in here."
_____
From Nancy V.:
Maude and Claude, both 91, lived in a retirement community. They met in their social center and discovered over time that they enjoyed each other's company. After several weeks of meeting for coffee, Claude asked Maude out for dinner and much to his delight, she accepted.
They had a lovely evening. They dined at the most romantic restaurant in town, and, despite his age, Claude was still a charmer.
Afterward Claude asked Maude to join him at his place for an after dinner drink. Things continued along a natural course and age being no inhibitor Maude soon joined Claude for a most enjoyable roll in the hay.
As they were basking in the after glow of the magic moment they'd shared, each was lost for a time in their own thoughts.
Claude was thinking: "If I'd known she was a virgin, I'd have been more gentle."
Maude was thinking: "If I'd known he could still do it, I'd have taken off my pantyhose."
- - - - -
Why God made Moms (Answers given by elementary school age children to the following questions. )
Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.
What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.
Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.
What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.
What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?
Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.
Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.
What's the difference between moms and dads?
1. Moms work at work & work at home, & dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.
What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on her back.
- - - - -
The Sermon
"Dear Lord," he began with arms extended and a rapturous look on his upturned face, "without you, we are but dust..."
He would have continued, but at that moment one very obedient little girl (who was listening carefully for a change!) leaned over to her mother and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mommy, WHAT is butt dust?"
Church was pretty much over at that point...
- - - - -
Cookie Recipe
1... Look in cookbook for cookie recipe.
2... Get cup of coffee.
3... Get cat off of cookbook.
4... Find that special recipe.
5... Get cat's nose out of coffee mug.
6... Go to fridge and get eggs.
7... Get dry ingredients from cupboard.
8... Break eggs in small bowl.
9... Sift dry ingredients into a large bowl.
10.. Answer the phone.
11.. Cat ate eggs; get more from fridge.
12.. Get cat out of flour bowl and dust cat off.
13.. Get Band-Aids for scratches on hands.
14.. Throw flour out and get more.
15.. Preheat oven for cookies.
16.. Glare at cat with desire to bake cat now.
17.. Watch cat run for cover into bathroom.
18.. Flour the counter to roll out cookie dough.
19.. Run to bathroom to investigate loud crashing sound.
20.. Cat has toilet paper all over floor and your personal bathroom things have been knocked over on top of the counter.
21.. Yell at cat. Cat falls in toilet bowl.
22.. Take cat out of toilet to dry cat off.
23.. Get bandages to cover more scratches on arms and legs.
24.. Clean up bathroom.
25.. Run to kitchen to see what cat is doing now.
26.. Get cat off floured counter in kitchen.
27.. Try to pick cat hairs out of flour.
28.. Step on cat's tail and get bitten in ankle.
29.. Get coat, car keys, cat, and drive to store to buy cookies.
30.. Squeeze cat through partially open window into a stranger's car at the store parking lot.
31.. Eat most of the cookies on the way home.
--author unknown
_____
From the Sweetheart of Shell Knob, MO:
Little known fact. Did you Know?
A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.
For instance, if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.
However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she is more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors lodged in his temple and a bat jammed up his ass while he is on fire.
- - - - -
A brief lesson in Chicago-ese:
1. Grachki (grach'-key): Chicagoese for "garage key" as in, "Yo, Theresa, waja do wit da grachki? Howmy supposta cut da grass if I don't git intada grach?"
2. Uptadaendada(up-ta-da-en'-dada): As in, "Joey, you kin ride yur bike uptadaendada alley but not acrost or I'll bust yur butt."
3. Sammich: Chicagoese for sandwich. When made with sausage, it's a sassage sammich; when made with shredded beef, it's an Italian Beef sammich, a local delicacy consisting of piles of spicy meat in a perilously soggy bun.
4. Da: This article is a key part of Chicago speech, as in "Da Bears" or "Da Mare" -- the latter denoting Richard M. Daley, or Richie, as he's often called.
5. Jewels: Not family heirlooms or a tender body region, but a popular name for one of the region's dominant grocery store chains. "I'm goin' to da Jewels to pick up some sassage."
6. Field's: Marshall Field, a prominent Chicago department store. Also Carson Pirie Scott, another major department store chain, is simply called "Carson's."
7. Tree: The number between two and four. "We were lucky dat we only got tree inches of snow da udder night."
8. Prairie: A vacant lot, especially one on which weeds are growing.
9. Over by dere: Translates to "over by there," a way of emphasizing a site presumed familiar to the listener. As in, "I got the sassage at da Jewels down on Kedzie, over by dere."
10. Kaminski Park: The mispronounced name of the ball! park where the Chicago White Sox (da Sox) play baseball. Comiskey Park was recently renamed U.S. Cellular Field (yuck!).
11. Frunchroom: As in, "Getouttada frunchroom wit dose muddy shoes." It's not the "parlor." It's not the "living room." In the land of the bungalow it's the "frunchroom," a named derived, linguists believe, from "front room."
12. Use: Not the verb, but the plural pronoun "you." "Where's use goin'?"
13. Downtown: Anywhere near The Lake, south of The Zoo (Lincoln Park= Zoo) and north of Soldier Field.
14. The Lake: Lake Michigan. (What other lake is there?) It's often used by local weathermen, "cooler by The Lake."
15. Boys Town: A section on Halsted between Belmont and Addison which is lined with gay bars both sides of the street. "Didn't I see use in Boys Town in front of da Manhole?"
16. Braht:: Short for Bratwurst. "Gimme a braht wit kraut."
17. Cashbox: Traffic reporter slang for tollbooths. "Dere's a delay at da cashbox on da Skyway."
18. Goes: Past or present tense of the verb "say." For example, "Then he goes, 'I like this place'!"
19. Guys: Used when addressing two or more people, regardless of each individual's gender.
20. Pop: A soft drink. Don't say "soda" in this town. "Do ya wanna cannapop?"
21. Sliders: Nickname for hamburgers from White Castle, a popular Midwestern burger chain. "Dose sliders I had last night gave me da runs."
22. The Taste: The Taste of Chicago Festival, a huge extravaganza in Grant Park featuring samples of Chicagoland cuisine which takes place each year around the Fourth of July holiday.
23. "Jieetyet?": Translates to, "Did you eat yet?"
24. Winter and Construction: Punch line to the joke, "What are the two seasons in Chicago?"
25. Cuppa Too-Tree: is Chicagoese for "a couple, two, three" which really means "a few." For example, "Hey Mike, dere any beerz left in da cooler over by dere?" "Yeh, a cuppa too-tree."
26. 588-2300: Chicago knows this commercial jingle and the carpet company you'll get if you call that number -- Empire!27.
Junk Dror: You will usually find the 'junk drawer' in the kitchen filled to the brim with miscellaneous, but very important, junk.
28. Southern Illinois: Anything south of I-80.29.
Expressways: The Interstates in the immediate Chicagoland area areusually known just by their 'name' and not their Interstate number: the Dan Ryan ("the Ryan"), the Stevenson, the Kennedy, the Eisenhower (the "Ike"), and the Edens.
30. Gym Shoes: The rest of the country may refer to them as sneakers or running shoes but Chicagoans will always call them gym shoes!
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From Marian:
An 80 year old man went to the doctor for a checkup and the doctor was amazed at what good shape the guy was in. The doctor asked, "To what do you attribute your good health?"
The old timer said, "I'm a pilot and that's why I'm in such good shape. I 'm up well before daylight and out flying up and down the countryside."
The doctor said, "Well, I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your dad when he died?"
The old timer said, "Who said my dad's dead?" The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your dad's still alive? How old is he?"
The old timer said, "He's 100 yrs old and, in fact, he flew next to me this morning in his own airplane. That's why he's still alive... he's a pilot!"
The doctor said, "Well, that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it. How about your dad's dad? How old was he when he died?"
The old timer said, "Who said my grandpa's dead?" The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still living! How old is he?"
The old timer said, "He's 118 yrs old."
The doctor was getting frustrated at this point and said, "I guess he went flying with you this morning too?"
The old timer said, "No...Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he got married."
The Doctor said in amazement, "Got married!! Why would a 118-year-old guy want to get married?"
The old timer said, "Who said he wanted to?"
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From Elizabeth:
How quick are you on that mouse button?
- - - - -
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet: The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (professional wrestlers, longshoremen, etc.), but nobody could do it.
One day this scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet."
After the laughter had died down, the bartender agreed, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the dried, wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.
But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and SIX drops fell into the glass.
As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight lifter, or what?
"The man replied, "I work for the IRS."
- - - - -
A hamburger walked into a bar, climbed up onto a bar stool, looked at the bartender and ordered a tall cold beer.
The bartender looked at the hamburger for a moment and replied, "I'm sorry sir, but I can't sell you that drink."
"Why can't you sell me a drink?"
After looking at the hamburger for another moment, the bartender replied, "I'm sorry, we don't serve food in here."
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From Nancy V.:
Maude and Claude, both 91, lived in a retirement community. They met in their social center and discovered over time that they enjoyed each other's company. After several weeks of meeting for coffee, Claude asked Maude out for dinner and much to his delight, she accepted.
They had a lovely evening. They dined at the most romantic restaurant in town, and, despite his age, Claude was still a charmer.
Afterward Claude asked Maude to join him at his place for an after dinner drink. Things continued along a natural course and age being no inhibitor Maude soon joined Claude for a most enjoyable roll in the hay.
As they were basking in the after glow of the magic moment they'd shared, each was lost for a time in their own thoughts.
Claude was thinking: "If I'd known she was a virgin, I'd have been more gentle."
Maude was thinking: "If I'd known he could still do it, I'd have taken off my pantyhose."
- - - - -
Why God made Moms (Answers given by elementary school age children to the following questions. )
Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.
What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.
Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.
What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.
What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?
Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.
Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.
What's the difference between moms and dads?
1. Moms work at work & work at home, & dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.
What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on her back.
- - - - -
The Sermon
"Dear Lord," he began with arms extended and a rapturous look on his upturned face, "without you, we are but dust..."
He would have continued, but at that moment one very obedient little girl (who was listening carefully for a change!) leaned over to her mother and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mommy, WHAT is butt dust?"
Church was pretty much over at that point...
- - - - -
Cookie Recipe
1... Look in cookbook for cookie recipe.
2... Get cup of coffee.
3... Get cat off of cookbook.
4... Find that special recipe.
5... Get cat's nose out of coffee mug.
6... Go to fridge and get eggs.
7... Get dry ingredients from cupboard.
8... Break eggs in small bowl.
9... Sift dry ingredients into a large bowl.
10.. Answer the phone.
11.. Cat ate eggs; get more from fridge.
12.. Get cat out of flour bowl and dust cat off.
13.. Get Band-Aids for scratches on hands.
14.. Throw flour out and get more.
15.. Preheat oven for cookies.
16.. Glare at cat with desire to bake cat now.
17.. Watch cat run for cover into bathroom.
18.. Flour the counter to roll out cookie dough.
19.. Run to bathroom to investigate loud crashing sound.
20.. Cat has toilet paper all over floor and your personal bathroom things have been knocked over on top of the counter.
21.. Yell at cat. Cat falls in toilet bowl.
22.. Take cat out of toilet to dry cat off.
23.. Get bandages to cover more scratches on arms and legs.
24.. Clean up bathroom.
25.. Run to kitchen to see what cat is doing now.
26.. Get cat off floured counter in kitchen.
27.. Try to pick cat hairs out of flour.
28.. Step on cat's tail and get bitten in ankle.
29.. Get coat, car keys, cat, and drive to store to buy cookies.
30.. Squeeze cat through partially open window into a stranger's car at the store parking lot.
31.. Eat most of the cookies on the way home.
--author unknown
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Drive-Bys
Jeeze! It's really hard to get back in the blogging mood when two bloggers I really admire are having a pretty big, very public spat. I'm not going to point you to either blog at the moment, because I really want to believe they'll work it out and go back to being the tight friends that they have been up until this point.
I'd like to remind both of these folks that there is still magic in the world and good in the people around us. What's more important? A friendship... or being "right"? (And remember, your answer to that question says a hell of a lot about you.) Can't you guys find the joy, love, compassion, generosity, appreciation and humor that's always been a part of your relationship?
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I'd like to remind both of these folks that there is still magic in the world and good in the people around us. What's more important? A friendship... or being "right"? (And remember, your answer to that question says a hell of a lot about you.) Can't you guys find the joy, love, compassion, generosity, appreciation and humor that's always been a part of your relationship?
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Tootin' the Horn
Back at work. It's as plain as the nose on my face: They missed me. They really missed me.
Heh.
(More tomorrow.)
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Heh.
(More tomorrow.)
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Drive-Bys
I went to dinner one night with a bunch of my mom's friends from her country club while I was down in Florida. I have just one question. If they were all horrified by the bridal party sporting bald heads, multiple piercings and tattoos... and I found that nothing out of the ordinary... what crazy things are young people going to have to do to fascinate and horrify me when I attain senior citizenship?
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One of the idiosyncrasies of senior citizenship in Florida seems to be the willingness to blurt out the first thought or observation that pops into their heads. And usually not quietly. Want to know what your parents/grandparents are thinking? Go to the early bird special at any restaurant in the great state of Florida... and keep your ears open... if they aren't burning already. There is no such thing as self-editing down there. It's one lifelong episode of Politcally Incorrect.
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One of the idiosyncrasies of senior citizenship in Florida seems to be the willingness to blurt out the first thought or observation that pops into their heads. And usually not quietly. Want to know what your parents/grandparents are thinking? Go to the early bird special at any restaurant in the great state of Florida... and keep your ears open... if they aren't burning already. There is no such thing as self-editing down there. It's one lifelong episode of Politcally Incorrect.
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The Mom Update
Mom is actually doing far better than her radiologist expected -- and I was there to get that news live and in person. Still, between the chemo and radiation she's really slowed down a lot. By the time I left, she had begun Week 4 of 6 weeks (Monday through Friday) of treatment. That would knock the stuffing out of just about anybody.
We didn't do a lot. One trip to the doctor and a visit to one of her many favorite resale shops, and she was done for the day. Thursday we saw the radiologist, dermatologist and the internist. Mom looked like she'd been run over by a steam roller by the time we were done.
The esophagitis is just starting to become irritating, but really good drugs are taking care of most of that. Another upside of that is that she actually sleeps through through a good 8 hours or so a night -- not her usual waking two or three times a night.
A downside of all these treatments is that she's lost a good bit of weight that she didn't already have to lose. Body mass loss is now an issue.
The upside, in her opinion? The docs all say to quit worrying about her blood sugar and start eating things that will put some weight on her. Protein -- more than 4 ounces once a day! Ice cream! Real ice cream! Fresh fruit. A Frosty from Wendy's. That's the challenge. It's difficult, because she can't eat very much at any one time (some days even one scrambled egg at a time is a problem). Thank goodness for Boost Plus and Ensure Plus. They've finally made them really palatable, and she can get a whole serving down in one sitting.
She's doing the "Sarasota Shuffle" (shuffling along like a little old lady with a walker) at the moment, but indications are that she'll start getting some pep back in her step when this is all over.
We're keeping our fingers crossed. Your prayers have been a wonderful source of strength and comfort. Keep'em coming.
_____
We didn't do a lot. One trip to the doctor and a visit to one of her many favorite resale shops, and she was done for the day. Thursday we saw the radiologist, dermatologist and the internist. Mom looked like she'd been run over by a steam roller by the time we were done.
The esophagitis is just starting to become irritating, but really good drugs are taking care of most of that. Another upside of that is that she actually sleeps through through a good 8 hours or so a night -- not her usual waking two or three times a night.
A downside of all these treatments is that she's lost a good bit of weight that she didn't already have to lose. Body mass loss is now an issue.
The upside, in her opinion? The docs all say to quit worrying about her blood sugar and start eating things that will put some weight on her. Protein -- more than 4 ounces once a day! Ice cream! Real ice cream! Fresh fruit. A Frosty from Wendy's. That's the challenge. It's difficult, because she can't eat very much at any one time (some days even one scrambled egg at a time is a problem). Thank goodness for Boost Plus and Ensure Plus. They've finally made them really palatable, and she can get a whole serving down in one sitting.
She's doing the "Sarasota Shuffle" (shuffling along like a little old lady with a walker) at the moment, but indications are that she'll start getting some pep back in her step when this is all over.
We're keeping our fingers crossed. Your prayers have been a wonderful source of strength and comfort. Keep'em coming.
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Home Again, Home Again, Jiggity-Jig
Things I missed while I was gone: Buckaroo Bonsai, the Devine Miss Marilyn, Tiger Boots, Velociman and the rest of this wild bunch. I also missed the return of one of my all-time favorite bloggers. Computer access. Egads! I didn't know I'd miss it so much.
What I didn't miss: 80 degree weather one day, 50 degrees the next.
What I came back to: 40 degrees and rainy, pee-yucky weather... and BB and the girls (which entirely made up for the lousy weather). No posts from Pronoia. (See! I told you that it's not blogging that's hard -- it's the part where you actually have to discipline yourself to just sit down and write.)
Things I found out along the way: You can smoke in the bars in the airport in Charlotte, NC. Those doohickeys you find in drug stores for making photos from your digital camera's memory stick are a snap to use. Boost Plus and Ensure Plus actually taste pretty good (more about that in The Mom Update). Airport security seems more interested in confiscating lighters than it does about checking photo IDs. I can pack an amazing amount of stuff in a small travel bag.
It's good to be back.
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What I didn't miss: 80 degree weather one day, 50 degrees the next.
What I came back to: 40 degrees and rainy, pee-yucky weather... and BB and the girls (which entirely made up for the lousy weather). No posts from Pronoia. (See! I told you that it's not blogging that's hard -- it's the part where you actually have to discipline yourself to just sit down and write.)
Things I found out along the way: You can smoke in the bars in the airport in Charlotte, NC. Those doohickeys you find in drug stores for making photos from your digital camera's memory stick are a snap to use. Boost Plus and Ensure Plus actually taste pretty good (more about that in The Mom Update). Airport security seems more interested in confiscating lighters than it does about checking photo IDs. I can pack an amazing amount of stuff in a small travel bag.
It's good to be back.
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Bus Fumes
Another family ripped in two by this kind of nonsense.
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MamaMontezz is on a tear. If you're not reading her daily, you're really missing something.
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MamaMontezz is on a tear. If you're not reading her daily, you're really missing something.
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Book Your Ticket
I met the coolest woman tonight. Ms. Kapp teaches English literature to 7th graders in the Seattle, Washington area. The best thing that she and I share an incredible love of books.
So... I'm throwing out a challenge to students in Susannah Kapp's two English classes at Mercer Middle School in Seattle, Washington:
I love books. I read upwards of 300 books a year. I love books like "The Princess Bride" and I love Tupac Shakur's poetry.
In talking to Ms. Knapp, I realized something, and that is that it's important for each person to have one book that belongs to them, and them alone. I would love to share my love of literature and the power of words with everyone. But, in the real world, there are limits.
So... I am limiting my challenge to Ms. Knapp's classes. 60 students.
To each of you 60 students, here is my challenge: go to Amazon.com and pick one book -- either paperback or used. I don't care if it's literature, self-help or vocational. Do it before I get back to work on April 24th. Send your choices to gotb_50-at-hotmail-dot-com. On April 25th, I'm going to place a book order, and every one in Ms. Knapp's class that responds will get the book that he or she requests. It's your book forever.
Here's the bigger challenge: post and tell me why you really loved or hated the book that you ordered, and I just might order you another one.
Tag. You're it.
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So... I'm throwing out a challenge to students in Susannah Kapp's two English classes at Mercer Middle School in Seattle, Washington:
I love books. I read upwards of 300 books a year. I love books like "The Princess Bride" and I love Tupac Shakur's poetry.
In talking to Ms. Knapp, I realized something, and that is that it's important for each person to have one book that belongs to them, and them alone. I would love to share my love of literature and the power of words with everyone. But, in the real world, there are limits.
So... I am limiting my challenge to Ms. Knapp's classes. 60 students.
To each of you 60 students, here is my challenge: go to Amazon.com and pick one book -- either paperback or used. I don't care if it's literature, self-help or vocational. Do it before I get back to work on April 24th. Send your choices to gotb_50-at-hotmail-dot-com. On April 25th, I'm going to place a book order, and every one in Ms. Knapp's class that responds will get the book that he or she requests. It's your book forever.
Here's the bigger challenge: post and tell me why you really loved or hated the book that you ordered, and I just might order you another one.
Tag. You're it.
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Substitute and Trainee Drivers
From time to time I expect to have some substitute (guest) and trainee (want to blog but terrified to start one) drivers.
This coming week will be busy, what with extending my lease, packing my suitcases, wrapping things up at the office and wrangling with the IRS all before Friday.
Therefore, I've asked my buddy Pronoia to take the wheel as a trainee for a spell. Get the feel for writing on a regular basis. To me, that's what makes or breaks a blog -- and it's far more difficult than it looks.
I'll be checking in every couple of days, just to make sure he's not running this thing off the road, but also to make sure he does more than start the motor and kick the tires. (And I'm keeping one foot on the cheater break, too!)
See you when I get back from Sunny Florida.
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This coming week will be busy, what with extending my lease, packing my suitcases, wrapping things up at the office and wrangling with the IRS all before Friday.
Therefore, I've asked my buddy Pronoia to take the wheel as a trainee for a spell. Get the feel for writing on a regular basis. To me, that's what makes or breaks a blog -- and it's far more difficult than it looks.
I'll be checking in every couple of days, just to make sure he's not running this thing off the road, but also to make sure he does more than start the motor and kick the tires. (And I'm keeping one foot on the cheater break, too!)
See you when I get back from Sunny Florida.
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PSA
A few pointers on blogging anonymously... especially if you're unhappy with your employer and planning to post about it. This should be required reading for bloggers everywhere.
(A tip of the cap to Orin Kerr.)
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(A tip of the cap to Orin Kerr.)
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