Leslie's Omnibus

From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus

From the Sweetheart of Shell Knob, MO:

Everyone has a personality of a cartoon character. Have you ever asked yourself what cartoon character do you most resemble?

A group of investigators got together and analyzed the personalities of well known and modern cartoon characters. The information that was gathered was made into this test.

Answer all the questions (only 10) with what describes you best, add up all your Points (which are next to the answer that you choose) at the end and look for your results.

Do not cheat by looking at the end of the e-mail before you are done .

Then forward this to all your friends ( including the person who sent it to you )and change the subject of this message to what character is you.

1. Which one of the following describes the perfect date?
a) Candlelight dinner (4 pts.)
b) Fun/Theme Park (2 pts.)
c) Painting in the park (5 pts)
d) Rock concert (1 pt .)
e) Going to the movies (3 pts.)

2. What is your favorite type of music?
a) Rock and Roll (2 pts.)
b) Alternative (1 pt.)
c) Soft Rock (4 pts.)
d) Country (5 pts )
e) Pop (3 pts.)

3. What type of movies do you prefer?
a) Comedy (2 pts.)
b) Horror (1 pt.)
c) Musical (3 pts.)
d) Romance (4 pts.)
e) Documentary (5 pts.)

4. Which one of these occupations would you choose if you only could choose one of these?
a) Waiter (4 pts.)
b) Professional Sports Player (5 pts.)
c) Teacher (3 pts.)
d) Police (2 pts.)
e) Cashier (1 pt)

5 What do you do with your spare time?
a) Exercise (5 pts.)
b) Read (4 pts.)
c) Watch television (2 pts.)
d) Listen to music (1 pt.)
e) Sleep (3 pts.)

6. Which one of the following colors do you like best?
a) Yellow (1 pt.)
b) White (5 pts.)
c) Sky Blue (3 pts)
d) Dark Blue(2 pts.)
e) Red (4 pts.)

7. What do you prefer to eat?
a) Snow (3 pts.)
b) Pizza (2 pts.)
c) Sushi (1 pt.)
d) Pasta (4 pts.)
e) Salad (5 pts.)

8. What is your favorite holiday ?
a) Halloween(1 pt.)
b) Christmas(3 pts.)
c) New Year (2 pts.)
d) Valentine's Day(4 pts.)
e) Thanksgiving(5 pts.)

9. If you could go to one of these places which one would it be?
a) Paris (4 pts)
b) Spain (5 pts)
c) Las Vegas (1 pt)
d) Hawaii (4 pts)
e) Hollywood (3 pts)

10. With which of the following would you prefer to spend time with?
a) Someone Smart (5 pts.)
b) Someone attractive (2 pts.)
c) Someone who likes to Party (1 pt.)
d) Someone who always has fun (3 pts.)
e) Someone very sentimental (4 pts.)

Now add up your points and find out the answer you have been waiting for! Put your character in the subject line and forward to your friends and back to the person that sent this to you.
Very interesting to see 'who' your friends are!

(10-16 points) You are Garfield :
You are very comfortable, easy going, and you definitely know how to have fun but sometimes you take it to an extreme. You always know what you are doing and you are always in control of your life. Others may not see things as you do, but that doesn't mean that you always have to do what is right. Try to remember, your happy spirit may hurt you or others.

(17-23 points) You are Snoopy:
You are fun; you are very cool and popular. You always know what's in and you ' re never out of style , y ou are good at knowing how to satisfy everyone else. You have probably disappeared for a few days more than once but you always come home with the family values that you learned Being married and having children are important to you, but only after you have had your share of fun times

(24-28 points) You are Elmo:
You h ave lots of friends and you are also popular, always willing to give advice and help out a person in need. You are very optimistic and you always see the bright side of things. Some good advice: try not to be too much of a dreamer. Dreaming too big could cause many conflicts in your life.

(29-35 points) You are Sponge Bob Square Pants:
You are the classic person that everyone loves. You are the best friend that anyone could ever have and never wants to lose. You never cause harm to anyone and they would never not understand your feelings. Life is a journey, it' s funny and calm for the most part Stay away from traitors and jealous people and you will be stress free.

(36-43 points) You are Charlie Brown:
You are tender, you fall in love quickly but you are also very serious about all relationships. You are a family person. You call your Mom every Sunday. You have many friends and may occasionally forget a few Birthdays. Don't let your passion confuse you with reality.

(44-50 points ) You are Dexter:
You are smart and definitely a thinker... Every situation is fronted with a plan. You have a brilliant mind. You demonstrate very strong family principles. You maintain a stable routine but never ignore a bad situation when it comes. Try to do less over thinking every once in a while to spice things up a bit with spontaneity!

Now don't spoil it! Have some Fun!! Change the subject of the email to what you are and send it on.

(And I am Charlie Brown, BTW, by a hair.)
_____

Mostly Cajun had me spewing my morning cuppa joe all over my monitor here.
_____

Jake is 5 and learning to read. He points at a picture in a zoo book and says; "Look Mama! It's a frickin' Elephant!"

Deep breathe ...

" What did you call it?"

"It's a frickin' Elephant, Mama! It says so on the picture!”

And so it does ...

" A - f r i c - a n Elephant "

_____

A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London.

After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink.

He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."

The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me, too, I didn't know we had a choice."
_____

The Sunday School Set:

LOT'S WIFE:

The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, "My Mommy looked back once, while she was driving," he announced triumphantly, "and she turned into a telephone pole!"

GOOD SAMARITAN:

A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan. She asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?"

A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd throw up."

DID NOAH FISH?

A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?"

"No," replied Johnny. "How could he, with just two worms."

HIGHER POWER:

A Sunday school teacher said to her children, "We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a higher power. Can anybody tell me what it is?"

One child blurted out, "Aces!"

MOSES AND THE RED SEA:

Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School.

"Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the [eople walked across safely. Then, he radioed headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved."

"Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked.

"Well, no, Mom. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD:

A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible; Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter.

Little Rick was excited about the task -- but, he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line. On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Ricky was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, "The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know."

UNANSWERED PRAYER?

The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head, for a moment, before starting his sermon.

One day, she asked him why.

"Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages,

"I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon."

"How come He doesn't do it?" she asked.

BEING THANKFUL

A rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, "So your mother says your prayers for you each night? That's very commendable.

What does she say?"

The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!"

UNTIMELY ANSWERED PRAYER

During the minister's prayer, one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from one of the back pews. Tommy's mother was horrified. She pinched him into silence and, after church, asked, "Tommy, whatever made you do such a thing?"

Tommy answered, soberly, "I asked God to teach me to whistle, and He just then did!"

TIME TO PRAY

A pastor asked a little boy if he said his prayers every night.

"Yes, sir," the boy replied.

"And, do you always say them in the morning, too?" the pastor asked.

"No sir," the boy replied. "I ain't scared in the daytime."

ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS?

When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past).

For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say,

"And all girls." As this soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this at the end, my curiosity got the best of me and I asked her,"Kelli, Why do you always add the part about all girls?"

Her response, "Because we always finish our prayers by saying 'All Men'!"

SAY A PRAYER

Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served.

When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.

"Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer." Said his mother

"I don't have to," The boy replied.

"Of course, you do," his mother insisted. "We say a prayer before eating, at our house."

"That's our house," Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook!"

_____

A man and a woman, who have never met before, but are both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell
asleep quickly...he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we' re married".

"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.

"Good," she replied. "Get your own damn blanket!"

After a moment of silence, he farted.

_____

From Catfish:

When a panel of doctors was asked to vote on adding a new wing to their hospital,

"The Allergists" voted to scratch it and

"The Dermatologists" advised not to make any rash moves.

"The Gastroenterologists" had sort of a gut feeling about it but

"The Neurologists" thought the administration had a lot of nerve and

"The Obstetricians" felt they were all laboring under a misconception.

"The Ophthalmologists" considered the idea shortsighted.

"The Pathologists" yelled, "Over my dead body!", while

"The Pediatricians" said, "Oh, grow up!"

"The Psychiatrists" thought the whole idea was madness,

"The Radiologists" could see right through it and

"The Surgeons" decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.

"The Internists" thought it was a bitter pill to swallow and

"The Plastic Surgeons" said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter."

"The Podiatrists" thought it was a step forward but

"The Urologists" felt the scheme wouldn't hold water.

"The Anesthesiologists" thought the whole idea was a gas and

"The Cardiologists" didn't have the heart to say no.

In the end.............

"The Proctologists" left the decision up to some asshole in administration.

_____
Leslie

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