From The Rowdies In The Back Of The Bus

Because at this time of year you need a break from the stress of prepping for the holiday onslaught...

From Catfish:

USMC Best Joke of the Year

A Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist who was badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state. The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.

The Marine reported, “I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road. I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scum who got what he deserved. And he yelled back that Barack Obama is a lying, good-for-nothing, left wing Commie who isn't even an American. So I said that Osama Bin Laden dressed and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian! He retaliated by yelling, ‘Oh yeah? Well, so does Nancy Pelosi!.’ And there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck hit us.”

And from my dear friend Mr. Bill, a warning:

A recent joint study conducted by the Department of Health and the Department of Motor Vehicles indicates that 23% of traffic accidents are alcohol related.

This means that the remaining 77% are caused by assholes who drink bottled water, Starbucks, soda, juice, energy drinks, and shit like that.

Therefore, beware of those who do not drink alcohol. They cause three times as many accidents.

This message is sent to you by someone who worries about your safety.

Happy Holidays!

Tootin' the Horn

The best bosses in the whole wide world strike again! I am a lucky, lucky person to work with such generous guys.

Quick Stop

Giggle of the Day:

These incidents are part of an apparent spree of baby Jesus statue swipings.

It made me laugh, anyway.

Quick Stop

I swear this is blasphemy:

America, let's be honest on this point: It is not so great to have pie. For decades now, this confection of fragile dough and chunky cooked fruit has been invading our dessert menus and national mythology, trying to persuade us of its honored standing among baked goods and the gods. Pie is delicious, we are told. Pie is an honest treat. Pie is what we call those who are dear to us ("sweetie pie") and those with a place in the nation's history ("American as"). In an age of gruesome culture wars, pie remains temperamentally Swiss, doing business with all quarters and reaping the rewards of broad acceptance.

You can have your cake and your cupcakes and your brownies and your cookies.

I. Like. Pie.

Raspberry, cherry, apple, pumpkin, banana cream, pecan, chess, vinegar, rhubarb, strawberry, blackberry, Key Lime, lemon meringue -- all of 'em. (Did I mention raspberry? I really, really love raspberry.) With homemade flaky and delicious crust, especially.

I love the contrast between sweet, tart and a bit of salt from the crust. The crunch of the fork through the crust. The layers of flavor and texture.

I love baking them. I love eating them. Plain. Ala mode. With country cream.

The best foods in the world are either messy to eat or use every pot and utensil in the kitchen to make. Who wants neat food, for cripes sake??? Yuck.

Nathan Heller is a Philistine. And has no taste buds. So there.
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Update: 11 Irresistible Chocolate Pies -- yum!

Quick Stops

Karma kicks in:

A convicted felon chose the wrong victim when he tried to rob an MMA fighter Friday night on the Southwest Side and ended up with two black eyes and a gunshot wound to the ankle.

I laughed and laughed!
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On the other hand, this news is a big old bummer:

Longtime WGN-720 AM Radio overnight co-hosts Steve King and Johnnie Putman are ending their 26-year run.

Their final show will air Friday.

Now where am I going to find cool new music? Steve and Johnnie have been a constant source of good stuff (and have been big cheerleaders of my friend Lisa McClowrey's for a long, long time)!
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If I wasn't so darned happy with the way she's running Cook County, I'd be advocating for Toni Preckwinkle for President:

She’s publicly criticized Gov. Pat Quinn, battled with the sheriff over budget cuts and even taken a jab at President Barack Obama’s signature health-care plan.

Her critics, and even some of her fans, say the 64-year-old Toni Preckwinkle, president of Cook County Board, can be abrupt, even “autocratic” — a throwback to the iron-fist rule of the so-called machine Democrats that ruled the county for decades.

But feather-ruffling aside, Preckwinkle has managed to shepherd through two balanced budgets, advance a socially liberal agenda and even make a few power grabs — all with the support of the county board.

And she’s done it all in a year’s time, after taking office last Dec. 6 on a platform of reform and transparency following the ouster of past president Todd Stroger.

See what I mean?

Tootin' the Horn

Somewhere up in Heaven, Ron Santo is doing this:

Finally the Baseball Hall of Fame gets it right:

Oh, yesssssss! The guy who immortalized the “oh, nooooo’’ call when Brant Brown dropped that fly ball is heading to the Hall of Fame.

Ron Santo is joining Cub teammates Ernie Banks, Billy Williams and Fergie Jenkins in baseball’s Hall of Fame. He was elected by the Veteran’s Committee in so-called Golden Era (1947-72) balloting announced Monday morning.

The vote came almost a year to the day he died, and in a way it's too little, too late.