Leslie's Omnibus


Given how much I miss the Princess Mom, this is fitting:

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Zang! Who is that, stalking through the plains! It is Omnibus Driver, hands clutching two hardened pitas! She roars gutterally:

"This one's for you, mom! I shall traumatize the entire planet!!"

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And using my given name?

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Running through the terrain, carrying two hardened pitas, cometh Leslie! And she gives a cruel roar:

"For the love of carnage and discord, I lay waste to all I see until my glands are satisfied!!!"

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Sounds like it's a good thing I'm finally going to get to see the Swoon this weekend...

(And what's the deal with those two hardened pitas???)

(A tip of the cap to that terrible trio -- Tammi, leeann and Mrs. Who.)


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My brother used to have a koi pond that extended from one end of his back yard to the other. With two little girls to worry about and the fact that in one night one raccoon decimated three quarters of the population of the pond, when he and Sainted SIL sold the house and moved to bigger digs, they opted not to install another one.

I think he misses the daily pH testing, unclogging the filters, and the care and feeding of beautiful healthy animals.

How do I know this? On Sunday morning (I stayed out with them this weekend) he walked up to me and ordered me to take a test strip and hold it in my mouth for 15 seconds, after which time he whipped it out and stalked out to the kitchen, muttering under his breath.

Next thing I knew, I was getting a long lecture about how my pH is out of balance and how bad things happen health-wise when that occurs. He then proceeded to load me up with a fresh packet of test strips and a bottle of something called pH booster, along with instructions to add four drops to an 8 oz. glass of water at least three times a day -- and for God's Sake Drink It! Then came the vitamin lecture -- D3 -- I need D3.

There was a period of about three years when my brother and I did not speak to one another. I cherish our closeness now. So if he expresses his love for me by concerns about my health... and I can take a couple of supplements that will not harm me in any way...

... all I can say is, "Hello. My name is 'Koi Pond.'"

The irony of this is just too delicious:
No one envisioned that Afghanistan and Iraq would elevate the status of women in the armed forces.
I hope the Prophet is spinning in his grave.

Ear Worm of the Day:

Don't ask why.


Oddybobo said...

I got this and I have to say . . . slightly scary . . .

"I'm going to hump you in such an unsafe manner, you'll reincarnate as an X-file!!"

Tina said...

My battle cry is....

Rampaging on the steppes, brandishing a thorned whip, cometh Tina! And she gives a booming bellow:

"I'm going to bludgeon you so hard, you will see ultraviolet!!"

I can see me yelling that!

El Capitan said...

Hmmmm... glad to hear you & your brother are getting along, but I gotta wonder about the whole pH thing... Drink a glass of OJ, or chew on a Rolaid, and your pH will change.