Roadside Diner

Whatever you do, do NOT ever make the mistake of eating at Lalo's Restaurant in downtown Des Plaines.

I had the worst meal I've eaten in the last ten years there yesterday. In fact, it just may be the worst meal ever. Worse, even, than the time the Princess Mom made that horrendous ham/pineapple loaf thingie that my brother, sister and I sobbed through eating under her hairy eyeball, angry-as-hell glare.*

I find this amazing, as I've dined in other Lalo's restaurant locations in the past, and had marvelous meals. (Either that, or their famous margaritas erased both memory and all good sense.)

What was so bad?

Let's see...

• Surly bartender/waiter guy** who's favorite thing to do was ignore me completely, even though I was less than 10 feet away from his perch behind the bar, and directly in his line of sight at all times.
  
• Tortilla chips made of stone ground corrugated cardboard.
• Salsa that had no discernable flavor, just a heat index factor that was off the charts.
• Chicken soup (in a Mexican restaurant?) that had tasteless, watery broth, a couple of vegetable scraps and one hunk of chicken. Blah, bland, tepid, yucky.
  
• Cheese Enchiladas Al Gusto with ranchera served in one of the ugliest presentations ever. Everything on the plate was orange. Everything. Except for the crumbled anejo cheese, which made the enchiladas look like something The Divine Miss Marilyn barfed up. Not only were the enchiladas ugly; they were cold. Stone cold. The filling looked like mummified cheese curds, and were wrapped in corrugated cardboard tortillas. Flavor? Nada. None at all.
  

I beg you -- take pity on your taste buds and save your money. Go to Taco Bell instead. Lalo's makes it look like a four-star dining experience in comparison.
_____

*This is a memorable experience, as the Princess Mom rarely misfired on a new recipe. In fact, she's an incredibly good cook.

** Note to surly bartender/waiter guy: 1) If you see a diner flehmening over their plate, poking at their food to as if to ensure it's truly dead (especially when it's a vegetarian dish), then throwing a napkin over an almost untouched dinner plate -- YOU MIGHT WANT TO CHECK AND MAKE SURE THE FOOD'S ALRIGHT. 2) If you don't bring me my check right away, it gives me longer to glare at you and more time to dream up posts like this one. 3) If you had done either (1) or (2), I might have actually tipped you.