Leslie's Omnibus


One of the side benefits of blogging is that you read... and, if you're really, really lucky, you meet some of the smartest, funniest, best folks on the planet. One of my hands-down favorites has penned his first magnum opus:

Go get yourself a copy here. If you haven't already stumbled across Ellison's 100-Word Stories, what are you waiting for?

Oh, man! I'm going to have to be toting one of these doohickys when I next head down to Texas:

I bet I know just the guy who needs a new toy for his man room, too.

Yay! Finally a candidate who's platform is already fully articulated (even if I don't agree with all of it -- and I don't), and who doesn't flipflop at the drop of a hat.

Rachel Lucas and Velociman are both ripping into and riffing on the interesting world of online dating. Given that I've had far more experience in the online, offline, video and every other kind of dating world than those two (and a dozen others that I can think of) put together (and we all know how much I love dating), I have a few words of advice:

You're never going to find true love in the personals.*

1) It's an artificial construct from the get-go. People only show their idea of a shined up, happy face in their profiles -- NOT their real faces. And lots of people have more than one profile, under a variety of names. It's a virtual Fantasy Island out there -- with no Ricardo Montalban to rescue you if the fantasy gets out of bounds, either.

2) Most of the people you meet through the personals are far more interested in what they are looking for than in what you are looking for. Really and truly. It doesn't matter how detailed you are in your personal wish/must list. Only their personal laundry list is relevant here.

3) Do you really want a relationship that requires passing both a resume and a job interview?

4) Do you really think you'll find anyone capable of living life at your expectation level in the personals? Hell no!

5) Most people who do the personals fit into one of two slots -- those who are looking to get laid, and those who are looking for their perfect soul mate (a myth, I'm telling you). Either way you look at it, you're looking at folks with wildly unreasonable expectations.

6) By its very nature, internet dating is long on speed and short on stamina. Dunno about you, but it's not the way I'd like my relationships to work out.

7) There's a difference in how you are perceived right from the beginning if someone notices you and zooms in on you and just how special/gorgeous/witty/intelligent/articulate you are, rather than by you standing in a crowd of thousands jumping up and down and waving your hand in the air and yelling, "Pick me! Ooo! Ooo! Pick me!" There's nothing in the world like looking into a pair of eyes with surprise and recognition in a chance meeting (even if you're making your own chances). And in taking all the time in the world to get to know each other better.

If you want to meet great people, you've got to get off your behind and get yourself out to wherever it is they go.


1) I can't believe I'm recommending this, and the ladies of the blog world may curse my name all over Chicago, but V-Man -- you really ought to make a trip to Chi-Town in July and crash every one of the cocktail parties you can at this shindig. Jeebus. If you can't find a ballsy, brainy, sexy woman there, you can't find one anywhere. (Yeah, yeah, yeah -- I know it's supposed to be a female-only thing. But have you ever known a single woman with a few cocktails under her belt who didn't ogle the goodies? And your goodies are very ogle-able, indeed.)

2) Take your laptop and head to the nearest bookstore cafe or Starbucks. Write long posts for your blog OR (my personal recommendation) get to work on your book about the Senator. Brainy women melt over stuff like this, m'kay? (And the rest of us blown-eyeds just want to get our hands on that book....)

3) Take the dog out to a dog park. Or for a long walk in any nearby downtown area on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon. A happy dog, even an ugly one, is babe-fodder. Trust me.

4) If all else fails, go to the nearest martini bar and break out Spanky the Monkey. If a classy woman can't find the humor in Spanky, she's just not worth the trouble.

5) One more suggestion. Heh.


1) Forget it. I see you've solved that problem on your own. (Yay for you!) But call me if things fall through. I've got tons of great ideas.

Yep. I really do hate dating. But if you're going to do it, by crikey, do it right!

*But you might just find him/her through blogging. Just ask these two crazy kids. Or these two.


Teresa said...

Like I said at V-man's place... I'm sooooo happy I'm happily married. If that circumstance were ever to change - I know I couldn't do the dating thing. heh. Certainly never through online services!

ElisaC said...

Well, as someone who met her fiance via Match.com, albeit numerous years ago, I'm not sure I agree with the sweeping thesis. That being said, I think you can't underestimate the importance of in-person chemistry, so my fiance and I emailed about twice before I said I waned a phone call, and we talked on the phone about twice before I said "OK, time to meet for lunch." I have known people who drag out these email flirtations for eons and then meet and poof, the magic is gone...no chemistry.

But that's not why I commented. I wanted to let you know that men are indeed welcome to attend BlogHer. In fact they'd be much more welcome as a full on conference participant then just someone trying to crash the cocktail party to meet chicks :)

Anonymous said...

Um, actually, the first paragraph of that post was just to set up the rest of the post. I'm aswimmin' in ginch!


Nancy said...

'Pup and I met through online personals as well. We'd both been looking for a while and had our share of bad dates, but the date we met, was a good one.

He asked me to marry him about the 3rd time we met. I said no. He kept asking. I kept saying no.

Persistant, ain't he?

Finally I said "AlRIGHT already!"

Our 7th anniversary is coming up on July 1.

Harvey said...

Chess Club worked wonders for me :-)

Failing that, though, I consider a blog to be the ultimate personals ad. All the bloggers I've met were the same in person as in pixels.

And a lot were even better (looks at Leslie) :-)