From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus

More nursery rhymes for grownups here.
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From Elizabeth: Ready To Find Jesus?

A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the Preacher.

The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, Are you ready to find Jesus?"

The drunk looks back and says, "Yess, Preacher..I sure am."

The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. "Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked.

"Nooo, I didn't!" said the drunk.

The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?"

"Noooo, I did not Reverend."

The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, "My Good man, have you found Jesus yet?"

The ole drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher..."Are you sure this is where he fell in?"
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From Deborah: The Fireman's Bell

A fireman came home from work one day and told his wife, "You know we have a wonderful system at the fire station:

BELL 1 rings and we all put on our jackets.
BELL 2 rings and we all slide down the pole.
BELL 3 rings and we're on the fire truck ready to go.

From now on when I say...

BELL 1, I want you to strip naked.
BELL 2, I want you to jump in bed.
BELL 3, we are going to make love all night.

The next night he came home from work and yelled "BELL 1!"

The wife promptly took all her clothes off.

When he yelled "BELL 2," the wife eagerly jumped into bed.

When he yelled "BELL 3," they began making love.

After a few minutes the wife yelled "BELL 4!"

"What the hell is BELL 4?" asked the husband.

"ROLL OUT MORE HOSE," she yelled, "YOU'RE NOWHERE NEAR THE FIRE!"
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