From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus

Fair warning -- I'm happily flinging political correctness out the window today.
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Mr. Right sent an email notifying me that he'd done a parody of "American Pie" over at The Right Place. Parody done well is an awesome accomplishment!
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Speaking of parodies, Fenian, King of the Clothing Optional Joke List, sent me this:

The 2006 version of I WILL SURVIVE

(SING IT, GIRLS!!!)

Ready... set... go...

At first I was afraid, I was petrified.
When you said you had 10 inches, Lord I almost died!
But I'd spent so many years just waiting for a man that long,
That I grew strong,
And I knew that I could take you on...
But there you are, another lie,
I was ready for a Big Mac and you've brought me a French Fry!
I should have known that it was bull, just a sad pathetic dream,
Should have known there was no Anaconda lurking in those jeans!

Go on now - go, walk out the door,
Don't you promise me 10 inches, then turn up with only 4!
Weren't you a brat to think I wouldn't find you out!?
Don't you know we're only joking when we say that size don't count??!!

[Chorus]
I will survive! I will survive!
Cuz as long as I have batteries,
My sex life's gonna thrive!
I will always have good sex,
with a handful of latex!
I will survive! I will survive! .Hey! Hey!

It took all my self control not to laugh out loud,
When I saw your little wiener standing tall and proud!
But to hell with your ego
and to hell with all your needs,
Now I'm saving all my lovin' for a cordless multispeed!

[Chorus]
I will survive! I will survive!
Cuz as long as I have batteries,
My sex life's gonna thrive!
I will always have good sex,
With a handful of latex!
I will survive! I will survive! Hey! HEY!
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The Windypundit gives a peek beyond the Cheddar Curtain. [Sure it's stereotyping... but accurate!]
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F*ck the Symphony. (I laughed myself silly. You will, too!)
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From Elizabeth:

Boudreaux died in a fire at his house and his body was badly burned. The coroner needed someone to positively identify the body, so they sent for Boudreaux's two best friends, Thibodeaux and Fontenot. The three men had always done everything together.

Thibodaux arrived first and when the mortician pulled back the sheet Thibodeaux said, "Yah, his face is burned up pretty bad, yeah. Mais, you better roll him over so I can be sure it's Boudreaux."

The mortician rolled him over, and "Thib" said, "Nope, dat ain't Boudreaux."
The mortician called the coroner to give him the news. "Well, see what Fontenot says and call me back", replied the coroner.

Fontenot looked at the body and said, "Yah, he's pretty well burnt up, yeah. Turn him over." The mortician rolled him over and Fontenot said, "No, dat ain't mah podnuh Boudreaux".

The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"

Fontenot said, "Well, dat's easy. Boudreaux had two assholes".

"What? He had two assholes?" asked the mortician in amazement.

"Yah, I ain't never seen 'em, but everybody knew he had two assholes. Lots of times when we went walkin' around town, I heard folks say, "Here comes Boudreaux wit' dem two assholes".

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She also sent this:

It was written by an 8-year-old named Danny Dutton, who lives in Chula Vista, CA He wrote it for his third grade homework assignment, to "explain God". I wonder if any of us could have done as well?

EXPLANATION OF GOD:

One of God's main jobs is making people. He makes them to replace the ones that die, so there will be enough people to take care of things on earth.

He doesn't make grownups, just babies. I think because they are smaller and easier to make. That way he doesn't have to take up his valuable time teaching them to talk and walk. He can just leave that to mothers and fathers."

God's second most important job is listening to prayers. An awful lot of this goes on, since some people, like preachers and things, pray at times beside bedtime. God doesn't have time to listen to the radio or TV because of this. Because he hears everything, there must be a terrible lot of noise in his ears, unless he has thought of a way to turn it off.

God sees everything and hears everything and is everywhere which keeps Him pretty busy. So you shouldn't go wasting his time by going over your mom and dad's head asking for something they said you couldn't have.

Atheists are people who don't believe in God. I don't think there are any in Chula Vista. At least there aren't any who come to our church.

Jesus is God's Son. He used to do all the hard work, like walking on water and performing miracles and trying to teach the people who didn't want to learn about God. They finally go tired of him preaching to them and they crucified him. But he was good and kind, like his father, and he told his father that they didn't know what they were doing and to forgive them and God said O.K.

His dad (God) appreciated everything that he had done and all his hard work on earth so he told him he didn't have to go out on the road anymore. He could stay in heaven. So he did. And now he helps his dad out by listening to prayers and seeing things which are important for God to take care of and which ones he can take care of himself without having to bother God. Like a secretary, only more important.

You can pray anytime you want and they are sure to help you because they got it worked out so one of them is on duty all the time.

You should always go to church on Sunday because it makes God happy, and if there's anybody you want to make happy, it's God!

Don't skip church to do something you think will be more fun like going to the beach. This is wrong. And besides the sun doesn't come out at the beach until noon anyway.

If you don't believe in God, besides being an atheist, you will be very lonely, because your parents can't go everywhere with you, like to camp, but God can. It is good to know He's around you when you're scared, in the dark or when you can't swim and you get thrown into real deep water by big kids.

But...you shouldn't just always think of what God can do for you. I figure God put me here and he can take me back anytime he pleases. And that's why I believe in God.

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