From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus

From the Sweetheart of Shell Knob, MO, comes this wildly politically incorrect little ditty:

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death. They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden... "Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I is sure of eet".

"Si, Luis, eet smells like bacon to meee".

So, with renewed strength, they struggle off up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree, just loaded with bacon. There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon...every imaginable kind of cured pig meat you can imagine!!

"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Eees a bacon tree".

"Luis, are sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the desert, don't forget "

"Pepe, when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree".

And with that...Luis races towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun opens up, and Luis is cut down in his tracks. It is clear he is mortally wounded but, true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath. "Pepe...go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree"

"Luis, Luis mi amigo...what ees eet?"

" Pepe...ees not a bacon tree.... Ees..... Ees..... Ees..... Ees, a Ham Bush"
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For all you duffers out there, these are from Nancy V.

A golfer set up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees. He found his ball and saw an opening between two trees he thought he could hit through. Taking out his 3-wood, he took another mighty swing; the ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the forehead and killed him. As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter saw him coming and asked "Are you a good golfer?"

The man replied: "Got here in two, didn't I?"
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The bride came down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side. She said: "What are your golf clubs doing here?"

He looked her right in the eye and said, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?"
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An octogenarian, who was an avid golfer, moved to a new town and joined the local Country Club.

He went to the Club for the first time to play, but was told that there wasn't anybody he could play with because they were already out on the course. He repeated several times that he really wanted to play today.

Finally, the assistant Pro said he would play with him and asked him how many strokes he wanted for a bet.

The 80-year-old said, "I really don't need any strokes as I have been playing quite well. The only real problem I have, is getting out of sand traps."

And he did play well. Coming to the par four 18th, they were all even. The Pro had a nice drive and was able to get on the green and two-putt for a par.

The old man had a nice drive, but his approach shot landed in a sand trap next to the green. Playing from the bunker he hit a high ball, which landed on the green and rolled into the cup. Birdie, match and all the money!

The Pro walked over to the sand trap where his opponent was still standing in the trap. He said: "Nice shot, but I thought you said you have a problem getting out of sand traps?"

Replied the octogenarian, "I do, would you please give me a hand?"
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A 75-year-old woman went to the doctor for a check up. The doctor told her she needed more cardiovascular activity and recommended that she engage in sexual activity three times a week.

A bit embarrassed, she said to the doctor, "Please tell my husband."

The doctor went out into the waiting room and told the husband that his wife needed sex three times a week.

The 78-year-old husband replied, "Which days?"

The doctor answered, "Monday, Tuesday, and Friday would be ideal."

The husband said, "I can bring her on Monday, but on Tuesdays and Friday I golf, so she'll have to take the bus."
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