Bus Fumes

What's the matter with kids today? This, this and this should give you a good idea. At this rate within ten years an undereducated third world second grader will be more fit to run this country than anyone born and educated here. Gah!
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The Evil White Guy had a lousy trip home. I'm sorry, Dude. I can emphathize.

Once I was trapped in the window seat on a commuter flight from Miami to Sarasota. Trapped by whom? A frat boy with four foot wide shoulders who was carrying the contents of half a keg of PBR in his system. He promptly passed out with his head on my shoulder, belching loudly and blowing beery moose breath in my face. He would NOT wake up -- not even to a well-sharpened elbow applied repeatedly directly to his ribs. Then, he started letting rip with long, wet, thermonuclear farts. A veritable 1812 Overture of super-fragrant flatulance.

I have news for Jonathan Lipnicki and the writer of Jerry Maguire: sometimes the human head weighs a hell of a lot more than eight pounds. And I was amazed to find there was any fabric left on the seat he had occupied. It should have been scorched clean off of there.

It was, I believe, the longest hour of my entire life.
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