From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus

Denny has the Monday Pun for Jan.
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From my B-I-L Fred:

A brunette, a redhead, & a blonde all worked in the same office with the same female boss. Every day, they noticed their boss left work early. One day, the girls decided that when the boss left, they'd leave right behind her. After all, she never called in or came back to the office when she left early, so how was she to know?

The next day, they all three left right after the boss left. The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening and went to bed early.

The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the health club before meeting her dinner date.

The blonde was happy, happy, happy to be home, but when she got to the bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside. slowly, quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her boss! Ever so gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house.

The next day at coffee break, the brunette and redhead decided they were leaving early again, and asked the blonde if she was coming with them. "No way!" she exclaimed. "I almost got caught yesterday."
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Elizabeth serves up a passel of political pratfalls:

Political Misspeak

"All you have to do is go down to the bottom of your swimming pool and hold your breath."
-David Miller, US DOE spokesperson, on How to Protect Yourself from Nuclear Radiation.

"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago."
-Dan Quayle.

"There are lots more people in the House. I don't know exactly--I've never counted, but at least a couple hundred."
-Dan Quayle, on the difference between the House and Senate.

"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people."
-Dan Quayle.

"You mean there are two Koreas?"
-US Ambassador Designate to Singapore Richard Kneip, after being asked his opinion during congressional hearings on the North Korea-South Korea conflict.

"You don't tell us how to stage the news, and we don't tell you how to report it."
-Larry Speakes, Press Secretary for Pres. George Bush.

"I am not a chauvinist, obviously...I believe in women's rights for every woman but my own."
-Chicago Mayor Harold Washington.

"We're not without accomplishment. We have managed to distribute poverty equally."
-Nguyen Co Thach, Vietnamese Foreign Minister.

"There is no prostitution in China; however, we do have some women who make love for money."
-Chinese Foreign Ministry spokesperson.

"I am not wanting to make too long speech tonight as I am knowing your old English saying, "Early to bed and up with the cock.
-Hungarian Diplomat in a speech to an Embassy Party.

"His boss may have needed choking. It may have been justified...someone should have asked the question, "What prompted that?"
-San Francisco Mayor Willie Brown defending basketball star Latrell Sprewell, who was fired for choking and threatening to kill his coach.

"One can't tolerate certain sights. From next summer, there will be no more flab all over the place: buttocks, cellulite thighs, and drooping boobs will all be banished."
-Andrew Guglieri, Mayor of Diano Marina, Italy, announcing his hopes to ban certain women from wearing bikinis."

"The president doesn't want any yes-men and yes-women around him. When he says no, we all say no."
-Elizabeth Dole, then assistant for Public Liaison to President Reagan.

"Why can't the Jews and the Arabs just sit down together and settle this like good Christians?"
-an unnamed senator.

"In the whole history of the world, whenever a meat-eating race has gone to war against a non-meat-eating race, the meat eaters won. It produces superior people. We have the books of history."
-Senator Carl Curits during a debate on banning DES as a food additive for livestock.

"Even if he were mediocre, there are a lot of mediocre judges and people and lawyers.
Don't they deserve some representation on the court?"
-Senator Roman Hruska defending Judge Harold Carswell, the first Nixon nominee for the
Supreme Court, against charges that he was mediocre.

"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."
-David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.

"I intend to open this country up to democracy, and anyone who is against that, I will jail, I will crush."
-General JoAo Baptista Figueiredo upon becoming Pres. of Brazil.

"Sometimes in order to make progress and move ahead, you have to stand up and do the wrong thing."
-Representative Gary Ackerman explaining why he supported the new welfare bill.

"If crime went down one hundred percent, it would still be fifty times higher than it should be."
-Councilman John Bowman commenting on the high crime rate in Washington, DC.

Women are hard enough to handle now without giving them a gun."
-Senator Barry Goldwater talking about women in the armed services

"I can't believe that we are going to let a majority of the people decide what's best for this state."
-Representative John Travis of the Louisiana Legislature

"What right does Congress have to go around making laws just because they deem it necessary?"
-Marion Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"First, it was not a strip bar, it was an erotic club. And second what can I say? I'm a night owl."
-Marion Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC