Leslie's Omnibus

From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus

From Catfish: IMMIGRATION TEST

Mujibar was trying to get into the USA legally through Immigration.

The Officer said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests so far, but there is one more test. Unless you pass it, you cannot enter the United States of America."

Mujibar said, "I am ready."

The officer said, "Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green."

Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister Officer, I am ready."

The Officer said, "Go ahead."

Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green, green, and I pink it up, say, 'Yellow, this is Mujibar.'"

Mujibar now lives in a neighborhood near you and works at a Verizon help desk. I talked to him yesterday.
_____

From Elizabeth -- Bedtime Poems for Big Kids

Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.

Mary had a little lamb,
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.

Jack & Jill went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.

Simple Simon met a Pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pie man, "What have you got there?"
Said the Pie man unto Simon, "Pies, you dumb ass!"

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.

Hey diddle, diddle, the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.

Georgie Porgy Pudding and Pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.

There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad........
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.
_____
Leslie

3 comments:

Maeve said...

Those are hysterical!
I'm stealing them.

Contagion said...

The one I learned in HS and still quote is:

Mary had a little lamb,
It's fleece was black and short.
Last night I tried to touch it,
Next week I go to court.

T1G said...

Loved them all, but really loved the immigration test.

I just talked to that bastard, too. We ended up yelling at each other...