Bus Fumes

Day 5, still not smoking. At all. Not going to, either.

It's easier in some ways than it's been in the past. I really do think it's the combination of the Zyban (keeps depression at bay) and the nasal spray (helps with the nicotine withdrawal). I'm not a complete shrieking maniac, which I have turned into every time I've quit (managed to quit for 10 years) or tried to quit (after I got stupid and started smoking again. Who starts smoking after 10 clean years, I ask you???) in the past.

Still, quitting smoking isn't a cakewalk. While my spirits are good and I don't crave the taste very much, my lungs are yelling like crazy for their old friend Virgina Slim Ultralight Menthol. Right now, dammit!

Mostly, it's like a persistent itch that I know I can't scratch. In my head, I know the itch will go away. My body is paying no attention to reason. That'll change, but changing habits comes slowly.

The first few days I used the nasal spray the minimum number of times. Today I'm snorting the stuff like a cocaine addict. Whatever gets me through the day without lighting up is a good thing.

I know Day 3 is supposed to be the make or break day. Hah! It's somewhere around Day 21 for me. Been down that road before. I'll beat this yet.
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Do me a favor and say a prayer or two for Buckaroo Bonsai, who's catching the worst of my crankiness. It's hard not to be really bitchy when a heavy smoker asks how you're doing with quitting, then tells you to "get over yourself" when you report you're struggling and out of sorts.

(Don't worry. He's hidden all the sharp implements and heavy objects at home.)
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