Intersections

For those who recently dropped me notes of sympathy, really the teeth in, teeth out routine isn't that bad.  What does suck about the whole thing?




So there.
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Oh, sure... Fabulous at 50! You have fewer colds, less sensitive teeth and are better at sex

I have less sensitive teeth... because I don't have real ones any more.  The rest, well... that's for me to know and you to find out.

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Valentine's Day is coming.  How to you define love?

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A survey has revealed than an astonishing 43 per cent of women carry around a pair of sexy pants in their handbags... just in case.

I find that astonishing.  In fact, I've put together a little survey of my own to see just how true that is.  Click here to take survey

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"Is my kid entitled?"  If you have to ask, the answer is more than likely YES.  This is one of the most sensible reads for parents that I've seen in a long time.

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I did know this -- "Cut flowers prefer a cool, humid environment and should be kept out of bright light and away from heating vents."

 

What I didn't know was this -- "Do not place cut flowers close to a bowl of fruit, because ethylene gas emitted by ripening fruit can damage the flowers. So can cigarette smoke."  

 

Good to know!

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I recently spent an evening in the company of a delightful soccer coach from Glasgow, Scotland.  Given that I couldn't understand over a third of what he said (though the accent was delightfully piquant), Siri has my sympathy and this article had me in hysterics.  

See?

Hello??? Is This Thing On???

Sorry I've been so silent of late.  I've been off in search of my blogging mojo, which seems to have done a runner.

I'm blaming the whole radio silence thing on my lack of permanent choppers.  I was de-fanged both literally and metaphorically, it seems.  It's very weird, but being very self-conscious about speaking really has made me self-conscious about blogging as well. 

Fortunately, I should have the white, shiny, pretty new teeth within the next week or so. Then look out, world!

In the meantime, here are a few more things they don't tell you at the beginning of this whole adventure in replacing every tooth in your mouth at once:

• They can put your temporary teeth in the same day that they take your real ones out.
  
• You'll have your temporaries put in and taken out at least four times, on the other hand, before you get your permanents:
  
• Your oral surgeon will take them out to make sure your implants have bonded properly.  He'll take another set of x-rays at that time.  You'll feel like just like this guy:
  
  
  Actually, you do look just like him.
  
• Your regular dentist (or the good folks at the implant clinic if you go that route) will take your teeth out to take a preliminary set of impressions to start in on making your permanent bridges. Once again, you'll feel lovely:
  
  
  
• Your dentist will have you back in to take the temporaries out and put in the bases for the permanent bridges.  He/she will build a Mini Cooper in your mouth, plaster it in Bondo and yank it out again.  You will look like Jaws from The Spy Who Loved Me and probably could chew through cables for a couple of hours, anyway.
  
  
  
• Your dentist will ask you to come back in again, wherein one thing will happen if your last Bondo job (set of impressions) went well or two things will happen if it didn't (and you can guess, with my luck, which was my fate).  First, teeth come out and they build a moped in your mouth.  No, it's not as big as the Mini Cooper, but it comes with some seriously scary spikes and you're not allowed to shut your mouth for fear of impaling your gums on the damned things.  More Bondo is involved.  Second (or first if your prior Bondo job was successfull), they yank the motor works and insert a concept car so they can adjust the carburetor and kick the tires a few times.  The concept car is comprised of your pretty, permanent porcelain teeth set in a wax mold.  ( You'd better hope like hell that they work faster than a pit crew or the wax will start melting.)  More tinkering ensues, then the concept car is sent back to the laboratory for more work.
  
• Here's the good part -- you finally get your shiny new teeth.  I, of course, am not there yet... but SOON.
  
• Remind your dentist to take the bottom bridge out before taking the top bridge out.  It gives 'em more room to work and and doesn't make you feel like your jaw should be hinged so that they could just flip your head wide open.
  
• Remind your dentist to use the longer screwdriver.  Just trust me on this.  It's the longer screwdriver that will make the job go faster.
  
• None of this, of course, happens in a day -- it takes months.  Months after you've healed. 
  
• If having unwieldy temporary teeth makes eating difficult, even more so it shoots the hell right out of your love life.  Yes, I look pretty, but I'm not comfortable with the concept of making out with a mouth full of acrylic. 

Here are the temporaries:

More pix to follow when I finally sport the permanent pearlies, and I hope my blogging mojo is reinstalled at the same time!

Drive-Bys

Quote of the Day:

I imagine right now Satan’s imps are trying to start a snowplow…

Heh.
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For all those people who are being inconvenienced by CTA bus and el service cuts, remember this:

Free rides for senior citizens and other categories of riders account for a big source of lost revenue -- more than $60 million a year, officials said. The CTA provided 68 million free rides in the first 11 months of 2009, said Karen Walker, CTA chief financial officer. That's an increase of 16.8 million free rides compared with the same period in 2008, she said.

I have no problem issuing free cards where there's a genuine need, but many seniors in the Chicago area can well afford to pay their own way. This is just one more of those cases where Governor Quinn's largesse makes no financial sense whatsoever.

Yeah, yeah -- Blago started it. Quinn, however, could have and should have put an end to that program. He just can't bring himself to do it.
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Man, this sounds like a great leap forward in dental care. When can we get this here in the U.S., please?
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Hmmmm.... why does this post on 44 extreme snacks make me think of Elisson?
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Steve Dale would like to remind cat lovers everywhere that a good way to open your heart for Valentine's Day is to support the Winn Feline Foundation's Ricky Fund for feline hypertrophic cardiomyopathy research.

I know that this is a subject near and dear to Steve's heart, as I was Ricky's breeder. Steve has been a dear friend, and is a great champion for this common and often fatal form of feline heart disease.

If you can, go here and drop a buck or two.
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Giggle of the Day:


see more Lolcats and funny pictures
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As a very early birthday gift to me, The Plumcake posts the recipe for one of my favorite sneak-up-and-bite-you-in-the-butt (because it tastes good and you just can't taste how strong it is) cocktails. You guess the month. And it's no wonder I have a girl-crush on her!

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If you read no other article from the New York Times this year, read this one about the Jihadist Next Door. Positively terrifying!

(Swiped from leeann, who usually writes the funny, but not this time.)

PSA

Straight from today's "Dear Abby":

DEAR ABBY: I am writing this as a mother of four and an operating room nurse for 30 years. Once again, I had to pull a crying mother from her child so I could take the child into the operating room.

I understand that a child having surgery is upsetting and stressful. My own children have had to have surgical procedures done, so I know the feeling. But if I can help parents understand one thing, it would be that the child looks to the parent for support. If the mother is crying and clinging at the bedside, the message the child receives is: Something bad must be about to happen.

No one is implying that you do not love your child or you are not worried about him or her, but it does no one any good if you have to be peeled off your child. Please send your little one off with kisses and encouraging words, and the child will be a little less frightened.

WISCONSIN R.N.

DEAR WISCONSIN R.N.: I'm printing your letter verbatim. As traumatic as sending a child into surgery can be for both parent and child, the words a child needs to hear are, "You'll be going to sleep, and when you wake up, Mommy will be right here. I love you. Now give me a kiss." For the child's sake, venting for stress relief should be saved for the waiting room.

Drive-Bys

Quote of the Day:

As you can tell, my role is to encourage Barry’s worst instincts. I was the one who had him insult the Cambridge PD when his buddy, Skip the Scholar, threw a hissy fit. I was the one who got him to hand over the Christmas Bomber to Eric Holder, so they could tuck him into a comfy bed with the Bill of Rights wrapped around him. It’s not really that difficult. Insecure narcissists look for affirmation in their bowl of Wheaties. A few months ago when Barry was getting dressed for some speech, I grabbed his tie and ran away with it. He thought it was cute. That’s when he started showing up for major events in slacks and an open-necked shirt, like every day is casual Friday, even when responding to the latest unemployment report or a terrorist tries to blow up an airplane…

So if he makes the State of the Union address in a bathrobe and slippers, you can thank me. -- Bo Obama, Portugese Water Dog Extraordinaire

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Giggle of the Day:

"I'm Doc Sensitive. How can I help you today?"

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Ooooo! Way too tempting...
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Of course Congress is exempting itself and Federal employees from the excise tax... or trying to. You expected otherwise?
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The Daily Douche Bag:

Yes, Samantha Burton is a douche bag. No question about it, actually. BUT... Jana Bures-Foresthoefel, M.D., Willie Meggs, Esq. and the Hon. John Cooper are bigger ones. So there.

Speaking of douche bags, every single person who walked or drove by and did nothing in this case is an unspeakable douche bag. And that 15 year old kid? He's a monstrous douche bag.
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I'd really like to be able to vote for Jim Ryan in Illinois, but given that he's a huge proponent of selling the rights to both the Illinois Tollway and the state Lotto, I just can't bring myself to do it.

Those of us who live in the Chicago area have already seen what happened when Mayor Daley sold off the rights to the Chicago Skyway and to the city parking meters. It ain't pretty. Daley leased the parking meters just a year ago, and the money is almost gone already.

Nope -- we didn't get nearly enough buck for the lessees' bang in either case, and I don't see it getting any better if it happens with state assets.

Sorry, Jim. I really can't back you on this. In fact, I'll fight you tooth and nail.
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On the other hand, I also can't in any way, shape or form back Pat Quinn, who is once again playing Candy Man with money the state doesn't have:

Sneed hears Gov. Quinn is traveling to NIU to tell school officials this week of the $8.08 million refurbishment plans for Cole Hall, where five students were shot and killed and 18 others were wounded by a man who eventually killed himself on Feb. 14, 2008.

I went to NIU, and I disagree with the state funding this plan. Let the students and alumni do it. Let them decide what kind of memorial they want and let them figure out how to fund it.

And for cripe's sake pay off the debt we already owe to state employees and vendors before opening the state treasury for a project that could and should be directed and funded by the people most affected. The man simply cannot manage money.

And he doesn't know the meaning of "NO," either.
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How much do you want to bet that of the 10 letters a day Chicken Little supposedly reads, this is not one or them -- ever.

(And, by the way, how insulting is it that Chicken Little thinks he can take the pulse of the country based on 10 letters a day that have been vetted by the crew of the S.S. Clusterf*ck?)

I can't tell you how heartened I am that Chicken Little has his finger on the pulse of America.

Eye Spy

I'm off to see Dr. Hotshot, as I'm having some sort of allergic reaction that has had my eyelids and all around my eyes puffy and itchy for days.

Later, kids.
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I love Dr. Hotshot. She's blunt and she gets things done. Apparently I have some kind of contact dermatitis -- an allergic reaction to God knows what. She whipped of a scrip for a Medrol Dose Pack and made a quick phone call and shuttled me two blocks down the street to see a high flying dermatologist as a walk-in. (I'm convinced that if anyone else had made the request it would have taken me a month to get an appointment.) He gave me a topical steroid to use as well, concurred that it's an allergic reaction. So... I've got to go back and see both soon, but at least there's some relief in sight. And... with any luck... I won't resemble a Gorgon so much in a day or so.

Now I also need to find fragrance-free shampoo, conditioner and styling products, as those are the suspected culprits. Argh! Patch tests to come, once we get the evil itchy eyes cleared up. Stay tuned...