Leslie's Omnibus

Hello??? Is This Thing On???

Sorry I've been so silent of late.  I've been off in search of my blogging mojo, which seems to have done a runner.

I'm blaming the whole radio silence thing on my lack of permanent choppers.  I was de-fanged both literally and metaphorically, it seems.  It's very weird, but being very self-conscious about speaking really has made me self-conscious about blogging as well. 

Fortunately, I should have the white, shiny, pretty new teeth within the next week or so. Then look out, world!

In the meantime, here are a few more things they don't tell you at the beginning of this whole adventure in replacing every tooth in your mouth at once:
  • They can put your temporary teeth in the same day that they take your real ones out.
  • You'll have your temporaries put in and taken out at least four times, on the other hand, before you get your permanents:
    • Your oral surgeon will take them out to make sure your implants have bonded properly.  He'll take another set of x-rays at that time.  You'll feel like just like this guy:

      Actually, you do look just like him.
    • Your regular dentist (or the good folks at the implant clinic if you go that route) will take your teeth out to take a preliminary set of impressions to start in on making your permanent bridges. Once again, you'll feel lovely:

    • Your dentist will have you back in to take the temporaries out and put in the bases for the permanent bridges.  He/she will build a Mini Cooper in your mouth, plaster it in Bondo and yank it out again.  You will look like Jaws from The Spy Who Loved Me and probably could chew through cables for a couple of hours, anyway.

    • Your dentist will ask you to come back in again, wherein one thing will happen if your last Bondo job (set of impressions) went well or two things will happen if it didn't (and you can guess, with my luck, which was my fate).  First, teeth come out and they build a moped in your mouth.  No, it's not as big as the Mini Cooper, but it comes with some seriously scary spikes and you're not allowed to shut your mouth for fear of impaling your gums on the damned things.  More Bondo is involved.  Second (or first if your prior Bondo job was successfull), they yank the motor works and insert a concept car so they can adjust the carburetor and kick the tires a few times.  The concept car is comprised of your pretty, permanent porcelain teeth set in a wax mold.  ( You'd better hope like hell that they work faster than a pit crew or the wax will start melting.)  More tinkering ensues, then the concept car is sent back to the laboratory for more work.
    • Here's the good part -- you finally get your shiny new teeth.  I, of course, am not there yet... but SOON.
  • Remind your dentist to take the bottom bridge out before taking the top bridge out.  It gives 'em more room to work and and doesn't make you feel like your jaw should be hinged so that they could just flip your head wide open.
  • Remind your dentist to use the longer screwdriver.  Just trust me on this.  It's the longer screwdriver that will make the job go faster.
  • None of this, of course, happens in a day -- it takes months.  Months after you've healed. 
  • If having unwieldy temporary teeth makes eating difficult, even more so it shoots the hell right out of your love life.  Yes, I look pretty, but I'm not comfortable with the concept of making out with a mouth full of acrylic. 
Here are the temporaries:

More pix to follow when I finally sport the permanent pearlies, and I hope my blogging mojo is reinstalled at the same time!


Northwoods Woman said...

you have a love life?!

Alicia said...

I just learned so much about teeth in such a short amount of time...ps- LOVE that pic of you. So lovely!

Judy said...

I have really missed you and will welcome your return. Remind me to not let them pull what's left of my teeth!

JihadGene said...

You cracks me very-very up LOOONG time!!! Mini Cooper...ROR!!!