Sign of the Times

Word.

Drive-Bys

Giggle of the Day, Part the First:

'Marjorie, dear. How would you like to play a big part in stopping an environmental disaster?'

What? It's better than anything Obama or BP have come up with so far.
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Yesterday I got up early, put my jeans on and went to work.

Jeans?

Yes.

I was fully convinced it was Friday.

I walked into the office, wandered over to my cube and went to work.

It wasn't until 11:00 a.m. when I got up to hit the water cooler that my office manager came over to say hello... and then she did a double-take.

"Leslie, you're wearing jeans?"

"Well, yeah. It's Friday."

"No, it isn't."

"Yes, it is."

"No, really, it isn't."

"Now look -- I know holiday weeks screw me up beyond belief, but I know it's Friday."

I had to look at the date on my phone and the calendar on the wall to be convinced that no, it wasn't.

Sheesh. That's almost as embarassing as the time...

Yeah. I have my moments.
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Quote of the Day, Part I:

Don't you want to see a gopher do the Taser flop?

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It may be a dandy curiosity, but this is not art.
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The Blagoviator's trial has finally begun here in Chicago and, of course, he swears up and down he'll take the stand. Eric Zorn says he won't testify.

Personally, I'm kind of torn on this. Half of me says the guy simply cannot muzzle himself, even when it's in his own best interest. The other half says Zorn's right and he can't stand the heat of direct scrutiny.

What's your take?
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Monkey Goggles.

(I just love the name. The fact that it's a cool blog is secondary.)
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Quote of the Day, Part II:

Me: “Sorry, sir, but Igloo begins with an I.”

Caller: “The heck it does! Igloo is spelled E-G-L-U-E. I have a G.E.D you can’t pull one over on me, Mr. Fancy Pants!”

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Giggle of the Day, Part the Second:


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Giggle of the Day, Part the Third:


see more Lolcats and funny pictures
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Jihad Gene is bidgee doing something or other... so I guess it's up to me to get this party started.

"It's Friday! Let's Dance!"



So what's got your toes tapping today?

Can't decide? Go visit Elisson and see what he's got teed up on the Little White Chune Box.

And if that doesn't do it for you, Billy Sweetfeets Gingersnap Norton has an interesting foreign import for you.

Update:

Jimbo is popping some Halapeenas.

Kerrcarto gave out a Friday Rebel yell!

Paul kicks off a little Friday night anarchy.

Fausta is serving up a little late night Tango.
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Interpreting the Signs Along the Way

Having a hard time keeping up with fast-moving developments in the Gulf? Confused by the cacophonous nonsense coming from oil industry hacks and government spokesmouths?

Don’t worry, you’re not alone. Below is a handy timeline that cuts through the absurdity and tells you everything you need to know.

April 20 – An explosion on the oil rig Deepwater Horizon – owned by TransOcean and leased to British Petroleum (BP) – kills 11 workers and injures dozens in the Gulf of Mexico. Within days, the rig sinks in 5,000 feet of water. Industry and government officials insist there is no oil leaking from the site. Few people believe them.

April 24 – BP and the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Agency admit that well, actually, yes, oil is leaking, but only at a rate of 1,000 barrels a day. This number is determined by combining data from an Ouija board, several antique backgammon dice, and a family of capuchin monkeys who throw darts at numbers taped to a wall. (This method is also used to calculate the unemployment rate and other massively understated government statistics.)

April 28 – The Obama administration and BP now say that oil is spilling at a rate “more than originally estimated,” perhaps as much as 5,000 barrels a day. BP insists that “it’s too early to speculate” on the flow rate and flatly refuses to make its capuchin monkeys available for comment.

May 7 – As the scale of the disaster becomes clear, outraged Americans react in typical American fashion: By complaining loudly about oil company greed – and by continuing to consume 20 million barrels of oil a day.

May 11 – In testimony before Congress, BP blames TransOcean. TransOcean blames Halliburton. Halliburton blames TransOcean and BP. Rinse. Repeat.

May 12 – Some Americans begin to ask why a private corporation continues to call the shots on containing the spreading environmental disaster it created. These Americans are quickly labeled socialists, tree-huggers, terrorists, dead-enders, criminal elements, petty thieves, and even “former Ba’athists.” Meanwhile, heavy oil reaches Louisiana’s coastal marshes.

May 13 – Independent scientists studying new video of the massive gusher suggest the flow rate may be as high as 95,000 barrels per day. Viewing the footage for the first time, a spokesperson for BP accidentally says, “Whoa! Look at that sucker go! Ain’t nothin’ gonna stop that thing!” (He is quickly fired.)

May 14 – BP CEO Tony Hayward suggests that the amount of oil released is “tiny” compared to “the total volume of water” in the Gulf of Mexico. A BP spokesman says “it’s too early to speculate” on whether Hayward’s brain is “tiny” when compared to the size of his entire skull – or to the brain of a capuchin monkey.

May 15 – BP again refuses to deploy equipment that could accurately measure the flow rate. A company spokesman actually says, “It’s not relevant to the response effort, and it might even detract from the response effort.” This earns him a Botox Award, given to PR flacks who say ridiculous things with a completely straight face.

May 19 – With options dwindling, the world turns once again to the one man who can save the day. He is contacted by a talking holographic image of Interior Secretary Ken Salazar, beamed from a small, beeping robot: “Help us, Kevin Costner. You’re our only hope!” Costner responds by (a) providing technology that filters oil from seawater, and (b) apologizing, yet again, for “Message in a Bottle.”

May 20 – BP tests a new machine (also developed by Kevin Costner!) that takes weeks’ worth of preposterous public relations statements and transforms them into a massive, impenetrable ball of solid waste that can be used to plug leaking oil wells. The company says “it’s too early to speculate” on the machine’s effectiveness, but ramps up its production of “preposterous public relations statements” anyway.

May 21 – Reports surface that a newspaper columnist Bill Shein recently trademarked the phrase, “it’s too early to speculate” and has made millions in royalties from BP and the Obama administration for its use. BP says it’s too early to speculate on how much the columnist will ultimately earn, but that a team of capuchin monkeys are working on an estimate.

(Thanks, Elizabeth!)

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Via Calvin's Mom, an explanation of just what "Mr. I'm Responsible" has been up to since the day the well blew. Pryoritteez -- he haz Dem.

Road Repairs?

Sorry. Couldn't resist.

Sunday Schedule

Heard about this CD box set on Nick Digilio's show (which, BTW, was an absolute free-for-all at the tail end of the evening) during his interview with Jeff Tuckman last night, and I'm thinking it might just make a dandy birthday gift for my baby brother, who grew up wearing cowboy suits and cowboy boots and carrying cap-gun six-shooters:

This compilation of rare and in some cases, never before seen television programs from the golden age of Hollywood represents the largest assortment of TV shows ever released! Relive your childhood or discover a truly unique brand of entertainment for the first time with 600 Episodes to choose from! Enjoy over 265 hours of family friendly entertainment with over 40 exceptional shows spanning the last six decades!

Shows include: Bonanza, Wagon Train, The Rifleman, The Lone Ranger, Dusty's Trail, The Cisco Kid, Annie Oakley and many more!

Stars include: Roy Rogers, Henry Fonda, Bob Denver, Lorne Greene, Michael Landon, Jackie Coogan, Forrest Tucker, Gabby Hayes, Lash LaRue, Clayton Moore, Buddy Ebsen, Tim conway, Chuck Connors, Dale Evans and many more!

What do you think?

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And, thank's to Nick's Facebook page, I ran across this NSFW site that will require eye bleach when you're through.

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*ahem*

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Quote of the Day:

"This is a Last Days type of thing, right? Didn't the Romans reveal a Double Down before they fell?"

Og also has an opinion on the Double Down. Mmmmmm! Gravy!

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Hah! I'm fashionable. So there.

(Therefore it's all MY fault?)

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Those who know me know I'm not into the whole Green/Global Warming/Sky Is Falling/We're All Gonna Die movement. And I'm not. However, I really hate waste -- and packaging waste in particular. Thus, I think this packaging by PUMA is brilliant:

And I think PUMA's going to make a lot of money off the intellectual property behind that packaging. A lot.

Yup.

(A tip of the cap to those amazing folks at The Awesomer.)

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I've got a pot of this yummy rice & bean-y goodness bubbling on the stove. I'm not sharing, either.

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It's a good thing I didn't realize old George was going to be at Comic Con to read from A Dance with Dragons... because I'd have probably gone down there, kidnapped him and gone all Kathy Bates on his ass until he finished the damned book.

The man has toyed with my affections for far too long.

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Amtrak Auto Train? What an utterly cool way to travel!

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You Are Disturbingly Profound

You're contemplative, thoughtful, and very intense. Taking time to figure out the meaning of life is a priority for you. Because you're so introspective, you often react in ways that surprise people. No one can really understand how you are on the inside... and that disturbs them.

Are You Disturbingly Profound or Profoundly Disturbing?

Blogthings: Our Quizzes Weren't Written By Bored 12 Year Olds