From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus

From Catfish:

Three aspiring psychiatrists, from three leading universities, were attending their first class on emotional extremes.

"Just to establish some parameters." said the professor to the student from UCLA, "What is the opposite of joy?"

"Sadness'" said the student.

"And the opposite of depression?" he asked the young lady from Clemson.

"Elation," she said.

"And you, sir," he said to the student from Texas A&M, "How about the opposite of woe?"

The Texas A&M student replied, "Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up."

_____

From Maeve:

The Mommy Test

I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter.

She picked something up off the ground and started to put it in her mouth.

I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that.

"Why?" my daughter asked.

"Because it's been on the ground, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty and it probably has germs", I replied.

At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Mommy, how do you know all this stuff? You are so smart."

I was thinking quickly, "All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy."

We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information.

"OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So, if you don't pass the test, you have to be the daddy."

"Exactly", I replied back, with a big smile on my face.

_____

From the Sweetheart of Shell Knob, MO:

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an Indianapolis Colts fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Colts fans too. Not really knowing what a Colts fan was, but wanting to be liked by their teacher, their hands fly into the air. There is, however, one exception. Kelly has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.

"Because I'm not a Colts fan" she reports.

"Then," asks the teacher," What are you?"

"I'm a Chicago Bears fan" boasts the little girl.

The teacher asks Susie why she is a Bears fan.

"Well, my Dad and Mom are Bears fans, so I'm a Bears fan too" she responds.

"That's no reason," the teacher says. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was an idiot. What would you be then?"

Kelly smiles and says, "Then I'd be a Colts fan."

BEAR DOWN CHICAGO BEARS!!!!!

C-an

O-nly

L-ose

T-he

S-uper Bowl

"Nothing is work unless you'd rather be doing something else." -- George Halas

_____

From Nancy V.:

Do you remember the last time the Bears were in the Super Bowl?

In honor of the Chicago Bears going to Super Bowl 41. Here are 41 things that have changed from the last time the Chicago Bears played in the Super Bowl (which was Super Bowl 20 in 1986):

1. Brian Urlacher was in 2nd grade. Rex Grossman was in kindergarten.

2. Peyton Manning was 10 years old. Eli Manning was 5 years old. Their dad, Archie, had just retired from the NFL two years earlier.

3. Lovie Smith was in his first college coaching job at University of Tulsa.

4. Ronald Reagan was the President, and Harold Washington was the Mayor. James R. Thompson was the Governor running for re-election and his office was in the new State of Illinois Center, which is now called the James R. Thompson Center.

5. George W. Bush was 39 years old and still drinking. His father would run for President two years later.

6. Rod Blagojevich was just out of law school and was a low-level prosecutor working for the Cook County State's Attorney, Richard M. Daley.

7. Barack Obama had just moved to Illinois, and Osama bin Laden was fighting the Soviets in Afghanistan.

8. Bear Hall of Famers Red Grange and Sid Luckman were still alive.

9. The Colts had just moved to Indianapolis from Baltimore and were the doormat of the AFC EAST. The Bears were the champions of the NFC CENTRAL.

10. Property in Wicker Park and Bucktown was cheap because they were really bad neighborhoods.

11. CD players, cellular phones and fax machines were expensive, cutting edge technology and only a few people used them.

12. "Surfing the net" meant a volleyball game at the beach, and virtually no one used the "@" key on their TYPEWRITER.

13. Sam Walton was still alive and was wealthier than Bill Gates. Windows were panes of glass...not a computer operating system that was a pain in something that rhymes with glass.

14. The Soviet Union was our main enemy, and Saddam Hussein was our ally.

15. There were no lights at Wrigley Field, and the oldest park in baseball belonged to the White Sox.

16. Michael Jordan and Ozzie Guillen had just finished their "Rookie of the Year" seasons. Jordan's coach was Stan Albeck and Guillen's manager was Tony LaRussa. (Three out of four of those guys are now wearing championship rings, but what ever happened to Stan Albeck???)

17. Soldier Field had AstroTurf. The Houston Oilers played in the AstroDome.

18. The Fox TV Network didn't exist, and ESPN had yet to air a single live pro football, baseball, or basketball game.

19. MTV played music and so did some AM radio stations.

20. Lindsay Lohan and Hilary Duff weren't born yet; Jackie Gleason and Richard Nixon were still alive.

21. Hillary Clinton had dark hair and was the First Lady......of Arkansas!

22. "The Love Boat" and "Diff'rent Strokes" were still on network TV every week.

23. Martin Luther King Day was about to be celebrated as a National Holiday for the first time. "9-11" was a phone number many cities were just adopting for emergency calls - not a date of terror.

24. I-88 was called "Illinois Rt. 5" and I-355 hadn't been built yet.

25. What the CTA now calls "The Blue Line" had just been extended to O'Hare, and the Orange Line to Midway hadn't been built yet.

26. Q101 played adult contemporary music and most teenagers listened to WLS. Music from the 70s and 80s wasn't "retro" yet.

27. Tiger Woods hadn't won an amateur golf tournament yet.

28. Most people knew Seattle just as a city in the Northwest U.S. - not the home of grunge or Starbucks.

29. Only Southerners went to NASCAR races and only Northerners went to NHL games.

30. The Chicago area had no Wal-Marts, Targets or Home Depots, and Walgreen's was only in the Midwest.

31. Depending on your bank, your ATM card was good at only "Cash Station" machines or only at "Money Network" machines, but there were no fees.

32. "The Phone Company" was Illinois Bell.

33. They still sold leaded gasoline and you couldn't pay for your gas at the pump.

34. Discover Card hadn't been discovered yet, and Miller Genuine Draft hadn't been brewed yet.

35. Stereo TVs were the rage that HDTVs are now. 8-track tapes were still being made.

36. All of the Blockbuster Video stores that are now closing hadn't opened yet. Betamax was still competing with VHS.

37. You paid cash for your groceries and fast food, and you used a travel agent to book airline flights.

38. Bowl games didn't have corporate sponsors, and if the #1 ranked team was in a conference that played in one bowl game and the #2 ranked team was in a conference that played in another bowl game, then so be it! They let the sportswriters vote on the national champion. (and no college football games were played after New Year's Day)

39. The Baltimore Ravens were the Cleveland Browns. The Tennessee Titans were the Houston Oilers. The Oakland Raiders were the Los Angeles Raiders that had just left Oakland. The Arizona Cardinals (the former Phoenix Cardinals) were the St. Louis Cardinals, and the St. Louis Rams were the Los Angeles Rams. The Jacksonville Jaguars, Carolina Panthers, Houston
Texans, and the Cleveland Browns (not to be confused with the Cleveland Browns that are now the Baltimore Ravens) didn't exist. The Seattle Seahawks (last year's NFC Champions) played in the AFC.

40. Number 9 on the Bears was their Punky QB...not their perky field goal kicker.

41. There were no iPods - just Sony Walkmen - so if you said something about a "shuffle" on your Walkman, they assumed you were listening to "The Super Bowl Shuffle" and one thing that will be the same from the Chicago Bears last Super Bowl appearance.....

THEY WILL WIN!!!!