From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus

From Catfish, but posted for my BlogDaddy:

Proof Of Identity?

Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him, "You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?"

Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?"

Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear.

Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity.

Saint Peter is suitably impressed. "You really ARE Einstein!" he says. "Welcome to heaven!"

The next to arrive is Salvador Dali. Once again, Saint Peter asks for credentials.

Salvador Dali asks, "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?"

Saint Peter says, "Go ahead."

Salvador Dali erases Einstein's equations and sketches a truly stunning picture with just a few strokes of chalk.

Saint Peter claps. "Surely you are the great artist you claim to be!" he says. "Come on in!"

Then Saint Peter looks up and sees George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head, strokes his beard, and says, "Einstein and Salvador Dali both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?"

George W. looks bewildered and says, "Who are Einstein and Salvador Dali?"

Saint Peter sighs and says, "Come on in, George."
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From Deborah S.

Mrs. Rosenberg, a fine Jewish matron from the Upper East Side of Manhattan, found herself stranded-late one night at a fashionable southern resort...one that did not, ordinarily, admit Jews.

When she inquired, at the Front Desk about a room, the desk clerk, looked at his book and said, "Sorry, no rooms. This hotel is full."

Suspicious, about his mind set, Mrs.Rosenberg said, "I beg your pardon ...your sign says, you have vacancies."

The desk clerk stammered and said, curtly, "Mostly, I shouldn't say this, but you know, we do not admit Jews. Now, if you will try...on the other side of town..."

Mrs. Rosenberg stiffened, noticeably, & said, "I'll have you know ...recently, I converted to your religion."

Sensing something, the desk clerk said, "Oh, yeah!? Well, let me give you a little test! How was Jesus born?"

"That's easy" Mrs. Rosenberg replied, "He was born to a virgin named Mary ...in a little town, called Bethlehem."

"Not 'Bad'!" replied, the clerk... "Tell me, more."

Checking her memory, Mrs. Rosenberg said, "He was born in a manger!"

"That's right," said the hotel clerk. And ...why was he born, in a manger?"

Holding her head defiantly high, Mrs. Rosenberg, reared-back, and said loudly for all to hear, "Because a Putz, like you ...in the hotel, ...wouldn't give a Jewish lady a room for the night.
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Now, here's one for the other side of the political aisle. (We try our best to offend everyone.)

Hillary Clinton goes to a primary school in upstate New York to talk about the world. After her talk she offers question time.

One little boy puts up his hand, and the Senator asks him what his name is.

"Kenneth."

"And what is your question, Kenneth?"

"I have three questions:

1 ... Whatever happened to your medical health care plan?

2 ... Why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office?

3 ... Whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?"

Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary Clinton informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess. When they resume Hillary says, "OK, where were we? Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question?"

A different little boy puts his hand up.

Hillary points him out and asks him what his name is.

"Larry."

"And what is your question, Larry?"

"I have 5 questions:

1 ... Whatever happened to your medical health care plan?

2 ... Why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office?

3 ... Whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?

4 ... Why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?

And

5 ... What happened to Kenneth?"
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