The Campaign Trail

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Breaking News

BUSH ADMITS LIP-SYNCHING TO TAPE OF CHENEY
Acid Reflux Blamed

President George W. Bush revealed today that he suffers from a sore throat brought on by acid reflux disease and that for the past four years he has extensively lip-synched to vocal tracks furnished by Vice President Dick Cheney.

Mr. Bush was forced to make the admission after an embarrassing incident at a campaign rally in Ohio, during which Mr. Cheney's disembodied voice came booming through the public address system while Mr. Bush was busy kissing a baby.

After a stunned silence fell over the audience, Mr. Bush revealed his medical condition and said that he frequently had Mr. Cheney's voice piped in through a bulge in the back of his jacket.

The president added that although acid reflux disease was a serious illness, he was not in favor of using stem cell research to find a cure for it.

After the rally, Bush strategist Karl Rove downplayed the use of lip-synching as "something all politicians do," adding, "Ninety percent of the time, John Kerry's lip-synching to Teresa."

But campaigning in Florida, Mr. Kerry vigorously denied lip-synching to his wife's voice, telling Mr. Rove to "stick it where the moon don't shine" in English, Spanish, French, Italian, and Portuguese.

In other campaign news, President Bush said that the U.S. was doing everything in its power to locate 380 tons of missing explosives in Iraq, adding, "We are checking eBay every day."

Elsewhere, Barb and Jenna Bush hit the campaign trail today to make an impassioned pitch for their pet issue, the importation of cheap beer from Canada.
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Ah! The logic of Beldar strikes the nail directly on the head. (A tip of the cap to the Instapundit. Welcome back, Professor!) In my humble opinion, Jack Ryan -- warts and all -- would have been a much better candidate than Alan Keyes.
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