This is the best news I've heard in a long time. A big smoocheroo to the troops from yours truly!
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From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus
Another telephone story! (This one had me on the floor, shaking with laughter, tears streaming down my cheeks.)
(A tip of the cap to Queenie's blogmother -- Key.)
_____
Another Key-spawn heard from.
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Elizabeth weighs in with a nifty idea: AN ALTERNATIVE RETIREMENT HOME
There will be no nursing home in my future.........
When I get old and feeble, I am going to get on a Princess Cruise Ship. The average cost for a nursing home is $200 per day. I have checked on reservations at Princess and I can get a long term discount and senior discount price of $135 per day. That leaves $65 a day for:
1. Gratuities which will only be $10 per day.
2. I will have as many as 10 meals a day if I can waddle to the restaurant, or I can have room service ( which means I can have breakfast in bed every day of the week).
3. Princess has as many as three swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers, and shows every night.
4. They have free toothpaste and razors, and free soap and shampoo.
5. They will even treat you like a customer, not a patient. An extra $5 worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.
6. I will get to meet new people every 7or 14 days.
7. T.V. broken? Light bulb need changing? Need to have the mattress replaced? No Problem! They will fix everything and apologize for your inconvenience.
8. Clean sheets and towels every day, and you don't even have to ask for them.
9. If you fall in the nursing home and break a hip you are on Medicare. If you fall and break a hip on the Princess ship they will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.
Now hold on for the best! Do you want to see South America, the Panama Canal, Tahiti, Australia, New Zealand, Asia, or name where you want to go? Princess will have a ship ready to go. So don't look for me in a nursing home, just call shore to ship.
P.S. And don't forget, when you die, they just dump you over the side at no charge.
_____
Mirthful Sadie is guest blogging over at SWG's place. She had this cool quiz for your super hero personality. I was picturing myself as Bat Girl. So what do I get instead?
My Superhero Name? The Armadillo [That so sucks.]
Super Power? Ability to fly [Okay. That kind of rocks.]
My Enemy? Circus clowns [No, no, NO! That's my friend Suzanne's hang-up. Now, pantyhose -- that's another story! That's really my enemy.]
Mode of Transportation? Giant hamster named "Skippy" [After a couple of cocktails I might consider it, but I'd still rather have my motorized barstool with cooler trailer, autopilot and built in cup holder...]
Weapon? Frying pan [As Quick Draw McGraw used to say, "Elllllllllllllll kaBONG!"]
I'm mortified, I think.
Now YOU go try it, and report back in the comments!
_____
(A tip of the cap to Queenie's blogmother -- Key.)
_____
Another Key-spawn heard from.
_____
Elizabeth weighs in with a nifty idea: AN ALTERNATIVE RETIREMENT HOME
There will be no nursing home in my future.........
When I get old and feeble, I am going to get on a Princess Cruise Ship. The average cost for a nursing home is $200 per day. I have checked on reservations at Princess and I can get a long term discount and senior discount price of $135 per day. That leaves $65 a day for:
1. Gratuities which will only be $10 per day.
2. I will have as many as 10 meals a day if I can waddle to the restaurant, or I can have room service ( which means I can have breakfast in bed every day of the week).
3. Princess has as many as three swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers, and shows every night.
4. They have free toothpaste and razors, and free soap and shampoo.
5. They will even treat you like a customer, not a patient. An extra $5 worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.
6. I will get to meet new people every 7or 14 days.
7. T.V. broken? Light bulb need changing? Need to have the mattress replaced? No Problem! They will fix everything and apologize for your inconvenience.
8. Clean sheets and towels every day, and you don't even have to ask for them.
9. If you fall in the nursing home and break a hip you are on Medicare. If you fall and break a hip on the Princess ship they will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.
Now hold on for the best! Do you want to see South America, the Panama Canal, Tahiti, Australia, New Zealand, Asia, or name where you want to go? Princess will have a ship ready to go. So don't look for me in a nursing home, just call shore to ship.
P.S. And don't forget, when you die, they just dump you over the side at no charge.
_____
Mirthful Sadie is guest blogging over at SWG's place. She had this cool quiz for your super hero personality. I was picturing myself as Bat Girl. So what do I get instead?
My Superhero Name? The Armadillo [That so sucks.]
Super Power? Ability to fly [Okay. That kind of rocks.]
My Enemy? Circus clowns [No, no, NO! That's my friend Suzanne's hang-up. Now, pantyhose -- that's another story! That's really my enemy.]
Mode of Transportation? Giant hamster named "Skippy" [After a couple of cocktails I might consider it, but I'd still rather have my motorized barstool with cooler trailer, autopilot and built in cup holder...]
Weapon? Frying pan [As Quick Draw McGraw used to say, "Elllllllllllllll kaBONG!"]
I'm mortified, I think.
Now YOU go try it, and report back in the comments!
_____
Drive-Bys
To tell the truth, I have very mixed feelings about this. On one hand, it's a holiday tradition stretching back a long way for a charity that does provide some great services to the community. On the other hand, it can be just plain annoying.
How do you feel about this? (Drop a note in the comments, okay?)
Update: Lileks gives an interesting perspective on this debate. (Scroll down.)
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Sometimes the Manolo, he is the master of the understatement...
_____
Ah! Good Parenting 101. Let the punishment fit the crime, indeed.
_____
If you're not part of the problem, why not at least be a part of the solution? (I know, I know. Another damned Carnival. I thought I could just sneak it by you...)
_____
How do you feel about this? (Drop a note in the comments, okay?)
Update: Lileks gives an interesting perspective on this debate. (Scroll down.)
_____
Sometimes the Manolo, he is the master of the understatement...
_____
Ah! Good Parenting 101. Let the punishment fit the crime, indeed.
_____
If you're not part of the problem, why not at least be a part of the solution? (I know, I know. Another damned Carnival. I thought I could just sneak it by you...)
_____
From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus
Elizabeth always sends me great jokes: Hats Off!
A Rabbi was walking, slowly, out of a shul in New York, when a gust of wind blew his hat off and down the street. He was an old man, who walked with the aid of a cane, and he couldn't run after the hat. Across the street, a young gentile man saw what was happening, rushed over and grabbed the hat. He then returned it to the Rabbi.
"I don't think I could have retrieved my hat by myself," said the Rabbi. "Thank you very much!" He then placed his hand on the man's shoulder and said, "May God bless you."
The young man thought to himself, "I've been blessed by the Rabbi, this must be my lucky day!" He decided then and there to go to the racetrack. In the first race he noticed a horse named 'Stetson' at 20 to 1. He bet $50 and, sure enough, the horse came in first. In the second race, a horse named 'Fedora' was at 30 to 1, so he bet all his money on that horse. Fedora came in first, as well.
At the end of the day the man returned home to his wife. She asked him where he'd been. He explained about catching the Rabbi's hat, and being blessed by him, and how he then went to the track and did so well betting on horses named after hats.
"So where's the money?" she said. "I lost it all in the ninth race. I bet on a horse named 'Chateau' and it lost."
"You fool," exclaimed his wife, 'Chateau' is a house, 'chapeau' is a hat!"
"It doesn't matter," he said, "the winner was some Japanese horse named 'Yarmulka'."
_____
Want To Order Pizza?
FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in San Diego that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud. After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents had worked up quite an appetite. The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza parlor with delivery service to order a quick dinner for his colleagues. The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded because they were taping all conversations at the hospital:
Agent: Hello. I'd like to order 19 large pizzas and 67 cans of soda.
Pizza Man: And where would you like them delivered?
Agent: We're over at the psychiatric hospital.
Pizza Man: The psychiatric hospital?
Agent: That's right. I'm an FBI agent.
Pizza Man: You're an FBI agent?
Agent: That's correct. Just about everybody here is.
Pizza Man: And you're at the psychiatric hospital?
Agent: That's correct. And make sure you don't go through the front doors. We have them locked. You'll have to go around to the back service entrance to deliver the pizzas.
Pizza Man: And you say you're all FBI agents?
Agent: That's right. How soon can you have them here?
Pizza Man: Everyone at the psychiatric hospital is an FBI agent?
Agent: That's right. We've been here all day and we're starving.
Pizza Man: How are you going to pay for all of this?
Agent: I have my checkbook right here.
Pizza Man: And you're all FBI agents?
Agent: That's right. Everyone here is an FBI agent. Can you remember to bring the pizzas and sodas to the service entrance in the rear? We have the front doors locked.
Pizza Man: I don't think so. *Click*
_____
My friend Marian sent me this link. I wonder if the Llama Butchers know they have a theme song? This ought to give Jeff nightmares for a week!
_____
A Rabbi was walking, slowly, out of a shul in New York, when a gust of wind blew his hat off and down the street. He was an old man, who walked with the aid of a cane, and he couldn't run after the hat. Across the street, a young gentile man saw what was happening, rushed over and grabbed the hat. He then returned it to the Rabbi.
"I don't think I could have retrieved my hat by myself," said the Rabbi. "Thank you very much!" He then placed his hand on the man's shoulder and said, "May God bless you."
The young man thought to himself, "I've been blessed by the Rabbi, this must be my lucky day!" He decided then and there to go to the racetrack. In the first race he noticed a horse named 'Stetson' at 20 to 1. He bet $50 and, sure enough, the horse came in first. In the second race, a horse named 'Fedora' was at 30 to 1, so he bet all his money on that horse. Fedora came in first, as well.
At the end of the day the man returned home to his wife. She asked him where he'd been. He explained about catching the Rabbi's hat, and being blessed by him, and how he then went to the track and did so well betting on horses named after hats.
"So where's the money?" she said. "I lost it all in the ninth race. I bet on a horse named 'Chateau' and it lost."
"You fool," exclaimed his wife, 'Chateau' is a house, 'chapeau' is a hat!"
"It doesn't matter," he said, "the winner was some Japanese horse named 'Yarmulka'."
_____
Want To Order Pizza?
FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in San Diego that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud. After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents had worked up quite an appetite. The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza parlor with delivery service to order a quick dinner for his colleagues. The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded because they were taping all conversations at the hospital:
Agent: Hello. I'd like to order 19 large pizzas and 67 cans of soda.
Pizza Man: And where would you like them delivered?
Agent: We're over at the psychiatric hospital.
Pizza Man: The psychiatric hospital?
Agent: That's right. I'm an FBI agent.
Pizza Man: You're an FBI agent?
Agent: That's correct. Just about everybody here is.
Pizza Man: And you're at the psychiatric hospital?
Agent: That's correct. And make sure you don't go through the front doors. We have them locked. You'll have to go around to the back service entrance to deliver the pizzas.
Pizza Man: And you say you're all FBI agents?
Agent: That's right. How soon can you have them here?
Pizza Man: Everyone at the psychiatric hospital is an FBI agent?
Agent: That's right. We've been here all day and we're starving.
Pizza Man: How are you going to pay for all of this?
Agent: I have my checkbook right here.
Pizza Man: And you're all FBI agents?
Agent: That's right. Everyone here is an FBI agent. Can you remember to bring the pizzas and sodas to the service entrance in the rear? We have the front doors locked.
Pizza Man: I don't think so. *Click*
_____
My friend Marian sent me this link. I wonder if the Llama Butchers know they have a theme song? This ought to give Jeff nightmares for a week!
_____
Drive-Bys
Great minds think alike. And to prove it, I had almost the identical thought when I heard this on the news this morning.
_____
What was that song the Scarecrow sang in "The Wizard of Oz"? Ah, yes! "If I Only had a Brain"
(A tip of the cap to Wind Rider.)
_____
Here's a fun little meme that's popped up on a couple of blogs today. Here's my list of 10:
1. St. Joseph's aspirin for children
2. Spritz cookies fresh from the oven at Christmas time
3. Love's Baby Soft
4. Watermelon Lip Smacker
5. Meatloaf, mashed potatoes and corn
6. The fresh green scent of my dad's hugs immediately after he'd cut the lawn
7. Chapstick (Daddy never left home without the stuff.)
8. Manure-spreading down at the family farm
9. 4711 (my great grandmother wore it)
10. The almost new-car scent of a brand new pair of Red Ball Jets
_____
This is also going on my Christmas list. Thanks to my wonderful, generous, all-around great guy of a boss, I got to see this concert at the United Center. Simon & Garfunkel and the Everly Brothers. Hot damn!
_____
Professor Bainbridge takes out the cluebat gives the Nanny State a sharp rap upside the head. I wonder what he'd make of this?
_____
_____
What was that song the Scarecrow sang in "The Wizard of Oz"? Ah, yes! "If I Only had a Brain"
(A tip of the cap to Wind Rider.)
_____
Here's a fun little meme that's popped up on a couple of blogs today. Here's my list of 10:
1. St. Joseph's aspirin for children
2. Spritz cookies fresh from the oven at Christmas time
3. Love's Baby Soft
4. Watermelon Lip Smacker
5. Meatloaf, mashed potatoes and corn
6. The fresh green scent of my dad's hugs immediately after he'd cut the lawn
7. Chapstick (Daddy never left home without the stuff.)
8. Manure-spreading down at the family farm
9. 4711 (my great grandmother wore it)
10. The almost new-car scent of a brand new pair of Red Ball Jets
_____
This is also going on my Christmas list. Thanks to my wonderful, generous, all-around great guy of a boss, I got to see this concert at the United Center. Simon & Garfunkel and the Everly Brothers. Hot damn!
_____
Professor Bainbridge takes out the cluebat gives the Nanny State a sharp rap upside the head. I wonder what he'd make of this?
_____
Rubber Necking
Huh?
_____
My Blogdaddy is a sick, sick puppy, and I can prove it: he sent me this link. Gack.
_____
Run that reasoning by me again? (A tip of the cap to the Group Captain.)
_____
This should cause some whiplash, guys!
_____
_____
My Blogdaddy is a sick, sick puppy, and I can prove it: he sent me this link. Gack.
_____
Run that reasoning by me again? (A tip of the cap to the Group Captain.)
_____
This should cause some whiplash, guys!
_____
Roadside Diversions
More Carnivals! Carnival of the Dogs is here. Carnival of the Rugrats is here.
Seems like there's a Carnival for almost everything, no?
_____
Carnivals not your style? Then go warm your hands over the Bonfire of the Vanities, instead.
_____
Seems like there's a Carnival for almost everything, no?
_____
Carnivals not your style? Then go warm your hands over the Bonfire of the Vanities, instead.
_____
Drive-Bys
Prelude to a swoon. (Fans self vigorously.) Whew!
Was that as good for you as it was for me?
_____
Juliette steered me to "How to be a Happy Woman." Damn, Skippy. I gotta try some of that stuff. I think I'm going to post that list right over my desk.
_____
I made a trip to the beauty salon today. Most excellent. Shorter. Darker. Sexier. I think Buckaroo Bonsai is in for a shock. (Nope. I didn't tell him before I did it.)
_____
Was that as good for you as it was for me?
_____
Juliette steered me to "How to be a Happy Woman." Damn, Skippy. I gotta try some of that stuff. I think I'm going to post that list right over my desk.
_____
I made a trip to the beauty salon today. Most excellent. Shorter. Darker. Sexier. I think Buckaroo Bonsai is in for a shock. (Nope. I didn't tell him before I did it.)
_____
Roadside Diversions
The Carnival of the Cats is up at Your Moosey Fate. (Guess I better get cracking and do some cat posting, as I'm hosting the next Carnival of the Cats!)
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For all you business types out there, you might want to take a spin through the Carnival of the Capitalists. Great stuff!
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For all you business types out there, you might want to take a spin through the Carnival of the Capitalists. Great stuff!
_____
Chartered Excursions - Iraq
Iraq the Model is celebrating its one-year anniversary. Think whatever you want, but there's no way they would have been up and running one week, let alone a whole year, under Saddam.
"Together, you and us were, and will always be closer than brothers and sisters trying to stand against the powers of darkness and ignorance, doing our best to make our voice louder and louder and to make everyone see what our dream is." -- Mohammed
"Our unlimited joy with our new found freedom that we still enjoy its sweetness is too precious to be lost or sold no matter what the price." -- Ali
"The most important thing we achieved in the past year is building trust and understanding among us, failing the evil attempts of those who want us to think of each other as enemies." -- Omar
I dare you to read this and not be moved.
_____
"Together, you and us were, and will always be closer than brothers and sisters trying to stand against the powers of darkness and ignorance, doing our best to make our voice louder and louder and to make everyone see what our dream is." -- Mohammed
"Our unlimited joy with our new found freedom that we still enjoy its sweetness is too precious to be lost or sold no matter what the price." -- Ali
"The most important thing we achieved in the past year is building trust and understanding among us, failing the evil attempts of those who want us to think of each other as enemies." -- Omar
I dare you to read this and not be moved.
_____
PSA
At least, in my opinion it's a Public Service Announcement.
If you're one of those people whose lips peel, crack and fall off daily starting in October, I've found a WONDERFUL product. Blistex's Pro Relief is like nothing I've ever found before. It's not waxy like Chapstick, messy to apply like Carmex, or just plain greasy like Vaseline lip balm -- it just soothes and moisturizes. Ahhhhhh!!!!!!!!
I thought you might like to know. Your lips will thank you.
_____
If you're one of those people whose lips peel, crack and fall off daily starting in October, I've found a WONDERFUL product. Blistex's Pro Relief is like nothing I've ever found before. It's not waxy like Chapstick, messy to apply like Carmex, or just plain greasy like Vaseline lip balm -- it just soothes and moisturizes. Ahhhhhh!!!!!!!!
I thought you might like to know. Your lips will thank you.
_____
Bus Fumes
'Scuse me, but Tom Hanks is just too long in the tooth for this role. Don't get me wrong -- he's a wonderful actor. But not in this particular role.
_____
What have I said before about doing stupid things in front of a camera? Sheesh!
_____
See? Much better. No last names. Anonymity maintained.
_____
I don't know about you, but these "stupid dad" ads set my hair aflame. I may not have always agreed with my father, but I always respected and loved him. And I'd give anything to have him back.
Boycott Verizon until they quit with crap ads like this. Boycott any other company that chooses to run crap ads like this. The buck is a mighty weapon, you know.
(A tip of the cap to the Instapundit.)
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_____
What have I said before about doing stupid things in front of a camera? Sheesh!
_____
See? Much better. No last names. Anonymity maintained.
_____
I don't know about you, but these "stupid dad" ads set my hair aflame. I may not have always agreed with my father, but I always respected and loved him. And I'd give anything to have him back.
Boycott Verizon until they quit with crap ads like this. Boycott any other company that chooses to run crap ads like this. The buck is a mighty weapon, you know.
(A tip of the cap to the Instapundit.)
_____
Rubber-Necking
Is the myth about to become a reality?
_____
They did what with that cash? (That must be the world's most expensive insulation!)
_____
It may just be his best defense.
_____
I'll drink to that, Manolo.
_____
_____
They did what with that cash? (That must be the world's most expensive insulation!)
_____
It may just be his best defense.
_____
I'll drink to that, Manolo.
_____
PSA
Put Your Cell Phone on the Do Not Call List
A directory of cell phone numbers will soon be published for all consumers to have access to. This will open the doors for solicitors to call you on your cell phones, using up precious minutes that we pay lots of money for.
The Federal Trade Commission has set up a "do not call" list. It is called a cell phone registry. To be included on the "do not call" list, you must call from the number you wish to register. The number is 1-888-382-1222 OR you can go to their web site at _http://www.donotcall.gov_/ (http://www.donotcall.gov/) and add your number to the do not call list. please give this to friends who have cell phones.
[Thanks, Elizabeth!]
I did it myself, and it's very easy. One more note:
"Once you have registered, your phone number registration will be effective for 5 years. It will be illegal for most telemarketers to call you, and you will be able to file a complaint if a telemarketer does call you. The website www.donotcall.gov provides information about filing a complaint."
_____
A directory of cell phone numbers will soon be published for all consumers to have access to. This will open the doors for solicitors to call you on your cell phones, using up precious minutes that we pay lots of money for.
The Federal Trade Commission has set up a "do not call" list. It is called a cell phone registry. To be included on the "do not call" list, you must call from the number you wish to register. The number is 1-888-382-1222 OR you can go to their web site at _http://www.donotcall.gov_/ (http://www.donotcall.gov/) and add your number to the do not call list. please give this to friends who have cell phones.
[Thanks, Elizabeth!]
I did it myself, and it's very easy. One more note:
"Once you have registered, your phone number registration will be effective for 5 years. It will be illegal for most telemarketers to call you, and you will be able to file a complaint if a telemarketer does call you. The website www.donotcall.gov provides information about filing a complaint."
_____
Bus Fumes
Here's another post that should scare you spitless. It did me. (And she's right. Where is that number coming from?)
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_____
Wide Open Spaces
Who knew the moon has a gateway?
_____
Are scientists planning a robot village on the moon?
_____
The International Space Station crew will redock spaceship.
_____
_____
Are scientists planning a robot village on the moon?
_____
The International Space Station crew will redock spaceship.
_____
From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus
My brother would have been great pals with this guy and this guy, if they had met as children.
_____
One for the boys from the Evil White Guy. Enjoy, fellers!
_____
More rowdy goodness. What's your excuse?
_____
I took Mog's little quiz. Here's the result.
The Cheshire Cat! You're a sly cat who grins on the
outside, but schemes on the inside. Even your
best friends don't realize that you may
actually be their worst enemy!
What kind of cat are you?
brought to you by Quizilla.
_____
Me, too. (Why, Professor Bainbridge! I didn't know you had a rowdy streak.)
_____
_____
One for the boys from the Evil White Guy. Enjoy, fellers!
_____
More rowdy goodness. What's your excuse?
_____
I took Mog's little quiz. Here's the result.
The Cheshire Cat! You're a sly cat who grins on the
outside, but schemes on the inside. Even your
best friends don't realize that you may
actually be their worst enemy!
What kind of cat are you?
brought to you by Quizilla.
_____
Me, too. (Why, Professor Bainbridge! I didn't know you had a rowdy streak.)
_____
Bus Fumes
"It is the most important blog-related event anywhere." Phooey on that self-important nonsense. This is. (The blogfest, that is -- not the wedding.) And I'm going. Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, NYAH, nyah to you, Mr. Cox.
_____
_____
Rubber-Necking
She must be related to Courtney Love, somehow. Secret birth mother, perhaps?
_____
Betcha can't get through this article without cracking a smile.
_____
_____
Betcha can't get through this article without cracking a smile.
_____
End of the Line
Not a moment too soon, either. But what in the heck kind of wacky weed is the Pope smoking? Argh! And why doesn't nonsense like this surprise me?
Ain't this more like the truth?
_____
Ain't this more like the truth?
_____
Roadside Diversions
This week's Carnival of the Vanities is up, and the theme is "Having Nothing To Do With Partisan Politics." I'll drink to that.
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_____
The Mom Update
I know, I know -- I haven't done one of these in a while, mostly because Mom has been doing so well.
BUT, we just got news that's more than a little disconcerting. Apparently the tumor (for those who don't know, my mom has stage 3 lung cancer -- and it's inoperable) has almost doubled in size in the last six months (4 mm, up from 2.5 mm). That's the stomach-clenching news.
The good news is that her new oncologist in Florida seems to think that there are a number of options to consider, and she'll be meeting with him next week to discuss them. Mom says he sounded relatively upbeat about this -- in no way was he being the Voice of Doom.
So. I'm reaching back out into the ether and asking you all to fire up the prayer chain again for Mom and my family. We're not panicking here, but prayer has been a powerful source of peace and comfort for us in the past. We'll deal with stuff as we need to... but it sure helps to know we've got family and good friends keeping us in their prayers.
I'll do another update next week, once we know what all the options are. It'll be hard to type with my fingers crossed, but I think I can manage it for a few days.
Thank you.
_____
BUT, we just got news that's more than a little disconcerting. Apparently the tumor (for those who don't know, my mom has stage 3 lung cancer -- and it's inoperable) has almost doubled in size in the last six months (4 mm, up from 2.5 mm). That's the stomach-clenching news.
The good news is that her new oncologist in Florida seems to think that there are a number of options to consider, and she'll be meeting with him next week to discuss them. Mom says he sounded relatively upbeat about this -- in no way was he being the Voice of Doom.
So. I'm reaching back out into the ether and asking you all to fire up the prayer chain again for Mom and my family. We're not panicking here, but prayer has been a powerful source of peace and comfort for us in the past. We'll deal with stuff as we need to... but it sure helps to know we've got family and good friends keeping us in their prayers.
I'll do another update next week, once we know what all the options are. It'll be hard to type with my fingers crossed, but I think I can manage it for a few days.
Thank you.
_____
Wide Open Spaces
Planetary Society sets date for launch of solar sail spacecraft. It just amazes me how far space exploration has advanced in my lifetime.
_____
Will lunar mining expeditions be the gateway to Mars? That might require more space stations along the way.
_____
Scientists are picking through the pieces to reveal Genesis' secrets.
_____
_____
Will lunar mining expeditions be the gateway to Mars? That might require more space stations along the way.
_____
Scientists are picking through the pieces to reveal Genesis' secrets.
_____
Drive-Bys
"Massachusetts Flip-Flop Syndrome" strikes again. It must be something in the water...
_____
Sweet Jesus singing doo-wop on the corner by the street lamp -- my Christmas list is filling up! New number one on the list is this. A lifetime supply of the stuff. Then there's that Orgasmatron doohicky. And then I want either one of these or a motorized barstool equipped with autopilot and a built-in cup holder. Can't a girl dream?
I'll bet a few of my male buddies would like to put this on their Chrismas lists!
_____
Spawning and singing? Come to think of it, they really do go hand-in-hand.
_____
Why isn't every aging pop star this sensible?
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Sweet Jesus singing doo-wop on the corner by the street lamp -- my Christmas list is filling up! New number one on the list is this. A lifetime supply of the stuff. Then there's that Orgasmatron doohicky. And then I want either one of these or a motorized barstool equipped with autopilot and a built-in cup holder. Can't a girl dream?
I'll bet a few of my male buddies would like to put this on their Chrismas lists!
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Spawning and singing? Come to think of it, they really do go hand-in-hand.
_____
Why isn't every aging pop star this sensible?
_____
Roadside Diversions
Carnival of the Liberated is up at Dean's World. Now more than ever it's important to know what's in the hearts and on the minds of the average Iraqi.
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Bus Fumes
Here's another rat bastard for whom there is no punishment cruel enough.
_____
If this doesn't set your hair on fire, nothing will. I say toss the bitch in jail with a lot of inmate mommies. See how long she lasts.
_____
More "PC" moonbattery here. If you refuse, on this basis of your religious convictions, to do the job you were hired for... and you were aware of your convictions when you were hired for the job in the first place, you should (*ehrm*) take your medicine and expect to get fired. Or perhaps laterally moved. Or demoted. But certainly not paid a salary to stand around and look decorative. Yes, you have a right to exercise your religious convictions for yourself. But you do NOT have the right to shove them down the throats of others. Especially when it might even be life or death hanging in the balance.
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Oh great. This'll give you a warm, fuzzy, safe feeling.
_____
_____
If this doesn't set your hair on fire, nothing will. I say toss the bitch in jail with a lot of inmate mommies. See how long she lasts.
_____
More "PC" moonbattery here. If you refuse, on this basis of your religious convictions, to do the job you were hired for... and you were aware of your convictions when you were hired for the job in the first place, you should (*ehrm*) take your medicine and expect to get fired. Or perhaps laterally moved. Or demoted. But certainly not paid a salary to stand around and look decorative. Yes, you have a right to exercise your religious convictions for yourself. But you do NOT have the right to shove them down the throats of others. Especially when it might even be life or death hanging in the balance.
_____
Oh great. This'll give you a warm, fuzzy, safe feeling.
_____
Rubber-Necking
How positively peculiar. I hope it works.
_____
Headline of the Day: "Doctor Discovers the 'Orgasmatron'" Hee hee hee! Every woman I know is going to put one of these little boogers on her Christmas list.
"She said it was difficult to part with the orgasmatron when the study ended." I'll bet it was.
_____
A little something to go with the Doggles I posted about a couple of days ago.
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Headline of the Day: "Doctor Discovers the 'Orgasmatron'" Hee hee hee! Every woman I know is going to put one of these little boogers on her Christmas list.
"She said it was difficult to part with the orgasmatron when the study ended." I'll bet it was.
_____
A little something to go with the Doggles I posted about a couple of days ago.
_____
From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus
He linked me! He really linked me! Gosh. Now I know how Sally Field felt on Oscar night.
_____
Acidman waxes philosophical.
_____
Brazilian Butt Lift??? Sounds like a quirky new figure skating move to me... or maybe a new WWF wresting move? Extreme weightlifting grip?
_____
Bigwig is correct. It is disgusting. Gack.
_____
_____
Acidman waxes philosophical.
_____
Brazilian Butt Lift??? Sounds like a quirky new figure skating move to me... or maybe a new WWF wresting move? Extreme weightlifting grip?
_____
Bigwig is correct. It is disgusting. Gack.
_____
Bus Fumes
Good. It's about time he began to reap a smidgeon of the hatred and bile he sowed. Too bad this kid didn't get the message in time. (A tip of the cap to the Instapundit.)
_____
I agree 100%. Thanks for putting it so well, Tom. When do we stop apologizing for our own morals and convictions? Like they're a bad thing to have??? As long as I have to recognize and respect other people's beliefs, they better damned well be ready to recognize and respect mine.
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_____
I agree 100%. Thanks for putting it so well, Tom. When do we stop apologizing for our own morals and convictions? Like they're a bad thing to have??? As long as I have to recognize and respect other people's beliefs, they better damned well be ready to recognize and respect mine.
_____
Wide Open Spaces
The next space race is underway, and it's between Burt Rutan and Richard Branson. This could be another "Clash of the Titans"!
_____
Let's hope for a soft landing for the Huygens probe.
_____
"Come sail away. Come sail away. Come sail away with me." Who knew that old song might actually come to pass?
_____
_____
Let's hope for a soft landing for the Huygens probe.
_____
"Come sail away. Come sail away. Come sail away with me." Who knew that old song might actually come to pass?
_____
Drive-Bys
It's really refreshing when the law gets things right for a change.
_____
Oh, sure. Blame it on women.
_____
It'll be interesting to see how French hospital officials handle this.
_____
Chatham Artillery Punch, hmmm? Sounds like fun stuff! One more reason for Velocigod to set a date for the Spring Blogfest so that I can get my ticket booked!
_____
Worried about Bush appointing Clarence Thomas as Chief Justice of the Supreme Court should Rehnquist have to retire? See what Professor Bainbridge has to say about that. (Clever. Very clever.) Let's hope he's right. According to Ann Althouse, Scalia (God help me for saying this) is, from my strict Constitutionalist leanings, a much better choice.
_____
I loved Pee-Wee's Playhouse, too. Did you ever see the bit he did with the giant granny-panties? My sides hurt for two days afterwards.
_____
_____
Oh, sure. Blame it on women.
_____
It'll be interesting to see how French hospital officials handle this.
_____
Chatham Artillery Punch, hmmm? Sounds like fun stuff! One more reason for Velocigod to set a date for the Spring Blogfest so that I can get my ticket booked!
_____
Worried about Bush appointing Clarence Thomas as Chief Justice of the Supreme Court should Rehnquist have to retire? See what Professor Bainbridge has to say about that. (Clever. Very clever.) Let's hope he's right. According to Ann Althouse, Scalia (God help me for saying this) is, from my strict Constitutionalist leanings, a much better choice.
_____
I loved Pee-Wee's Playhouse, too. Did you ever see the bit he did with the giant granny-panties? My sides hurt for two days afterwards.
_____
PSA
Spoons has a point, you know. The wonderful thing about this country is that you can pick up the phone and call your Representative or Senator and tell'em what you're thinking. Heck! You can even phone the White House.
Just do it.
_____
Just do it.
_____
Drive-Bys
As Kelley would say, "WOOT!" (I needed that. How about you?)
_____
Happy Anniversary, gentlemen. I salute you.
_____
I like this guy's style. What a hoot.
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Happy Anniversary, gentlemen. I salute you.
_____
I like this guy's style. What a hoot.
_____
Wide Open Spaces
Mystery power boost for Mars rover? (Insert Twilight Zone theme music here.) That's certainly seizing Opportunity!
_____
And here's a new photo from Cassini. "Alien" traits? That's rich.
_____
The planets are putting on quite a show lately. Are you paying attention?
_____
_____
And here's a new photo from Cassini. "Alien" traits? That's rich.
_____
The planets are putting on quite a show lately. Are you paying attention?
_____
Bus Fumes
What kind of sick f#*k does something senseless like this? This just makes me want to cry. And then hunt down the bastards that did this and give them a dose of their own medicine.
_____
And what in the heck was this all about??? How much do you want to bet that someone's military career is toast?
_____
Forgive me, but I fail to see what the big deal is about this. Somebody's feelings were hurt? Somebody got bruises on their knees? Somebody got his hair ruffled? Somebody gets a bad haircut? Those are court marshallable offenses?
Big damn deal. I mean it, too.
These are people who have been shooting at our military folks, beheading civilians sent there to help them rebuild, and blowing up motor vehicles along with their own people. They do things like this. Come to think of it, the whole lot of them HATE us, and would cheerfully go back to doing a whole lot more of the same if we'd just let'em out of Gitmo.
C'mon, people. Say it loud. Say it proud. Boo-bleeping-hoo for them that they had a little humiliation.
Get over it. It's called WAR. It ain't supposed to be pretty. If we continue to hamstring ourselves over "PC" moonbattery like this, we might as well just kneel down, lay our heads on the chopping block and pray that it's over quickly.
We're way to close to that, as it is.
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_____
And what in the heck was this all about??? How much do you want to bet that someone's military career is toast?
_____
Forgive me, but I fail to see what the big deal is about this. Somebody's feelings were hurt? Somebody got bruises on their knees? Somebody got his hair ruffled? Somebody gets a bad haircut? Those are court marshallable offenses?
Big damn deal. I mean it, too.
These are people who have been shooting at our military folks, beheading civilians sent there to help them rebuild, and blowing up motor vehicles along with their own people. They do things like this. Come to think of it, the whole lot of them HATE us, and would cheerfully go back to doing a whole lot more of the same if we'd just let'em out of Gitmo.
C'mon, people. Say it loud. Say it proud. Boo-bleeping-hoo for them that they had a little humiliation.
Get over it. It's called WAR. It ain't supposed to be pretty. If we continue to hamstring ourselves over "PC" moonbattery like this, we might as well just kneel down, lay our heads on the chopping block and pray that it's over quickly.
We're way to close to that, as it is.
_____
Drive-Bys
Jeff has created a new holiday -- one that I've been asking for for quite some time now. So do we get a parade, too? Just give me a second to polish up my kazoo, and I'll be ready to go...
_____
_____
Bus Fumes
"There's been a lack of civility in the way people have discussed this election," says W. Robert Nay, clinical psychologist, associate professor at Georgetown University Medical School and author of "Taking Charge of Anger: How to Resolve Conflict, Sustain Relationships, and Express Yourself without Losing Control."
Now there's the understatement of the century.
_____
Who funds stupid studies like this, anyway?
_____
I knew SNL had jumped the shark, but this is just pathetic. No one on that show has had an original idea in years.
_____
It's true.
_____
That's entertainment? Puh-leaze.
_____
And you wonder why I mistrust the MSM? Puerile behavior like this comes to mind...
_____
Did you ever notice that when someone starts a sentence, "You know I'm not prejudiced, but..." you're about to hear the biggest bunch of bigotted bullpucky that you've heard in quite some time.
_____
This is about the only thing that could have put a big-ass grin on my face today. And it did. (So I'm a lousy human being. S'okay with me today.)
_____
Now there's the understatement of the century.
_____
Who funds stupid studies like this, anyway?
_____
I knew SNL had jumped the shark, but this is just pathetic. No one on that show has had an original idea in years.
_____
It's true.
_____
That's entertainment? Puh-leaze.
_____
And you wonder why I mistrust the MSM? Puerile behavior like this comes to mind...
_____
Did you ever notice that when someone starts a sentence, "You know I'm not prejudiced, but..." you're about to hear the biggest bunch of bigotted bullpucky that you've heard in quite some time.
_____
This is about the only thing that could have put a big-ass grin on my face today. And it did. (So I'm a lousy human being. S'okay with me today.)
_____
Rules of the Road
More of Manolo's rules. Just follow them, okay?
_____
More rules to ponder here.
_____
And Iowahawk has some words for you, too. Pay attention.
_____
_____
More rules to ponder here.
_____
And Iowahawk has some words for you, too. Pay attention.
_____
Drive-Bys
"Bloggers, in particular, are loose cannons when it comes to information that established media seeks to control. Mostly independents with no corporate masters to abide -- and often no traditional journalistic training or standards -- bloggers cannot be expected to play by old media rules."
Heh. Loose cannons with loads of ammo and pinpoint aim is more like it.
_____
For what it's worth, it's a GORGEOUS day today. Sunny, bright blue skies, crisp breeze. Autumn in Chicago. You've gotta love a day like this. (If I hadn't just taken a long vacation, I'd be playing hooky today.)
_____
I haven't thought about this cartoon in years. Now I'll have the Sheriff's voice for an earworm for days. And Muskie the Muskrat. And Vincent Van Gopher. It's all Zonker's fault.
_____
Heh. Loose cannons with loads of ammo and pinpoint aim is more like it.
_____
For what it's worth, it's a GORGEOUS day today. Sunny, bright blue skies, crisp breeze. Autumn in Chicago. You've gotta love a day like this. (If I hadn't just taken a long vacation, I'd be playing hooky today.)
_____
I haven't thought about this cartoon in years. Now I'll have the Sheriff's voice for an earworm for days. And Muskie the Muskrat. And Vincent Van Gopher. It's all Zonker's fault.
_____
Rubber-Necking
Wow! I'd have been willing to pay top dollar to be a fly on the wall for this.
_____
Say WHAT???
_____
_____
Say WHAT???
_____
From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus
My brother-in-law has an interesting take on flu prevention:
Eat right! Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and veggies. Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C. Get plenty of exercise because exercise helps build your immune system. Walk for at least an hour a day, go for a swim, take the stairs instead of the elevator, etc.
Wash your hands often. If you can't wash them, keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around. Get lots of fresh air. Open windows whenever possible. Get plenty of rest. Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can.
OR....
You can take the doctor's office approach. Think about it. When you go for a shot, what do they do first? Clean your arm with alcohol. Why? Because alcohol kills germs.
SO....
I walk to the liquor store (exercise), I put lime in my Corona (fruit), celery in my Bloody Mary (veggies), drink on the bar patio (fresh air), get drunk, tell jokes, and laugh (eliminate stress), and then pass out (rest). The way I see it, if you keep your alcohol levels up, flu germs can't get you!
_____
Maxine (Hallmark) on Aging: "Take every birthday with a grain of salt. This works much better if the salt accompanies a large margarita."
_____
J-Walk had me shooting coffee out my nose at this one. Who knew?
_____
Eat right! Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and veggies. Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C. Get plenty of exercise because exercise helps build your immune system. Walk for at least an hour a day, go for a swim, take the stairs instead of the elevator, etc.
Wash your hands often. If you can't wash them, keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around. Get lots of fresh air. Open windows whenever possible. Get plenty of rest. Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can.
OR....
You can take the doctor's office approach. Think about it. When you go for a shot, what do they do first? Clean your arm with alcohol. Why? Because alcohol kills germs.
SO....
I walk to the liquor store (exercise), I put lime in my Corona (fruit), celery in my Bloody Mary (veggies), drink on the bar patio (fresh air), get drunk, tell jokes, and laugh (eliminate stress), and then pass out (rest). The way I see it, if you keep your alcohol levels up, flu germs can't get you!
_____
Maxine (Hallmark) on Aging: "Take every birthday with a grain of salt. This works much better if the salt accompanies a large margarita."
_____
J-Walk had me shooting coffee out my nose at this one. Who knew?
_____
The Campaign Trail
Well, ain't that a kick in the head?
_____
Well said!
_____
That's it on this subject. Go vote, if you haven't already done so.
_____
Okay, I lied. What in the heck was Daschle thinking?
_____
_____
Well said!
_____
That's it on this subject. Go vote, if you haven't already done so.
_____
Okay, I lied. What in the heck was Daschle thinking?
_____
Bus Fumes
I'm not usually a bloodthirsty little booger, but I'm beginning to think maybe we should be handing a little of this right back to the bastards dishing it out. Why do we always have to hold hands and play nice? In the immortal words of the Red Queen, "Off with their heads!"
_____
Great. This just gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling.
_____
Okay. This is wrong all the way around. The pet owner (collector, actually) was wrong -- nobody can handle that many animals without help. The animal control officer was wrong -- theft and forgery is theft and forgery. The judge was wrong -- the sentence was too harsh. And the writer is wrong, because he/she never does say what happened to the other 26 animals. Gaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!
_____
_____
Great. This just gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling.
_____
Okay. This is wrong all the way around. The pet owner (collector, actually) was wrong -- nobody can handle that many animals without help. The animal control officer was wrong -- theft and forgery is theft and forgery. The judge was wrong -- the sentence was too harsh. And the writer is wrong, because he/she never does say what happened to the other 26 animals. Gaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!
_____
From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus
Are you reading Lila? If not, you should be!
_____
J-Walk held a caption contest that's pretty doggone funny.
_____
_____
J-Walk held a caption contest that's pretty doggone funny.
_____
Chartered Excursions - Bulgaria
Isn't it nice to hear some good news for a change? I really hope this helps their tourism industry a lot!
_____
_____
Bus Fumes
This is a crying shame. The Terra was a gem of a museum.
_____
And what exactly happened to the right to freedom of speech? Unless it's a private event, there's no call for this. Shame on both parties! (Can we get this election over with already? I am so sick and tired of crap like this it's not even funny.)
_____
How stupid is this? No kid should be allowed to use a weapon unsupervised. Not even a "safe" one. This is not a problem with the weapons. It's a problem of lack of supervision and education... and common sense.
_____
The nanny state rears its ugly head in Brazil. Don't people have anything better to do than this?
_____
It's about time, don't you think?
_____
When is this cesspool of self-obsessed megalomaniacal sociopaths going to be disbanded? They are useless. Totally useless. (Except, of course, to themselves.)
_____
_____
And what exactly happened to the right to freedom of speech? Unless it's a private event, there's no call for this. Shame on both parties! (Can we get this election over with already? I am so sick and tired of crap like this it's not even funny.)
_____
How stupid is this? No kid should be allowed to use a weapon unsupervised. Not even a "safe" one. This is not a problem with the weapons. It's a problem of lack of supervision and education... and common sense.
_____
The nanny state rears its ugly head in Brazil. Don't people have anything better to do than this?
_____
It's about time, don't you think?
_____
When is this cesspool of self-obsessed megalomaniacal sociopaths going to be disbanded? They are useless. Totally useless. (Except, of course, to themselves.)
_____
Rubber-Necking
Speaking of train wrecks, this guy appears to be following in her footsteps. What's the deal with these talented people who seem to lack both moral compasses and any sort of impulse control?
_____
I can't believe wingnut conspiracy theorists are still debating this. Sheesh.
_____
_____
I can't believe wingnut conspiracy theorists are still debating this. Sheesh.
_____
Wide Open Spaces
Grrrrrrrrrrh! Why does that make me cranky? This is why. Seems everybody can get it right but NASA.
_____
Cassini, lookout below!
_____
For all you sky watchers, get out your telescopes Thursday and Friday nights.
_____
The "Vomit Comet" makes its final flight.
_____
_____
Cassini, lookout below!
_____
For all you sky watchers, get out your telescopes Thursday and Friday nights.
_____
The "Vomit Comet" makes its final flight.
_____
The Campaign Trail
Elizabeth sends some...
Breaking News
BUSH ADMITS LIP-SYNCHING TO TAPE OF CHENEY
Acid Reflux Blamed
President George W. Bush revealed today that he suffers from a sore throat brought on by acid reflux disease and that for the past four years he has extensively lip-synched to vocal tracks furnished by Vice President Dick Cheney.
Mr. Bush was forced to make the admission after an embarrassing incident at a campaign rally in Ohio, during which Mr. Cheney's disembodied voice came booming through the public address system while Mr. Bush was busy kissing a baby.
After a stunned silence fell over the audience, Mr. Bush revealed his medical condition and said that he frequently had Mr. Cheney's voice piped in through a bulge in the back of his jacket.
The president added that although acid reflux disease was a serious illness, he was not in favor of using stem cell research to find a cure for it.
After the rally, Bush strategist Karl Rove downplayed the use of lip-synching as "something all politicians do," adding, "Ninety percent of the time, John Kerry's lip-synching to Teresa."
But campaigning in Florida, Mr. Kerry vigorously denied lip-synching to his wife's voice, telling Mr. Rove to "stick it where the moon don't shine" in English, Spanish, French, Italian, and Portuguese.
In other campaign news, President Bush said that the U.S. was doing everything in its power to locate 380 tons of missing explosives in Iraq, adding, "We are checking eBay every day."
Elsewhere, Barb and Jenna Bush hit the campaign trail today to make an impassioned pitch for their pet issue, the importation of cheap beer from Canada.
_____
Ah! The logic of Beldar strikes the nail directly on the head. (A tip of the cap to the Instapundit. Welcome back, Professor!) In my humble opinion, Jack Ryan -- warts and all -- would have been a much better candidate than Alan Keyes.
_____
Breaking News
BUSH ADMITS LIP-SYNCHING TO TAPE OF CHENEY
Acid Reflux Blamed
President George W. Bush revealed today that he suffers from a sore throat brought on by acid reflux disease and that for the past four years he has extensively lip-synched to vocal tracks furnished by Vice President Dick Cheney.
Mr. Bush was forced to make the admission after an embarrassing incident at a campaign rally in Ohio, during which Mr. Cheney's disembodied voice came booming through the public address system while Mr. Bush was busy kissing a baby.
After a stunned silence fell over the audience, Mr. Bush revealed his medical condition and said that he frequently had Mr. Cheney's voice piped in through a bulge in the back of his jacket.
The president added that although acid reflux disease was a serious illness, he was not in favor of using stem cell research to find a cure for it.
After the rally, Bush strategist Karl Rove downplayed the use of lip-synching as "something all politicians do," adding, "Ninety percent of the time, John Kerry's lip-synching to Teresa."
But campaigning in Florida, Mr. Kerry vigorously denied lip-synching to his wife's voice, telling Mr. Rove to "stick it where the moon don't shine" in English, Spanish, French, Italian, and Portuguese.
In other campaign news, President Bush said that the U.S. was doing everything in its power to locate 380 tons of missing explosives in Iraq, adding, "We are checking eBay every day."
Elsewhere, Barb and Jenna Bush hit the campaign trail today to make an impassioned pitch for their pet issue, the importation of cheap beer from Canada.
_____
Ah! The logic of Beldar strikes the nail directly on the head. (A tip of the cap to the Instapundit. Welcome back, Professor!) In my humble opinion, Jack Ryan -- warts and all -- would have been a much better candidate than Alan Keyes.
_____
Bus Fumes
I don't always agree with Kim's point of view, but I always admire his style. (Ka-ching! here, though.) And if you think Kim is eloquent, get a load of his missus.
_____
_____
From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus
Elizabeth loves to make me laugh:
Yes, So can I, Now
A spaceship from the planet Zong, lands in Iowa in the middle of the night. The farm town is deserted as the aliens descend from their ship. They wander around for a while until they come across a garage and what they perceive to be intelligent life - a free standing gas pump.
The chief Zong greets the gas pump, "Greetings, I am Zong, a Zong from the planet Zong. We have come in our spaceship, to meet Earth people. Take me to your leader."
The Zong receives no reply, so he repeats his demands using shorter words: "Take me to your leader."
The gas pump, not surprisingly, says nothing.
By now, the short tempered Zong captain is getting a bit annoyed at being ignored. He levels his ray gun at the gas pump, much to the distress of his first mate, and demands, "Take me to your leader, insolent scum, or I will blow you to pieces!"
Of course, the gas pump remains silent.
His Zongian shipmates try to restrain him, but their leader fires. There is an almighty explosion as the gas pump burst into a huge ball of flames and the crew are hurled hundreds of feet in the air. They land in a nearby field with a bump.
"What the hell happened?" shouted the Zong captain.
"I tried to warn you, "said the first mate, "You just don't mess with a guy who can wrap his penis around his waist and stick it in his ear."
_____
I'm with Pejman on this issue. It's the only thing I'll miss about it, though.
_____
Strange English For Tourists
Cocktail lounge, Norway: "LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR."
Hotel, Acapulco: "THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE."
Dry cleaners, Bangkok: "DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.
In a Nairobi restaurant: "CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER."
On the grounds of a private school: "NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION."
On a highway: "TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE."
On a poster at Kencom: "ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP."
In a City restaurant: "OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.
A sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer: "DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS."
In a Pumwani maternity ward: "NO CHILDREN ALLOWED."
In a cemetery: "PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES."
Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations: "GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED."
In a Tokyo bar: "SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS."
Hotel brochure, Italy: "THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS PEACE AND SOLITUDE. IN FACT, CROWDS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD FLOCK HERE TO ENJOY ITS SOLITUDE."
Hotel, Japan: "YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID."
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: "YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY."
Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand: "WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?"
In the window on a Swedish furrier: "FUR COATS MADE FOR LADIES FROM THEIR OWN SKIN."
Airline ticket office, Copenhagen: "WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS."
A laundry in Rome: "LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME." [Wait! Isn't that sign actually hanging on Acid Dude's front door?]
_____
My friend Rosemary sent this:
Teacher asked, "Harry what is your problem?"
Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade too!"
The teacher had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited outside the office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. The teacher agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9"
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36"
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grader should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her,"I think Harry can go to the third-grade."
The teacher says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions." The principal and Harry both agree.
Teacher: "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
Harry: "Legs"
Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" (The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!)
Harry: "Pockets"
Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Harry: "Pants"
Teacher: "What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?" (The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...)
Harry: "Coconut"
Teacher: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"
Harry: "Bubblegum"
Teacher: "What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?"
Harry: "Shake hands"
Teacher: "Now I will ask some 'Who am I? sort of questions, okay?"
Harry: "Yup"
Teacher: "You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do"
Harry: "Tent"
Teacher: "A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first" (The principal was looking restless and bit tense)
Harry: "Wedding Ring"
Teacher: "I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good"
Harry: "Nose"
Teacher: "I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver"
Harry: "Arrow"
Teacher: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of excitement?"
Harry: "Firetruck"
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put his ass in the fifth-grade, I got the last ten questions wrong myself."
_____
A Fabulous Fish Tale
One day a nun was fishing and caught a huge fish for supper. A man was walking by and said, "Wow, what a goddamn fish!"
The sister said, "Sir, you shouldn't talk to me like that, I'm a nun!" and the man said, "But that's the name of it: a goddamn fish."
So the sister took the fish back to the rectory and said, "Mother Superior, look at the goddamn fish I caught."
The Mother Superior said, "Sister, you shouldn't talk like that!"
And the sister said, "But Mother Superior, that's the name of it: a goddamn fish."
The Mother Superior said, "Well give me the goddamn fish and I'll clean it." While she was cleaning the fish the Monsignor walked in and she said, "Monsignor, look at the goddamn fish that sister caught."
The Monsignor said "Mother Superior, you shouldn't talk like that!" and the Mother Superior said,"But that's the name of it: a goddamn fish."
So the Monsignor said, "Well, give me the goddamn fish and I'll cook it."
That evening at supper there was a new priest at the table, and he said, "Wow, what a nice fish."
The Sister said I caught goddamn fish."
And Mother Superior said, "I cleaned the goddamn fish."
And the Monsignor said, "I cooked the goddamn fish."
And the new priest said, "I like this fucking place already!!"
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Yes, So can I, Now
A spaceship from the planet Zong, lands in Iowa in the middle of the night. The farm town is deserted as the aliens descend from their ship. They wander around for a while until they come across a garage and what they perceive to be intelligent life - a free standing gas pump.
The chief Zong greets the gas pump, "Greetings, I am Zong, a Zong from the planet Zong. We have come in our spaceship, to meet Earth people. Take me to your leader."
The Zong receives no reply, so he repeats his demands using shorter words: "Take me to your leader."
The gas pump, not surprisingly, says nothing.
By now, the short tempered Zong captain is getting a bit annoyed at being ignored. He levels his ray gun at the gas pump, much to the distress of his first mate, and demands, "Take me to your leader, insolent scum, or I will blow you to pieces!"
Of course, the gas pump remains silent.
His Zongian shipmates try to restrain him, but their leader fires. There is an almighty explosion as the gas pump burst into a huge ball of flames and the crew are hurled hundreds of feet in the air. They land in a nearby field with a bump.
"What the hell happened?" shouted the Zong captain.
"I tried to warn you, "said the first mate, "You just don't mess with a guy who can wrap his penis around his waist and stick it in his ear."
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I'm with Pejman on this issue. It's the only thing I'll miss about it, though.
_____
Strange English For Tourists
Cocktail lounge, Norway: "LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR."
Hotel, Acapulco: "THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE."
Dry cleaners, Bangkok: "DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.
In a Nairobi restaurant: "CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER."
On the grounds of a private school: "NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION."
On a highway: "TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE."
On a poster at Kencom: "ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP."
In a City restaurant: "OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.
A sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer: "DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS."
In a Pumwani maternity ward: "NO CHILDREN ALLOWED."
In a cemetery: "PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES."
Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations: "GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED."
In a Tokyo bar: "SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS."
Hotel brochure, Italy: "THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS PEACE AND SOLITUDE. IN FACT, CROWDS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD FLOCK HERE TO ENJOY ITS SOLITUDE."
Hotel, Japan: "YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID."
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: "YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY."
Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand: "WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?"
In the window on a Swedish furrier: "FUR COATS MADE FOR LADIES FROM THEIR OWN SKIN."
Airline ticket office, Copenhagen: "WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS."
A laundry in Rome: "LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME." [Wait! Isn't that sign actually hanging on Acid Dude's front door?]
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My friend Rosemary sent this:
Teacher asked, "Harry what is your problem?"
Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade too!"
The teacher had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited outside the office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. The teacher agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9"
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36"
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grader should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her,"I think Harry can go to the third-grade."
The teacher says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions." The principal and Harry both agree.
Teacher: "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
Harry: "Legs"
Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" (The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!)
Harry: "Pockets"
Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Harry: "Pants"
Teacher: "What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?" (The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...)
Harry: "Coconut"
Teacher: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"
Harry: "Bubblegum"
Teacher: "What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?"
Harry: "Shake hands"
Teacher: "Now I will ask some 'Who am I? sort of questions, okay?"
Harry: "Yup"
Teacher: "You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do"
Harry: "Tent"
Teacher: "A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first" (The principal was looking restless and bit tense)
Harry: "Wedding Ring"
Teacher: "I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good"
Harry: "Nose"
Teacher: "I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver"
Harry: "Arrow"
Teacher: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of excitement?"
Harry: "Firetruck"
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put his ass in the fifth-grade, I got the last ten questions wrong myself."
_____
A Fabulous Fish Tale
One day a nun was fishing and caught a huge fish for supper. A man was walking by and said, "Wow, what a goddamn fish!"
The sister said, "Sir, you shouldn't talk to me like that, I'm a nun!" and the man said, "But that's the name of it: a goddamn fish."
So the sister took the fish back to the rectory and said, "Mother Superior, look at the goddamn fish I caught."
The Mother Superior said, "Sister, you shouldn't talk like that!"
And the sister said, "But Mother Superior, that's the name of it: a goddamn fish."
The Mother Superior said, "Well give me the goddamn fish and I'll clean it." While she was cleaning the fish the Monsignor walked in and she said, "Monsignor, look at the goddamn fish that sister caught."
The Monsignor said "Mother Superior, you shouldn't talk like that!" and the Mother Superior said,"But that's the name of it: a goddamn fish."
So the Monsignor said, "Well, give me the goddamn fish and I'll cook it."
That evening at supper there was a new priest at the table, and he said, "Wow, what a nice fish."
The Sister said I caught goddamn fish."
And Mother Superior said, "I cleaned the goddamn fish."
And the Monsignor said, "I cooked the goddamn fish."
And the new priest said, "I like this fucking place already!!"
_____
Rules of the Road
Manolo rules. Just do whatever he recommends, and you'll always be fashion-forward.
(BTW -- Wouldn't it be fun to introduce Manolo to Puce? It'd either be love at first sight or instant WWIII.)
A tip of the cap to Jeff.
_____
(BTW -- Wouldn't it be fun to introduce Manolo to Puce? It'd either be love at first sight or instant WWIII.)
A tip of the cap to Jeff.
_____
Rubber-Necking
What in the world would entice anyone to join this organized moonbattery?
_____
This doggles the mind.
_____
Beldar disects the O'Reilly settlement. It's an eye-opener. Mackris will never have to say another word about this publicly, as O'Reilly's on-air statement said it all. (And it wasn't pretty.)
_____
_____
This doggles the mind.
_____
Beldar disects the O'Reilly settlement. It's an eye-opener. Mackris will never have to say another word about this publicly, as O'Reilly's on-air statement said it all. (And it wasn't pretty.)
_____
Wide Open Spaces
More news and views of Titan.
_____
It's hard to believe that we may actually see space tourism in the next few years.
I believe that competition like this is giving NASA the kick in the pants it needs to shake off the complacency it has demonstrated over the last decade or so.
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_____
It's hard to believe that we may actually see space tourism in the next few years.
I believe that competition like this is giving NASA the kick in the pants it needs to shake off the complacency it has demonstrated over the last decade or so.
_____
Roadside Diversions
The Carnival of the Vanities is being hosted by 13 year old Maddy, who does a spectacular job of it.
_____
_____
Rubber-Necking
The perennial train wreck makes the news again. Sigh.
_____
Dim bulbs and other idiocy.
_____
Isn't this a head-scratcher?
_____
And this site left me goggle-eyed. (A tip of the cap to Kate.)
_____
Try wrapping your head around this post. Raisin cakes? Nah. Fruitcakes is more like it. (A tip of the cap to Dean Esmay and Robert of Llamabutchers.)
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_____
Dim bulbs and other idiocy.
_____
Isn't this a head-scratcher?
_____
And this site left me goggle-eyed. (A tip of the cap to Kate.)
_____
Try wrapping your head around this post. Raisin cakes? Nah. Fruitcakes is more like it. (A tip of the cap to Dean Esmay and Robert of Llamabutchers.)
_____
Wide Open Spaces
Apparently Titan has some surprises for us.
_____
It's not just NASA after all?
_____
Did you see the lunar eclipse last night? If not, you've got a long wait until the next one.
_____
In the meantime, look at this!
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_____
It's not just NASA after all?
_____
Did you see the lunar eclipse last night? If not, you've got a long wait until the next one.
_____
In the meantime, look at this!
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Bus Fumes
Can we just get the election over with already? It's turning us into a nation of crazy people. It looks like I'm not alone in feeling this way.
_____
And speaking of crazy people...
_____
Duh!
_____
The myth of the mistake-free war? Michael Malone knocks this one right out of the park.
_____
Given all the pre-election craziness going on right now, make sure you know when, where and how to vote.
_____
_____
And speaking of crazy people...
_____
Duh!
_____
The myth of the mistake-free war? Michael Malone knocks this one right out of the park.
_____
Given all the pre-election craziness going on right now, make sure you know when, where and how to vote.
_____
Drive-Bys
You know you've been living in the big city too long when you see signs posted up and down your street saying there's going to be a movie shooting there and all you can think is, "Shit. Now where am I going to park?" instead of "Movie? Here? Cool!"
_____
Now you know who to blame for just about anything. Mighty nice of him to be so accomodating, no?
_____
Whaddaya mean there's no Dave Lennox? Now I'm really going to have to question my belief in the existence of Santa Clause... and Juan Valdez. Nooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
_____
_____
Now you know who to blame for just about anything. Mighty nice of him to be so accomodating, no?
_____
Whaddaya mean there's no Dave Lennox? Now I'm really going to have to question my belief in the existence of Santa Clause... and Juan Valdez. Nooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus
Breaking News
CHENEY BLAMES KERRY FOR 'GIGLI'
Warns of Sequel if Democrat is Elected
Vice president Dick Cheney today blamed Democratic presidential nominee John Kerry for the box-office bomb "Gigli," warning that a sequel to the Ben Affleck-Jennifer Lopez turkey might be released if Sen. Kerry is elected.
Mr. Cheney has crisscrossed the country in recent days warning that a Kerry victory might bring increases in domestic terrorism and national security catastrophes, but the "Gigli" charges represent a new ferocity in Mr. Cheney's partisan attacks.
Speaking before a crowd in Davenport, Iowa, Mr. Cheney said, "In all of his public statements, Sen. Kerry has yet to identify 'Gigli' as one of the worst films of all time, leading one to conclude that he wouldn't mind at all if there was a sequel."
Drawing a sharp contrast with Mr. Kerry, the vice president said that the Bush White House was "working overtime to make sure that another 'Gigli' does not happen."
Mr. Cheney's words seem designed to win over voters in the so-called battleground states, many of whom are still reeling from the release of the 2003 stinker.
But Mr. Kerry, on the campaign trail in Pennsylvania, was quick to fire back at Mr. Cheney, telling his audience, "'Gigli' happened on his watch."
Mr. Kerry continued on the attack, saying that not only did the Bush administration fail to prevent "Gigli," but they also "must take some responsibility for the career of Justin Timberlake and that show with Jim Belushi."
Elsewhere, President Bush said today he was "furious" that Iraqis looted 350 tons of explosives since the looting of Iraq was supposed to be handled by Halliburton.
[Thanks, Elizabeth!]
_____
CHENEY BLAMES KERRY FOR 'GIGLI'
Warns of Sequel if Democrat is Elected
Vice president Dick Cheney today blamed Democratic presidential nominee John Kerry for the box-office bomb "Gigli," warning that a sequel to the Ben Affleck-Jennifer Lopez turkey might be released if Sen. Kerry is elected.
Mr. Cheney has crisscrossed the country in recent days warning that a Kerry victory might bring increases in domestic terrorism and national security catastrophes, but the "Gigli" charges represent a new ferocity in Mr. Cheney's partisan attacks.
Speaking before a crowd in Davenport, Iowa, Mr. Cheney said, "In all of his public statements, Sen. Kerry has yet to identify 'Gigli' as one of the worst films of all time, leading one to conclude that he wouldn't mind at all if there was a sequel."
Drawing a sharp contrast with Mr. Kerry, the vice president said that the Bush White House was "working overtime to make sure that another 'Gigli' does not happen."
Mr. Cheney's words seem designed to win over voters in the so-called battleground states, many of whom are still reeling from the release of the 2003 stinker.
But Mr. Kerry, on the campaign trail in Pennsylvania, was quick to fire back at Mr. Cheney, telling his audience, "'Gigli' happened on his watch."
Mr. Kerry continued on the attack, saying that not only did the Bush administration fail to prevent "Gigli," but they also "must take some responsibility for the career of Justin Timberlake and that show with Jim Belushi."
Elsewhere, President Bush said today he was "furious" that Iraqis looted 350 tons of explosives since the looting of Iraq was supposed to be handled by Halliburton.
[Thanks, Elizabeth!]
_____
Wanna Ride Along?
I'm meeting the infamous Nancy V. (that little rowdy from the back of the bus) at Trattoria No. 10 for cocktails tomorrow (Thursday, October 28th) at about 5:30. Anybody who's interested is welcome to join us. (Email me or drop a note in the comments if you need the secret signal to recognize us. I'll think of something creative, I swear.) Consider yourself invited. Yes, I mean you.
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Bus Fumes
When you look up the word "rant" in your Funk & Wagnalls, you'll find a picture of Rachel Lucas. Here's why. (I stand in awe.)
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Traveling Companions
How can this be? People aren't allergic to the hair; it's the saliva and dander that trigger allergies. This sounds like a scam... and an expensive one... to me.
Update: Here's a bit more of an explanation, and one that makes sense. Actually, I hope they're successful. I know a lot of people who'd love to have a cat and can't, just for this reason.
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Update: Here's a bit more of an explanation, and one that makes sense. Actually, I hope they're successful. I know a lot of people who'd love to have a cat and can't, just for this reason.
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Wide Open Spaces
Here's your first peek at Titan.
_____
Tonight's eclipse.
_____
Yes, but will it get the space shuttle off the ground any sooner?
_____
News from astronauts just back from the International Space Station.
_____
Crispy critters? Sheesh.
_____
_____
Tonight's eclipse.
_____
Yes, but will it get the space shuttle off the ground any sooner?
_____
News from astronauts just back from the International Space Station.
_____
Crispy critters? Sheesh.
_____
Roadside Diversions
Go educate yourself on what's really happening in Iraq, from an Iraqi point of view. Go visit the Carnival of the Liberated.
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Rubber-Necking
I guess if all parties are consenting -- in advance -- then this is okay. But I've got a hunch that this is generally something the guy in a relationship will instigate, rather than the girl. What do YOU think?
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This, on the other hand, is patently wrong.
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NOBODY is going to come out of this smelling very good.
_____
Eeeck!
_____
Now that's what I call a natural for this year's Darwin Awards finals.
_____
This just about gave me whiplash. Hmmm.
_____
_____
This, on the other hand, is patently wrong.
_____
NOBODY is going to come out of this smelling very good.
_____
Eeeck!
_____
Now that's what I call a natural for this year's Darwin Awards finals.
_____
This just about gave me whiplash. Hmmm.
_____
Bus Fumes
The Amish community is shocked? Awww. That's too bad. I, on the other hand, am appalled at the mere wrist-slappings handed down by that judge. That poor girl didn't get any form of justice at all.
_____
And what's this nonsense all about? Would someone hand me my cluebat? Quick!
_____
Can we just hold the election today? I'm tired of the rhetoric already. In fact, why can't our political dealings be more straightforward -- like this? I don't know about you, but I'd sure like to clock a politician or two with my lunch box.
(Still haven't decided? Take this little test that Nancy V. pointed out to me.)
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Well, DUH!
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Now why doesn't this surprise me? Razzlefratzing media manipulations! Ka-ching!
_____
_____
And what's this nonsense all about? Would someone hand me my cluebat? Quick!
_____
Can we just hold the election today? I'm tired of the rhetoric already. In fact, why can't our political dealings be more straightforward -- like this? I don't know about you, but I'd sure like to clock a politician or two with my lunch box.
(Still haven't decided? Take this little test that Nancy V. pointed out to me.)
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Well, DUH!
_____
Now why doesn't this surprise me? Razzlefratzing media manipulations! Ka-ching!
_____
Traveling Companions
Yeah? Just think how much better the real thing might be. Sheesh.
_____
My Blogdaddy has a question for you regarding traveling companions.
_____
Pejman pipes up on the subject. (I love Pejman's blog. He rocks.)
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My Blogdaddy has a question for you regarding traveling companions.
_____
Pejman pipes up on the subject. (I love Pejman's blog. He rocks.)
_____
Drive-Bys
Now there's a dubious honor, at best! (What? You've never heard of Sonny Chiba either?)
_____
I have a confession to make. This goofy show has become one of my latest guilty pleasures. What can I say? He makes me laugh. A lot.
_____
Segway scooter theory? Heh! This should make my friend Chris happy.
Oh, look: More Segway news here.
And it's a campaign tool, too!
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Another elegant, low-tech solution. Beautiful.
_____
Well, looky here. It's nice to see education done right for a change.
_____
I have another little confession to make. After watching this interview, I finally understood his appeal. Whoa. Never thought I'd write those words.
_____
What's not to love about a blogger who starts every day with a quotation from Jack Handy? (A tip of the cap to Damien.)
_____
I like this judge's style. Truly classic.
_____
_____
I have a confession to make. This goofy show has become one of my latest guilty pleasures. What can I say? He makes me laugh. A lot.
_____
Segway scooter theory? Heh! This should make my friend Chris happy.
Oh, look: More Segway news here.
And it's a campaign tool, too!
_____
Another elegant, low-tech solution. Beautiful.
_____
Well, looky here. It's nice to see education done right for a change.
_____
I have another little confession to make. After watching this interview, I finally understood his appeal. Whoa. Never thought I'd write those words.
_____
What's not to love about a blogger who starts every day with a quotation from Jack Handy? (A tip of the cap to Damien.)
_____
I like this judge's style. Truly classic.
_____
Wide Open Spaces
We'll be seeing Titan up close and personal in the very near future. How cool is that?
_____
It looks like weather may scrub the launch of NASA's DART spacecraft today. If so, the next launch date could be as soon as Thursday. (Again I ask, if we can get projects like this off the ground, why can't we get the space shuttles flying again? Grrrrrrrrrh.)
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They're ba-ack!
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Here's one Constellation you won't find in the evening sky.
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Somehow this strikes me as something Marvin the Martian would have envisioned.
_____
Damn straight, Burt.
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It looks like weather may scrub the launch of NASA's DART spacecraft today. If so, the next launch date could be as soon as Thursday. (Again I ask, if we can get projects like this off the ground, why can't we get the space shuttles flying again? Grrrrrrrrrh.)
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They're ba-ack!
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Here's one Constellation you won't find in the evening sky.
_____
Somehow this strikes me as something Marvin the Martian would have envisioned.
_____
Damn straight, Burt.
_____
Heh, Indeed
Speaking of changing lightbulbs, look what Elizabeth sent me:
Light Bulb Jokes
Q: How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 15. One to hold the bulb and the rest to drink whiskey til the room spins.
Q: How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to change it and 15 to form a support group.
Q: How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
Q: How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Five. One to change the bulb, and four more to chase off the Californians who have come up to relate to the experience.
Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A1: None of your damn business!
A2: 50. 50? Yeah, 50! It's in the contract.
Q: How many WASPs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to call the electrician and one to mix the martinis.
Q: How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three: One to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure that nobody else tries to change the bulb at the same time.
Q: How many straight San Franciscans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Both of them.
Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to change the bulb and one not to change it. (Note: 1 to change and 1 not to change is fake Zen. The true Zen answer is four. One to change the bulb.)
Q: How many Carl Sagans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Billions and billions.
Q: How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two: One to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.
Q: How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three: One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare.
Q: How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
Q: What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
A: You can unscrew a light bulb.
Q: How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three: One to get the bulb and two to get the phone number to dial one of their subordinates to actually change it.
Q: How many IBM types does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 100. Ten to do it, and 90 to write document number GC7500439-001, Multitasking Incandescent Source System Facility, of which 10% of the pages state only "This page intentionally left blank", and 20% of the definitions are of the form "A ------" consists of sequences of non-blank characters separated by blanks".
Q: How many gays does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to screw it in, and the other to say "Fabulous!"
Q: How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
Q: How many people from New Jersey does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three: One to change the bulb, one to witness, and the third to shoot the witness.
Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. That's a hardware problem.
Q: How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to change a light bulb?
A: That's proprietary information. Answer available from AT&T on payment of license fee.
Q: How many "Real Men" does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: None. "Real Men" aren't afraid of the dark.
A2: None of your damn business!
Q: How many "Real Women" does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. A "Real Woman" would have plenty of real men around to do it.
Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. ("That's all right... I'll just sit here in the dark...")
Q: How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. (Hint: they are small enough to fit inside)
Q: How many Polacks does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but you need 6000 Russian troops in case he goes on strike!
Q: How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
Q: How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three, but they're really one.
Q: How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
Q: How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. It turned itself in.
Q: How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Fifty-one: One to install the new bulb, and fifty to figure what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How many can you afford?
Q: How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
Q: How many lesbians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
Q: How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. There never *was* any light bulb.
Q: How many federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Sorry, that item was cut from the budget!
Q: How many Jewish-American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to get a Tab, and one to call Daddy.
Q: How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: What kind of answer did you have in mind?
Q: How many civil servants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 45: One to change the bulb, and 44 to do the paperwork.
Q: How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.
Q: How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a cosmos of nothingness.
Q: How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I'll have an estimate for you a week from Monday.
Q: How many members of the Impossible Missions Force does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five: While Cinnamon creates a diversion by wearing a skimpy dress, I use a tiny narcotic dart to knock out the fascist dictator and remove his body. Rollin, wearing a plastic mask, masquerades as the dictator long enough for Barney to sneak up to the next floor, drill a hole down into the light fixture, remove the burned-out bulb, and replace it with a new super-high wattage model of his own design. Meanwhile, Willie has driven up to the door in a laundry truck. Just before Rollin's real identity is revealed, we escape to the laundry truck, drive to the airfield, and return to the United States.
Q: How many technical writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one, provided there's a programmer around to explain how to do it.
Q: How many Harvard students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one. He holds the light bulb and the universe revolves around him .
_____
Light Bulb Jokes
Q: How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 15. One to hold the bulb and the rest to drink whiskey til the room spins.
Q: How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to change it and 15 to form a support group.
Q: How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
Q: How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Five. One to change the bulb, and four more to chase off the Californians who have come up to relate to the experience.
Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A1: None of your damn business!
A2: 50. 50? Yeah, 50! It's in the contract.
Q: How many WASPs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to call the electrician and one to mix the martinis.
Q: How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three: One to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure that nobody else tries to change the bulb at the same time.
Q: How many straight San Franciscans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Both of them.
Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to change the bulb and one not to change it. (Note: 1 to change and 1 not to change is fake Zen. The true Zen answer is four. One to change the bulb.)
Q: How many Carl Sagans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Billions and billions.
Q: How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two: One to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.
Q: How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three: One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare.
Q: How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
Q: What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
A: You can unscrew a light bulb.
Q: How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three: One to get the bulb and two to get the phone number to dial one of their subordinates to actually change it.
Q: How many IBM types does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 100. Ten to do it, and 90 to write document number GC7500439-001, Multitasking Incandescent Source System Facility, of which 10% of the pages state only "This page intentionally left blank", and 20% of the definitions are of the form "A ------" consists of sequences of non-blank characters separated by blanks".
Q: How many gays does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to screw it in, and the other to say "Fabulous!"
Q: How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
Q: How many people from New Jersey does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three: One to change the bulb, one to witness, and the third to shoot the witness.
Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. That's a hardware problem.
Q: How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to change a light bulb?
A: That's proprietary information. Answer available from AT&T on payment of license fee.
Q: How many "Real Men" does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: None. "Real Men" aren't afraid of the dark.
A2: None of your damn business!
Q: How many "Real Women" does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. A "Real Woman" would have plenty of real men around to do it.
Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. ("That's all right... I'll just sit here in the dark...")
Q: How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. (Hint: they are small enough to fit inside)
Q: How many Polacks does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but you need 6000 Russian troops in case he goes on strike!
Q: How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
Q: How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three, but they're really one.
Q: How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
Q: How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. It turned itself in.
Q: How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Fifty-one: One to install the new bulb, and fifty to figure what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How many can you afford?
Q: How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
Q: How many lesbians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
Q: How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. There never *was* any light bulb.
Q: How many federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Sorry, that item was cut from the budget!
Q: How many Jewish-American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to get a Tab, and one to call Daddy.
Q: How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: What kind of answer did you have in mind?
Q: How many civil servants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 45: One to change the bulb, and 44 to do the paperwork.
Q: How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.
Q: How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a cosmos of nothingness.
Q: How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I'll have an estimate for you a week from Monday.
Q: How many members of the Impossible Missions Force does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five: While Cinnamon creates a diversion by wearing a skimpy dress, I use a tiny narcotic dart to knock out the fascist dictator and remove his body. Rollin, wearing a plastic mask, masquerades as the dictator long enough for Barney to sneak up to the next floor, drill a hole down into the light fixture, remove the burned-out bulb, and replace it with a new super-high wattage model of his own design. Meanwhile, Willie has driven up to the door in a laundry truck. Just before Rollin's real identity is revealed, we escape to the laundry truck, drive to the airfield, and return to the United States.
Q: How many technical writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one, provided there's a programmer around to explain how to do it.
Q: How many Harvard students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one. He holds the light bulb and the universe revolves around him .
_____
Bus Fumes
Well, duh! Do you know what your kids are doing on their computers?
_____
I guess money doesn't necessarily buy you class. It's a pity.
_____
_____
I guess money doesn't necessarily buy you class. It's a pity.
_____
Rubber-Necking
What's with the sudden rash of leaning towers? Weird. Very weird. Must be that heavy gravity thing again...
_____
_____
From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus
The boys from JibJab are at it again. Click on "Good to be in DC!" and sing along. Hilarious!
_____
That Kelley is a naughty, naughty person. (That's why I like her so much!)
_____
And speaking of naughty, Ann Althouse ranks right up there, too.
_____
My blogmom's also being naughty. I like her style.
_____
What is it with all these naughty folks today? Even Jeff gets in on the act. Sheesh!
_____
If you still haven't had your laugh of the day, go here.
_____
J-Walk is being downright anarchistic today. See what I mean?
_____
_____
That Kelley is a naughty, naughty person. (That's why I like her so much!)
_____
And speaking of naughty, Ann Althouse ranks right up there, too.
_____
My blogmom's also being naughty. I like her style.
_____
What is it with all these naughty folks today? Even Jeff gets in on the act. Sheesh!
_____
If you still haven't had your laugh of the day, go here.
_____
J-Walk is being downright anarchistic today. See what I mean?
_____
End of the Line
They'll be burying her in her tinfoil beanie... "A Common Sense Approach to UFOs" indeed.
_____
Ride, ride, ride... hitchin' a ride.
_____
_____
Ride, ride, ride... hitchin' a ride.
_____
Rubber-Necking
Jeebus! Most women I know don't fuss this much with their hair. I had to turn it off. I just couldn't take it.... (A tip of the cap to J-Walk.)
_____
_____
Chartered Excursions -- Jawja Blogtoberfest
That's it. I'm going next year. Sounds like too much fun to miss. I mean, somebody's got to represent the Midwest, don't you think?
_____
_____
Bus Fumes
It's about time, don't you think? Roger Simon has been all over this subject for months now.
_____
Do you see smoke somewhere on the horizon? It's coming out of my ears. Gah!
_____
I couldn't have said this better myself. Just eew.
_____
Kevin's mom is a pistol. Kind of like my own mom, she doesn't have a politically correct bone in her body. Heh!
_____
_____
Do you see smoke somewhere on the horizon? It's coming out of my ears. Gah!
_____
I couldn't have said this better myself. Just eew.
_____
Kevin's mom is a pistol. Kind of like my own mom, she doesn't have a politically correct bone in her body. Heh!
_____
Traveling Companions
I just might have to put this book on my Christmas list. Then maybe I could figure out how Marilyn's diabolical little brain works.
_____
_____
Wide Open Spaces
Did you know that planet formation is slow, violent and messy?
_____
Wow! That's really absentee voting!
_____
Where do Bush and Kerry stand on space policy? Go here to find out. (A tip of the cap to the Instapundit.)
_____
Whoa! I want to go, too. This sounds like a blast.
_____
_____
Wow! That's really absentee voting!
_____
Where do Bush and Kerry stand on space policy? Go here to find out. (A tip of the cap to the Instapundit.)
_____
Whoa! I want to go, too. This sounds like a blast.
_____
PSA
HELP YOUR FAVORITE NFL(TM) TEAM TACKLE HUNGER WITH CAMPBELL’S(R) CHUNKY(TM) SOUP AND CHILI
Campbell's is kicking off another great season of Click for Cans(TM) and they need your help in the fight against hunger.
Visit Chunky.com every day to click on your favorite NFL team. The team with the most clicks by midnight on November 11, 2004 will earn a donation of Campbell’s(R) soup to the food bank of its choice – one can per pound for every player on the team. Remember, only one team will win, so every click counts!
FIGHT HUNGER -- VOTE TODAY!
Hurry, the game ends November 11, 2004! To cast your vote for your favorite team, just click on this link.
GET YOUR BUDDIES INTO THE GAME WITH THE CHUNKY PLAYBOOK.
Know someone who would enjoy the Chunky Playbook? Just click this link and tell your buddies to get in on all the fun.
Thanks!
_____
Campbell's is kicking off another great season of Click for Cans(TM) and they need your help in the fight against hunger.
Visit Chunky.com every day to click on your favorite NFL team. The team with the most clicks by midnight on November 11, 2004 will earn a donation of Campbell’s(R) soup to the food bank of its choice – one can per pound for every player on the team. Remember, only one team will win, so every click counts!
FIGHT HUNGER -- VOTE TODAY!
Hurry, the game ends November 11, 2004! To cast your vote for your favorite team, just click on this link.
GET YOUR BUDDIES INTO THE GAME WITH THE CHUNKY PLAYBOOK.
Know someone who would enjoy the Chunky Playbook? Just click this link and tell your buddies to get in on all the fun.
Thanks!
_____
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