Rubber-Necking

How would you 'splain this one to your boss when you couldn't make it in to work on Monday?
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Maybe this was Judith Miller's real source.
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Donut Go Gently...

... into that good night. Godspeed, Mr. Vale.
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Traveling Companions

Laurence Simon is asking the cats about their New Year's resolutions:



Tiger Boots: "I resolve to pose for strictly artistic cheesecake this year. And lots of it."















The Divine Miss Marilyn: "I resolve to stop running (as much) from the Evil Mummy Paparazzo... as long as she brings me the treats I so richly deserve."









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Rubber-Necking -- Bad Santa Edition

Note: I'm moving this to the top until December 25th, and will update as new evidence of "Santarchy" arises.


This past Saturday evening, I stumbled onto the most amazing sight -- a cabal of Santas, clearly up to nefarious exploits!





What's this???

Santas!

Lots and lots of Santas!














Suddenly, they were everywhere!











People were so amazed that traffic stopped dead in its tracks.









The photo is blurry, but this guy looked kind of familiar.

Nah.

He said he was in Florida...




What did I learn from this?

1. It's impossible to get a clear shot of dozens of drunken Santas in the dark. They won't stop wobbling.

2. They left the reindeer at home and commandeered a schoolbus for the night, because...

3. Sometimes even Santa needs a designated driver.





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Update: In a serendipitously timed email, the Sweetheart of Shell Knobb, MO sent me the Sober Santa Game.

She says, "Move Santa-by the arrows on your keyboard-towards the beer...you will scorewhen you hit the glass and Santa will become more tipsy! Keep him off the tracks -- he'll get electrocuted and the game will be over. Sometimes an item will also appear briefly. If you can get Santa to hit it, it'll sober him up some. It's a really funny, quick game. Have fun!"
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Update 2: Apparently "Santarchy" abounds. At least the Chicago Santas above were filled with the right sort of Christmas spirit(s). God rest ye merry, gentlemen!

(A tip of the cap to Old Crankypants.)
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He knows if we've been bad or good, but, for goodness' sake, who's keeping tabs on whether Santa's been naughty or nice?
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Bad or good? Now you decide.

(A tip of the cap to Jen(nifer).)
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Santa's a scoundrel? A saint? A sweetheart? A sack-wielder?

(A tip of the cap to PJ.)
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Aw, jeeze! Now Frosty is getting into the act???
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More info on Santa than I really needed to hear.
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Evil Pope Santa? (He may be the world's most wonderful guy, but that photo is downright frightening.)
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That naughty, naughty Santa is up to tricks again in Paris, London and Hong Kong.
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Forget the sleigh ride -- apparently Santa phones it in this year.
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Santablog is coming to town?
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Oh, no! Santa's collapse causes need for crisis counselors?
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He's even got his own computer virus!
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Wanna be Santa's designated driver?
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Liar, liar, pants on fire! Everyone knows he lives at the North Pole. See?
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Now go visit the Carnival of Christmas. It only happens once a year, you know.
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Traveling Companions

The Divine Miss Marilyn gave me an early Christmas gift -- she actually showed off her lovely profile.











But then, of course, she had to express her opinion of Mummy's camera.

The Divine Miss Marilyn says, "All the blessings of the season to you and yours! (And there better be a catnip mouse in my stocking on Sunday morning.)"












Don't forget to visit the Friday Ark!
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Drive-Bys

For my whiskey-loving friends (especially Eric and Ellison), Balblair Scotch is hosting its annual Haggis Hunt. Prizes include bottles of Balblair Single Highland Malt Scotch Whisky, St. Andrew's Cross, Adapted 100% lambswool rug, Scotsman calendars, HaggisHunt merchandise and passes to The Scotsman's Digital Archive. If you snare a Golden haggis you'll have a chance to win our grand prize: two nights of luxury at the world famous Gleneagles Hotel, Perthshire.

Go ahead. Have some fun!
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I sure wish the Anchoress' neighbor was my neighbor instead. Now there's someone who'd be fun to chat with!
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Ah! This is good news:

Your Christmas Stocking Will Be Filled With Little Wrapped Presents

You've made Santa a very happy fellow this year.Don't worry - what happens at the North Pole stays at the North Pole!

What Will Be In Your Christmas Stocking?

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Roadside Diversion

Ferdy once again hosts the Carnival of the Vicious, Invading Paleface Bastards (Illinois residents). Go see what folks are thinkin' in the Land of Lincoln.
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Drive-Bys

T1G has "smacked" me with a meme: The gist of it is "name five movies that you love, that say 'Christmas' to you." For what it's worth, I'm going to include some TV Christmas specials in here, too.

1. Holiday Inn

I did a lot of babysitting when I was in Junior High and High School. That means I spent a LOT of time watching old black & white movies after 11:00 p.m. Love, love, loved the music, the costumes and the dancing. What's not to love about Der Bingle and Danny Kaye?

2. A Christmas Story

"You'll shoot your eye out." Was there ever a more "Mom" line in a movie? Plus, like Ralphie, I was kind of a geeky kid. In fact, when I was really little, I wore snowsuits like that. Ugh!

3. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and A Charlie Brown Christmas

I am an absolute sucker for old Christmas specials.

4. Miracle on 34th Street

It always makes me cry. Need I say more?

5. Elf

Will Ferrell just cracked me up with his child-like, over-the-top exuberance.

I'll admit it -- when it comes to Christmas, I'm just a kid at heart.

Now it's my turn. I'm tagging Moogie, the Chai-rista, Dana, Og, GuyK and... Catfish. Hmmm. This ought to be interesting!
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Chartered Excursion -- Stillman Valley, IL

Still haven't signed up for the January 8th blogmeet?

Okay. Let me -- er, Neo-Neocon -- give you a few good reasons to attend:

The following pre-conference theories of mine seemed generally to be borne out:

1) bloggers can talk; in fact, most bloggers would rather talk than eat

2) bloggers tend to be intense

3) bloggers include a high proportion of night people and/or people who don't sleep all that much

4) most bloggers look like their photos--except me. I actually don't have an apple in from of my face. [Or, in my case, a camera]

Things that were surprises:

1) a higher-than-expected proportion of bloggers are smokers

2) you can't tell who's short and who's tall from a photo....

Further observations:

1) When I say bloggers can talk, I mean talk. We're talking serious talk here. Stamina, breadth, depth, decibel level. Get a group together, and it's not for the faint of heart--if you don't jump in quickly and vigorously, you may never get the floor, because the competition is hot and the topics change at the speed of light as one thought follows another, like group chain-smoking. Those with natural projective qualities of voice have an advantage here; those of us with naturally quieter voices stand in danger of getting hoarse....

I find it an extraordinary experience to meet people backwards: that is, to meet their minds first and their bodies second. You get to know people in a totally different way as, day after day, you read what they are thinking without ever having met them in the flesh.You don't even realize how many preconceptions (and perhaps misconceptions) you are building up until you meet the person him/herself. Sometimes the meeting shatters those preconceptions utterly. Far more often, however, the person you meet is both similar and somewhat different from the one you had expected: younger, older; livelier, shyer; more fidgety, calmer; funnier, more solemn. Then you superimpose the new template on the old and merge the two, and now you know the person in a fuller, rounder sense.
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I'm telling you, you'll have a great time.
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Drive-Bys

I was in a sorority when I was in college. That swinging elf in my sidebar nudged an odd memory of those days out from under the cobwebs:

We had a number of drinking songs we were fond of, one with the refrain,

Then there was [insert sister's name here]
Swinging from the outhouse door
Without her nightie
Waiting for the Phi Sig's
(They got her nightie)
Never, ever will go home...
Ba dum bum!

I'm just saying... it's weirding me out.
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Tootin' the Horn

I haven't been tempted to post ads before, because I blog for my own pleasure. But I was directly contacted by Anchor Bay Media and M80 about posting an ad for The Happy Elf.

Okay, I admit it. I'm a sucker for Christmas specials. And Harry Connick, Jr. For posting a copy of the ad, I get a copy of the DVD to give to my sweet nieces.

Cool.
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Chartered Excursion -- Stillman Valley, IL

Are you coming to the blogmeet on January 8th? T1G needs to know your choice of menu, ASAP.

(Looks like another meat marathon, if you ask me.)

Still thinking about it??? Stop thinking and just sign up. It's going to be a blast.
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Support Your (Not So) Local Blogger

Joanne Jacobs will be in Chicago tomorrow to discuss her new book with Milt Rosenberg on WGN Radio (AM 720).

I'm guessing they'll be in the studio with the windows on Michigan Avenue in the Tribune Tower. They'll be on from 9:00-11:00 central time. Tune in! (And if you're in the city, stop by the studio and make silly faces through the window at them!)
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Help Garrett pass the potato through all 50 states.

C'mon! Be a sport.
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Road Conditions

So much



for light





flurries



in Chicago



today...









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From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus

From Catfish, but posted for my BlogDaddy:

Proof Of Identity?

Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him, "You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?"

Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?"

Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear.

Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity.

Saint Peter is suitably impressed. "You really ARE Einstein!" he says. "Welcome to heaven!"

The next to arrive is Salvador Dali. Once again, Saint Peter asks for credentials.

Salvador Dali asks, "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?"

Saint Peter says, "Go ahead."

Salvador Dali erases Einstein's equations and sketches a truly stunning picture with just a few strokes of chalk.

Saint Peter claps. "Surely you are the great artist you claim to be!" he says. "Come on in!"

Then Saint Peter looks up and sees George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head, strokes his beard, and says, "Einstein and Salvador Dali both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?"

George W. looks bewildered and says, "Who are Einstein and Salvador Dali?"

Saint Peter sighs and says, "Come on in, George."
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From Deborah S.

Mrs. Rosenberg, a fine Jewish matron from the Upper East Side of Manhattan, found herself stranded-late one night at a fashionable southern resort...one that did not, ordinarily, admit Jews.

When she inquired, at the Front Desk about a room, the desk clerk, looked at his book and said, "Sorry, no rooms. This hotel is full."

Suspicious, about his mind set, Mrs.Rosenberg said, "I beg your pardon ...your sign says, you have vacancies."

The desk clerk stammered and said, curtly, "Mostly, I shouldn't say this, but you know, we do not admit Jews. Now, if you will try...on the other side of town..."

Mrs. Rosenberg stiffened, noticeably, & said, "I'll have you know ...recently, I converted to your religion."

Sensing something, the desk clerk said, "Oh, yeah!? Well, let me give you a little test! How was Jesus born?"

"That's easy" Mrs. Rosenberg replied, "He was born to a virgin named Mary ...in a little town, called Bethlehem."

"Not 'Bad'!" replied, the clerk... "Tell me, more."

Checking her memory, Mrs. Rosenberg said, "He was born in a manger!"

"That's right," said the hotel clerk. And ...why was he born, in a manger?"

Holding her head defiantly high, Mrs. Rosenberg, reared-back, and said loudly for all to hear, "Because a Putz, like you ...in the hotel, ...wouldn't give a Jewish lady a room for the night.
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Now, here's one for the other side of the political aisle. (We try our best to offend everyone.)

Hillary Clinton goes to a primary school in upstate New York to talk about the world. After her talk she offers question time.

One little boy puts up his hand, and the Senator asks him what his name is.

"Kenneth."

"And what is your question, Kenneth?"

"I have three questions:

1 ... Whatever happened to your medical health care plan?

2 ... Why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office?

3 ... Whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?"

Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary Clinton informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess. When they resume Hillary says, "OK, where were we? Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question?"

A different little boy puts his hand up.

Hillary points him out and asks him what his name is.

"Larry."

"And what is your question, Larry?"

"I have 5 questions:

1 ... Whatever happened to your medical health care plan?

2 ... Why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office?

3 ... Whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?

4 ... Why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?

And

5 ... What happened to Kenneth?"
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Drive-Bys

Well this is a helluva way to tag someone with a meme:

1. Finish the sentence: "I wish I ..." -- Basically, pretend you had up to three wishes to change something about you. A restriction is that cannot wish to change someone else. For example, you can say; "I wish I weighed 30 pounds less." But this wish is not for this meme; "I wish my spouse weighed 30 pounds less."

2. If you are reading this, you are "tagged" with this meme.

It is not necessary to send me any notice. I just wanna spread some wishes around.

I wish I were an Oscar Meyer wiener.

I wish I were better at math and science.

I wish I had finished a degree... in just about anything.

Okay. Your turn.
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Mog is right. Some of my earliest childhood memories of Christmas are also of church... and the sacred music that accompanies it.

When I was young, my family went to church here. I was an angel in the Christmas pageant when I was about five or six. I remember my mother driving herself almost insane over making wings and a halo for me to wear. The snowy white cassock I wore. Lustily singing Away in a Manger. The Christmas story becoming real to me. Each child who participated in the pageant received a huge navel orange afterward. It was a luscious and precious gift.

We moved to Glen Ellyn, Illinois when I was ten, and attended this church until I graduated from high school. I was always active in youth choir, and loved the music of the season. For a little church (roughly 200 families), we had an outstanding music program.

When I graduated from junior high to high school, I was invited to join the adult choir. One year, our director was a member of the Chicago Symphony Orchestra chorus. That year, we did the entire Christmas Messiah, complete with orchestra (amateur adults and kids from my high school, both church members and volunteers) and soloists from the CSO itself. We practiced and practiced and practiced. And the results were fantastic. I can close my eyes and feel the entire congregation surge to its feet when the first notes of the Alleluia Chorus rang out, the joy that almost froze my throat as the music swelled.

I also participated in Madrigals at my high school. I loved the elaborate costumes. I still love the blending of four- to six-part accapella harmony. The Holly and the Ivy still gives me shivers of pleasure and rockets me back to the Christmases of my youth.

Christmas music still does this to me.

Forget the gifts. Remember the reason for the season.
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I almost got myself arrested taking this photo last night. I didn't know it was illegal to take a photo of a Christmas tree in a train station, did you?

Guess the security guard must have thought I was a terrierist or something...

Merry Christmas, indeed.





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From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus

Who knew Ms. Althouse has a rowdy side? This game is absolutely hilarious. I couldn't stop giggling, and I couldn't stop playing it. (Try it. You'll see...)
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From Michael Sneed's 12/25/02 Chicago Tribune Column:

The following is a Christmas story about an old pal named Steve who has a son named Sam, who learned "the Truth" about Santa Claus . . . on Christmas Eve.

But like a good father, Steve worried about how his son was handling this turn in his life. So he penned a note to Sam from "Santa" and left it under the tree.

I printed this yarn (it's true) a few years ago. So here it goes again.

Dear Sam,

Your dad stayed up last night to tell me that you now know as much about me as I do about you.

Well, good. I'm glad you asked. And don't worry, no child ever really leaves me. Ask your mom. Ask your dad. They know I don't live in the North Pole (too cold). They know I don't ride in a sleigh (too dangerous). Still, they love me, and so will you, even 50 years from now.

Oh, and what do you think happened last night just as you were asking about me?

Why, a baby was born out in Kalispell, Mont. That's right, just as you were putting aside your belief, a brand-new child was born who can put it to good use.

So long as that keeps happening, I'll never be out of a job.

Sam, I want to wish you a wonderful life. If you don't mind, I will continue to drop by on future Christmases, just to make sure you're OK.

Love, Santa

P.S. Remember, you don't have to believe in me to know I am there.

Nice, huh? Thanks, Steve . . . for being a terrific Santa.
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From Deborah:

Why Christmas Trees Are Better Than Men

1. A Christmas tree is always erect.
2. Even small ones give satisfaction.
3. A Christmas tree stays up for days.
4. A Christmas tree always looks good - even when it's lit.
5. A Christmas tree is always happy with its size.
6. A Christmas tree has cute balls.
7. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you break one of its balls.
8. You can throw a Christmas tree out when it wears out.
9. You don't have to put up with a Christmas tree all year.
10. You only have to feed/water it once a week.
11. It's always there to light up your life.
12. It gets turned on only when you want it turned on.
13. It always smells nice and doesn't pass gas.
14. If it needles you, you can toss it out.
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From Kathy, a Carol Quiz!

THE OBJECT IS TO NAME AS MANY OF THESE CAROLS AS YOU CAN BY THE CLUES GIVEN.

QUESTIONS:

1. Bleached Yule

2. Castaneous-colored Seed Vesicated in a Conflagration (Good one huh?)

3. Singular Yearning for the Twin Incisors

4. Righteous Darkness

5. Arrival Time: 2400 hrs. - Weather: Cloudless

6. Loyal Followers Advance

7. Far off in a Feeder

8. Array the Corridor

9. Bantam Male Percussionist

10. Monarchial Triad

11. Nocturnal Noiselessness

12. Jehovah Deactivate Blithe Chevaliers

13. Red Man En Route to Borough

14. Frozen Precipitation Commence

15. Proceed and Enlighten on the Pinnacle

16. The Quadruped with the Vermillion Probiscis

17. Query Regarding Identity of Descendant

18. Delight for this Planet

19. Give Attention to the Melodius Celestial Beings

20. The Dozen Festive 24 Hour Intervals

Answers tomorrow.
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Have you written your letter to Santa yet? If not, Jan says this link can help.
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Little Johnny had a cussing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask his shrink what to do. The shrink said "Since Christmas is coming up, you should ask Johnny what he wants Santa to bring him. If he cusses while he tells you his wish list, leave a pile of dog poop in place of the gift or gifts he requests."

Two days before Christmas, Johnny's father asked him what he wanted for Christmas. "I want a damn teddy-bear laying right beside me when I wake-up. When I go downstairs I want to see a damn train going around the damn tree. And when I go outside I want to see a damn bike leaning up against the damn garage."

Christmas morning, Little Johnny woke up and rolled over into a pile of dog poop. Confused, he walked down stairs and saw another pile under the tree. Scratching his head, he walked outside and saw a huge pile of dog poop by the garage.

When Johnny walked back inside with a curious look on his face, his dad smiled and asked, "What did Santa bring you this year?"

Johnny replied, "I think I got a damn dog but I can't find the son-of-a-bitch!"
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Bubba Claus

Subject: To whom it may concern

I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer beable to serve the southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. I now serve only certain areas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin and Michigan. As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies, so keep that in mind.

I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus.

His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us. Differences such as:

1. There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: "These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."

2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an RC Cola and a moon pie [or pork rinds] on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an empty spitcan handy.

3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs insteado f reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer onetime, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.

4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen", when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Wallace, on Martin and Labonte. On Rudd, on Jarrett, on Elliott and Petty."

5. "Ho, ho, ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I heard dat!"

6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back off". The last I heard, it also had other decorations on the sleigh back as well. One is a Ford or Chevy logo with lights that race through the letters and the other is a caricature of me (Santa Claus) peeing on the Tooth Fairy.

7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.

8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.

9. And, finally, lovely Christmas songs have been sung about me, such as"Rudolph, The Red-Nosed Reindeer" and Bing Crosby's "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town." This year, however, songs about Bubba Claus will be played on all the AM radio stations in the South--songs such as Mark Chesnutt's "Bubba Claus Shot the Jukebox" and "Grandma Got Run'd Over by a Reindeer."

Merrily Yours,

Santa Claus
Member, North American Fairies and Elves Local 209
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Update: Here are those answers I promised.

1. White Christmas
2. Chesnuts Roasting On An Open Fire
3. All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth
4. Oh, Holy Night
5. It Came Upon A Midnight Clear
6. Oh, Come All Ye Faithful
7. Away In A Manger
8. Deck The Halls
9. Little Drummer Boy
10. We Three Kings
11. Silent Night
12. God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen
13. Santa Claus Is Coming To Town
14. Let It Snow
15. Go Tell It On The Mountain
16. Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer
17. What Child Is This?
18. Joy To The World
19. Hark! The Herald Angels Sing
20. Twelve Days of Christmas

How'd you do?
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Drive-Bys

This, my friends, is why I didn't study rocket science in college:


You're a poetic intellectual.

What Sort of Intellectual Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

(A tip of the cap to Denny.)
_____

I hate remakes of classic movies.

Despise them.

Can't understand why anyone would want to make one.

Can't understand why a studio would fund one.

Can't understand why anyone would pay good money to see one.

And I really can't believe that, all that being said, I want to see this movie.

In the theater, not on DVD.

Hell is freezing over at this very moment.
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Roadside Diner

I promised a review of Fogo de Chao a couple of days ago.

Let me say, the restaurant is misnamed. It should be "Fogo de... Wow! I can't believe I ate the whole thing!"

They have the most fabulous salad bar I have ever seen. I could have had nothing but the salad bar, and been a happy, happy camper. Unlimited access to their own smoked salmon with herb sauce for dipping? (The only fish on the menu, BTW.) I thought I'd died and gone to Heaven. At least three kinds of mixed greens. At least four kinds of cheese, including handball-sized portions of fresh buffalo mozzarella and chunked (not grated, not shaved) Parmegiano Reggiano. Prociutto. Genoa salami. Blanched asparagus spears. A fresh salad of haricots vert, julienned carrots, sesame seeds in a light balsamic vinaigrette dressing. Gorgeous grilled red and yellow peppers. The list goes on and on. (I have to stop describing this now. I'm drooling all over the keyboard.)

My recommendation: Choose the smallest plate available. Remember -- this is supposted to be a starter. It's so good and so bountiful, it could easily end up being the whole meal.

As for the rest of the offerings... did you ever see the Rodney Dangerfield movie "Back to School"? In the beginning Rodney is doing an ad for his business -- Thornton Mellon's Tall & Fat. It begins, "Are you fat? Do you..." and ends with, "When you open a menu, do you say 'YES'?"

Well... at Fogo de Chao, you can say "YES". There are 15 different cuts of meat, all cooked over a wood fire. You get a little card that's red on one side and green on the other. When you're ready for a serving of meat, you turn the card to green. Like magic, Gaucho chefs appear with long skewers of steaming, mouthwateringly fragrant beef, pork, lamb, chicken and sausages. They will serve you as much of any of them as you wish. It's a he-man's paradise and a vegan's worst nightmare.

My hands-down favorite is the lamb chops. They were as near to perfection as I've ever had anywhere. If you love lamb, don't miss them. Everything else was wonderful, too, though.

A couple more notes:

A big word of caution: PACE YOURSELF. After one or two servings, flip your card back to red for a while. It's very easy to stuff yourself and miss out on some of the best offerings.

It's pricey -- $48.50 per person; however, you can order every single thing on the menu, and more than once. (Buckaroo Bonsai had four servings of the lamb chops alone.) For the price, if you really like meat, and lots of it, it's a good deal.

Service -- You'll have at least three servers, and that doesn't include the small army of Gaucho chefs with big honking skewers of meat. Side dishes and fresh plates are frequently replenished. Smooth, professional, and non-intrusive.

If you have a more limited appetite, read the menu ahead of time and know what you really want. I must have waived away at least six of the boys in blousy pants before I finally got my lambchops. They won't take offense.

The main dining room is much quieter than the bar, at which conversation is mainly held at a very high decibel level.

Don't eat anything the day you plan to go. Your stomach will thank you later.
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Bus Fumes

Mamacita has a few words for students receiving an "F" grade and not understanding why.

I LIKE this woman.
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