Rubber-Necking

Oi! I've been dialectized! (A tip of the cap to the 'Neck.)
_____

Tootin' the Horn

I just had a lovely bit of correspondence with one of the resellers from whom I ordered books for the Mercer Middle School kids.

A big old smoocheroo to Lulu of Lulu's Books, who immediately refunded the purchase price of the book when she found out about my little project. Thanks! You made my day.
_____

From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus

Feste tees up a funny.
_____

UziQ has another.
_____

Elizabeth says: Don't know if this was in all the papers, but, thought you'd like to know...............

Kentucky Fried Chicken today sued Wendy's, claiming that if Wendy's is placing human fingers in their chili they are infringing on KFC's "finger licking good" trademark.
_____

Drive-Bys

I know this is meant as humor, but I've been boycotting the Today Show since forever just this reason. Blech. We don't like her any more.

(A tip of the cap to my Blogdaddy!)
_____

Book Your Ticket

Ms. Kapp's second class has come through with their lists. I fired off this order this morning:

1 "The Princess Diaries, Volume VI: Princess in Training (Princess Diaries)" Meg Cabot; Hardcover;

2 "Coach Carter" Jasmine Jones; Paperback;

1 "The Grim Grotto (A Series of Unfortunate Events, Book 11)" Lemony Snicket; Hardcover;

1 "Chocolate Star (Chocolate Star)" Sheila Copeland; Mass Market Paperback;

1 "Gossip Girl #7: Nobody Does It Better : A Gossip Girl Novel (Gossip Girl)" Cecily von Ziegesar; Paperback;

1 "Gossip Girl #6: You're the One That I Want : A Gossip Girl Novel (Gossip Girl)" Cecily von Ziegesar; Paperback;

1 "The Fall of Reach (Halo)" ERIC NYLUND; Paperback;

1 "The Flood (Halo)" WILLIAM C. DIETZ; Paperback;

1 "Eragon (Inheritance, Book 1)" CHRISTOPHER PAOLINI; Paperback;

1 "The Code Book for Young People : How to Make It, Break It, Hack It, Crack It" SIMON SINGH; Hardcover;

1 "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" ANN BRASHARES; Paperback;

1 "The Notebook" Nicholas Sparks; Paperback;

1 "Holler If You Hear Me: Searching for Tupac Shakur" Michael Eric Dyson; Paperback;

1 "Venus and Serena: Serving From The Hip : 10 Rules for Living, Loving, and Winning" Hilary Beard; Paperback;

1 "The RETURN (REMEMBER ME 2) : THE RETURN" Christopher Pike; Paperback;

1 "Push : A Novel (Vintage Contemporaries)" SAPPHIRE; Paperback;

1 "Naruto, Vol. 1: The Tests of the Ninja" Masashi Kishimoto; Paperback;

1 "A Chocolate Affair" Sheila Copeland; Mass Market Paperback;

1 ".Hack: //Legend of the Twilight, Vol. 1" Tatsuya Hamazaki; Paperback;

1 "Samurai Girl Real Bout High School (Samurai Girl Real Bout Highschool)" Reiji Saiga; Paperback;

1 "Chaos, Corruption, Courage and Glory : A Year in the Life of Boxing" Thomas Hauser; Paperback;

1 "Friday Night Lights: A Town, a Team, and a Dream" H. G. Bissinger; Paperback;

1 "For the Love of the Game : My Story" MARK VANCIL; Hardcover;

1 "The Cry Of The Icemark" Stuart Hill; Hardcover;

1 "Monster : Autobiography of an L.A. Gang Member, The" Sanyika Shakur; Paperback;

1 "We Beat the Street: How a Friendship Led to Success" Sampson Davis; Hardcover.

Once again these kids have blown me away with the variety of books chosen.

I heard from Ms. Kapp today and she says, "I am having them create journals for their books and when we are finished I will mail them off to you." With the kids' permission, I hope to share some of their thoughts with you, too.
_____

Book Your Ticket

Well! Ms. Kapp and her students have been busy in the computer lab. I got the first list of books this morning, and placed this order:

1 "The Carnivorous Carnival (A Series of Unfortunate Events, Book 9)" Lemony Snicket; Hardcover

1 "Someone Like You" Sarah Dessen; Paperback

1 "The Pol Pot Regime: Race, Power, and Genocide in Cambodia under the Khmer Rouge, 1975-79" Ben Kiernan; Paperback

1 "Eragon (Inheritance, Book 1)"CHRISTOPHER PAOLINI; Paperback

1 "Neverwhere" Neil Gaiman; Paperback

1 "The Second Summer of the Sisterhood (Readers Circle)" ANN BRASHARES; Paperback

1 "Pharos : A Ghost Story" Alice Thompson; Paperback

1 "Charlie Bone and the Time Twister (The Children of the Red King, Book 2)" Jenny Nimmo; Hardcover

1 "Holes (Yearling Newbery)" Louis Sachar; Paperback

1 "Prom" Laurie Halse Anderson; Hardcover

1 "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" Stephen Chbosky; Paperback

3 "The Rose That Grew From Concrete" Tupac Shakur; Hardcover

1 "Lisa Lopes : The Life of a Supernova" Nancy Krulik; Paperback

1 "Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul on Love & Friendship (Chicken Soup for the Soul)" Jack Canfield; Paperback

1 "The Ultimate Code Book: Cheats and the Cheating Cheaters Who Use Them : Prima Games" Prima Temp Authors; Paperback

1 "The Opal Deception (Artemis Fowl, Book 4)" Eoin Colfer; Hardcover

1 "The Hoopster, Revised Edition" Alan Lawrence Sitomer; Hardcover

1 "Don't Sweat The Small Stuff For Teens" Richard Carlson; Paperback

1 "Apolión (Spanish Edition)" Tim LaHaye; Paperback

1 "Aaliyah" Tim Footman; Paperback

1 "Across the Nightingale Floor (Tales of the Otori, Book One)" Lian Hearn; Paperback

1 "LeBron James: The Rise of a Star" David Lee, Jr. Morgan; Paperback

1 "Just a Summer Romance" Ann M. Martin; Paperback

1 "Remembering Selena : A Tribute In Pictures & Words" Himilce Novas; Paperback

There are a few of my personal favorites in there -- especially "Eragon". (And I see that the sequel is out. Hmmm. I might just have to buy that one for myself.) There are a couple of other books on the list that look very intriguing, and may also find themselves on my "must buy for myself" list.

Thanks for getting back to me, guys! I can't wait to hear how you like the books.

(By golly, this is FUN!)
_____

From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus

I don't know about you, but I could use a good laugh today. Let's see what the Rowdies plopped in my mail bag while I was gone:

From the Sweetheart of Shell Knob, MO:

Little known fact. Did you Know?

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.

For instance, if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.

However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she is more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors lodged in his temple and a bat jammed up his ass while he is on fire.
- - - - -

A brief lesson in Chicago-ese:

1. Grachki (grach'-key): Chicagoese for "garage key" as in, "Yo, Theresa, waja do wit da grachki? Howmy supposta cut da grass if I don't git intada grach?"

2. Uptadaendada(up-ta-da-en'-dada): As in, "Joey, you kin ride yur bike uptadaendada alley but not acrost or I'll bust yur butt."

3. Sammich: Chicagoese for sandwich. When made with sausage, it's a sassage sammich; when made with shredded beef, it's an Italian Beef sammich, a local delicacy consisting of piles of spicy meat in a perilously soggy bun.

4. Da: This article is a key part of Chicago speech, as in "Da Bears" or "Da Mare" -- the latter denoting Richard M. Daley, or Richie, as he's often called.

5. Jewels: Not family heirlooms or a tender body region, but a popular name for one of the region's dominant grocery store chains. "I'm goin' to da Jewels to pick up some sassage."

6. Field's: Marshall Field, a prominent Chicago department store. Also Carson Pirie Scott, another major department store chain, is simply called "Carson's."

7. Tree: The number between two and four. "We were lucky dat we only got tree inches of snow da udder night."

8. Prairie: A vacant lot, especially one on which weeds are growing.

9. Over by dere: Translates to "over by there," a way of emphasizing a site presumed familiar to the listener. As in, "I got the sassage at da Jewels down on Kedzie, over by dere."

10. Kaminski Park: The mispronounced name of the ball! park where the Chicago White Sox (da Sox) play baseball. Comiskey Park was recently renamed U.S. Cellular Field (yuck!).

11. Frunchroom: As in, "Getouttada frunchroom wit dose muddy shoes." It's not the "parlor." It's not the "living room." In the land of the bungalow it's the "frunchroom," a named derived, linguists believe, from "front room."

12. Use: Not the verb, but the plural pronoun "you." "Where's use goin'?"

13. Downtown: Anywhere near The Lake, south of The Zoo (Lincoln Park= Zoo) and north of Soldier Field.

14. The Lake: Lake Michigan. (What other lake is there?) It's often used by local weathermen, "cooler by The Lake."

15. Boys Town: A section on Halsted between Belmont and Addison which is lined with gay bars both sides of the street. "Didn't I see use in Boys Town in front of da Manhole?"

16. Braht:: Short for Bratwurst. "Gimme a braht wit kraut."

17. Cashbox: Traffic reporter slang for tollbooths. "Dere's a delay at da cashbox on da Skyway."

18. Goes: Past or present tense of the verb "say." For example, "Then he goes, 'I like this place'!"

19. Guys: Used when addressing two or more people, regardless of each individual's gender.

20. Pop: A soft drink. Don't say "soda" in this town. "Do ya wanna cannapop?"

21. Sliders: Nickname for hamburgers from White Castle, a popular Midwestern burger chain. "Dose sliders I had last night gave me da runs."

22. The Taste: The Taste of Chicago Festival, a huge extravaganza in Grant Park featuring samples of Chicagoland cuisine which takes place each year around the Fourth of July holiday.

23. "Jieetyet?": Translates to, "Did you eat yet?"

24. Winter and Construction: Punch line to the joke, "What are the two seasons in Chicago?"

25. Cuppa Too-Tree: is Chicagoese for "a couple, two, three" which really means "a few." For example, "Hey Mike, dere any beerz left in da cooler over by dere?" "Yeh, a cuppa too-tree."

26. 588-2300: Chicago knows this commercial jingle and the carpet company you'll get if you call that number -- Empire!27.

Junk Dror: You will usually find the 'junk drawer' in the kitchen filled to the brim with miscellaneous, but very important, junk.

28. Southern Illinois: Anything south of I-80.29.

Expressways: The Interstates in the immediate Chicagoland area areusually known just by their 'name' and not their Interstate number: the Dan Ryan ("the Ryan"), the Stevenson, the Kennedy, the Eisenhower (the "Ike"), and the Edens.

30. Gym Shoes: The rest of the country may refer to them as sneakers or running shoes but Chicagoans will always call them gym shoes!
_____

From Marian:

An 80 year old man went to the doctor for a checkup and the doctor was amazed at what good shape the guy was in. The doctor asked, "To what do you attribute your good health?"

The old timer said, "I'm a pilot and that's why I'm in such good shape. I 'm up well before daylight and out flying up and down the countryside."

The doctor said, "Well, I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your dad when he died?"

The old timer said, "Who said my dad's dead?" The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your dad's still alive? How old is he?"

The old timer said, "He's 100 yrs old and, in fact, he flew next to me this morning in his own airplane. That's why he's still alive... he's a pilot!"

The doctor said, "Well, that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it. How about your dad's dad? How old was he when he died?"

The old timer said, "Who said my grandpa's dead?" The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still living! How old is he?"

The old timer said, "He's 118 yrs old."

The doctor was getting frustrated at this point and said, "I guess he went flying with you this morning too?"

The old timer said, "No...Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he got married."

The Doctor said in amazement, "Got married!! Why would a 118-year-old guy want to get married?"

The old timer said, "Who said he wanted to?"
_____

From Elizabeth:

How quick are you on that mouse button?
- - - - -

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet: The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (professional wrestlers, longshoremen, etc.), but nobody could do it.

One day this scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet."

After the laughter had died down, the bartender agreed, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the dried, wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.

But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and SIX drops fell into the glass.

As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight lifter, or what?

"The man replied, "I work for the IRS."
- - - - -

A hamburger walked into a bar, climbed up onto a bar stool, looked at the bartender and ordered a tall cold beer.

The bartender looked at the hamburger for a moment and replied, "I'm sorry sir, but I can't sell you that drink."

"Why can't you sell me a drink?"

After looking at the hamburger for another moment, the bartender replied, "I'm sorry, we don't serve food in here."
_____

From Nancy V.:

Maude and Claude, both 91, lived in a retirement community. They met in their social center and discovered over time that they enjoyed each other's company. After several weeks of meeting for coffee, Claude asked Maude out for dinner and much to his delight, she accepted.

They had a lovely evening. They dined at the most romantic restaurant in town, and, despite his age, Claude was still a charmer.

Afterward Claude asked Maude to join him at his place for an after dinner drink. Things continued along a natural course and age being no inhibitor Maude soon joined Claude for a most enjoyable roll in the hay.

As they were basking in the after glow of the magic moment they'd shared, each was lost for a time in their own thoughts.

Claude was thinking: "If I'd known she was a virgin, I'd have been more gentle."

Maude was thinking: "If I'd known he could still do it, I'd have taken off my pantyhose."
- - - - -

Why God made Moms (Answers given by elementary school age children to the following questions. )

Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between moms and dads?
1. Moms work at work & work at home, & dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on her back.
- - - - -

The Sermon

"Dear Lord," he began with arms extended and a rapturous look on his upturned face, "without you, we are but dust..."

He would have continued, but at that moment one very obedient little girl (who was listening carefully for a change!) leaned over to her mother and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mommy, WHAT is butt dust?"

Church was pretty much over at that point...
- - - - -

Cookie Recipe

1... Look in cookbook for cookie recipe.
2... Get cup of coffee.
3... Get cat off of cookbook.
4... Find that special recipe.
5... Get cat's nose out of coffee mug.
6... Go to fridge and get eggs.
7... Get dry ingredients from cupboard.
8... Break eggs in small bowl.
9... Sift dry ingredients into a large bowl.
10.. Answer the phone.
11.. Cat ate eggs; get more from fridge.
12.. Get cat out of flour bowl and dust cat off.
13.. Get Band-Aids for scratches on hands.
14.. Throw flour out and get more.
15.. Preheat oven for cookies.
16.. Glare at cat with desire to bake cat now.
17.. Watch cat run for cover into bathroom.
18.. Flour the counter to roll out cookie dough.
19.. Run to bathroom to investigate loud crashing sound.
20.. Cat has toilet paper all over floor and your personal bathroom things have been knocked over on top of the counter.
21.. Yell at cat. Cat falls in toilet bowl.
22.. Take cat out of toilet to dry cat off.
23.. Get bandages to cover more scratches on arms and legs.
24.. Clean up bathroom.
25.. Run to kitchen to see what cat is doing now.
26.. Get cat off floured counter in kitchen.
27.. Try to pick cat hairs out of flour.
28.. Step on cat's tail and get bitten in ankle.
29.. Get coat, car keys, cat, and drive to store to buy cookies.
30.. Squeeze cat through partially open window into a stranger's car at the store parking lot.
31.. Eat most of the cookies on the way home.

--author unknown
_____

Drive-Bys

Jeeze! It's really hard to get back in the blogging mood when two bloggers I really admire are having a pretty big, very public spat. I'm not going to point you to either blog at the moment, because I really want to believe they'll work it out and go back to being the tight friends that they have been up until this point.

I'd like to remind both of these folks that there is still magic in the world and good in the people around us. What's more important? A friendship... or being "right"? (And remember, your answer to that question says a hell of a lot about you.) Can't you guys find the joy, love, compassion, generosity, appreciation and humor that's always been a part of your relationship?
_____

Tootin' the Horn

Back at work. It's as plain as the nose on my face: They missed me. They really missed me.

Heh.

(More tomorrow.)
_____

Drive-Bys

I went to dinner one night with a bunch of my mom's friends from her country club while I was down in Florida. I have just one question. If they were all horrified by the bridal party sporting bald heads, multiple piercings and tattoos... and I found that nothing out of the ordinary... what crazy things are young people going to have to do to fascinate and horrify me when I attain senior citizenship?
_____

One of the idiosyncrasies of senior citizenship in Florida seems to be the willingness to blurt out the first thought or observation that pops into their heads. And usually not quietly. Want to know what your parents/grandparents are thinking? Go to the early bird special at any restaurant in the great state of Florida... and keep your ears open... if they aren't burning already. There is no such thing as self-editing down there. It's one lifelong episode of Politcally Incorrect.
_____

The Mom Update

Mom is actually doing far better than her radiologist expected -- and I was there to get that news live and in person. Still, between the chemo and radiation she's really slowed down a lot. By the time I left, she had begun Week 4 of 6 weeks (Monday through Friday) of treatment. That would knock the stuffing out of just about anybody.

We didn't do a lot. One trip to the doctor and a visit to one of her many favorite resale shops, and she was done for the day. Thursday we saw the radiologist, dermatologist and the internist. Mom looked like she'd been run over by a steam roller by the time we were done.

The esophagitis is just starting to become irritating, but really good drugs are taking care of most of that. Another upside of that is that she actually sleeps through through a good 8 hours or so a night -- not her usual waking two or three times a night.

A downside of all these treatments is that she's lost a good bit of weight that she didn't already have to lose. Body mass loss is now an issue.

The upside, in her opinion? The docs all say to quit worrying about her blood sugar and start eating things that will put some weight on her. Protein -- more than 4 ounces once a day! Ice cream! Real ice cream! Fresh fruit. A Frosty from Wendy's. That's the challenge. It's difficult, because she can't eat very much at any one time (some days even one scrambled egg at a time is a problem). Thank goodness for Boost Plus and Ensure Plus. They've finally made them really palatable, and she can get a whole serving down in one sitting.

She's doing the "Sarasota Shuffle" (shuffling along like a little old lady with a walker) at the moment, but indications are that she'll start getting some pep back in her step when this is all over.

We're keeping our fingers crossed. Your prayers have been a wonderful source of strength and comfort. Keep'em coming.
_____

Home Again, Home Again, Jiggity-Jig

Things I missed while I was gone: Buckaroo Bonsai, the Devine Miss Marilyn, Tiger Boots, Velociman and the rest of this wild bunch. I also missed the return of one of my all-time favorite bloggers. Computer access. Egads! I didn't know I'd miss it so much.

What I didn't miss: 80 degree weather one day, 50 degrees the next.

What I came back to: 40 degrees and rainy, pee-yucky weather... and BB and the girls (which entirely made up for the lousy weather). No posts from Pronoia. (See! I told you that it's not blogging that's hard -- it's the part where you actually have to discipline yourself to just sit down and write.)

Things I found out along the way: You can smoke in the bars in the airport in Charlotte, NC. Those doohickeys you find in drug stores for making photos from your digital camera's memory stick are a snap to use. Boost Plus and Ensure Plus actually taste pretty good (more about that in The Mom Update). Airport security seems more interested in confiscating lighters than it does about checking photo IDs. I can pack an amazing amount of stuff in a small travel bag.

It's good to be back.
_____

Bus Fumes

Another family ripped in two by this kind of nonsense.
_____

MamaMontezz is on a tear. If you're not reading her daily, you're really missing something.
_____

Drive-Bys

Now that looks like a great camp for grown ups. Sign me up, please!
_____

Book Your Ticket

I met the coolest woman tonight. Ms. Kapp teaches English literature to 7th graders in the Seattle, Washington area. The best thing that she and I share an incredible love of books.

So... I'm throwing out a challenge to students in Susannah Kapp's two English classes at Mercer Middle School in Seattle, Washington:

I love books. I read upwards of 300 books a year. I love books like "The Princess Bride" and I love Tupac Shakur's poetry.

In talking to Ms. Knapp, I realized something, and that is that it's important for each person to have one book that belongs to them, and them alone. I would love to share my love of literature and the power of words with everyone. But, in the real world, there are limits.

So... I am limiting my challenge to Ms. Knapp's classes. 60 students.

To each of you 60 students, here is my challenge: go to Amazon.com and pick one book -- either paperback or used. I don't care if it's literature, self-help or vocational. Do it before I get back to work on April 24th. Send your choices to gotb_50-at-hotmail-dot-com. On April 25th, I'm going to place a book order, and every one in Ms. Knapp's class that responds will get the book that he or she requests. It's your book forever.

Here's the bigger challenge: post and tell me why you really loved or hated the book that you ordered, and I just might order you another one.

Tag. You're it.
_____

Substitute and Trainee Drivers

From time to time I expect to have some substitute (guest) and trainee (want to blog but terrified to start one) drivers.

This coming week will be busy, what with extending my lease, packing my suitcases, wrapping things up at the office and wrangling with the IRS all before Friday.

Therefore, I've asked my buddy Pronoia to take the wheel as a trainee for a spell. Get the feel for writing on a regular basis. To me, that's what makes or breaks a blog -- and it's far more difficult than it looks.

I'll be checking in every couple of days, just to make sure he's not running this thing off the road, but also to make sure he does more than start the motor and kick the tires. (And I'm keeping one foot on the cheater break, too!)

See you when I get back from Sunny Florida.
_____

PSA

A few pointers on blogging anonymously... especially if you're unhappy with your employer and planning to post about it. This should be required reading for bloggers everywhere.

(A tip of the cap to Orin Kerr.)
_____

From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus

The Sweetheart of Shell Knob, MO sent this: How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change A Light Bulb?"

Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!

Rottweiler: Make me.

Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

Labrador Retriever: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!

German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any,and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.

Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.

Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb!

Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.

Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there.....

Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...

Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry."

The Cat: Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is: How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?"
_____

I admit it. This really made me giggle.
_____

So did this.
_____

This, too. (A tip of the cap to Conspiracy Dude.)
_____

If you can get through this one without giggling, you have far more intestinal fortitude than I.
_____

Didn't you ever get the lyrics a tiny bit wrong? (A tip of the cap to Evil Glenn.)
_____

My friend Barrie sent this for Jeff, because she heard how much he loves llamas.
_____

Rubber-Necking

Eew, eew, eew, eew, EEEEEWWWWWW!!!
_____

Bus Fumes

Dear God. Still think that slope ain't slippery? (Be sure to scroll down through the comments.)
_____