Leslie's Omnibus

I, Lab Rat

Today I had my intake evaluation for this clinical trial. Intake took almost three hours, and covered a plethora of subjects, including physical fitness for the study.
  1. Millions of forms. Consent forms. Health history forms. Forms to evaluate just how susceptible to addiction you are.
  2. Answer a bunch of questions posed by Research Associate based on aforesaid form responses.
  3. Height and weight measurements.
  4. Blow in a tube thingie so they can measure how much carbon monoxide is in my lungs.
  5. Zap me three times on the forehead and three times on my upper arm with some light doodad that's supposed to measure pigment in the skin.
  6. Peed in a cup. (In subsequent visits, they'll actually pay me ten bucks a pop to do this. Yahoo. I can't wait.)
  7. Online surveys. Nine of them.
  8. More Research Associate questions.
  9. Quasi-physical. Quasi, because I didn't have to peel down to a paper gown. Oddly, we spent way more time on neurological testing than in actually taking my blood pressure, pulse or listening to my heart and lungs. Odd.
  10. Computer game. Totally, mind-numbingly boring computer game. Got a load of bull hockey tale about how it might be used to help responses in the process of quitting smoking. If that's really true, I might just have to kill myself right now.
  11. Counseling session to figure out if I'm psychologically fit for the study. I surprise the kid with utter candor. Several times. Hmmm.
  12. Schedule first counseling/get patch & meds session for April 24. (Looks like target quit date will be May 1. Whoohoo.)
  13. Let vampire take several vials of blood.
Oh, there'll be more fun stuff along the way, including giving saliva samples. Keeping a nightly smoking journal. Carrying a treatment manual. Yetch.

While I'm not expecting it to be fun, I am hoping that the combination of counseling, patch (yuck) and pill (please, please, please let me get the Naltrexone, and not the placebo) will be the magic combination for me.

I'll keep you posted.

(And if you live in Chicago and are thinking about quitting, they're still taking applicants for the study!)
Leslie

4 comments:

RedNeck said...

When they get the "norm" dialed in... tell 'em to give me a call. I'll screw the scale for sure.

We don't need no steeenkin' manuals

Nightly smokin' log... I hope they got a rubber stamp.

Good Luck! It ain't easy.

Richard said...

I've been taking Chantix for a couple of months now. I'm down from two to three packs a day to just a few smokes. Can't seem to get over the hump from those last few yet though.

If they pay you $10 to pee in a cup do you think they would pay more if I pee across the room into something smaller?

Livey said...

Good luck honey! I just started on Chantix. Too soon to know if it will work or not. Love ya!

Coll said...

I so wish you all the best with this. I smoked for over 30 years.. and quit 6 years ago. I still marvel at the freedom I feel. Good luck.