Leslie's Omnibus

From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus

From Elizabeth (for CeeJDee and Mort):

Signs on Synagogue bulletin board:

  • Under same management for over 5,763 years.
  • Don't give up. Moses was once a basket case.
  • Shul committees should be made up of three member, two of whom should be absent at every meeting.
Sign over the urinal in a bathroom at Hebrew University:

  • The future of the Jewish people is in your hands.


My mother is a typical Jewish mother. Once she was on jury duty. They sent her home. She insisted SHE was guilty.

It was mealtime during a flight on El-Al. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked Moshe, seated in front.

"What are my choices?," Moshe asked.

"Yes or no," she replied.

An elderly Jewish man is knocked down by a car and is brought to the local hospital. A pretty nurse tucks him into bed and say, "Mr. Gevarter, are you comfortable?"

Gevarter replies, "I make a living.............."

A rabbi was opening his mail one morning. Taking a single sheet of paper from an envelope he found written on it only one word: "shmuck".

At the next Friday night service, the Rabbi announced, "I have known many people who have written letters and forgot to sign their names, but this week I received a letter from someone who signed his name...and forgot to write a letter.

Three Jewish women got together for lunch. As they are being seated in the restaurant, one takes a deep breath and give a long, slow "oy".

The second takes a deep breath as well and let out a long, slow "oy".

The third takes a deep breath and says impatiently, "Girls, I thought we agreed that we weren't going to talk about our children."

A waiter comes over to a table full of Jewish women and asks, "Is anything all right?"

From Deborah (especially for my BlogDaddy):

George W. was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below. Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, three kids, who were fishing, pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.

The first kid said, "I want to go to Disneyland."

George said, "No problem. I'll take you there on Air Force One".

The second kid said, "I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's."

George said, "I'll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!"

The third kid said, "I want a motorized wheelchair with a built-in TV and stereo headset!!"

Bush is a little perplexed by this and says, "But you don't look like you are handicapped."

The kid says, "I will be after my dad finds out I saved your ass from drowning!"

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