Leslie's Omnibus


Amateurs, professionals... I am easily amused by all of them. But I have to tell you, I am blown away by this pro's twist on the subject!

(A tip of the cap to the Instapundit.)

Because I never met a bandwagon I didn't like... I give you The Movie Meme:

The rules are simple: Copy the list of movies below and mark off the ones you’ve seen. Add ’em up, and include the number in your post title. How easy is that?

I’ve highlighted the ones I’ve seen in boldface. Feel free to do the same.

Rocky Horror Picture Show
Pirates of the Caribbean
Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest
Boondock Saints
Fight Club
Starsky and Hutch
Neverending Story
Blazing Saddles
Universal Soldier
Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
Along Came Polly
Deep Impact
King Pin
Never Been Kissed
Meet The Parents
Meet the Fockers
Eight Crazy Nights
Joe Dirt
King Kong (1933)
King Kong (1976)
King Kong (2005)

Total so far: 6

A Cinderella Story
The Terminal
The Lizzie McGuire Movie
Passport to Paris
Dumb & Dumber
Dumber & Dumberer (filmed right here in May-Retta!)
Final Destination
Final Destination 2
Final Destination 3
The Ring
The Ring 2
Surviving X-Mas

Total so far: 6

Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
Practical Magic
Ghost Ship
From Hell
Secret Window
I Am Sam
The Whole Nine Yards
The Whole Ten Yards

Total so far: 7

The Day After Tomorrow
Child’s Play
Seed of Chucky
Bride of Chucky
Ten Things I Hate About You
Just Married
Nightmare on Elm Street
Sixteen Candles
Remember the Titans
Coach Carter
The Grudge
The Grudge 2
The Mask
Son Of The Mask

Total so far: 8

Bad Boys
Bad Boys 2
Joy Ride
Lucky Number Slevin
Ocean’s Eleven
Ocean’s Twelve
Bourne Identity
Bourne Supremacy
Lone Star
Predator (featuring two - count ’em! - future governors!)
Predator II
The Fog
Ice Age
Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
Curious George

Total so far: 10

Independence Day
A Bronx Tale
Darkness Falls
Children of the Corn
My Boss’s Daughter
Maid in Manhattan
War of the Worlds (1953)
War of the Worlds (2005)
Rush Hour
Rush Hour 2

Total so far: 12

Best Bet
How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
She’s All That
Calendar Girls
Mars Attacks!
Event Horizon
Ever After
The Wizard of Oz
Forrest Gump
Big Trouble in Little China
The Terminator
The Terminator 2
The Terminator 3

Total so far: 17

Spider-Man 2
Sky High
Jeepers Creepers
Jeepers Creepers 2
Catch Me If You Can
The Little Mermaid
Freaky Friday

Reign of Fire
The Skulls
Cruel Intentions
Cruel Intentions 2
The Hot Chick
Shrek 2
Shrek 3

Total so far: 19

Miracle on 34th Street
Old School
The Notebook
Kippendorf’s Tribe
A Walk to Remember
Ice Castles
The 40-Year-Old Virgin

Total so far: 20

Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring
Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
Lord of the Rings: Return Of the King
Raiders of the Lost Ark
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

Total so far: 26

Waiting for Guffman
House of 1000 Corpses
Devil’s Rejects
Mothman Prophecies
American History X

Total so Far: 27

The Jacket
Kung Fu Hustle
Shaolin Soccer
Night Watch
Monsters, Inc.

Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Shaun Of the Dead

Total so far: 29

High Tension
Club Dread
Dawn Of the Dead
Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe
28 days later

Total so far: 29

Kill Bill, Volume 1
Kill Bill, Volume 2
Mortal Kombat
Wolf Creek
Kingdom of Heaven
The Hills Have Eyes
I Spit on Your Grave, AKA The Day of the Woman
The Last House on the Left
Army of Darkness

Total so far: 29

Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope
Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back
Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi
Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace
Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones
Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith
Ewoks: Caravan Of Courage, AKA The Ewok Adventure
Ewoks: The Battle For Endor

Total so far: 34

The Matrix
The Matrix Reloaded
The Matrix Revolutions
Evil Dead
Evil Dead 2
Team America: World Police
Red Dragon
Silence of the Lambs

Final total: 35

“Supposedly, if you’ve seen over 85 movies, you have no life.” On the other hand, mine is one pathetic final total.


Drew Peterson's campaign to ensure that they'll never find an unbiased jury for him continues apace. The man's a slimebucket... but a crafty slimebucket.

The Divine Miss Marilyn might just have to get some pastel pink Lee Press-On Nails. Pretty!

Hey! I bet I know someone else who'd go nuts for them, too.

Road Conditions

Yup. It's freaking freezing. Thanks for asking!

From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus

From the Sweetheart of Shell Knob, MO:

Everyone has a personality of a cartoon character. Have you ever asked yourself what cartoon character do you most resemble?

A group of investigators got together and analyzed the personalities of well known and modern cartoon characters. The information that was gathered was made into this test.

Answer all the questions (only 10) with what describes you best, add up all your Points (which are next to the answer that you choose) at the end and look for your results.

Do not cheat by looking at the end of the e-mail before you are done .

Then forward this to all your friends ( including the person who sent it to you )and change the subject of this message to what character is you.

1. Which one of the following describes the perfect date?
a) Candlelight dinner (4 pts.)
b) Fun/Theme Park (2 pts.)
c) Painting in the park (5 pts)
d) Rock concert (1 pt .)
e) Going to the movies (3 pts.)

2. What is your favorite type of music?
a) Rock and Roll (2 pts.)
b) Alternative (1 pt.)
c) Soft Rock (4 pts.)
d) Country (5 pts )
e) Pop (3 pts.)

3. What type of movies do you prefer?
a) Comedy (2 pts.)
b) Horror (1 pt.)
c) Musical (3 pts.)
d) Romance (4 pts.)
e) Documentary (5 pts.)

4. Which one of these occupations would you choose if you only could choose one of these?
a) Waiter (4 pts.)
b) Professional Sports Player (5 pts.)
c) Teacher (3 pts.)
d) Police (2 pts.)
e) Cashier (1 pt)

5 What do you do with your spare time?
a) Exercise (5 pts.)
b) Read (4 pts.)
c) Watch television (2 pts.)
d) Listen to music (1 pt.)
e) Sleep (3 pts.)

6. Which one of the following colors do you like best?
a) Yellow (1 pt.)
b) White (5 pts.)
c) Sky Blue (3 pts)
d) Dark Blue(2 pts.)
e) Red (4 pts.)

7. What do you prefer to eat?
a) Snow (3 pts.)
b) Pizza (2 pts.)
c) Sushi (1 pt.)
d) Pasta (4 pts.)
e) Salad (5 pts.)

8. What is your favorite holiday ?
a) Halloween(1 pt.)
b) Christmas(3 pts.)
c) New Year (2 pts.)
d) Valentine's Day(4 pts.)
e) Thanksgiving(5 pts.)

9. If you could go to one of these places which one would it be?
a) Paris (4 pts)
b) Spain (5 pts)
c) Las Vegas (1 pt)
d) Hawaii (4 pts)
e) Hollywood (3 pts)

10. With which of the following would you prefer to spend time with?
a) Someone Smart (5 pts.)
b) Someone attractive (2 pts.)
c) Someone who likes to Party (1 pt.)
d) Someone who always has fun (3 pts.)
e) Someone very sentimental (4 pts.)

Now add up your points and find out the answer you have been waiting for! Put your character in the subject line and forward to your friends and back to the person that sent this to you.
Very interesting to see 'who' your friends are!

(10-16 points) You are Garfield :
You are very comfortable, easy going, and you definitely know how to have fun but sometimes you take it to an extreme. You always know what you are doing and you are always in control of your life. Others may not see things as you do, but that doesn't mean that you always have to do what is right. Try to remember, your happy spirit may hurt you or others.

(17-23 points) You are Snoopy:
You are fun; you are very cool and popular. You always know what's in and you ' re never out of style , y ou are good at knowing how to satisfy everyone else. You have probably disappeared for a few days more than once but you always come home with the family values that you learned Being married and having children are important to you, but only after you have had your share of fun times

(24-28 points) You are Elmo:
You h ave lots of friends and you are also popular, always willing to give advice and help out a person in need. You are very optimistic and you always see the bright side of things. Some good advice: try not to be too much of a dreamer. Dreaming too big could cause many conflicts in your life.

(29-35 points) You are Sponge Bob Square Pants:
You are the classic person that everyone loves. You are the best friend that anyone could ever have and never wants to lose. You never cause harm to anyone and they would never not understand your feelings. Life is a journey, it' s funny and calm for the most part Stay away from traitors and jealous people and you will be stress free.

(36-43 points) You are Charlie Brown:
You are tender, you fall in love quickly but you are also very serious about all relationships. You are a family person. You call your Mom every Sunday. You have many friends and may occasionally forget a few Birthdays. Don't let your passion confuse you with reality.

(44-50 points ) You are Dexter:
You are smart and definitely a thinker... Every situation is fronted with a plan. You have a brilliant mind. You demonstrate very strong family principles. You maintain a stable routine but never ignore a bad situation when it comes. Try to do less over thinking every once in a while to spice things up a bit with spontaneity!

Now don't spoil it! Have some Fun!! Change the subject of the email to what you are and send it on.

(And I am Charlie Brown, BTW, by a hair.)

Mostly Cajun had me spewing my morning cuppa joe all over my monitor here.

Jake is 5 and learning to read. He points at a picture in a zoo book and says; "Look Mama! It's a frickin' Elephant!"

Deep breathe ...

" What did you call it?"

"It's a frickin' Elephant, Mama! It says so on the picture!”

And so it does ...

" A - f r i c - a n Elephant "


A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London.

After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink.

He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."

The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me, too, I didn't know we had a choice."

The Sunday School Set:


The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, "My Mommy looked back once, while she was driving," he announced triumphantly, "and she turned into a telephone pole!"


A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan. She asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?"

A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd throw up."


A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?"

"No," replied Johnny. "How could he, with just two worms."


A Sunday school teacher said to her children, "We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a higher power. Can anybody tell me what it is?"

One child blurted out, "Aces!"


Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School.

"Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the [eople walked across safely. Then, he radioed headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved."

"Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked.

"Well, no, Mom. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"


A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible; Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter.

Little Rick was excited about the task -- but, he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line. On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Ricky was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, "The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know."


The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head, for a moment, before starting his sermon.

One day, she asked him why.

"Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages,

"I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon."

"How come He doesn't do it?" she asked.


A rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, "So your mother says your prayers for you each night? That's very commendable.

What does she say?"

The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!"


During the minister's prayer, one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from one of the back pews. Tommy's mother was horrified. She pinched him into silence and, after church, asked, "Tommy, whatever made you do such a thing?"

Tommy answered, soberly, "I asked God to teach me to whistle, and He just then did!"


A pastor asked a little boy if he said his prayers every night.

"Yes, sir," the boy replied.

"And, do you always say them in the morning, too?" the pastor asked.

"No sir," the boy replied. "I ain't scared in the daytime."


When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past).

For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say,

"And all girls." As this soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this at the end, my curiosity got the best of me and I asked her,"Kelli, Why do you always add the part about all girls?"

Her response, "Because we always finish our prayers by saying 'All Men'!"


Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served.

When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.

"Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer." Said his mother

"I don't have to," The boy replied.

"Of course, you do," his mother insisted. "We say a prayer before eating, at our house."

"That's our house," Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook!"


A man and a woman, who have never met before, but are both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell
asleep quickly...he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we' re married".

"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.

"Good," she replied. "Get your own damn blanket!"

After a moment of silence, he farted.


From Catfish:

When a panel of doctors was asked to vote on adding a new wing to their hospital,

"The Allergists" voted to scratch it and

"The Dermatologists" advised not to make any rash moves.

"The Gastroenterologists" had sort of a gut feeling about it but

"The Neurologists" thought the administration had a lot of nerve and

"The Obstetricians" felt they were all laboring under a misconception.

"The Ophthalmologists" considered the idea shortsighted.

"The Pathologists" yelled, "Over my dead body!", while

"The Pediatricians" said, "Oh, grow up!"

"The Psychiatrists" thought the whole idea was madness,

"The Radiologists" could see right through it and

"The Surgeons" decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.

"The Internists" thought it was a bitter pill to swallow and

"The Plastic Surgeons" said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter."

"The Podiatrists" thought it was a step forward but

"The Urologists" felt the scheme wouldn't hold water.

"The Anesthesiologists" thought the whole idea was a gas and

"The Cardiologists" didn't have the heart to say no.

In the end.............

"The Proctologists" left the decision up to some asshole in administration.



Yikes! These photos will be giving me nightmares for days.

My kid has incredible news.

This story reminds me of tales by some of the greats, like Elisson, Og and Old Crankypants himself. Enjoy!

Worlds longest Blogthing results:

What Omnibus Driver Means

You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life.

You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you.

At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.

You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated.

You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want.

You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way!

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.

You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.

You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.

You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.

You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are full of energy. You are spirited and boisterous.

You are bold and daring. You are willing to do some pretty outrageous things.

Your high energy sometimes gets you in trouble. You can have a pretty bad temper at times.

You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way.

And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life.

You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it.

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.

You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.

You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.

You are balanced, orderly, and organized. You like your ducks in a row.

You are powerful and competent, especially in the workplace.

People can see you as stubborn and headstrong. You definitely have a dominant personality.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.

You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.

You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

You are very hyper. You never slow down, even when it's killing you.

You're the type of person who can be a workaholic during the day... and still have the energy to party all night.

Your energy is definitely a magnet for those around you. People are addicted to your vibe.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.

You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.

At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

Blame it on VK, okay?

Happy big 5-0, LEGO!


This just cracked me up today:


Redneck has cloned me. It's a real testament to his manliness, too.

Now if he's REALLY secure in his manliness, maybe we can find out who his ideal TV boyfriend is...


Another, more subtle giggler:


Who do you 'spose this brought to mind? (And if you don't have Moonbeam McQueen on your blogroll already, whatsamatta you?)

Okay. I think I can officially quit bitching about how terrible the weather is here in Chicago. Yikes! (Global warming. Yeah, sure.)

Do you know of a fallen hero from the current Gulf war who came from Illinois? Then you might want to let his or her family know about this cool scholarship set up for their kids. Spread the word!

Want to support the Writers' Strike? Adopt a Writer here. I can think of more than one of my Blown-Eyed, Blown-Starred, Midwesternized and otherwise bloggitty pals who'd do a ripping fine job of an interview!

Don't ask me why, but I want one of each of these. (St. Valentine's day is coming, you know!)

Speaking of St. Valentine's Day gifts... Christine is having a sale here. (I want it ALL, thank you.) My beautiful daughter has posted some cool new stuff here. (Ditto on the wanting it all thing.)

Oh! And I just bought TMBCITW's Valentine's gift here, because this stuff is just so damned cute!

Resistance is futile. Surrender to the Etsy.

Saw this article in today's Suntimes, and figured I'd go to the website to apply for the study. I'll let you know what I hear!


You Are Fish

You have a well formed palate and a daring appetite. If it's served to you, you'll at least try it.
People are pretty scared of your exotic ways. But once they get a taste of you, they're addicted!

What else would you expect from a Beantown Betty?

Your Famous Movie Kiss is from Gone With The Wind

"Great balls of fire. Don't bother me anymore, and don't call me sugar."


Your Passion is Purple!

You've got a ton of passion, but you don't always wear it on your sleeve.

If something truly excites you, you let your inner intensity shine through.

But otherwise, your passion tends to morph into energy ... which you never lack.

You're a balanced woman, knowing when to turn on the fire in your heart.

Product reviews -- just some stuff I've tried and either loved or hated recently (and, no, I'm not getting paid for this, just sharing info):

Aquafresh White Trays:
  • Upside? These things really work and the trays are much easier to deal with than stick-on strips or paint-on junk!
  • Downside? A mouthful of foam for 30-45 minutes.
Aquafresh White & Shine Toothpaste - Berry Fresh:
  • I should have listened to Kate and her DHelL travails. They've gotten two overnight packages to deepest, darkest Brazil (no kidding) for me, but they can't locate the box I sent to her in Kansas. Three emails (What do you mean I've got to contact the shipper??? I AM the shipper!) and four phone calls (the last one with me on hold on and off for over an hour and a promise to have the local shipping manager call me -- didn't happen), they can only tell me that they can see where I filled out the shipping label online. They can't tell me if or when they picked it up from this building in Chicago, where I had to be escorted by a security guy to the drop box, because building security is very tight. And, by the way, I put it in the box, not outside the box.*

    I got a nice note from DHelL today: "Thank you for responding to our recent e-mail and deciding to ship with us. We look forward to becoming your partner for all your shipping needs." They offered 50% off my next domestic shipment.

    Not bloody likely.
Lean Cuisine Chicken Club Panini:
  • I usually despise frozen diet anything, but this was surprisingly good. I'd try their other flavors in a New York minute!
Michelina's Budget Gourmet Macaroni & Beef:
  • WTF? These cheapie heat-'em-ups used to be tasty. All I can say is... BLECH. It doesn't matter how cheap it is if it has zero flavor.
Burt's Bees Replenishing Lip Balm with Pomegranate Oil:
  • Two enthusiastic thumbs up. Not waxy. Not greasy. Works like a champ. Tastes and smells great, too.

Mrs. Hughes Live at the Ice House

I double dog dare any woman over forty to keep a straight face through this one.


Bus Fumes

Via RagingMom comes word that there may be hope for Illinois smokers yet.

I have no problem with any establishment that chooses to be a no-smoking environment. I also have no problem with requiring a license for those establishments that do want to allow smoking, and are willing to jump through the legal hoops to get one.

A big "thank you" to Rep. Harry R. Ramey, Jr. Write your representative today, and encourage an "aye" vote on HB 4184.


Help a fellow blogger, Shadowfax, in his quest to honor his young nephew's memory. Head on over here and pony up a buck or two, okay?


Uncle Jay's Word of the Day? Reality.

No wonder Erica and I get along so well:

What type of partier are you?
Your Result: Bar Social Butterfly

Not quite as bad as the 'bar slut', you like to get a bit ripped and become everyone's new best friend.

You talk to everyone and anyone, keep people laughing, and with enough liquor you become the professional comedian.

You get into deep-thought topics with fellow drunks, get people crying on your shoulder when they vent to you, and end up with hundreds of phone numbers of people that you simply can't recall in your cell-phone all the time. (WAY true.)

The designated driver

Hardcore drunk

The Socialite

The Lurker

Bar Slut

The rock-star party animal

What type of partier are you?
Make Your Own Quiz


This sumbitch finally got benchslapped... but I'm not at all convinced he's learned his lesson.

Take a peek here to see what this noxious piece of excrement looks like.

If you live in or near the Chicago area, keep your eyes peeled for the arrogant bastard. And be sure to give him an enthusiastic single digit salute if you spot him.

The "I've Come to Realize" Meme:

1. I have come to realize that my butt:
... is my butt, and all the wishing in the world won't make it look like J-Lo's.

2. I have come to realize that when I talk:
... I occasionally channel the Princess Mom (and it scares the bejeepers out of me every time it happens).

3. I have come to realize that, if I love someone:
... I work damned hard at that relationship.

4. I have come to realize that, I need:
... very few things to make me happy -- family, good friends, good books and a warm kitty in my lap.

5. I have come to realize that, I lost:
... very little when I broke up with the ex-boyfriend.

6. I have come to realize that, I hate it when:
... people give me grief for not living up to their expectations when they haven't told me in advance what those expectations are.

7. I have come to realize that, if I'm drunk:
... I'm less taciturn than usual.

8. I have come to realize that, marriage:
... would be nice, but it's not the end of the world if it never happens again.

9. I have come to realize that, work:
... is the means to fund a life, not life itself.

10. I have come to realize that, I will always be:
... my own harshest critic.

11. I have come to realize that, I like:
... all sorts of things that, had I never opened up to the possibilities, I probably would have turned my nose up at.

12. I have come to realize that, the last time I cried was:
... earlier today. So sue me. I'm a big softie.

13. I have come to realize that, my cell phone is:
... more fun for texting than for talking.

14. I have come to realize that, when I wake up in the morning:
... I have to hit the snooze bar four times before I actually get up.

15. I have come to realize that, before I go to sleep at night:
... I need to get into a comfortable position, because I don't usually move again until I wake up.

16. I have come to realize that, right now I am thinking about:
... cranking out a few posts for the cat club blog before I get out of here today.

17. I have come to realize that, babies:
... are cute, but toddlers and little kids are much more fun.

18. I have come to realize that, today I will:
... stop for a glass of wine after work.

19. I have come to realize that, tonight I will:
... take the train, not a cab, home dammit.

20. I have come to realize that, tomorrow I will:
... stop and get my favorite breakfast sandwich (ham, mushroom, egg & swiss) on the way in to the office.

21. I have come to realize that, I really want to:
... get to know MMPC better. I really want to break the non-intrusion habit now that she's given the green light and invited me into her life.

22. I have come to realize that, working out:
... relationships is important; working out for the sake of exercise is not, as far as I'm concerned.

23. I have come to realize that, friends:
... can be as near and dear as family.

24. I have come to realize that, the person who might repost this is:
... as crazy as I am.

(A tip of the cap to Sourpuss!)

Quote of the Day:
"Oh, you ain't gonna be so funny, Mister Racist Officer, when protesters from the NCAACP are marching down your street!"
Thanks for the laughs, Matt!

Tootin' the Horn

My pal Maeve, whose own son is challenged by autism, pointed me here:

The band, Five for Fighting, is generously donating $0.49 to Autism Speaks for*each time* this video is viewed. The funding goes toward research studies to help find a cure. When you have a moment, please visit the link to watch the video and pass it along to friends and family. They are aiming for 10,000 hits, but hopefully we can help to exceed that goal.

What kind of a world do you want?


Quote of the Day:
I’m not completely au fait with the nuances of men’s fashion but I think there’s a real trend towards a more wearable look next season.

You Are a Classic Martini

You area sophisticated drinker, who knows that simple quality is over-rated.

You're a knowledgeable drunk, but sometimes you're a know-it-all when you're blasted.

You should never: Drink and gossip. You tend to forget who's standing right behind you!

Your ideal party: Has a real bartender. But no one mixes a better drink than you.

Your drinking soulmates: those with a Chocolate Martini personality

Your drinking rivals: those with a Margarita Martini personality


I don't mean to brag, but...

You're an Expert Kisser

You're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantity

You've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks off

And you're adaptable, giving each partner what they crave

When it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable


Because I need a little levity on this topic.

Speaking of smoking, I'll betcha there'll be very little smirting in the Midwest this weekend, as we're expecting well below zero temperatures. Come to think of it, I'll wager the bars in the state are all going to be hurting for business this weekend, as the smokers will all stay home.

I don't know how Governor Blagojevich does it. His campaign motto should have been, "Great Hair - Lousy Politics." He's even managed to piss off a good many of his fellow Dems.


I'll bet this was really something to see! (Hee hee hee! I know it's childish of me, but this just gives me the giggles.)

The End of the Line

I always thought that this guy had one of the best jobs in the whole world -- playing with toys and starting fad after fad. There weren't many Wham-O products that didn't make it into our house when I was a kid. How about yours?

Thanks, Mr. Knerr. You taught us the fine art of persistence and how to drive our parents absolutely crazy until we got what we wanted... and gave us endless amounts of fun.


I nearly shot my morning latte through my nose at this. What part of "public" is "private"???

You've got to admit that there's nothing like the ACLU for a little lunacy.

Talk about Big Brother made real! This is downright frightening, as is the logic in why it is good and desirable.

Karma. Don't you love it?


Tootin' the Horn

Angie has exciting news. Stop by and drop your congratulations. I can't think of anyone who is more deserving!


You Are a Chocolate Mocha and Orange Cheesecake

Enthusiastic and intense, there's so much you love in the world... it's hard to do it all.
You are good at getting things to mix - friends, flavors, hobbies. You're the master of fusion!

Blame it on Richmond.

Don't tell my brother this! He'll be buying them in every color and growing the mullet back out...

If you're a caffeine lover living in the Chicago area, this is good news.

This, on the other hand, is not. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!


Because I needed a laugh today, I'm sharing this with you.

LawDawg has some important news about cell phones and dialing 911. Pay attention. You might need this info some day.

My friend Walrilla has some wonderful news to share.

That Chaps My Asphalt

Not only have the dickheads down in Springfield enacted a no-smoking law that started in the middle of the coldest part of the year here in the Midwest...

... not only have they added a $.90 pack tax increase onto what are already some of the highest taxed cigarettes in the country for the privilege of being able to smoke at all in the few places left for us...

... now, they've added this fire safe cigarette codswallop, and they've slipped it right under the noses of every smoker in the state.

Why does this upset me?
OK, not only do they cause a cough so harsh that you vomit and your lungs and throat feel like they are bleeding... Fire Safe MY ASS!!!

If you don't suck on the cigarette constantly, for example "taking a sip of coffee" in between smoking my cigarette , it relights and head falls off!!
marlboros new fsc paper bands and chemicals afe truly disgusting. not only is this new chemical and paper giving alot of people moderate to severe headaches, nausea, and sore throats these changes were made without publicity,notice,or justification.
I thought I'd been fighting off a cold or the flu since the first of January... until I talked to a couple of friends and was alerted to this change. It's bad enough that the damned things can give you cancer... but we're talking sinus infections and bronchitis, here, too. Chronic sinus infections and bronchitis. Check the UPC code on your cigarette pack. If it's got the letters "FSC" above the bar code, you're smoking them, too.

Did anyone look into these side effects before putting this law into place? They're really awful, and even though I've cut down from one to two packs a day to a pack every two or three days, I'm still waking up in the middle of the night coughing my head off and yacking up a lung.

Furthermore, it's highly selective, in that only cigarette smokers are affected. What about cigar smokers? Pipe smokers? Hookah smokers?

It's crap. Utter crap.

Statistically there are very, very few fires started by cigarettes any more. Want dangerous? Fill your home with lighted candles. Far more home fires are started by untended candles than untended cigarettes.

As it is we can only smoke in limited places. The state is charging us more in taxes for that privilege. And to thank us for contributing more to the state's bottom line, they're making us sicker and sicker.

Light a candle for us, indeed. We'll need it.

(And I'm probably going to be making a run for the border once a month to buy my smokes anywhere other than in Illinois.)

Speaking of other things that chap my asphalt, PETA is way up there, too. Think about that before you give them one penny of your cash.

If you're visiting here because Livey sent you, welcome. Stop back and visit again. Any friend of hers is a friend of mine. (Wow! My first Livey-lanche!)


We are having trouble getting the money together to fund the CTA and RTA and now the governor wants to give away free rides to seniors... who didn't even ask for that perk? He simply cannot stand to not put his personal stamp on every piece of legislation that crosses his damned desk.

"Happy ending," my ass.

First otters and now owls? Pretty cool, indeed!

The End of the Line

Gosh, this makes me sad. I am a huge figure skating fan, and "Bowman the Showman" was all that and a bag of chips. Sadly, due to his huge appetite for forbidden fruit of all kinds, he never reached his competitive potential.

But, man, could that son of a gun skate.

Tootin' the Horn

Someone very dear to me has finally started on that path to Life After Law School.

(Yes! My uniform buttons are busting.)

P.S. -- Not to tattle, but she did almost apply to this law firm before she realized just what the reputation of the place was. Heh.


Haven't had an ear worm in a while, so it was disconcerting to wake up to one this morning. What's been playing over and over again in my head today? This little Nitty Gritty Dirt Band ditty:
Dance Little Jean

I played a wedding for the money,
And I wished that I could tell the bride and groom
Just what I thought of marriage
And what’s in store after their honeymoon.

And I was grumblin’ to the dancers
’bout how men and women ought to live apart
And how a promise never made can not be broken
And can never break your heart,

When suddenly from out of nowhere,
A little girl came dancing ’cross the floor,
And all her crinolines were billowing
Beneath the skirt of calico that she wore.
Oh what a joy fell on the honored guests
As each of them was drawn inside her dream,
And they laughed and clapped and stomped their feet
And hollered at her, "Dance, little Jean!"

Dance, little Jean, this day is for you,
Two people you love, stood up and said, "I do"
Dance, little Jean, the prayer that you had
Was answered today
Your mama’s marrying your dad.

Well, my cynical heart just melted
’Cause I knew what this get together meant
How it ended year of tears and sad confusion
That the little girl had spent.
Well they told the band to pack it up
About the time the couple cut the cake,
But we played as long as they stayed
For love and laughs and little Jeanie’s sake.

Dance, little Jean, this day is for you,
Two people you love, stood up and said, "I do"
Dance, little Jean, the prayer that you had
Was answered today
Your mama’s marrying your dad.
(Catch a sample of this here.)

This used to bring a tear to my eye every time I heard it. Come to think of it, it still does... only for very different reasons.

I ran across this chick's blog recently, and she's been added to my must-meet list. Hilarious.

Self-fulfilling prophecy meets Headline of the Day here.

This completely cracked me up. I hope to hell somebody emailed it to Freeman and Nicholson.

A Glance in the Rear-View Mirror

Via McGeehee, this meme:

Premise: bold each of the statements that applies.

Original source: The list is based on an exercise developed by Will Barratt, Meagan Cahill, Angie Carlen, Minnette Huck, Drew Lurker, Stacy Ploskonka at Illinois State University. The exercise developers ask that if you participate in this blog game, you acknowledge their copyright.

Copyright so acknowledged. Now here we go:

Father went to college
Father finished college
Mother went to college [Does secretarial school count?]
Mother finished college
Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor
Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers
Had more than 50 books in your childhood home
Had more than 500 books in your childhood home (over the years, certainly)
Were read children’s books by a parent
Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18
Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18
The people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed positively
Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18
Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs
Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs
Went to a private high school
Went to summer camp
Had a private tutor before you turned 18
Family vacations involved staying at hotels
Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18
Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them
There was original art in your house when you were a child [Not unless you count my own original art!]
Had a phone in your room before you turned 18
You and your family lived in a single family house
Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home
You had your own room as a child
Participated in an SAT/ACT prep course
Had your own TV in your room in High School
Owned a mutual fund or IRA in High School or College
Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16
Went on a cruise with your family
Went on more than one cruise with your family [Only as an adult.]
Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up
You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family

Yes. I was a very lucky kid.


These people have limited imaginations. If I could pick a store I'd like to live in, it would be this one. They've got everything I could ever want and more... and the food hall is to die for. Hell, just the cheese counter alone would keep me there forever.

Hmmmmm.... Dr. Helen sent me over to see this post and resultant meme:

What Do Men Want to Know?

What makes you so different from other women you know?
  • Right now I'm pretty happy being single. A lot of women have their whole identity tied up in being half of a whole. I'm pretty happy being the whole.
Why won’t women let issues die? You beat a dead horse. Why?
  • I guess we're a little more introspective than men when it comes to emotions and relationships, and we tend to want them to be perfect. All of them. This is a feminine trait that drives me crazy, too... especially when I find myself guilty.
What is it with women and shoes?
  • Damned if I know. What is it with men and cars? Or motorcycles? Or electronic gadgets?
Why are women so vicious and two-faced, even with their best friends?
  • Make that some women. By and large, most women really value their friendships too much to do something stupid like that. Immaturity is usually the culprit. And maturity has nothing to do with chronological age.
Why are women so miserable when they’re happy and why are they happy when they’re miserable?
  • There are drama queens of every gender, age and persuasion. Not all of us are like that. Okay, sometimes hormones do play a role... but my ex-husband had to take testosterone shots at one point, and they affected his mood a lot, too. (If this is the kind of chick you're meeting all the time, you might want to do a little self-examination and ask yourself why.)
What is it with women and their unhealthy relationship with food? For example, you order a side salad as a entre, only eat half of that; ask that it be boxed up to go, then on the way home, you demand that we drive through a McDonald’s to get a super-sized order of fries!!!
  • If the entertainment industry would quit throwing unhealthy body images at us, it would help. When guys drool over J-Lo, Madonna, Paris Hilton, etc., it makes us feel like maybe we should look that way. And we're really unrealistic about recognizing that the big stars have dietitians, chefs, personal trainers, etc. to make sure they eat healthy food and push their bodies to perfection. That being said, I agree with you about the person you're describing. If you're buying, I'm ordering a steak and a big baked potato and I'm going to enjoy it, dammit. M'kay?
Do women consciously resort to emotion (crying) to derail a discussion or argument, or is it just an instinctive response?
  • Yikes. Depending on the woman, that's a 50/50 answer. If you find the individual woman is manipulative in other ways, there's your answer. If she's usually pretty straightforward, you've hurt her feelings, Bubba.
What about the vaginal orgasm—fact or fiction?
  • Fact. Why do you think there are so many different funky kinds of vibrators out there?
Why do women flirt with guys they’re not even interested in?
  • Practice. And we don't know if we're really interested in you until we actually talk with you a while. It's not all about the looks and the chemistry.
What’s the “real” reason women go to the bathroom in mass?
  • To talk about you, your friends, the weather, can I borrow your lipstick?, have you got a tampon?, to strategize on how to get you to call her, to strategize on how to get the hell away from you, you creepo. What? You asked.
Why are some women intentionally and ONLY interested in married men?
  • Got me hanging. I don't understand this, and I never will.
What is it with women and shopping?
  • You'd have to ask the Princess Mom and my ex-boyfriend. Both of them love to go shopping, and have to touch every single item in every single store. Arghhhhhhh!!! I shop for what I need, not for pleasure.
Why don’t more women like action movies?
  • Why don't more men like chick flicks? Geeze. This is a nature/nurture thing, I think. I do see that little girls brought up playing coed sports like soccer and basketball and girl gamers are more likely to get into action movies than girls brought up on Barbie and My Little Pony.
Why do women have such an unrealistic view of their own weight? In either extreme?
  • See my answer to the dining question, above. Our mothers and the media hammer this shit into our heads from the time we are very small. It takes a long time for many women to get comfortable in their own skin... if ever. Again, maturity helps. I've learned that if you radiate confidence, it doesn't matter what size you are -- somebody in the room is going to find you attractive for that!
Why can’t women be satisfied with the first thing they see in a store they like? Why do they have to explore every single item and try on 100 different things, only to walk out of the store with the first item they originally saw and liked?
  • See my shopping answer above. It really does depend on the diva factor. If you're attracted to real girlie girls, get used to that kind of behavior. If you're attracted to more sporty or down-to-earth types, you'll spend a lot less time in stores. I guarantee.
Why do women fake orgasms? Not that any woman has EVER faked one with me, I mean…how could they, but come on!!! Don’t you think being honest would be a better approach?
  • Right. It might be that we're tired, but we love you and we know you really, really, really want to have sex tonight. So we make sure it's good for you, and that's good enough for us. If women have body issues due to the entertainment and print media industries, then men have performance issues based on the same. If she were faking all the time, then you'd have some real honesty issues to work out. I can't imagine not ever... *shudder*... it doesn't bear thinking.
How in the hell a woman is able to create a disaster and then turn it around on the guy and convince him that it was his fault?
  • Oooh, Honey, you've got bad taste in women. We're not all like that. And, by the way, my now ex-husband was terrible with money, and frequently used his debit card when he meant to use his credit card for our joint account. He got tired of me bitching about never being able to balance our checking account as a result, and finally said he'd handle the bills and the checking account. One month and $900 in bounced check charges later, he handed it all back over to me to straighten out. And what did he have to say for himself? "You should have known better than to let me have anything to do with that." Yup. It was my fault. He's now my ex, and I've learned that this trait is not one I'd look for in a partner in the future.



What Your Handwriting Says About You

You are a fairly energetic person. You know how do pace yourself, and you deal well with stress.

You are very extroverted and outgoing. You are loving, friendly, and supportive. However, you are also manipulative and controlling at times.

You are balanced and grounded. You know how to get along well with others.

You need a bit of space in your life, but you're not a recluse. You expect people to give you a small amount of privacy, and you respect their privacy as well.

You are somewhat traditional, but you are also open to change. You listen to your head and your heart.

You are a poor communicator. No one really knows exactly what you're getting at.

(A tip of the cap to LL.)

Because Erica isn't alone in being hooked on these stupid quizzes.

Tootin' the Horn

Happy birthday tomorrow to Kevin Barbieux, another of my blogging heroes.


Found this little quiz through LL:

Which literature classic are you?

Umberto Eco: The Name of the Rose. You are a mystery novel dealing with theology, especially with catholic vs liberal issues. You search wisdom and knowledge endlessly, feeling that learning is essential in life.
Take this quiz!

Quizilla |

| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

How close to the truth is that? Well... this is what I'm reading right now. Weird.

You are 22% hippie.

You're not in the lowest bracket of non-hippie-hood, but you're close. I advise a field trip to a food co-op or a farmer's market. Do a few interviews and take notes, because there will be a quiz next week to see if you've learned anything.

Are you a hippie?
Quizzes for MySpace

Hahahahahaha! The Princess Mom always swore I'd get married bare foot on top of a mountain, wearing a daisy wreath on my head and a Gunny Sax dress. (Fooled her, didn't I?)

(A tip of the cap to John Walkenbach.)

ANIMOLOGY: What Animal Are You?
Your Result: Silver and Red Wolf

*howl* You're a very strong person.

You tend to be naive most of the time, but when in love boy do you know how to get around!

You prefer to be quiet around adults.

Your soul mate is the gold falcon.

You're in conflict with the maroon panda.

Blue Fox

Red Jaguar

Teal Cat

Ocre and Gray Dolphin

Gold Falcon

Tan Giraffe

Yellow Trout

ANIMOLOGY: What Animal Are You?


Happy weekend. Hope I'm more inspired next week...