Leslie's Omnibus

From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus

These next several things we all sent by Elizabeth:

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said, “Who owns the big white horse outside?”

The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, “I do,… Why?”

The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, “I just thought you would like to know that your horse is about dead outside!”

The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside, and sure enough, Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion.

The Lone Ranger got the horse water, and soon, Silver was starting to feel a little better.

The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, “Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better.”

Tonto said, “Sure, Kemosabe,” and took off running circles around Silver.

Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink.

A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, “Who owns that big white horse outside?”

The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, “I do, what’s wrong with him this time?”

The cowboy looks him in the eye and says, “Nothing, but you left your Injun runnin’.”

Why Can't We Feed The Bears?

The following views are actually suggestions and comments that have been received by the National Forest Service from visitors to our nation's parks:

  • "Need more signs to keep the park pristine."
  • "Escalators would help on steep uphill areas of the hiking trails."
  • "More families would enjoy the parks and city children could learn more about nature if the Parks Department would provide services that include arcades, water slides and child care."
  • "A big hotel with a golf course and even a convention center would attract more people to this natural beauty."
  • "Instead of a permit system or fees, the Forest Service needs to reduce worldwide population growth to limit the number of visitors to the wilderness."
  • "Trails need to be wider so people can walk while holding hands."
  • "All the mile markers are missing this year."
  • "We found a smoldering cigarette left by a horse."
  • "Many trails need to be reconstructed. Please avoid building ones that go uphill."
  • "Too many bugs and leeches and spider webs. Please spray wilderness areas to rid them of these pests."
  • "Please pave the trails so they can be plowed of snow in the winter."
  • "Chair lifts need to be in some places so that we can get to the wonderful views without having to hike to them."
  • "The coyotes made too much noise last night and kept me awake. Please eradicate these annoying animals."
  • "It would be nice to have the Kodak scenic markers so we could identify the photographic sites."
  • "I like all the trees but you need to plant some flowers. Flower gardens would be so pretty in the forest."
  • "The giant trees are spectacular but there are too many of the same kind; you should plant different types, for variety."
  • "Reflectors need to be placed on the trees every 50 feet so people could hike at night with flashlights."
  • "You should have a petting zoo here so that the children could touch the squirrels, deer and bears."
  • "I was stung by a bee; you should have warning signs."
  • "A McDonald's would be a nice sight at the trailhead."
  • "The places where trails do not exist are not well marked."
  • "Too many rocks on the mountains."
  • "A deer came into my camp and stole my bag of chips. Is there away I can get reimbursed: Please call . . . . ."



At Duke University, there were four sophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an "A" so far. These four friends were so confident, that the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time, but after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final they would explain to their professor why they missed it. They said that they visited friends but on the way back they had a flat tire. As a result, they missed the final. The professor agreed they could make up the final the next day.

The guys were excited and relieved. They studied that night for the exam.

The Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test booklet.

They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points. Cool, they thought! Each one in separate rooms, thinking this was going to be easy.... then they turned the page. On the second page was written....

For 95 points: Which tire?


The kid in the cube next to mine sent me to this link. If you've ever sampled that gastronomic delight known as "Hot Pockets," you'll love it!


You're Buchanan-Perot!

As Pat Buchanan, you are nearing the end of a long and difficult road of hatred and distrust. Convinced that the world is out to get you and your kind, you are ever watchful of the collapse of civilization that surely is emerging before you. You are gradually realizing that this will not be your battle... no matter how much anger you feel, you won't be able to stop the cascading flow of immigrants, rights, and the internet into this country. With your last breath, though, you're going to speak out against it!

You select H. Ross Perot as your running mate to pillage his personal fortune for your campaign.

Take the 2008 Presidential Ticket Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

It's all Mog's fault.

Three decidedly oddly-themed headlines:
Underpant rage burns down house
Burglar caught with pants down
Thong fetish dog eats knickers

Blame this on Barry:

I am:
Hal Clement (Harry C. Stubbs)
A quiet and underrated master of "hard science" fiction who, among other things, foresaw integrated circuits back in the 1940s.

Which science fiction writer are you?


One hell of an epitaph:
Liz Renay, who died on Monday aged 80, was by turns a Las Vegas showgirl, gangster's moll, convicted felon, cult actress, stripper, streaker and charm school instructor.

Oooooo! Cooking lessons! I'm going to have to go.

My only question is, why just one school? We should have gone to this system a long time ago.

VMan asks the question, so here's my partial list:

Mr. Fletcher (later discovered to be a female, but never renamed)
Hairball (a/k/a Ralph(ie), Dog)

Then I started breeding and showing Devons:

PR Galidorn's Sadie Sopwith of Woodsprite (she spent a good deal of time airborn)
GRC Galidorn's Marilyn Monrex of Woodsprite
GRC Galidorn's Tepanga of Woodsprite
GRC Woodsprite's Am I Blue? (Peanut)
CH Galidorn's Barbara Gordon of Woodsprite (Babs)
Elegance Double Trouble of Woodsprite (D.T., Deeters)
Woodsprite's Flowers for Madame (Madam)
Woodsprite's Cajun Moon (Cajun)
Woodsprite's Presto Change-o!
CH Woodsprite Freddie the Flirt
Woodsprite Devons to Betsy (referred to by my sister as MOTAC -- Minion of the Antichrist)
Woodsprite Devons to Murgatroid
Woodsprite Ears Out to Here
Woodsprite Curls Down to There
Woodsprite Diamonds R Furever
Woodsprite's Magic Miro
Woodsprite's I'm 2 Rexy 4 My Curls

You get the idea.

He left one out here:

(The Full Monkey)

More strangely themed headlines:
Man Zaps Wife's Grandmother with Taser in Dispute Over Spanking
Cops Taser Student Running Naked Through High School Cafeteria


Too, too funny.

Bus Fumes

This is a case where the owners should have been sentenced to the same treatment they gave their animal. Anything less just seems unjust.

The End of the Line

It seems Barbaro has crossed the Rainbow Bridge. If ever an animal deserved to be free from pain, it was this one.
"Clearly, the love of a beautiful thoroughbred has kept fans hoping against hope that he could survive. It's almost ironic. There's just something about an animal this majestic that captures people who wouldn't be as concerned with a human athlete for some reason. It's the bond between horses and people throughout history."


Traveling Companions

Sometimes the Divine Miss Marilyn's just a blur of fur, and then she'll suddenly give me one good pose.

Little stinker.

More good stuff:


Yeesh! That'll be giving me nightmares for quite a while to come.

Bear Down...

The Sweetheart of Shell Knob, MO sent this for all you Bears fans out there:

A Prayer for the Bears

Our Papa, who art a Bear,
Hallowed be thy fame,
Thy Championship come,
Thy play be run,
At home as it is away.

Give us this day our Sunday win,
And forgive us our turnovers,
Though we pounce on those who turnover against us,
And lead us not into fourth and long,
But deliver us from Krenzel.

In the name of Ditka,

And Butkus,

And the holy Payton,

As it was in 1985,

So shall it be in 2006,
Reign without end,


You Belong in Fall

Intelligent, introspective, and quite expressive at times...

You appreciate the changes in color, climate, and mood that fall brings

Whether you're carving wacky pumpkins or taking long drives, autumn is a favorite time of year for you


Your Love Style is Agape

You are a caring, kind, and selfless partner. Unsurprisingly, your love style is the most rare.

You are willing to sacrfice your world for your sweetie. Except it doesn't really feel like sacrifice to you.

For you, nothing feels better than giving to the one you love.

It gets me into trouble every damned time, too.

You Are Wind

Strong and overpowering; a force to be reckoned with, no one dares cross you

You have the power to change everything around you

You are best known for: your wrath

Your dominant state: commanding

And don't your forget it.

You're an Expert Kisser

You're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantity

You've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks off

And you're adaptable, giving each partner what they crave

When it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable


Here's a kick-butt piece of thoughtful writing:
I think many teachers frankly do not understand the logistics of any other kind of job. In the beginning, I can remember being honestly upset that a parent simply could not come to school for a conference at 10:00 a.m. when I had my prep, because his/her boss wouldn't let them. What was wrong with these people? Didn't they love their child enough to take a little time off for an important conference? The problem is, many teachers have never experienced life outside of the classroom, and a few summer jobs. Some teachers, while they might not live in an ivory tower (I really don't think that's possible if you deal with the public at all, and especially with their children) certainly spend a lot of time in one. Many teachers have no concept of someone's factory job, or office job, or retail job, or food service job, or hospital job, or engineering job, etc. We spend our lives trying to help students comprehend that in this huge, fascinating world there are wonders they've never known of, but we, ourselves, are actually isolated within our own little universe, and we have no comprehension of the work-a-day world our students' parents live in.
If you're not reading Mamacita regularly, you are missing some damned fine stuff. Everyone should have a teacher like her.

This made me shoot coffee right out my nose. As did this.

My eyeballs will be bleeding for a week...

In the good news department --
  • Walrilla is home, and it sounds like he's doing great;
  • Patti is coming to the tail end of her chemo; and,
  • Michele is coming to grips with her grief.
For all of you who've sent prayers their way, many thanks!

Chris Harris is an idiot. A great big fat idiot.

You don't shit on a fan, ever.

And you sure as hell don't make a promise, especially not in public and on the record, you don't intend to keep.

Headline of the Day: "Never give an iguana Viagra"

Mind boggling, no?

Quote of the Day:
I couldn’t have dreamed up a more archetypal example of dorkulence if I’d been offered a year’s supply of Cool Whip as a prize.
That's just musical.


Well this leaves the border McGruffs on the Mexico side absolutely toothless. Sad on one hand. Absolutely hysterical on the other.


I wonder what the LawDog or Second City Cop would have to say about this?

After I got over being all squicked out over this, I did come up with the perfect punishment -- lock the four of 'em up together and throw away the key. Perverts.

How many of these 37 fads took place during your lifetime? 27 for me. Yeesh.

(A tip of the cap to Eric Zorn.)

Why is it that this frightens me? Because I swear it'll inspire Yabu, Zonker, Mr. Debonair Hizzownself to new heights of madness with VMan's monkeys at the next Blown-Eyed blowout.

Let us hope that his Spanky the Monkey is attached neither to his shank, nor to his face at the time.

(Again, a tip of the cap to Mr. Zorn, who must have a little Blown-Eyed blood in his veins somewhere.)

Finally, some PETA nuts are finally going to get their comeuppance. Think before you give these folks your hard-earned cash, folks. They are not nice people, and they do not love animals.

From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus

I received this from the Sweetheart of Shell Knob, MO:

I don't know what's scarier -- that she sent it to me and thought I'd see the humor... or that I can personally sympathize with the old geezers!

A quick laugh from Elizabeth:


A US Air Force C-141 is scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland, at midnight. During the pilot's preflight check, he discovers that the latrine holding tank is still full from the last flight. So a message is sent to the base, and an airman who was off duty is called out to take care of it.

The young man finally gets to the air base and makes his way to the aircraft, only to find that the latrine pump truck has been left outdoors and is frozen solid, so he must find another one in the hangar, which takes even more time. He returns to the aircraft and is less than enthusiastic about what he has to do. Nevertheless, he goes about the pumping job deliberately and carefully (and slowly) so as to not risk criticism later.

As he's leaving the plane, the pilot stops him and says, "Son, your attitude and performance has caused this flight to be late, and I'm going to personally see to it that you are not just reprimanded, but punished."

Shivering in the cold, his task finished, he takes a deep breath,stands up tall and says, "Sir, with all due respect, I'm not your son; I'm an Airman in the United States Air Force. I've been in Thule, Greenland for 11 months without any leave, and reindeer are beginning to look pretty good to me. I have one stripe; it's two-thirty in the morning, the temperature is 40 degrees below zero, and my job here is to pump shit from your aircraft...... Now just exactly what form of punishment did you have in mind?"


Roadside Diversions

The Carnival of the Cats is up at Enrevanche, and the Carnival of the Recipes (the New Hampshire edition) can be found at New Hampshire State of Mind. Pull over and enjoy them both!


Well, well, well...

English Genius

You scored 100% Beginner, 100% Intermediate, 93% Advanced, and 80% Expert!

You did so extremely well, even I can't find a word to describe your excellence! You have the uncommon intelligence necessary to understand things that most people don't. You have an extensive vocabulary, and you're not afraid to use it properly! Way to go!

Thank you so much for taking my test. I hope you enjoyed it!

For the complete Answer Key, visit my blog: http://shortredhead78.blogspot.com/.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 99% on Beginner
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 99% on Intermediate
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 0% on Advanced
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 99% on Expert

Link: The Commonly Confused Words Test written by shortredhead78 on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

What do you know?

Traveling Companions

The Divine Miss Marilyn hopes it's warmer where you are than where she is right now. And if it's not? She wishes you a poofy blankie and soft lap to snuggle in.

You know the drill:


Is anyone interested in going to see the Body Worlds 2 exhibit at the Museum of Science and Industry? This whole thing just fascinates me. If you're interested, shoot me an email!

I haven't sent a monkey V-Man's way for a while, but he wins this one for knocking it out of the park with this fine piece of writing.

Is it any wonder that I'm in awe of the man?

Dazd has a little meme that looks like fun:

If you had to choose one vice in exclusion of all others what would it be?

If you could change one specific thing about the world what would it be?
Philanthropy on a personal level. I wish more people had generous hearts... and open wallets. Like Mr. Holley.

Name the cartoon character you identify with the most.
Batgirl. I always wanted to kick ass and drive a great motorcycle.

If you could live one day in your life over again which one would it be?
The day I met my daughter for the first time. 'Nuff said.

If you could go back in history and spend a day with one person who would it be?
My Great Aunt Dorothy. She treated me like a grandchild, and I just adored that woman.

What is the one thing you lost sold or threw away that you wish you could have back?
My pride, on occasion.

What is your one most important contribution to this world?
I was a support manager for an AIDS patient, and we became very, very close. In the end, I was the only person in the world who would touch him without gown, gloves, mask and booties on. What did I contribute? Love. Acceptance. Friendship.

What is your one hidden talent that nearly no one knows about?
Who hides talent? Not I.

What is your most cherished possession?
I don't cherish possessions. I cherish people.

What one person influenced your life the most when growing up?
My Auntie Francis. I saved my babysitting money all year so I could buy a plane ticket and go visit her for a week.

What one word describes you better than any other?

Are you reading Second City Cop yet? If not, shame on you! I especially appreciate this post, in which SSC does not defend one of its own, but advocates for personal responsibility.

A most excellent read.

Tootin' the Horn

After hearing so much lousy news lately, it's especially lovely to be able to say...

... to blogging buddy Tammi. See? Nice guys don't always finish last!

Tootin' the Horn

Whoohoo! Look who's back.

I hope he's not just toying with our affections again... My heart just can't take it.

Bus Fumes

I really hate those automated phone answering systems so many companies are implementing. Sure, they may make it less expensive for the company, but, I've gotta tell you, it makes for one cranky, cranky Omnibus Driver when I've had to go through 10 minutes of talking to a robotic voice before getting a real human being. Today I've had to deal with both an airline and a phone company via telephone.

I have a warning for anyone who's even considering coming near my cube this afternoon -- step away, v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y.

I just might have to hurt somebody.


From the lovely Maranda...

Your Mind is PG-13 Rated

Your mind is definitely a little dirty. You're naughty, but not trashy.

You don't shy away from a dirty joke, and you're clearly not a prude.

Probably more like "R" rated...

Truth in advertising is a beautiful thing. I may just have to order some of that stuff. Sounds like something my father would have chugged by the gallon.

Don't forget -- it's Therapy Night tonight. If you're in or around the Loop after work this evening, stop on by!

Not something I'd admit to publicly and think cool. Ick. Just ick.

You Are Cameo

You are understanding and very empathetic.

You don't tend to have acquaintances. Everyone is your friend. And all of your friends tend to be friends.

You have a knack for bringing very different people together.

Blame this one on Gottagopractice. You go, girl.

A Shout-Out to the Prayer Warriors

A fellow blogger, Walrilla, is having a very tough time. He's a big ol' sweetie who I was lucky enough to meet at the Blown-Eyed Blodgemeet in Austin last spring. The man gives freely and generously of himself to others on a regular basis. Let's reflect some of that goodness back his way for a change. Please take a minute to send up a prayer for him and his family, and go drop him a note of encouragement here.

While you're at it, say a prayer for Michele, too. This breaks my heart.

And one more bleg for prayers -- say a couple for Patti. Chemo sucks.


The Chicago Tribune is having a cool contest that costs nothing to enter... and you get to pick your own prize from 25 different lots. (My personal fave is the the National Writers Workshop book bag containing The Acrapulator's Guide.) Looks like a blast!

I like Gmail for the most part, and mostly just ignore the ads. However... the ads that appear are somehow tied to the content of your sent and received emails. I'm still scratching my head over how I ended up with an ad for "man bikini." Uck. I'm blaming it on my daily dozen or so emails from Catfish.

Blame this on Barry (the Pr*ck!):

Busy Body- ENFJ

60% Extraversion, 53% Intuition, 43% Thinking, 66% Judging

You manipulative busybody! You're what some might call the "backseat driver" of life. You know, the one who knows exactly what everyone else is doing wrong and how they should go about fixing it. You're always trying to change everyone else.

The strange thing is, you can generally get whoever you want, to do whatever you want. What's that? You want me to stop insulting you...well, alright...but only because you asked so nic...WAIT A MINUTE!

Stop sticking your cumbersome nose where it aint't wanted. You're like an oversized sniffer dog, trained to sniff out everyone else's problems, yet oblivious to your own.

For one you worry excessively. The fact that you're also incredibly sensitive to criticism probably has you on the verge of tears right now. Get a grip.

You have powers of manipulation unlike any other. You know all the gossip and you know how to ultimately use it as blackmailing material.

You could potentially be the ultimate evil villain... if not for the fact you choose to use all of your powers for good, rather than evil. How honourable. How admirable and praiseworthy. How pathetic.

While you're helping others out and pushing them into the limelight, you're left in the background to inhale the dirty smoke of their success. Nice one.


If you want to learn more about your personality type in a slightly less negative way, check out this.


The other personality types are as follows...

Loner - Introverted Sensing Feeling Perceiving
Pushover - Introverted Sensing Feeling Judging
Criminal - Introverted Sensing Thinking Perceiving
Borefest - Introverted Sensing Thinking Judging
Almost Perfect - Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving
Freak - Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging
Loser - Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Perceiving
Crackpot - Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging
Clown - Extraverted Sensing Feeling Perceiving
Sap - Extraverted Sensing Feeling Judging
Commander - Extraverted Sensing Thinking Perceiving
Do Gooder - Extraverted Sensing Thinking Judging
Scumbag - Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving
Prick - Extraverted iNtuitive Thinking Perceiving
Dictator - Extraverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 99% on Extraversion
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 99% on Intuition
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 99% on Thinking
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 99% on Judging

Link: The Brutally Honest Personality Test written by UltimateMaster on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Old Crankypants
always said cat people are crazy. But this isn't the craziest thing I've ever seen a cat person do. Nope. That would be watching someone pluck their Persian's eyelashes. And the stupid cat let her do it, too.

Thanks, Rave!

Your Vocabulary Score: A

Congratulations on your multifarious vocabulary!
You must be quite an erudite person.

I'd have been ashamed to get anything less.

Pet's Garden is hosting the 147th edition of the Carnival of the Cats. She had a boatload of entries, and has done a lovely, lovely job of tying them all together. Go see!

Traveling Companions

The Divine Miss Marilyn just dashed in to wish you a happy weekend!

You know the drill:
*Note to Miles and Sammy -- Tell your mommy I said this means her!


I have a sneeking suspicion that Brian Williams secretly writes for the Uncyclopedia:

SAN FRANCISCO, California -- Apple unveiled its long-awaited cell phone Tuesday, to the delight of the world's wealthiest one percent and America's stupidest 50 percent.

"Until now, people had no way to listen to music, check their e-mail or take photographs," Apple CEO Steve Jobs said at the unveiling ceremony. "I mean, can you imagine what it would be like to speak to family members over long-distance? Or capture images from life? Trust me, this has never been done before."


Boy, is this a blast from the past! I'm going to have to get myself this boxed set of DVDs. Sometimes people think I'm nuts when I mention "Hootenanny," but music shows were a huge part of my childhood. Others that I'd like to have on DVD (and this is only a partial list):
What music or variety shows did you enjoy as a child?


If you like the purty new paint job on the Omnibus, you might want to take a peek at what Susie's up to now. Yep. You can help a fellow blogger out and get a spiffy new look, all in one swell foop.

C'mon. You know you want to!


You Are Internal - Realist - Powerful

You feel your life is controlled internally.

If you want something, you make it happen.

You don't wait around for things to go your way.

You value your independence and don't like others to have control.

You are a realist when it comes to luck.

You don't attribute everything to luck, but you do know some things are random.

You don't beat yourself up when bad things happen to you...

But you do your best to try to make your own luck.

When it comes to who's in charge, it's you.

Life is a kingdom, and you're the grand ruler.

You don't care much about what others think.

But they better care what you think!

Yeesh! That one's uncanny.

(Jay, as usual, gets a tip of the cap!)


I guess Lisa's not the only one that finds math is difficult. Yikes!

Who knew Brian Williams could be so funny?
"... Steve Jobs' latest invention... is supposed to combine and condense all our electronic needs (and presumably all of our food, water and breathable oxygen) into a very expensive Altoids box."

Wait... there's more:
Electro-geeks (and a good many law-abiding, Luddite-leaning civilians) are atwitter over Steve Jobs' newest reason for us all to throw away our expensive, tricked-out iPods. The new iPhone was unveiled yesterday (full disclosure: I am a religious iPod user and a Mac laptop owner) and the reaction from my most clued-in friend on all things technological is this: If you drop it, you ruin your life. Thus the financial clamp of the dreaded service agreement. The very same screen intended as a touch-screen you must then use to view video -- fingerprints notwithstanding. Also, no one is raising the elephant in the room: the face goo that can often collect and mar the surface of any phone. That almost crosses the TMI line in personal electronics reviews, I know, but someone had to say it. I'm sure it's a cool device, while perhaps not for everyone.
I swear the man's a closet Blown-Eyed Blodger.

If Yabu, Zonker, Vman and Mr. Debonair Hizzownself got together and designed a line of ladies sleepwear, it'd look a lot like this.

The Mom Update

I've had so many other things going on in my life that I've neglected to give an update of the latest escapades of the Princess Mom.

Here’s the first tale:

I got whomped between the eyes with a nasty bug the Saturday before New Year's, and spent the next several days in bed. I knew I sounded pretty awful, but was completely thrown for a loop by the following telephone conversation:

OD: "Happy New Year!"

PM: "Happy New Year, yourself! Have you made your reservations yet? When are you coming down here? I need to know, because it's holding up committing to others who also want to come down for a visit."

OD: We just spent 10 days together on a cruise, and are talking about taking a 2-week cruise in the early fall. What in the world is she talking about??? "Uh.... No, I haven't made any reservations. We were talking about the fall, weren't we? What's the rush?"

PM: Making the usual leap from one subject to the next without answering the question… Wow! You really sound terrible! Your father has the flu, too, you know."

OD: My father has been dead for seven years. What in the name of all that is holy is she talking about? "Uh, Ma?"

PM: Yes?

OD: Just who do you think it is that you're talking to right now?

PM: Hesitates. "Christopher?"

OD: "Doesn't he usually call you 'Nana,' not 'Ma'?"

PM: Emily Litella lightbulb going off. Oh…….. Leslie?



You Are a Practical Gift Giver

Your gifts are useful, appropriate, and custom tailored to each person.

In your opinion, the best gifts are gifts that someone will actually use.

Your gifts may not be the most glamourous, but they are always appreciated.

Damn straight, Skippy.

WitNit is correct: That Richard Simmons episode of "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" is just about the funniest thing I've ever seen, too.

Don't even bother trying to watch it at work. You'll be laughing out loud and you'll get caught. I guarantee.


Now I know what I'm getting the Princess Mom for Christmas next year!

I don't know why these things amuse me so...

Your Girl Parts Are Named:

The Fortune Nookie

... but they surely do! (A tip of the cap to the lovely LL.)

Normal blogging resumes tomorrow -- I promise!

One more thing -- What song most makes you crank the radio, roll the windows down and sing at the top of your lungs? Makes your toes tap and your fingers snap? Makes you itch for a dance floor?

For me, it's been Redneck Girl by the Bellamy Brothers from the very first time I heard it:

Redneck girl likes to cruise in Daddy's pickup truck
And a redneck girl plays her hard when she's down on her luck
Living for a friday afternoon
She's gonna show one ole boy that we can move

And I pray that someday I will find me a redneck girl

Redneck girl likes to stay out all night long
She makes sweet rock n' roll while she listens to the country songs
She's waitin' for that moment of surrender
Her hands are calloused but her heart is tender

And I pray that someday I will find me a redneck girl
Oh give me a give me a give me a redneck girl
Give me a give me a give me a redneck girl

Oh give me a give me a give me a redneck girl
Give me a give me a give me a redneck girl

A redneck girl got a name on the back of her belt
She's got a kiss on her lips for her man and no one else
A coyote's howling out on the prairie
First comes love then comes marriage

And I pray that someday I will find me a redneck girl
Yeah give me a give me a give me a redneck girl
Oh, man! Now I'm gonna have a week-long ear worm. And I want to go on this cruise. Sounds like Heaven!

Carnival of the Cats #146

The Divine Miss Marilyn welcomes you to the 146th edition of the Carnival of the Cats!

She promises thrills, chills and awe-inspiring feats of feline derring-do!

In the Center Ring:

Acrobats and Aerialists:

Clowning Around:

Furrrrrociously Cute:

Sparkles, Spangles, Sequins and Feathers:

On the Midway:

Chez Mog is a sideshow all its own.
Remember -- a Carnival always cares for its own. Get your sideshow swag here, and help a friend indeed.

Folding the Tents and Striking the Show:

Caesar took his final bows. In the parting words of the circus folk: "Saltuit, placuit, mortuus est." We're truly sorry for your loss, Nio.

The Divine Miss Marilyn thanks each and every purrrrrrrformer for purrrrrrrticipating this week. You kept us busy -- whew! That was a load of emails.

She tips her paw to last week's host, Watermark, who rung in 2006 and to the Modulator and the Friday Ark for pointing you here. She purrrrrrnts your attention to next week's Carnival of the Cats, which will be hosted by Pet's Garden. See you there!