Leslie's Omnibus


Help Terri Schiavo! (via NewsMax.com )

Dear NewsMax Reader: Please find below an important message from Terri Shiavo's father, Bob Schindler Sr. They have some important information to share with you regarding new attempts to starve his disabled daughter to death. Please take action right away on this important issue.

Thank you.


Urgent Letter Below from Terri Schiavo's Father

Help Save My Daughter From Starvation!

Dear Friend of Life,

By now you have probably heard about a young woman who is threatened with starvation in Florida.

That young woman is my daughter, Terri. In 1990, through circumstances which are shrouded in mystery (and may involve a criminal act by Terri's estranged husband), my daughter was left severely brain-damaged.

But before I go any further, I must put an end to the lies and misinformation that are circulating around the country through the media concerning my daughter's condition.

Contrary to anything you may have heard, Terri is NOT brain dead; Terri is NOT in a coma; she is NOT in a "persistent vegetative state;" nor is she on ANY life-support system.

Terri Schiavo responds to her mother's touch Terri laughs, Terri cries, she moves, and she makes child-like attempts at speech with her mother and me. Sometimes she will say "Mom" or "Dad" or "yeah" when we ask her a question. When I kiss her hello or goodbye, she looks at me and "puckers up" her lips.

This may not seem like much to you, but it means everything to Terri's mother and me. It tells us she is still here, she still knows us, and with therapy and time she can have some level of recovery.

I know that there are some hard hearted people who believe that due to my daughters condition, she is better off dead. Words cannot describe the pain and anger such sentiments cause us. This is our daughter, our little girl, and even in her disabled condition, she still has the right to life and the right to be loved and cared for by her family.

Why, you may ask, is Terry in danger of death by starvation?

It is a long and outrageous story, but I'll give it to you as briefly as I can.

After the "incident" that left Terry in this condition, her husband Michael Schiavo sued various members of the medical community for money, saying that they did not treat or diagnose her properly at an early stage, and that he needed this money to provide for Terri's therapy and rehabilitation and care.

After lengthy court battles, he finally won upwards of $1.7 million under the guise of caring for our daughter, and then to our horror, he immediately began spending the money on himself and his Playboy lifestyle.

Terri's estranged husband Michael Schiavo has been living with another woman for years, and has two children by her. He is determined to see Terri dead. Why? We believe it's because he gets to keep whatever money is left... and he may have even darker motives than that.

To add insult to all of this injury toward my daughter, Michael Schiavo is still her "legal husband" and therefore is her "guardian." And since they are not legally divorced, he controls whatever health care she will and will not get. We are not even allowed to know if she is getting aspirin.

In 1993 my family initiated litigation against Michael Schiavo solely for the purpose of acquiring medical, physical and neurological assistance for our daughter Terri. The litigation escalated in 1998 when Michael Schiavo petitioned the court to stop Terri from receiving food and water, thereby starving her to death.

In filing this legal action, he retained the services of a high profile euthanasia attorney and the financial backing of powerful euthanasia organizations. He also used Terri's medical rehabilitation money to underwrite much of the legal expenses associated with his effort to starve our daughter to death.

We know that he has spent nearly $500,000 of Terri's money in attorney's fees for just one attorney trying to obtain a court order to have Terri starved to death. The very money that was supposed to be used for Terri's rehabilitation is being used to have her killed.

We very quickly discovered it was impossible for us to compete with the abundance of financial and legal resources the pro-death organizations were providing Micheal Schiavo in their effort to kill Terri. They are pouring time and effort into her starvation because they want to use this case to further the agenda of legalized euthanasia.

My wife and I are not wealthy people. Throughout those years, we did not have any large organizations trying to help rescue our daughter. Consequently, we had to rely on the generosity of attorneys who were willing to offer their legal expertise at no cost or at reduced fees.

The bottom line is that we are in the final weeks or months of our struggle to rescue our daughter from an untimely death by starvation. Death by starvation is very slow, and extremely painful. As you must know, it is against the law to deliberately starve an animal to death. There are members of the Florida court who would not treat a dog the way they plan to treat my daughter.

At this point we must pull out all the stops in our fight to rescue our daughter.

As parents, we are desperate to save our daughter's life. As people who love life, we are determined to deprive the euthanasia advocates of successfully legalizing this form of homicide.

We believe that their efforts to kill Terri are designed to set a precedent for the future eradication of defenseless disabled human beings. I was alive when Americans fought the Nazis; I do not want my daughter to meet the same fate of thousands of disabled people in Nazi Germany, and I do not want our country to go down that same dark path.

Friend, though we have never met, I'm asking you for your help. We desperately need your financial assistance to help our family continue the battle to keep our daughter from being starved to death. There are so many expenses in a case like this it is mind-boggling and overwhelming. Please click below to make a contribution now:


Our adversaries believe that by our family's financial attrition and difficulties, they will attain their objective of killing our daughter. Presently, Terri's starvation may only be a few weeks away, unless we find the financial resources to prevent this atrocity from becoming a reality.

I implore you to please help us. We are writing to you, because we believe you have a heart for justice and mercy. I'm asking you to put yourself in my shoes, and then do whatever you can to help our family. Whether it is $10 or $1000, we are desperate for the resources to fight this battle for our daughter's life at this critical juncture.

Please do whatever you can, and forward this e-mail to any friends or family that you have who you think might be interested in saving Terri's life.

I thank you for your time, your concern, and I solicit your prayers for Terri and our entire family. These have been very trying times for us all.


Bob Schindler Sr.


To submit a donation by check, please make check payable to "Terri Schinler-Schiavo Foundation" and send to:

The Terri Schindler-Schiavo Foundation c/o NewsMax PO Box 20989 West Palm Beach FL, 33416

[I've sent my donation. Have you?]

The Mom Update

This is a good news/bad news post. The good news is that Mom's tumor has shrunk from 4.4 mm in the fall down to 2.4 mm just recently. That means the chemo is working. The bad news is... the chemo is working, and it's taken a toll on Mom's immune system. She went to the doc today because she was feeling really run down. That's a good thing, because he thinks she has pneumonia. They're admitting her to Sarasota General today. I'll post again when I have more info.

Fire up the prayer chain, please. You guys work wonders.



Full-on wierdness, indeed.

Oh, Zonker can be so funny sometimes. (I giggled out loud. Did you?)


Chris Muir gets it the just right. (Heh!)

The best one-liner of the week is here.

Zombyboy had this meme (c/o Andy at the World Wide Rant):

Here are the rules:
1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next 3 sentences on your blog along with these instructions.
5. Don’t you dare dig for that “cool” or “intellectual” book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest.

Here goes:

"Ser Ilyn has not been feeling talkative these past fourteen years," Lord
Renly commented with a sly smile.

Joffrey gave his uncle a look of pure loathing, then took Sansa's hands in
his own. "Aerys Targaryen had his tongue ripped out with hot

From A Game of Thrones by George R.R. [the fourth book is never coming out] Martin.

I really admire a man who has the guts to put his ass on the line for what he believes. Good on you, Scott!

Roadside Diversions

Carnival of the Recipes is up here.

Bus Fumes

I don't care what your personal stance is on abortion -- this ought to scare everyone. Every individual ought to be able to have their private conversations/treatment with their own physician. You take that away in this instance, and the next thing you know it will be true in every instance. People will stop going to their doctors for treatment... or at least not give complete medical histories. This is a nightmare of Elm Street proportions.

I dunno. I think nobody comes out of this story looking good. The only one I feel sorry for is the 5 year old.

Once again the nanny state rears its ugly head. Geeze. You think maybe we can't be trusted to be responsible for reading labels and making our own choices?

Listen up, you nanny state wingnuts: Get the hell out of my pantry!

From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus

The Sweetheart of Shell Knob, MO sent these Zen Thoughts for the Day:

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone. (Especially if you're editing the document from hell in red ink again.)

2. The journey of a thousand miles begin with a broken fan belt and a leaking tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.

5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you cannot be replaced, you cannot be promoted.

6. No one is listening until you fart.

7. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

9. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

13. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

14. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.

16. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

19. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

20. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

21. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

23. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

24. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

25. We are born naked, wet, hungry, and get slapped on our butt.... Then things get worse.

26. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

27. There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

28. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

29. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday..........around age 11.

30. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.


TSOSKM and Nancy V., old Chicagoans both, sent this little quiz:


(1) Name all five of Riverview's roller coasters.
(2) What was the former name of Martin Luther King Drive?
(3) How many times was Richard J. Daley (the "Old Man") elected mayor?
(4) Identify any two candidates who lost to this Daley.
(5) What is an alewife?
(6) What did Jack Brickhouse yell when the Cubs hit a home run?
(7) Name -- in order -- the three papers Mike Royko wrote for.
(8) What gasoline chain had Dino the Dinosaur as a mascot?
(9) Which of Bill Veeck's legs was the peg-leg?
(10) Identify Resurrection Mary.
(11) Why was 1340 North State Parkway a famous address?
(12) Who was Uncle Johnny Coons?
(13) What car dealer was the "Home of the Backward K?"
(14) Name the announcer of TV bowling at Faetz-Niesen.
(15) What was a Green Hornet?
(16) Where were the Stock Yards located?
(17) What type of store was Morris B. Sachs?
(18) If he wasn't doing Riverview commercials, what was Two-Ton Baker! 's profession?
(19) What Catholic archbishop has a suburb named after him?
(20) What business had the phone number MOhawk 4-4100?
(21) Identify one Chicago street that was part of U.S. Route 66.
(22) Name the sponsor of TV wrestling who was killed by an unhappy customer.
(23) What was the last home stadium of the Chicago Cardinals? And where did they play before that?
(24) Name one locally brewed Chicago beer -- recent brew pubs do not count.
(25) Before Circle, where was the Chicago campus of the University of Illinois?
(26) Where did the Beatles perform on their first trip to Chicago?
(27) Which defunct grocery chain gave S & H Green Stamps?
(28) Name the boxing champ who gave his name to a local milk company.
(29) Where was the Army Induction Center located?
(30) How many inches of snow fell in the January 1967 blizzard?
(31) Who wore an Uncle Sam suit, and was always a losing candidate for public office?
(32) What public building was often called simply "Eleventh and State?"
(33) Where did Andy the Clown hang out?
(34) Name the TV show that was the source of the catchphrase "Right Here, Harv."
(35) Who were the Lincoln Park Pirates?
(36) What was the old name of the Brown Line 'EL?
(37) Where was Skip's located?
(38) What do the call letters of Channel 11 -- WTTW -- stand for?
(39) Where was Skid Row?
(40) Name two Illinois governors who served time in prison.

No cheating and looking at the answers first!!!

Here are the answers ....
1. Bobs, Silver Streak, Comet, Fireball (formerly the Blue Streak), Flying Turns. [No, the Wild Mouse was not a real roller coaster.]
2. South Park Avenue
3. Six
4. Pick two -- Merriam, Sheehan, Adamowski, Waner, Friedman, Hoellen.
5. Fish [Notorious for heaving themselves on the shores of Lake Michigan to die and stink up the place for weeks on end.]
6. "Hey-Hey!"
7. Daily News, Sun-Times, Tribune
8. Sinclair
9. Right leg
10. Famous ghost haunting the Southwest suburbs
11. Playboy mansion
12. Host of 1950s kids' TV show
13. Nickey Chevrolet
14. Whispering Joe Wilson
15. Streetcar
16. Halsted near 43rd Street
17. Men's Wear Clothing
18. Band leader and piano player
19. George Cardinal Mundelein
20. C.E.T. (early TV dealer)
21. Ogden, Adams, Jackson
22. Sid Fohrman
23. Soldier Field and before then, Comiskey Park
24. Old Chicago, Meister Brau, Tavern Pale, Drewrys, Edelweiss, etc.
25. Navy Pier
26. Comiskey Park
27. National Foods
28. Joe Louis
29. Van Buren and Des Plaines streets
30. 27 inches
31. Lar "America First" Daly
32. Central Police Headquarters
33. Comiskey Park
34. Bozo's Circus
35. Lincoln Towing
36. Ravenswood
37. North Avenue near First Avenue
38. Window To The World
39. Madison Street, from Clinton to Halsted
40. Kerner and Walker


31-40 points -- EXPERT: In the next election, you get to vote three times instead of only twice.

21-30 points -- JOURNEYMAN: When it snows, you may save a parking space with furniture.

11-20 points -- APPRENTICE: You probably put ketchup on your hot dog.

0-10 points -- TOURIST: Go back to Milwaukee!

Negative People

This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade. So remember this story the next time someone, who knows nothing and cares less, makes your life miserable.

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her boyfriend. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"Continental!?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it's gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump, the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly, and they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?"

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."

"That's rich." laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome. "It was wonderful," explained the woman. "Not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "That's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because, as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."

"Oh, really? What did he say?"

He said, "Where'd you get the shitty hairdo?"

My pal Dick -- who never sends ANYTHING -- sent this:

AIN'T LIFE GREAT? Why Men Are Just Happier People

What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO T-shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental -- $100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood-all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original colour.
The same hair style lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes one colour for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket-knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier!

And Marian sends this:

There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life.

The angel tells them, "As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most."

He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery. The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.

The angel tells them, "Um, you have fifteen minutes left."

"Would you care to do it again?" he asks her.

"Shall we?" She eagerly replies, "Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions. This time, I'll hold the pigeon down, and you shit on its head."

Again from Nancy V., The Final Word on Nutrition:

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
4. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.


Naked prosecutor? Objection? Sustained...


A quote from Short Circuit: "With friends like this, who is needing enemas?"

A very good mother gives the straight dope on what's the matter with kids today. And it's not kids. (I take my hat off to her.)

Bus Fumes

That razzlefratzing booger of a document keeps getting bigger and uglier. (At least my bosses have taken pity on my poor, tired eyes and stopped using red ink for edits!) We have a Friday deadline and then I don't have to look at that sucker ever again. Yesssssssssssssss!!!!!

Rest Stops

Oh, those wacky Japanese inventors!


What you you rather believe? This? Or this? (I know which one I prefer.)

Charming. Just charming.

Try 'splaining that one to the boss back home.

ROTFLMAO. That's entertainment.

Bus Fumes

Yesterday Acidman asked an honest question about what women want that was prompted by this post. I posted a response that I probably should have thought about for a little bit longer before pressing the "post" button, as I was a bit harsh to Gennie.

Let me explain. I've been re-singled since 1989. Yep. 1989. I really never thought I'd be divorced this long. A big part of the problem? Women who have hurt men, or given them reason to, at the least, mistrust women's motives. My female friends, for the most part, have been able to take each man they've met on a face value basis. A lot of men I know, though, are a lot like Rob in lacking any trust for women at all. And I've met a lot of Robs in my day.

So what's the big deal here? The big deal is trust, pure and simple. Once a guy loses it, it's nigh unto impossible to get it back... and you've wrecked it for the rest of us out there.

Look, on one hand, I think it's great that Gennie has a great big softie of a guy who loves her -- and that she recognizes it. On the other hand, he's entitled to his privacy about this aspect of his personality. Further, he asked her not to blog about it, and she not only ignored his wishes, she giggles about it. And she uses his name. Just because she finds it endearing, she ignores the fact that he finds it embarassing to share with the rest of the world (including any friends, family or coworkers who happen to read the blog). That's just not okay.

Gennie, a piece of advice here, girl. Take down the post. Take it down today. Do that, and you might just be the kind of woman I'd like to be friends with after all.

P.S. -- In no way, shape or form should I have lumped Gennie in with Jennifer. Big difference. My bad. And my humble apology.



That'll get somebody's attention.

Traveling Companions

Don't forget to tune in to the WGN lunch break this Friday! I'll be showing off three lovely cats to promote the Lincoln State Cat Club show coming up this weekend.

BTW -- Want the greatest toys, trees, grooming products, foods, etc. available for your cat? Then come on down to the Oak Lawn Pavilion on Saturday or Sunday. Here's a discount coupon for you. 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. Free parking, too!

My buddy Steve Dale will be doing a spot on the cat show on NBC 5 news at 6:45 a.m. this coming Friday. The Divine Miss Marilyn will be putting in a guest appearance!

Okay. Enough cats for one day. What do you think of the Westminster so far?

Working Group: I loved the Great Pyrenees! That dog has incredible presence. (My second choice would have been the Great Dane. She's a beauty, too.)

Terrier Group: What a cutie that little Norfolk Terrier Coco is. She's got a lot of pizzazz. (My second choice would have been the Lakeland Terrier. That dog has spunk written all over its little own self.)

Toy Group: I had a feeling the Peke would take the group again. This particular dog has been a hot number for the past couple of years. I just wish I could warm up to a dog that looks like the Tribble Supreme Commander. (My personal first choice would have been a toss-up between the Pom -- a jazzy little number -- and the Papillon -- whose ears really did look big enough to get him aloft.)

Non-Sporting Group: I was rooting for the Tibetan Terrier, so I'm a happy camper with this choice. (The rest of the group was nice, but my heart belongs to the Frog Dogs.)

Three more groups and Best in Show tonight! Who are YOU rooting for?


Wow! (That's all. Just WOW. Ain't the power of toys a wonderful thing?)

Bus Fumes

So another journalist is brought down by the blogosphere and the mainstream media is still poo-pooing the bloggers? When are they going to wake up and smell the coffee? Blogs didn't get Eason Jordan fired -- hubris did.

Here's what I'd personally like to see happen:

1. The MSM finally decides they'd rather be accurate than bulletproof... because that's what the public wants... and pays attention when bloggers start pointing fingers at stories that don't pass the "smell test"

2. The blogosphere backs off the second the MSM starts picking up on and reporting on stories that "smell bad." The blogosphere becomes a no-gloating zone because the MSM recognizes our value and acts on it

3. The offending MSM reporter/news bureau does immediate, transparent and thorough due diligence on the suspect story

4. If the story is inaccurate or fabricated, the reporter/news bureau publishes/issues an immediate correction/retraction. If a fabrication, the offending reporter/producer/responsible individual is immediately terminated (if they haven't already shown the last shred of ethics and resigned). HOWEVER, if the story is revealed to be accurate and/or unfabricated, the bloggers admit mistake, bias and/or overzealous pursuit.

5. Whatever the outcome, both sides recognize and reward one another for strengthening each other's credibility

Jeeze! Can't you kids play nice together?

(BTW -- I'm with the Professor: It would be nice to see the video.)

Gag me with a spoon. It's shite like this that makes it impossible for some people to embrace the concept of a loving God.

I've got news for anyone who is suffering ("Your suffering is never useless, dear sick people. Moreover, it's a precious thing," the speech said. "If you bring together your suffering and pain, you can be his (God's) privileged helpers in the salvation of souls.")! Don't listen to that palsied bastard in the little white beanie. Listen to what this guy has to say, instead.


Whackadoo day today, so this'll be the only post. I'm off to snuggle up with Buckaroo Bonsai over a pizza and the dog show.

Here's a big Valentine's Day smoocharoo to all of you! Hope yours is as happy as mine.

Bus Fumes

Richard Roeper is right, you know.

I've told Buckaroo Bonsai that I resent the ads for bling and flowers and Hallmark. I don't want a gift out of guilt... and those ads are designed to make a guy feel like a royal schmuck if he doesn't produce on the "magic" day. Phooey on that noise! I'd rather have a guy who treats me like I'm precious every day than one who has to be motivated by an artificial and arbitrary date on the calendar to show his feelings.

So how are we spending Valentine's Day? We're ordering in a pizza and watching the Westminster dog show. And you know what? I feel like the luckiest girl on the planet.


I'd have paid good money to be a fly on the wall for this. This, also.

Once upon a time, my Blogdaddy had one of those days, too.

That's entertainment.

Scott is absolutely correct. This is the worst script ever. Please, Mr. Columbus! Don't do this to Indy! I'm begging you.


Well, the animal rights wingnuts in the state of Illinois are at it again.

If you have ever sold or given away an animal and you live in Illinois, pay attention.

Or, if you ever hope to be able to buy or be gifted with a pet in Illinois, pay attention...

... because if this piece of excrement passes, there won't be anyone left in the state who's willing to breed or sell anything:

Received from NAIA -- Subject: Illinois HB 707 -- Breeder licensing and more --


This bill HB 707, would amend the Illinois Animal Welfare Act to replace the term 'pet shop operator' with 'animal caretaker.' If you sell or give away an animal, that's you! There is NO HOBBY BREEDER exemption. Sell, transfer or give away an animal and you and the Pet Shops are all together! Check out the text of the bill and notice what has been added and what has been cut out!

An animal caretaker must be licensed by the Illinois Department of Agriculture and the Department may inspect an AC's premises. Punishments are increased. 'Hoarder,' already defined very broadly is made even worse by further broadening the definition; basically this would let you be charged as a hoarder if you had more than one animal and someone thinks you are not keeping it in good conditions.

The bill itself is here.

What the bill says:

1. An 'animal caretaker' is defined as anyone who sells or offers to sell, exchange or adopt either with or without charge or donation, dogs, cats, birds, fish, reptiles or anything that is customarily a pet.

2. "No person shall engage in business as an animal caretaker ... without a license issued by the Department [of Agriculture]." If you breed a litter of dogs, cats, birds or any other 'customary' pet, once a year, count on it, you need a license.

The license fee is $25/year License applications will require at least "... age, citizenship, present residence, location of the business licensed under this Act, including the location of all foster homes, description of facilities to be used, present and previous business connections and experience, bank and professional references, whether any license of the applicant under this Act or any federal, state, county or local law, ordinance or regulation, relating to dealing in or handling dogs or cats, ever was suspended or revoked and whether the applicant ever has been convicted of a felony."

3. Animal caretakers must provide the following info for every *dog or cat* available for sale: age, sex, weight, breed, record of vaccinations and vet care/treatment, sterilization or lack thereof, name/address of breeder, name/address of everyone who has owned the animal between birth and this sale.

4. Animal caretakers must provide the usual good care requirements, also vet care at least once a year (sounds like a $50 well pet visit to me) and a 'stimulating and enriching environment.' This is not defined.

5. "Inspection of the premises of licensee to determine compliance with this Act may be made only by the Department." However the department won't have the manpower to actually *do* the inspections of everyone who sells a pet so most likely the actual inspections would be done by local animal control as designated agents of the Department.

6. There are special requirements for birds: "'Good quality, wholesome food' means that prescribed by an Avian veteriniarian" and "'Stimulating and enriching environment' for birds includes but is not limited to, a variety of toys, perches of different sizes materials, and full-spectrum lighting." Got that, bird folks?

7. Violations of any part of the Animal Welfare Act or any regulation or order of the Department are upgraded from a Class C misdemeanor (up to 30 days in jail and/or up to a $1500 fine) to Class A (up to a year in jail and/or up to a $2500 fine).

8. The existing definition of 'hoarder' is changed so that instead of being a person who keeps a "*large number* of animals" in poor conditions, it's just a person who keeps "*a number* of animals" in such conditions. A second offense of hoarding is a Class 4 felony (one to three years in prison and/or a fine of up to $25,000) and *every day that the violation continues is a separate offense*.

The bill is slated for a hearing in the Agriculture & Conservation Committee Hearing Feb 16 2005 2:00PM Stratton Building Room D-1 Springfield, IL

Members of the Committee can be found at http://www.ilga.gov/house/committees/members.asp?committeeID=209. Call, write, fax or email all work well.

It's a pretty sad state of affairs when the state government cares so much more for our companion animals than it does for child welfare, the homeless or the elderly.


I've had nightmares like this. (Shudder!)

Don't you just love karma when it works?

From the Rowdies in the Back of the Bus

Acidman has a list of things you'll never hear a redneck say.

Marian sends a list containing silly plays on words:

1. Arbitrator: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.
2.. Avoidable: What a bullfighter tries to do.
3.. Bernadette: The act of torching a mortgage.
4.. Burglarize: What a crook sees with.
5.. Control: A short, ugly inmate.
6.. Counterfeiters: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.
7.. Eclipse: What an English barber does for a living.
8.. Eyedropper: A clumsy ophthalmologist.
9.. Heroes: What a guy in a boat does.
10.. Left Bank: What the robber did when his bag was full of loot.
11.. Misty: How golfers create divots.
12.. Paradox: Two physicians
13.. Parasites: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.
14.. Pharmacist: A helper on the farm.
15.. Polarize: What penguins see with.
16.. Primate: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV.
17.. Relief: What trees do in the spring.
18.. Rubberneck: What you do to relax your wife.
19.. Seamstress: Describes 250 pounds in a size 6.
20.. Selfish: What the owner of a seafood store does.
21.. Sudafed: Brought litigation against a government official.
22.. Subdued .... like a guy, like works on one of those, like, submarines, man!

She also sent this: 25 SIGNS YOU HAVE GROWN UP

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next doorwon't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM!
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset,rather than settle, your stomach.
19. If you're a gal, you go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never goingto drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign thatdoesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old butt.

Then there's this little tale from the Sweetheart of Shell Knob, MO: A fable for the 21st century

One day, a seamstress sitting close to a river, made a careless move and in the flash of an eyelid, her thimble departed her finger and fell into the river.

When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "My dear child, why are you crying?"

The seamstress explained that her precious thimble had fallen into the water and she desperately needed it to generate extra income to help her husbandprovide for their family.

The Lord dipped His hand into the water and immediately pulled up a golden thimble set with pearls.

"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.

The seamstress replied, "No."

The Lord again dipped his hand into the river, this time producing a silver thimble ringed with sapphires.

"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.

Again, the seamstress replied, "No."

The Lord reached down again and came up with a soggy leather thimble.

"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.

The seamstress replied, "Yes."

Impressed with the woman's honesty, the Lord allowed her to keep all three thimbles. The seamstress went home happy.

Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the same riverbank when her husband tripped over some rocks, hit his head, fell into the river and disappeared under the water.

When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, "Why are you crying?"

"Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with Mel Gibson.

Is this your husband?" the Lord asked.

"Yes," cried the seamstress.

The Lord was furious. "You lied!....that was an untruth!"

The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord, you misunderstand my motives. You see, if I had said 'no' to Mel Gibson, you would have produced Tom Cruise. Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have surely rewarded me with all three men. Lord, you need to understand...I'm not in the best of health and would not be able to satisfy all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said 'yes' to Mel Gibson."

The moral of this story is: Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and honorable reason, and in the best interest of others.

(That's our story, and we're sticking to it.)

Bus Fumes

I'm going to sneak back in here some night and hide every frigging red pen in the place. I mean it!

Rest Stops

Hee hee hee hee hee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (A tip of the cap to Eric.) I like a man with a great sense of humor.

"Two steps to the urinal. Time to release the Kraken." Bwaaaaaaaahahahahaha!

White Line Fever

Arggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh! My eyes! I've been working on a booger of a document today -- 70-odd pages cobbled together from three different documents, with three different colors of ink in the handwritten edits. Sorry. I'm a bit cross-eyed at this point. TGIF, indeed.


I'll be a guest on WGN Radio's "Pet Central" from 7:30-8:00 p.m. this Saturday night to promote my club's upcoming cat show. I may also stick around for the discussion that follows. Steve's going to have some heavy-hitters in feline health research, and the topic is feline infectious peritonitis ("FIP") -- which is near and dear to Steve's heart... and mine. Anyhow, tune in to AM 720 if you're in or near the Chicago area on Saturday evening.

(The cat in the picture? That's Ricky, and Steve got him from me. Yes. We're old friends. And, yes. When Steve gets passionate, money and consciences get raised and health studies benefit.)

Update: I will also be on WGN-TV News Noon Break on Friday, February 18th at around 12:40 p.m. to promote the Lincoln State Cat Club show. I'll get to show off one of these, one of these, one of these... and/or one of these. Don't forget to set your DVD/VCR/TiVo!

One more thing: You really must clean your monitor every once in a while.

Book Your Ticket

Over the weekend I read Life of Pi -- twice in a row. That's a rarity for me. Usually if I like a book, I'll come back to it again and again, but over time.

This book, however, rated an immediate re-read -- not because I didn't get it, but because the first time I was so caught up in the story line that I didn't pay as close attention to the richness of the writing as I felt it deserved.

[Confession here. I am a fast reader. In fact, my mom always said I never actually read a book -- I just open and inhale.]

"The reason death sticks so closely to life isn't biological necessity--it's envy. Life is so beautiful that death has fallen in love with it, a jealous, possessive love that grabs at what it can. But life leaps over oblivion lightly, leaving only a thing or two of no importance, and gloom is but a passing shadow of a cloud."

How can you not love a book where the main character, a Hindu by birth, in one breath asks his parents to be baptized as a Christian and for a Muslim prayer rug?

It is about joy and loss, the strong instinct for survival, creativity, overcoming prejudices and love.

Last night I started The Time Traveler's Wife. I've only got about 100 pages to go, so I should polish it off easily tonight.

Time travel has been used as a device in both fantasy fiction and bodice-ripping romantic fiction. I can't really pigeon-hole this book into either category. While it is about love, passion and relationships, it also mines the ethical issues of what should and should not be revealed of knowledge of events in the future.

The characters are richly drawn, and it's set in Chicago. The author clearly has intimate knowledge of the city, and doesn't make up streets and neighborhoods as some other Chicago authors have done. In fact, I could probably find every location mentioned in the book very easily. I like that. Niffenegger jumps back and forth in time, introducing the characters to each other again and again -- sometimes they recognize each other; sometimes they don't -- but the reader really has the sense of being pulled along with them.

Not fantasy fiction. Not romance. Just really good fiction.

Teed up next is Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell. At 782 pages, this should keep me busy for a couple of days. Based on recommendations from the Instapundit and others, I'm really looking forward to this one.

Finally, I'll be taking this to TMBCITW on Sunday. She currently has not one, but two, invisible friends -- Thomas and Percy. This should guarantee that she'll have at least one "Thomas" bedtime story a night until she's at least 21. Heh.


Bus Fumes

Under Jewish law, a mohel someone who performs circumcisions draws blood from the circumcision wound. Most mohels do it by hand, but Fischer uses a rare practice where he uses his mouth.” (Emphasis added)

A rare practice, my ass. He's putting his mouth on baby penises! If that ain't a pervert, I don't know what is.


So you still want to call them insurgents, right?

Feh. Chicken-livered monsters is more like it.

As Omar says, "The pathetic terrorists are breaking one world record after another in cowardice and insanity and this tells how bankrupt they're getting."



Roadside Diversions

Carnival of the Cats is up a Watermark. It's even animated! Just go there.